He thinks I’m cheating on him from the moment we met but I haven’t, how do I prove it to him I haven’t or what should I do?

[KissMeDeadly]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past year and a half. We met over the unfortunate passing of his brother, who was someone I cared deeply for and I was very close with. The reason I reached out to him in the first place was to see if he was ok and to maybe make a new friend. It turned into something more, and I didn’t expect it. From the start we have had issues bc he got into his head that I was cheating on him. He didn’t directly express it right away so I didn’t catch on. When I met him from the beginning he said he had trust issues and to not take offense so I tried not to. Even though some stuff he said to I was concerned with. He told me of past relationships and what they did (How they all cheated) and I chalked it up to well it’s bc of what they did so I won’t be accused since I wouldn’t anyway. He said things to me like “he knew right away” “he could tell it was obvious” “his instincts told him” “he couldn’t be more wrong and it’s extremely frustrating. I’ll admit when I first met him he made me super uncomfortable talking about anything with work bc the second time we hung out he expressed it bothered him I Tattoo all day and “spend so much time with clients Or other people “ And other weird shit so I kind of avoided some work talk which bc of it is which is why he thinks I was up to something 😑. if he didn’t say all these things that made me nervous I would have talked more freely but I didn’t feel comfortable. He thinks its at work with my boss. I work with him, his WIFE (also boss) and their apprentice. It’s maddening. Any time I’m not working I talk to him the ENTIRE TIME. I can explain some scenarios he deemed suspicious in comments. Besides all this, I’d also like to add I've never loved someone so intensely we have a very deep bond and he is my best friend and perfect to me in all other ways which he doesn't seem to believe sometimes. I’ve been loyal. I’ve never cheated on anyone I was with.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I've lived through this, and can emphasize. He is probably unaware of it on a conscious level, but he is actually sabotaging the relationship.

You need to sit him down, probably regularly, and have the hard conversation that his jealousy and fear are hurting your relationship. He has no right to interrogate you about what you do at work. You are enabling him by allowing him to interrogate you, and I get it- you are only trying to calm his fears, but the whole time he's asking you questions, he's consumed by this fear and he is looking for any inconsistencies in your story.

The problem is a catch-22. If you refuse to tell him every detail, he assumes you are hiding something. If you give him every detail, he will find small and insignificant consistency issues and his mind will turn anthills into mountains.

All you can do is assure him that you are with him and only him, and be stern - that if he continues to act this way, it will not only hurt the relationship but drive you away from him.

You may eventually wear down to the point that you do cheat. Kind of like when a kid in a poor neighborhood constantly is accused of stealing or vandalizing when he isn't. Eventually he will because that is what becomes expected of him, it becomes a prophecy of sorts.

You need to nip this in the bud.. It ain't going to go away, in fact, it will get worse as time wears on. Understand that your relationship probably cannot survive this. It's not your choice, it's his!

I wrote a MyTake about decisions and how they affect your life - you should print it out and both of you should read it, every day.

[KissMeDeadly]

Thank you so much for your response. You nailed everything especially when it comes to not explaining everything which I did avoid in the beginning bc I was taken off guard and alarmed, I wasn’t sure what to do but was still open in other ways. Then I did start telling him literally every single thing and he found a problem with the most insignificant shit. Example of something he brought up recently: one day I had a tattoo cancel the night before. I said I was gonna make a post about a cancelation the next day around 11am. I didn’t bc I thought about how I didn’t want to be bombarded while getting ready for work bc that’s what happens. So I get in at 1pm. I make a post that says I have time for walk ins today from 1-8pm (our shop hours) just stop in or email me which means people can just drop by unannounced at any time. He claimed I didn’t post till 3pm. I went back and checked the day he said and I posted it at 1:06 as soon as I got into work. He thinks it’s suspicious if still go into work if someone cancels but I’ve been tattooing 19 years I always go in anyway. I always try to make money. But no one came in I still try though. he asked day of what I did, I said I ate a bunch of crap like soup mac n cheese and cheesecake watched two movies drew my tattoos for the following day and took a little nap which was ten mins and it was bc I was mentally exhausted from him and wanted to close my eyes for a few mins. So bc of this he thinks I went into work to have sex with my boss. For one we are both higher caliber artists that book out far we are both almost always insanely busy. I could have lied to him and said I tattooed all day but I didn’t. I don’t get why if he thinks I’m covering it up why I wouldn’t come up with something better.

[KissMeDeadly]

Also I haven’t used this site a lot so I’m not sure what you mean by check out you My Takes. Let me know how I can find what you are looking for and I appreciate all of input.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

MyTakes are like instead of asking an opinion, you are writing an editorial. If you look at my profile, you should be able to see the MyTakes section and click on it. I only have a couple written, so it won't be hard to find, starts with "I tell myself this every day"...

Regarding your response - thanks for sharing more details. He definitely is paranoid, which you already know, but his paranoia along with other traits borders psychological issues. I fear you may start to see far worse behaviors from him that could be dangerous. Sadly, if what I suspect is true, even trying to end it with him poses equal dangers. I really think you may need to honestly evaluate your circumstances and start coming up with a game plan on how to get out safely. I completely understand the dangers that unbalanced men pose to women, and were I in your shoes, I'd probably disappear and never allow him to find me after cutting it off. Sounds extreme, but I believe from what you've wrote that he will only get worse with time. He is a ticking time bomb. Maybe you can diffuse him.. But it will take a lot of time, conditions (from you), and patience on both your parts.

[bodukem]

If he has trust issues and thinks you've been cheating from the start then he will never stop thinking that way and the ones who normally accuse others of cheating are the ones who actually cheated maybe not on you but on other people before

[boggboss]

You got with a guy that has trust issues and thought it would just blow over not how that works lol

[KissMeDeadly]

I didn’t think it would just blow over I thought he judged his past gfs based on their actions and thought I would also be judged accordingly on MY actions and the person I was. Considering they are different people from me. Im limited to 2000 characters I can’t go into depth on how I’m just not a cheater and wasn’t worried about it and thought being the person I was I thought he would gain trust in me and see I was different than his past experiences. I was in a relationship for 14 years before this and haven’t had a lot of experiences with other men either. I know how cruel people can be though and I felt bad for him and understood that people can be hurt from their past considering I’ve had horrible things done to me I rather not write about of which I trusted no one around me but eventually I realized the people I could trust. So yeah it’s not that cut and dry. Especially when the entire reason I reached out to someone was bc his brother was murdered (Also friends with his younger brother ) and was someone I was close to and I was hoping he assumed I wasn’t a monster who would get with someone who was already deeply in pain and just do shitty things to someone to aid to their pain.

[boggboss]

But it's not about trusting you because u are not being judged the person u are in his head is as it's clear he never trusted u from the start and because of this nothing u ever do would be good enough but only look for validation on why u are a cheater being loyle means nothing if he already assumes u to be a cheater

[AmeerX]

Innocence proves nothing dear. Stop wasting time on him. Trust enough to love him and he to you despite anything

[coffeewithcream]

You're not going to be able to correct this.
He'll be like this always.
Dump him.

[Sarahr123]

Maybe it’s a guilty conscience

[mario_with_no_luigi]

Sounds like he has trust issues, not your fault

[Anonymous]

My guess is he had to hit on you first