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I'm a female boss having an affair with a male employee. I'm in a crazy difficult situation. What should I do? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(36-45) 
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1) Your ages don't matter, don't know why you'd even mention them, and 2) what is there do really do? If he leaves the job, then you have a chance anyway, if not, then as long as the two of you can really truly keep it under wraps, then why stop?
The age is not the issue. It's the whole positional authority. You put yourself in a spot to get blackmailed by anyone who knows this information. If you value your career, end the relationship immediately.
I see nothing wrong with it if you're both single and he respects you and your kids. And yea he prob should work elsewhere so that people dont think you're showing favoritism
The two of you will be in trouble even if it ends now, so I guess there isn't any real benefit to ending it. Just be careful and let things take their course.
Are you ready for when it is over and he decides to report it? #metoo
It's a consensual sexual relationship. Believe me, he wants it just as much as me.
I'm not saying otherwise but I think that what I learned from the #metoo movement is that because you have a position of power, you are in the wrong. Some (not me) compared it to rape because an older man held a position of power in the company and was having sex with a female employee. The person without the power can decide to go after you if things dont go their way. They can do this many years after it happens regardless of the actual nature of the relationship.
He is not way too young for you. I know a 23 year old who is married and has a kid with a 50 year old and they are doing fine. Just be together with him. This is the best thing you can do right now.
When it comes to age I don't feel it a ton right now, but there are little things here and there that do come up that make me think it may come up latter. For example, he'll make references that someone his age would make and no one my age would even think of. He also has a fair bit more energy to go and party than I do. It's not that I can't go out and have a good time, but I do tire quicker. It's nothing huge, but it's a fair amount of little things that do add up enough to concern me a bit.
Then there's the concern of how my family will react when they find out I'm dating someone so much younger. I know that I'll have to go through a whole ordeal due to the age gap and that gives me a headache just thinking about it.
Furthermore, i am worried it could get to be a bigger deal latter as I age faster. Right now I'm in very good shape and do look fairly young for my age, but I'll still age faster than him. Finally, I know he does want to have at least 1 kid, but that may not actually end up being a problem. I'd be more than happy to have another kid (maybe even 2 if I can) if we get that far. However, I do worry that at my age I may have a hard time getting pregnant. I haven't seen a doctor about it though.
But even beyond the age concerns there's still the issue that we're both risking our jobs by doing this. He's told me he's looking for other jobs, but (in the current job market climate) he's having a very hard time and hasn't found anything. As of now risking our jobs is apart of the relationship, and that is a major concern to me. Part of me thinks I should back out, but whenever I seriously think about it I get really sad and don't want to. But then the only other alternative is to risk it, which is very stressful/scary.
Sounds like a dream come true to me. What kind of work are you in? I would just keep it going as long as you won’t get in any trouble with the business.
It's not a dream come true. It's extremely stressful. I'm always worried about us losing our jobs. Sometimes I feel like we need to stop, but then we get really sad and start all over because we want to be together. Then there's the fact that he's way too young for me, but I still have feelings for him and want to be with him (even though I think it's so dumb that I feel this way about someone so much younger). A huge part of me also wants to stop all this mess and just go public, but we can't do that for a whole lot of reasons! However, I don't want to stop because I feel such strong feelings towards him and we make each other very happy. Even though I'm going crazy over this I've been happier with him than I have in a long time (which makes me even more stressed over everything!)
Believe me, it's not a dream come true. I wish everything was way simpler, but I'm trying to figure all this out
Move jobs then
You can't buy just hands. You hire a whole human being. It is wrong to think such relationships are wrong. And if they are so wrong then stop hiring females in male workplace and males at female workplace
Sounds like you fell in love with the young man
Why don't you find another job and married this young man
Somehow document that he buys you gift or something as if it ever goes south that you unduly influenced him. But if you are happy and you know it bust a nut.
He needs to get another job if you want it to be more then a business relationship. o
He needs to? Why doesn't she get another job
Because it makes sense for the older, career person with a more advanced partition to keep their position and the younger person in a lower level position to find a new gig.
@cntrytbm The older person in this case is guilty of having power in a sexual relationship with an employee. Did you sleep through the whole #metoo movement?
I don't GAF about #metoo and they're both consenting adults who still care about each other, so they should do what's logical, not what some F'd up group of society says they should.
You expect me to believe you are 4 only 41 with two college kids? Lmfao.
I had them at 19 and 21. I was a very young mom
Just enjoy yourself dont over think it. keep it secret at work makes it more fun. be ready for break up and be mature about it know what i mean.
The term 'fuktard' comes to mind. WTF are you thinking?
Worse, he'll NEVER be your equal. EVER. He's called a 'boy-toy'.
You're a sick woman.
@Browneye57
I tend to not take the advice of anybody whose alias is similar to butthole. Of course you think the world is shitty if you only see it through your browneye (aka ass).
@cntrytbm You're not the asker
@Nachowedgie Nope. But if I was, I would ignore ignorance like this. I'm assuming browneye is your butt buddy?
@cntrytbm No I've never seen him before. Using homosexuality as a form of insult is pretty homophobic of you though
@cntrytbm - The term 'cunt' comes to mind. Fuck off asshole.
@Browneye57
Yeah buddy, further proving you're not intelligent enough to hold a real conversation.
@cntrytbm - Ah, another 'all that AND a bag of chips'. Urine. As in, urine idiot.
If you don't care for adult conversation then just move along. No one has time for your drivel. Or block me, or I can block you. There's no connection. AT ALL.
A 40yo fucking a 20yo at the office is despicable. Sure he likes it, who wouldn't. But she should know better. That you fail to recognize this is a complete failure on your part. Now fuck off and go bother someone else.
@Browneye57 poor lonely old bitter man.
You need to find some happiness in your life my friend.
@cntrytbm You're adding literally nothing to the conversation
@cntrytbm - You really are dense aren't you? I'm as happy as they come, a full live, thirty years with my beloved, three grown children, all the success one could hope for. But here you are judging based on replies to your stupid comments. How bout FUCK OFF YOU IDIOT.
well i mean i'm still a teen but i'm datin someone dat is 17 about to be 18 in January so... and i really kinda dont kno what to cause i'm 15 so... yea
You should be happy that you have someone and if you are happy that's all that counts don't worry about keeping it a secret if people give you shit about it screw them
You're both grow ups, that's no big deal. The issue is that if he gets any promotion, or raise, or advantage, people will said it's because you sleep with him, and not because he deserves it.
Well that's great, but if he goes for a promotion and is successful, you'll want to hope none of the unsuccessful applicants find out, besides with him being younger, if he finds a "newer model" what then... you sack him?
Try to get him out of your supervision would be the best thing. If HR found out now, you'd have lots to answer.
Obviously you use your position to promote him to your level so you're no longer his boss