Boyfriend made fun of me multiple times and I can't get over it, help please?

[Anonymous]

my SO criticized almost every inch of my body in a joking manner this year. Especially my breasts because they are not as perky as pornstars. He thinks every girl looks like that except me. He commented on them more than 10 times (he also made fun of my other private parts, nose, teeth, skin, very fine body hair, weight but not consistently). He tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the city and other nice things but they don't mean a thing after he said my breasts shouldn't look like that and my nose is huge. People often ask me if I am a model and everyone I know tells me he doesn't deserve me and I'm way better looking than him. The only person criticizes me is him. I told him that it hurt me what he said to me. He apologized and told me not to take it seriously, he was just joking and they were empty words. He also said he didn't know I was hurt and he wouldn't do it again. We talked it through and i said okay. I thought I would move on but it comes to my mind at random moments and affects me badly. He compliments me quite often now and tells me he loves me but the damage is done. Compliments don't seem honest to me anymore. I used to like myself now I feel insecure. It also lowered my sex drive drastically since I feel undesirable and I was insulted while being vulnerable (It used to be very high now I feel almost asexual). Even the idea of him touching me made me cry until last week. If he never says anything bad about me anymore like he told me I'll still be thinking he thinks that way he just keeps it to himself. How can I recover from this?

[RandD4Ever]

ah so he's one of those type of guys. puts you down to make him feel better about himself and lower your self esteem thinking that if your self esteem is lowered enough you won't be able to find anybody better than him. Tell him to go fuck himself and criticize the size of his little pecker or how bad his teeth are or how skinny and scrawny he is or how physically weak he is or how he has no biceps or puny biceps. Demean him the same way he does you. Or if you want to take the higher road don't say anything and just walk away. Cut him loose. He shouldn't be disrespecting you in that manner. Not now not ever. He doesn't have the right to put you down that way. He never did he never will. Grow some self esteem and self confidence and learn and realize you're better than him and his childish bullshit

[Asker]

Thank you. He describes himself as "very confident". I put up with this just because he is my first love but he is neither a comedian or a good boyfriend

[RandD4Ever]

I hate to break it to you but that's not love. Love isn't about demeaning someone else so they feel better about themselves. That's jealousy and petty bullshit what he's doing and exhibiting. It's an ego trait of his that needs to be squashed. If anything he should be treating you as if it's the first time he's seen you and the last time he will ever see you. Not the childish bullshit he's doing. Like I said that's not love. You don't demean the person you love not in any shape way or form. He has a lot of growing up to do and you have a lot of self respect you need to develop for yourself. my advice get out of that toxic relationship before it destroys you from the inside out

[RandD4Ever]

basically he's trying to do that juvenile pick up artist (pua) bullshit the negging technique he learned about back in the early 2000's when that bullshit was a thing and at the height or peak of it's profession.

[Shamalien]

I mean if it's a joking matter, and he seriously compliments you otherwise, I wouldn't think too much of it. Clearly it's having an effect on you, but consider this. He is with you, not those other girls, right?

Don't actions speak louder than words? This is what really confuses me about women. They are so easily offended by words, yet act like actions don't even matter at all. They can have sympathy for the 'misunderstood' ex boyfriend that raped them, but unleash a flurry of hate on any guy that dares offend them in conversation.

Mind boggling.

[OddBeMe]

He sounds like a moron. But I’d suggest figuring out why it hurt you so much. Was it him, bc you love him. Or are you very sensitive about your body. I’m the latter, by the way. So when people make fun of my paunch or whatever I just shrug it off, knowing it’s prob not actual criticism.

[Asker]

Both. Criticism upsets me when it comes from my first and only love if it is not constructive and is about the things I can’t change (and don’t need to change) without paying tons of money. I also have a history of depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia and I’m afraid of him triggering it. I really need to learn to shrug it off, how do you do it? I feel like if someone comments about the same thing so many times, it doesn't matter when they say it is just a joke or laugh/smile about it, they really mean it

[OddBeMe]

Firstly, no guy worth your time treats you like that. Second, I have high depression/anxiety. My trigger was my parents, which I cut out from a lot of my life. Also on meds too. Have you thought about trying an anti-depressant?

[Asker]

I was told that they make numb and addicted to them and you get worse when you quit

[OddBeMe]

Not numb, but yes these type of meds are cumulative. It takes time to work, so if you stop taking it you will have withdrawal issues. But it’s worth it to me.

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah what other guys are saying.

Dump him.

Not trying to white knight at all here.

But mother fuckers like this taint the minds of so many women and tarnish the image of other men.

Fucken scumbag.

I would actually enjoy driving a bayonet through this moron’s skull

[foxrider77]

Only read half, but why do you care what an ugly guy says. You can get any guy. Go to another man.

[kryptocynical]

He seems like the guy to do this

[Yugen]

When he's looking in your eyes what does his demeanor say? Because sometimes love is illogical and thats part of the appeal.

[coffeewithcream]

Don't recover from it.
Dump his ass and walk away.

[reptocarl2]

Dump the insensitive jerk. But you won’t will you

[Asker]

He fixed his behaviour. He acts sweet now but I am emotionally traumatized. It would be awkward for me to leave him now while he is being kind. I'm trying to forget the emotional baggage follows me :/

[reptocarl2]

It won’t last

[ItsTheNephilim]

That's not funny. Get rid of him.

[Liam_Hayden]

He treats you like crap. Dump him.

[Proxyz123]

What a bad boyfriend. Break up! Find someone else

[Smirnoff23]

Control freak

[Asker]

how should I act?

[Smirnoff23]

Don't act be yourself you sound like you were an outgoing person before he said these things he knows what he has done will stay in your head

[abc3643]

Dump him now.

[Caunsos]

Dump him

[easily_andrew]

Dump him date me