As a girl interested in men, I prefer guys that are put-together. I find the iconic "man child troupe" to be a waste of my time as someone who actively has personal goals, family obligations, and a zest for life, even if I don't have all of the answers (no one does!)
For a lot of guys, they are drawn to emotional vulnerability. The reason that many guys go for the "hot mess" is because distress is vulnerability. Witnessing distress makes you feel put together. Someone else's distress makes you feel like you can help. Watching distress makes you feel compassion, it gets you out of yourself.
Men see women who are a mess/distressed and vulnerable, and they feel attractive being able to count their own good deeds when they help them. They see themselves as capable, a white knight in shining armour. Too often people confuse how they feel about themselves helping someone else, with understanding what it needed for a fulfilling and self-sustaining relationship.
Vulnerability (via distress) does NOT indicate whether the person has compatible coping skills, shared values, a healthy ability to trust/commit, and the bandwidth to offer mutuality (to reciprocate the support, else the relationship will be one-sided).
I should note that "being put together" does also not guarantee that person is compatible on those levels. Being put together though, usually means they have more "bandwidth for reciprocation" and its safe to say they have SOME healthy coping skills because let's face it, there are ALWAYS problems to face in life.
I prefer highly independent ones with a passion of their own. I'm happy to lend emotional support here and there but I don't want to be "needed" by a woman who seems to be resembling a junkie who goes crazy without their fix. I prefer to be "wanted" by a woman who is quite self-sufficient and never really needed me in the first place.
I prefer a hot mess kind of girl. I don't know why but I guess it brings out that unborn father instinct in me to take care of them like my own. Note I'm 18 right now, but I have taken care of little kids for a while, and have 2 nieces who come over every now and then.
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There is a Gulf between those polls probably most want something in between. I can't live with out you is crazy and a red flag for sure. Completely independent wtf are we even together for might take her a while to know I'm gone. Better together but able apart should be a good goal.
I've never had a put-together girlfriend yet.
The hot mess ones make me feel needed at first and I enjoy that for a while.
The longer I dated them the more depressing it was though.
Everyday she had some kind of problem to complain about.
Is emotional support different from intimacy? I don't want a social project in a girlfriend, but I do want emotional intimacy and vulnerability...
I genuinely love a girl I can take care of. It's one of the main things that I find enjoyment in. It's also incredibly endearing and bonding.
Inbetween. Women who are too put together aren't very exciting. But women who are a total mess are hell to date.
When they are too independent I don’t feel needed so I like taking care of them in some ways
Sis, just be yourself.
Definitely independent.
How about in in between hot mess and put together
Can I have middle ground?
Depends on what other qualities she has
Neither. 😇
A bit of both
Non...
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