Those people who marry again after the death of a spouse (I would never!). Why do they completely forget about them and never mention them again?

[Anonymous]

They seem to get so busy with life with the new partner and so happy with the new idiot that they look like they forgot about their spouse who died. If they used to visit graves they no longer do, if they commemorated death anniversaries previously then they stop, if they constantly told stories about them they stop and all pictures are also removed. How do people replace someone they loved? I could never do that. Looking at it I feel like it’s betrayal. I’d never replace the person I love with anyone if they died. Dying is just the shedding of the physical body. My love will remain forever for them until the day I die not the day they die.

So how do these people shamelessly move on with their life and this new idiot person they have replaced their former partner with?

[SheHulk420]

Though you're entitled to your opinion I think it's daft.

The person that you loved will ALWAYS be with you, you WILL carry them with you. Just because you no longer speak aloud about them or doesn't mean they do not think of them, it doesn't mean that they have forgotten that anniversary date... how do you know they don't quietly cry in the shower that morning? Or think about them most of the day? Just because you don't SEE something happening doesn't mean it isn't.

Emotional intelligence and understanding are wonderful things and being empathic to others too, feelings and emotions are complicated enough without judging others for how they deal with things like grief. Grief is dirty and soul destroying and no matter who it was that was lost, it is not our place to judge a person for how they deal with it even years down the line.

[DizzyDesii]

I guess theyre forcing themselves to move on. I’d still celebrate that spouses death day once a year like a bday. We’d go to their grave and hold a memorial service

[DizzyDesii]

If they were toxic/abusive then i would not go to their grave

[DizzyDesii]

Thanks for mho

[pajamasam]

When people die they are permanently gone forever. Im sure the people that marr again probably take some time to mourn before getting back in the dating market and probably still hold on to a piece of that love for a long time but ultimately just because your spouse died doesn't mean your love life has to die.

Me personally if im ever married I fully expect my wife to move on and love again if I die. The thought of me dying and a spouse being perpetually depressed and never finding love again is depressing. I plan on telling my wife to find love again if I die.

Life is too short to waste it in mourning.

[Asker]

Seriously? You’d want her to just replace you? I think if someone truly loved you they wouldn’t allow anyone else to take your place. I mean nobody can be the special person in my life that my spouse was if that were to happen. I would be angry if he told me to marry again and I’d think he doesn’t really love me if he’d be okay with another man having me. I think I need to marry someone who thinks the same so we can both not marry again if one were to die.

[pajamasam]

Expecting a spouse to mourn you for the rest of your life and never take a chance at love again is selfish. And the new person isn't replacing me, im dead and gone I dont exist anymore so it would be impossible to hurt my feelings.

I would want to stay completely committed while alive 100% but there is a reason wedding vows usually include

"Till death do us part"

Death is 100% permanent wanting my future wife to move on and find love again after I die wouldn't make me love her less if anything it would make me love her more because I'm concerned for her happiness.

The last thing I want when I die is for there to be some woman who visits my grave every day and cries and mourns me the rest of her life, that is super depressing.

When im dead, I cannot hear, see, taste, smell, or feel. Im literally just dust in the ground, there is no reason to feel you need to be loyal to a corpse.

[Asker]

But you’re not being loyal to a corpse. You’re being loyal to the person you had married and loved. Nobody can be loved like that again. I’m not saying cry and be sad forever. Make their memories your strength, keep telling their story. It saddens me that they’re forgotten as if they never existed and that usually happens when another idiot comes into the picture.

[pajamasam]

You dont have to forget them. Imagine your married to a great man, the love of your life. He dies early. Its tragic and it hurts. You mourn and you feel you may never love again. You remember all those great memories and it feels impossible that anyone could ever replace them.

Then time goes by and you feel like yourself again but a part of you still hurts and misses him. And you meet someone. They are super nice, attractive, respectful, the full package. He asks you on a date. You decide to go but are unsure if your heart is ready to love again, after all it feels wrong.

You tell this new guy this, and he understands. He knows he can never replace your late husband. He knows you will always remember that old love. He offers to give you space, but insists that if you ever want to go on date two to give him a call when your ready.

Would you call him back? Would you go on that second date? Or will you cling to old memories and refuse to make new ones.

I feel you should make new memories, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold. You can love again and still remember a deceased spouse.

[Asker]

I would never marry again I don’t care who he is.

[pajamasam]

Thats fair enough and it would be entirely your choice I can respect that. Just don't shut yourself in a box, know you can still have the option.

[makriks]

Well, it depends. We can't judge anyone. My aunt after her husband passed away, she decided that no one can take her husband's place.
If someone found another partner also is right. Living alone can be very hard for some people

[abc3643]

" how do these people shamelessly move on with their life "

EXCUSE ME.

BOTH of my grandmothers were widowed very early in life - both before 25 - and, thankfully for me and my dozens of relatives, they remarried my grandfathers and had families.

That said, my grandfathers outlived both of my grandmothers and never remarried.
5 years before I was born, my maternal grandmother died at age 52 making my grandfather a widower at 52. He died at age 68.
When I was 18, my paternal grandmother died at age 77 making my grandfather a widower at 77. He died at age 84.

Now, maternal grandparents are buried in a national cemetery. I do not know where my grandmother's first husband was buried.
My paternal grandparents are buried in the same group of graves with her first husband and his family right next to them. My grandfather knew my grandmother - they worked together - and knew her first husband as well. So, it was never some secret.

[Anonymous]

You're pretty much just completely wrong here for most people I think. Everyone I know, including my dad, still remembers and talks about their deceased partners frequently. My stepmom goes out of her way to make sure we share memories of my mom with the grandkids and we talk a lot about our favorite memories of her. When one person dies, they rarely expect the survivor to go on living a life alone. They WANT them to be happy and have someone that helps take care of them. It's not that they forget about their deceased partner, but like everything else, there are times when we have to go on living and not focus 100% on the past. But most of us never forget about the person.

[Asker]

I’m not the type of person who moves and and fills those spaces with new colours. Somewhere a stake of memories penetrates the heart, somewhere every picture gets blurred. Somewhere the roots of yesterday penetrates the heart. Some live happily with the new colours of lives and keep a place in their heart for new things. Someone keeps a candle of memories on his eyelashes.

Nobody can fill the void of the one and only love of your life. You can be around hundreds but still feel alone. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone else. I’d constantly remember about my first and only love, I’d always talk about them and always only love them. I wouldn’t have a physical relationship most definitely with someone else. Even if I got married I would still belong entirely only and only to my love. My one and only love. No new person can take their place EVER.

[Adam1978]

They don't forget at least until they get really old, they just don't talk about them just like you don't talk about exes in your new partners presents. They don't want or need to compete with the dead.

[tjbyrd39]

I'm going slow down think through answer. When my grandma died is the only time I seen my grandpa shed a tear or show any emotion. Probably toughest guy I've known. But he got remarried quickly to someone that turned out to be uncool. That's not the point so leave that there for now. He just couldn't handle being alone and thinking of his own mortality. She got by with stuff my grandma never did because he couldn't be alone. It changed him.

[Daniel3035]

Something I'll never understand myself if you truly loved her then why remarry. I'm ok with sex fair enough in the animal kingdom sex and move on to the next person but that animal always has one person devoted to them who's not just there for sex.

[Asker]

I can’t have sex without emotions. I’m still a virgin actually so no I wouldn’t have sex witth someone else either because that is special to me and was only meant for that one person. If I really need to cum I’ll use my fingers.

[Daniel3035]

Give it till your 40 ish you'll change your mind.

[Asker]

No no a person’s nature doesn’t change.

[Asker]

A person’s nature will never change. Even if a cow eats grass it will still make milk and if a snake drinks milk it will still produce poison. A woman of virtue will remain a woman of immense self respect and virtue. If living in Western society I kept my honour intact for 22 years then it doesn’t matter whether I am 22, 40 or 70, my values will be the same.

[Daniel3035]

Tell that to WW2 soldiers. If your nature doesn't change you die from a wall of bullets.

[slatyb]

Maybe the marriage wasn't that great. Anyway the living owe no duty to the dead.

[callmeprem]

Because most of the couples today are not together because of love they are together because of their wants and needs

[asshole_]

You should marry again, QA

You will regret it if you don't

[Asker]

No. Many haven’t and they didn’t regret.

[asshole_]

They all regret it

I guarantee you

[Asker]

You don’t know them. They loved their spouse. Maybe you aren’t capable of love because once you fall in love you can’t even think of another. Like suppose I married you I would never love you or sleep with you and I would always keep talking about and thinking about my one and only love. I would be cold towards you and treat you like crap because I can never ever love another person again. Doesn’t matter how sweet and understanding you are and doesn’t matter how good looking you are. I’d regret if I did marry again lol. Everyone in my family remained a widow or widower and loved their only love till their death and then got buried together.

[asshole_]

I guarantee you, they regret it

GET OVER IT

[Asker]

You’re just a manwhore but everyone isn’t like you so speak for yourself. Everyone isn’t western trash whore.

[asshole_]

Get over it!

You slut

[Hotboy_booblover]

Because life goes on.. its human nature to forget.. for their own survival.. nobody can mourn beyond 6 months.. I think that would be on higher side definetly memories remain for years but the intensity fades away..

[BillysBabe]

never say never