My mom (43) is dating a much younger guy (27). Does the age gap make them incompatible? Should I tell my concerns to my mom to prevent heartbreak?

[WingedAngel7]

My mom's been dating a guy way younger than her (he's 27, she's 43). I've always been alarmed by the age gap, but when they started dating I assumed it would be nothing more than a fun fling. However, as they've been dating longer and longer I've slowly recognized that may not be the case. A few nights ago I overheard my mom telling her boyfriend her doctor apparently said even though she's a little older there's a very real chance she could get pregnant again. They were both excited. This brought all my concerns to a new level. Such an age gap is almost always an indication of being in very different places in life. I also think she might be thinking with her crotch more than her head. He is a physically attractive guy and (even though she tries to hide it from me/thinks I can't hear) I know she very much enjoys the sexual part of their relationship. Moreover, I know she's always wanted another kid (the only reason why she didn't have another is my dad didn't want one). I think she wants to get pregnant now (even though they aren't married) because she thinks her chances are running out. I'm worried she might with this guy in large part because she thinks a younger man might increase her chances for pregnancy.
I'm not saying there's no compatibility between them, but I think the age gap is going to make things too difficult to work. I think my mom's turning a blind eye to it. A big part of me feels that if I care for my mom I should try to point out the warning signs to her before she makes a big mistake.
Nonetheless, I do recognize the reasons why I think they're incompatible may more so link to the fact I think the age gap is crazy weird over overwhelming incompatibility. However, I'm not willing to write off those suspicions as completely empty either. How can I tell if I'm right in thinking they could be wrong for each other/have too big of an age gap? Should I tell my mom about the problems I see in her relationship to try to prevent future heartbreak?

[alleng12345]

Holy crap, too many opinions to read. Well here is what I think and there is no real reason you need to answer any if my questions. Some are rhetorical.

You are concerned, and I understand that. You are also 22, do you feel you are mature enough and experienced enough to understand relationships? That IS NOT a knock, that is me asking if you have considered your perspective?

I dont ask someone advice about buying a car model unless they own one. If that makes sense.

Ok, now, I get the age gap. I draw the line at late 20's as in 28+ when I date because I haven't experienced women younger than that age that are mature enough for me, or experienced enough in life to be part of mine. However, my girlfriend is 30 and she is the exception to the rule, for me, she shocked me with where she is in life and if she didn't look like she did and didn't have an ID to show me her age I would think she was my age, not 11 years younger.

So I understand your concern on that part because they are both MOST LIKELy at different levels in life, and you may very well be right it is a physical thing. Woman tend to peak sexually at 40 while males are prime at 18. So if you are a young woman, you will get worse as you get older, if you are a young guy, time is not statistically on your side.

So your Mom may be having a hell of a time in bed with a guy that can keep up. So again you may be right.

Now as for minding your business. I READ someone mention that just because she is 40 that she knows what she is doing and OF COURSE that could be the case, but you also seem to have a quality head on your shoulders which I would assume she has helped develop through decent parenting (huges assumptions on my part) . If she was good at raising you then maybe she is still a smart and wise woman. Though you are 100% correct she could be just love blind and honeymooning with this hot hunk o' meat.

In the end remember that people get married at 18 to 18 year olds and have kids and fail, but some also succeed and work hard at marriage and are happy until they die. Some age gap couples fall apart and some are extremely successful if they work on it.

Key being WORK.

One young man said age gap is the leading cause of divorce and I would love to see where he got that info, because money, and infidelity are often rated as the highest reasons of divorce.

Age is typically never even on the lists. Except getting married when they are too young and that is both people.

Anyway, successful relationships take effort and work. If you are married yourself, then you will understand this if you sent yet, please work hard on your relationship if you want to be married forever.

As for your mom, maybe just talk to her and let her know you are worried and are looking for her perspective and ASK if she wants yours.

If she does a NOT then dont press it, she won't listen.

[nightdrot]

Without knowing either of them, it is simply not possible to give any case specific advice. The kind of people they both are, how they met, what they have in common. These are few of the thing it would be necessary to know to give any advice worth giving.

However, three general points might be made. The first dealing with my own experience.

In my late 20s I dated a woman in her mid-60s. She looked great and took good care of herself. To me, she seemed sophisticated and - frankly - with no chance of pregnancy - one of her sons was my age - the sex was great. Frankly, as to me, I think that she was just flattered that a young guy had shown an interest in her at her age.

Bottom line is that it ended not because of me, but I think she got bored with me. To wit it is as likely that your mom will get bored with him and want to move on as that he will leave her.

Again, the particulars of their personalities are more important than their respective ages, per se.

Secondly, depending on how you relate to your mother, there is nothing wrong with expressing your concerns. Just be diplomatic - remembering that it is not what you want to say, it is rather about what you want her to hear.

So say to her something like, "Mom I think (Name) is a great guy and I think you are great together. However I love you and I have to admit that I worry about the age difference so just be careful. I know that I am being silly but I only want the best for you and I don't want to see you hurt."

Obviously put that in your own words.

Finally, don't assume that age is an automatic marker of compatibility. You will meet old guys who need to grow up and young guys who can be more tender and loving than you can imagine. Deal in things as you see them, and not in the stereotypes that we assume.

Good luck and best to you and your mom.

[Sbgirl]

OK, the age gap thing is not the worst part for me, but I definitely see where you are coming from. And it is obvious that you are not just out to ruin the relationship, but that you care about your mum.

Firstly, I would just like to say that age gaps don't always mean incompatibility. My boyfriend is 12 years older than me, and he is far more like I am than guys my age. We have been going nearly 3 years strong and we have so much in common. I think the age gap for your mum and her boyfriend is probably weird for you, seeing that he is only 5 years older than you. Let's be honest, as much as everyone here might be saying you should just be cool with it - would anyone be happy about a parent dating someone just 5 years older than yourself? Probably not. So that is weird for you, but let's say you can get past that. I still think, like you say, there are problems here.

I would find it concerning that she may jump into a pregnancy too fast. She is getting older which means technically if she did want to get pregnant than she would have to do this now, but rushing something like that isn't necessarily wise. She could still very well get pregnant. Having a child with someone is a massive commitment, so it shouldn't be taken lightly. Do you think there is any possibility that she may have, even subconsciously, dated this guy to get another child seen as she wanted this? Also, another concern is, how long have they been together and how long was she single prior to him? You don't want to jump to having kids during the honeymoon phase, because everything seems so great then.

Another thing is, what is he actually like? Does he get on with you and seem like a nice person? One way the age gap could effect them is if he's looking into starting a family. Does he definitely have to have kids to make him happy and does he want more than one kid? Because if that's what he wants your mum may not be able to have one, let alone more. But he may be happy adopting if that was the case and he's a decent guy.

I get you though, with problems with your mum's relationship - not age-gap related but the fact that my mum's boyfriend is controlling and doesn't like me for no reason at all. I have never been against my mum having a relationship, its just with him, he concerns me.
Anyway, best advice would be maybe to talk to each of them individually - ask your mum what she really wants out of the relationship with him and ask him the same. See if they not only match up and are plausible. If not, raise your concerns with your mum. I raised some of mine. She didn't like it, but at least she knows how I feel and I think one day she will realise I was right.

[Samantha_17]

My mom also had a boyfriend (he was 35 years old and my mom was 46 at the time) right after her divorce with my dad and she got pregnant a few months later. She aborted it though...

[WingedAngel7]

I certainly don't think her desire to get pregnant again is the only factor in dating him, but I pretty much know it was a pretty big one. My mom read somewhere that younger sperm has a significantly better chance of creating a baby than older sperm. Furthermore, she read that younger sperm is significantly less likely to give the child certain disabilities. I'm certainly not saying mom is only after him for his sperm, but I do think it's a big reason she picked to be with him and not some other man closer to her age.
They've been together for around nine months to a year at this point (I'm not sure exactly when the timeline of their relationship started, but it's in that range.)
I'm not sure how many kids he wants exactly. I know he wants at least 1, but I'm not sure if he wants more. That could possibly be an issue. Mom may be interested in adopting though, so maybe that particular one isn't as big as I think it could be.

I don't think he's a bad person, but I do think he has a significant maturity gap with my mom. He's a lot more impulsive and is a bit egotistical. I'm not saying he's drastically impulsively impulsive and egotistical, but it's certainly enough that there's a fair maturity difference between him and my mom. He also still likes to go party on weekends and be a little wild. Again, I'm not saying that he's extremely like this, but he's enough like this that it shows a significant maturity difference between him and my mom. Furthermore, he's just finishing grad school and she's already established in her career/she already has 2 kids and he has none so they're at very different stages in their lives.

[WingedAngel7]

I don't think he's controlling or abusive. I'll be the first to admit that there are many times where he's actually very sweet to my mom. However, I do think significant maturity differences are still there. I think she's overlooking them because there are a lot of other ways they do have a great relationship, she thinks he's hot/has a great body/he makes her feel great in bed/he has the potential to give her the 3rd kid she's always wanted before she can't have it anymore.

[WingedAngel7]

Her trying to have a kid with him is a major concern for me as well. I'm not sure how solid the relationship is. I think my mom is rushing into trying to get pregnant because she's worried she doesn't have much time left to get pregnant again (which is a bit of a catch 22) and she thinks he's more likely to get her pregnant as he has younger sperm. If she's going to have another kid with someone I think her relationship with the guy should be solid long term, and her relationship with him may not be.

[lumos]

Yikes @ all the people saying that she's an adult and therefore knows best/will make the right decision and knows what she's doing. Just because she's 43 it doesn't mean that she can't be affected by the rose-colored glasses she might be wearing. You can still make mistakes as a 43 year old and if that mistake involved a child, well, that would just be incredibly sad and unfortunate.

He's only 27 and might change his mind maaaany times still regarding what he wants out of life. Rushing into having a child with him might just mean that he'll eventually leave her, and then she'll be the 40-something year old raising a baby all by herself. At that age, it definitely isn't as easy as when you're 20-something or in your early thirties. Not to mention the heartbreak of being dumped.

Best case scenario is that everything works out, which in my opinion seems unlikely. Even if they were around the same age, there would still be a chance that things wouldn't work out. Worst case scenario is that she'll get both pregnant and dumped, which would leave her to take care of a child all by herself at the age of 40. Not easy, even if she wants the child.

You should talk to her about it. Even though she's a "grown ass woman", that doesn't mean you can't voice your concerns and question her motives for being with this guy (and question his motives too). Even if they have some sort of relationship that goes beyond sex, that doesn't mean that it can't still be superficial. She could still very much want to be with him because 1) he could give her a child and 2) he's young and handsome, which might work as an ego boost for her. And for him, he might like her maturity and thinks that it's sexy and fun to be with a "cougar". Of course there could be more to their relationship, but these can be some pretty big driving factors that are clouding both of their judgments.

At the end of the day, yes, she'll still make these choices for herself. But that doesn't mean that you can't/shouldn't talk to her about it and dig deeper into why exactly she's with him and whether this will truly work.

[sejla]

Is the age gap the only incompatibility you see?
or are there other red flags that you see?

She's sort of at the max for age gap relationships. Most of the time with women in their early 40s and men in their late 20s it is a casual thing but there are always a small percentage of these couples that make it last.

The having the baby would probably be a concern if you didn't see the relationship as solid and that they hadn't been together that long.

I don't think you can really say much except express your concerns specifically. I don't think focusing on the age gap is enough to deter her. You would have to come up with some specific reasons. If in the end she ends up with the baby she wants and maybe not the guy maybe that will be good enough for her as long as she has the ability to take care of a baby without the help of the father.

[WingedAngel7]

He has a significant maturity gap with my mom. He's a lot more impulsive and is a bit egotistical. I'm not saying he's drastically impulsively impulsive and egotistical, but it's certainly enough that there's a fair maturity difference between him and my mom. He also still likes to go party on weekends and be a little wild. There are also a lot of little things that add up (ex-he's a lot more likely to be late than my mom). Each of those things aren't huge signs of a maturity gap, but there are a lot of them. When you add them all together I think they do help indicate a maturity difference problem.
Again, I'm not saying that he's extremely like this, but he's enough like this that it shows a significant maturity difference between him and my mom. Furthermore, he's just finishing grad school and she's already established in her career/she already has 2 kids and he has none so they're at very different stages in their lives
Also, I think she's thinking way too much about this relationship with her crotch as she thinks he's super hot, very much enjoys the sex, and thinks he can impregnate her again with the 3rd child she's always wanted. I think her thinking too much with her crotch could end up being a big problem as it will make her unable to fully assess and understand their relationship/compatibility.

[sejla]

The partying does show some lack of maturity but he's doing what a 20 something does and your mom isn't a 20 something. Looking at as a in the moment relationship makes sense. Having a baby with him not so much because by law even if they aren't together he would probably get partial custody.

[WingedAngel7]

That's one of my biggest concerns. I'm worried she's overlooking all that because 1) there are a lot of ways they do have a great relationship. I'll be the first to say he's often very sweet to her 2) I do think there are legitimate feelings between them (although I don't think that necessarily translates into a viable long term relationship for a baby) 3) She knows her biological clock is running out and if she's going to have another kid it's got to be soon 4) She thinks that since he has younger sperm he'll be more likely to impregnate her than a guy her age. 5) she thinks he's really hot and very much enjoys him in bed. For those 5 reasons I think she's overlooking the red flags of the problems that trying to have a baby with Mr. right now could bring.

[sejla]

well his sperm might be healthier but heavy drinking or doing drugs on the weekend might knock that down a bit. I doubt a man her age is going to have a problem getting her pregnant. She isn't 50 or something. Also, she might like the fact that a 27 year old has a quick recovery rate so she can have sex multiple times or more times during the week.

[MzAsh]

Is there any other reason besides the age gap that you think their relationship is a bad idea? I don’t think the age gap is enough to try to intervene here. You’re going to enter dangerous territory that you screw up your relationship with her if you try to get in between.

Find the best words to tell her your concerns in a loving way one time, but after that one time leave her alone to make her own decisions.

[WingedAngel7]

He has a significant maturity gap with my mom. He's a lot more impulsive and is a bit egotistical. I'm not saying he's drastically impulsively impulsive and egotistical, but it's certainly enough that there's a fair maturity difference between him and my mom. He also still likes to go party on weekends and be a little wild. There are also a lot of little things that add up (ex-he's a lot more likely to be late than my mom). Each of those things aren't huge signs of a maturity gap, but there are a lot of them. When you add them all together I think they do help indicate a maturity difference problem.
Again, I'm not saying that he's extremely like this, but he's enough like this that it shows a significant maturity difference between him and my mom. Furthermore, he's just finishing grad school and she's already established in her career/she already has 2 kids and he has none so they're at very different stages in their lives

[WingedAngel7]

Also, I think she's thinking way too much about this relationship with her crotch as she thinks he's super hot, very much enjoys the sex, and thinks he can impregnate her again with the 3rd child she's always wanted. I think her thinking too much with her crotch could end up being a big problem as it will make her unable to fully assess and understand their relationship/compatibility.

[WingedAngel7]

Having a kid with him could be an issue as well. I'm not sure how solid the relationship is. I think my mom is rushing into trying to get pregnant because she's worried she doesn't have much time left to get pregnant again (which is a bit of a catch 22) and she thinks he's more likely to get her pregnant as he has younger sperm. If she's going to have another kid with someone I think her relationship with the guy should be solid long term, and her relationship with him may not be.

[Paris13]

Answer ONLY when ASKED ADVICE.. For Now, BE NICE. xx

[Paris13]

Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck. xx

[btbc92]

That's what that relationship sis about. Mainly sex and what she can get out of the deal. Either way, you don't have to get involved with it. She's a grown woman and he is a grown man, has already a part of her life that why sex before marriage is a sin. It's her choices. She's not going to listen to you anyway and I'm very certain she knows. You can't prevent heart breaks for her life. You can only prevent that for your life. I believe from the way how you were saying it will all be revealed when and if she gets pregnant.

[Moonchild714]

My Husband is 28 and I'm 48. We are very compatible. Age doesn't have anything to do with it. We have many things in common likes dislikes and we have differences but their not major we do them alone or with others. He likes Golf and Fishing, golf is guys time fishing Father/Son time. I like Rodeos he doesn't few we hit the Rodeos in the nicer weather, I like Carnivals/Festivals he doesn't that's Mother/Son time. Everything else we are on the same page... We just had a babygirl.

It's your Mother's Life let her live it. She raised you and she is still your Mother.

by the way, I fought the age difference with my Husband for a long time but my Heart & Soul wasn't letting go!!!

[Reaperbot666]

comely address your concerns to them. so they know how you feel about everything. let them make up there own minds if they still wish to continue on or not.

just do not force your opinions of there relationship on them. they are grown adults who can make there own choices in the end.

p. s. if you mom wants another kid but you think she is to old or past her prime. you could have one and make her a grandma instead. plus then she could even help you raise it. so it would be like she was able to get the second kid she wanted all these years.

[WingedAngel7]

I don't think the fact she wants another kid is a problem. I just think she's rushing into it with this guy because she isn't sure how much longer she'll be able to have kids and she thinks he'll be more likely to get her pregnant than a guy her age. If she decides he's not right for her latter on she could just end the relationship and be done with it. However, if she has a kid with him he'll have to be apart of her life essentially forever.

[DorkVader]

You can voice your concerns to your mom, but you need to accept she's still pretty young. She was very young when she had you, and you're pretty young to try and understand how a divorced woman feels at 40, so a conversation may be good for you both. However, you need to be ready to accept that this boyfriend could be your stepfather one day and you could be looking at a sibling soon. It's not your choice to make. The only choice you can make at this point is to accept your mom is an adult and you respect her decision or you can cause a rift in the family.

[lightbulb27]

Well, nothing wrong with talking, and talking to a therapist.

She's probably as high as a kite now, so let her be... if he's treating her well. Sometimes all you can do is to be there in support to pickup the pieces. T

It's possible... I've seen guys go for older. Will this work... who knows:)

You don't know how "horny" females can be until you see one in their mid 30's to 40's. That little kiddo in there is screaming out for life and mom don't care about rules so much. Mom is a human being... and she's high on those natural drugs again. If she can handle a kid, maybe it's ok. Ideally, they are married on behalf of the youngster who needs both parents.

[McJohnson123]

My sister is married to a man over 20 years older than her, they've been married over ten years now and have two great children. Just an example that age isn't always crucial in a functional relationship. If they do decide to stick together, regardless of whether or not that have a kid, they best thing you can do for your mom is share your thoughts if you feel the need, but support her nonetheless. She'll probably feel uneasy if her own child is doubtful about the relationship and isn't supportive. As others have said, they are both grown adults and they'll do what they want anyway.

[Adam1978]

She is not making a mistake, and there is no reason why the age gap would be a issue. If it had been it would have been just a fling. I say she should go for it and you shouldn't be in the way. If she really wants another kid it's definitely her last chance now.

[WingedAngel7]

My concern is that it isn't a fling. It's becoming a very real relationship with two people in very different places in life (age is an indication of that) and therefore aren't compatible with each other. I'm worried the relationship will cause heartache. The fact they're trying to have a kid together makes this even more concerning

[Adam1978]

That is a risk in any relationship, and even if it doesn't last she is better of trying in my opinion. Even if she end up with a kid and no father. Because she wants that kid.

[WingedAngel7]

I think if she was with a guy her age it would be far considerably less of a risk than it is now. I'm not sure if her chances at getting pregnant would be as good. To be honest I think that may be part of why she's going after a younger guy.

[Adam1978]

Neither do I but they will certainly not get better by waiting for another relationship to take fruit. So she should take her chances, I am sure she can handle any bad outcome at her age.

[wingattebaby16]

im 25 and my man is 47.

Your mom is 43 and getting older. She deserves to be happy and if a 27yo guy floats her boat, great! You should be happy for her, encourage her, and if a baby is concerning to you, tell her!

Is the reason you are upset is coz he is closer to your age than hers?

Women in their 40's are at their sexual peak and having a 27 yo boyfriend probably is blowing her mind in bed and out! You should be happy for her!!

[WingedAngel7]

I'm just worried about her heart getting broken. The fact that he's closer to my age is an indication that he's at a place in life closer to mine than my mom's. That's not a good sign for her to have a happy relationship. Furthermore, if she's going to have another kid a well-established relationship is even that more important. I don't think she's going to have it with someone significantly closer in age with me than her. I think she's ignoring the fact they're in different places in life (example-he's finishing grad school, she's got an established career, she's got 2 kids, he doesn't have any, etc.) because he's a hot young guy who makes her feel great in bed and also has the potential to give her the 3rd kid she's always wanted before she can't have anymore.

[WingedAngel7]

However, as I said before, there are moments when I wonder if my concerns are a bit clouded by the fact that I think the age gap is weird as opposed to any true sign of incompatibility. Still, I don't think I should write my concerns off just yet as a large part of me feels there is legitimacy to my concern beyond simply being weirded out by the age difference.

[wingattebaby16]

talk to her... the worst she can say is mind your own business.

[WingedAngel7]

Do you think there's a particular way that would be best to open up talking to her about my concerns? What do you think would be the best way to communicate to her the concerns I have (beyond just talking to her. How should I talk to her about this?)

[wingattebaby16]

PM me.. this is getting too public.. and you dont need any jack***es here being mean to you.

[WingedAngel7]

I actually can't PM. I just got this account today. It says I don't have enough points to PM. You could email me at dsisj.6354@gmail. com

[wingattebaby16]

i just hit you on hangouts on google.

[wingattebaby16]

you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and WHY...

[Chris1690]

Just have to let , what'll be will be, just be there for your mum, you never know all could be forever after lol, sorry not much in life is,

[honestGUY45]

I don't think the age gap makes them incompatible, but I do think them having a baby is a bad idea. That is a big risk you take with anyone of any age regardless of an age gap or not. Having a kid is a long term commitment, and that will almost guarantee they will be involed on some level whether they are still in the relationship or not for at least 18 years. But what if she gets pregnant and he loses interest? It's not impossible but unlikely that they will feel this way about each other for long. Hopefully she considers the longterm consequences of having a baby with Mr. Right Now.

[WingedAngel7]

That's one of my biggest concerns. I'm worried she's overlooking all that because 1) there are a lot of ways they do have a great relationship. I'll be the first to say he's often very sweet to her 2) She knows her biological clock is running out and if she's going to have another kid it's got to be soon 3) She thinks that since he has younger sperm he'll be more likely to impregnate her than a guy her age. 4) she thinks he's really hot and very much enjoys him in bed. For those 4 reasons I think she's overlooking the red flags of the problems that trying to have a baby with Mr. right now could bring.

[honestGUY45]

It's not going to do any good to tell you because it's her relationship, but damn does having a baby put a damper on most of that. Honeymoon's over...

[MannMitAntworten]

There is nothing wrong with the age gap... now, if she is only dating the guy for the sex and a child, the heartbreak will be far more on his side than your moms. He likely truly loves and cares about your mom especially if he is talking children with her. On that note... best to stay out of it because if there isn’t more to it than the sex and children as you suspect, you will only embolden them to continue. Frankly, if you were going to talk with either... maybe try talking with him instead you you really must speak up and see where his head is.

[VIVANT]

I do think you jean well but realistically speaking, She’s 43. She has life experience and I’m sure she’s aware of all the stuff you mentioned. Ultimately It’s her choice. I’m not sure what the point is for you to say mom you see happy but I think it’s a bad idea. 🤷‍♀️

[VIVANT]

Mean*

[WingedAngel7]

I realize it's her choice. However, I feel that if I can possibly prevent heartbreak I should try to take her head out of the clouds and help her recognize red flags that such a big age gap gives. This is doubly true as she's apparently going to try to have a kid with him.

[aly34]

She is a mature woman. she ll handle heart break.. heart break is a part of life. let her enjoy the moment

[TacocaT6969]

You think your mom doesn’t understand the situation? Well, she does.

There is nothing you can do but stand by and watch because she’s an adult capable of making her own life choices. Bringing it up will not change her mind and may cause her to become defensive.

My mom dated a 25 year old when she was about 40.

[Finchie40]

Age doesn’t mean anything , compatibility and chemistry is all that matters , if your Mom is happy and having great sex let her be, life is to short to be miserable and to worry about what the future holds , if she gets pregnant that’s on her and her boyfriend you won’t have to raise it lol But again age is just a number. , let her be happy

[WingedAngel7]

Age can factor into the compatibility though as they are in different stages of life. She's got a well-established career and has 2 kids. He is just finishing his grad school and he has no kids. Age is an indication of a certain maturity relating to how you handle and view life. Such a huge gap is an indication it may not work well for them as they are in very different places.

[katjmj]

27 and finishing grad school doesn't sound immature or irresponsible. Unless he's mooching off your mom for his fees and other stuff?

[WingedAngel7]

@katjmj he's not mooching off my mom and my point isn't that he's irresponsible. That's not one of my concerns. It's that they are in two very different stages of life. My mom already has a well established career and he hasn't even really started his yet. Furthermore, I do think there's a decent maturity difference between them. That's not to say he's irresponsible or mooching off my mom, but I still don't think he's on her maturity level and that's an issue.

[katjmj]

But then that's not for you to decide. Because the connection is between them so only they could tell if theyre in line with each other or not. I get what you mean tho. It could be worrisome. I just don't think it's a good move too to preemptively get in the way.

[WingedAngel7]

@katjmj I realize that it's not up to me to decide, but part of me feels that if I see some potential major concerns I should tell her. I do think she probably does recognize it to a certain level, but I think it's hard for her to see it because her head's in the clouds. She's overlooking some major potential problems because 1) he is a really great guy and there are a lot of other ways they have a great relationship. I'll be the first to say he often is very sweet to her 2) She thinks he's super hot and very much enjoys the sex. 3) She thinks he's more likely to get her pregnant in the twilight of the ending of her childbearing years so she can have the 3rd child she's always wanted.

[katjmj]

If you think you should then do so. As I've said it's only healthy to communicate. Just don't impose it too much otherwise it might backfire on you or put a strain on your relationship instead.

[WingedAngel7]

@katjmj what do you think the best way to go about communicating my concerns with my mom is? How can I best point out my worries to her to try to help her better see things clearly?

[katjmj]

Oh wow my reply didn't send.

I don't know your mom or how close you two are but if you have at least a decent relationship maybe you could just casually bring it up. Yknow ask for her thoughts, throw in some of yours. Maybe invite her for a girls night out.

[drsatan]

My father started a relationship with a woman 25 years younger than him (shes also only 5 years older than me) and after a few years together they had a kid together.
They've been together almost 20 years now.
Not saying you're concerns aren't valid, but everyone involved are fully grown adults in a fully consenting relationship. Maybe it will work out for them, or maybe it won't.
As children, at some point we have to just stand back and let our parents live and learn for themselves!

[Daniela1982]

Nah, she's just being a cougar. I'm sure she is only in it for sex so it may not last long. Let her have her fun, as long as she is not going to marry the guy. He would probably leave her anyway as she ages and he would be looking for more youthful women.

[WingedAngel7]

At the beginning of their relationship I thought that would be the case, but they've been dating for about 9 months to a year now. She makes a real effort to spend time with him, and not just when they're going to have sex. I found out they're trying to have a kid together, so I think it's fairly safe to say marriage is likely something they're seriously considering as well.
The whole " He would probably leave her anyway as she ages and he would be looking for more youthful women." possibility is something that very much concerns me as well. My mom looks super good for her age, but she's not immune to aging.

[WingedAngel7]

Even though I don't think she's in the relationship just for sex I do think the sex/his body do cloud her ability to see other red flags she wouldn't otherwise overlook.

[LEETSBEREAL]

Wait for her to come to you. And if she doesn't leave it be. If she isn't asking your opinion it means she doesn't want it and leave it be. Remember it's her job to look after you. Looks like she has done that and now it's time to look after her. You need to focus on your life and what you want out of it. If it goes wrong your be there.

[WingedAngel7]

But what if me pointing out some potential red flags she's overlooking could help save her from potential heartbreak down the road?

[LEETSBEREAL]

So you want her heart broken now rather then down the road? Coz rest assured unless she decides it's over all on her own she will be heartbroken. Do you really want her thinking in the back of her head my daughter had no faith in the relationship and all the insecurities that will bring rather then you being the daughter who is just there for her. Your mum knows the age gap is there and what is wrong with her wanting another child? If it's what she wants. I mean put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to hear that? Honestly? If this turns into a fight there is no taking it back so if your insisting to do this you need to really think it through what you're going to say. Don't dig your own grave a bond takes years to build but a second to destroy.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

My mom is 43 and she dated a guy 15ish years her junior, they were a great match for a few years and things recently ended. Let your mom live her life, have a little fun and be happy. Age is only a number and shouldn't matter so long as they're happy.

[bigbaye69]

I would pay attention to how mature he is and his action I believe when it comes to true love age doesn't matter it depends on the connection an how good the relationship is if it's TRUE love what does age really matter it's just a number sum mature quicker than others