My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion? He said I have to choose the pregnancy or him? Please help?

Question

Hi everyone. I found out last week that I am 5 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend is 27 and I'm 27. He wants me to have an abortion, and he keeps saying things like "all my friends have done it, you'll be fine its just a heavier period" his argument is that he will lose me if I continue with the pregnancy, and I told him he won't because I don't want to lose him, but he's saying he will lose me because he will be MISERABLE and probably run away. He keeps saying "you have to trust me and you'll thank me in a couple of years that you got rid of it" the thing is I don't want too get rid of it, I have a great family who supports me, I have friends. I don't agree with abortion, I never did. I feel like I'd literally be doing it for me. He's been telling me he's back on the drink since I told him, and that he needs sleeping pills at night to help him sleep because he's so stressed,
He said I can't think about myself i have to think of the relationship and him. He's putting me under a lot of pressure. He also said 'we can't go to gigs, dates, we won't have a life with this baby" I feel like he's just talking about himself that he won't be able to do these things because not once has he even taking me to a "gig" he said I have to be on the same page as him, and please don't do this to him. He hasn't cared about my feelings at all. He wants to see me today to talk and sort this once and for all
Please help. Thank u x

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If you really dont want to have an abortion then dont but in my ideal world you would have an abortion on the grounds that no one should be gifting this asshole with a child and you should leave him in either event.

I dont have children and i guess thats my fault and i will sleep in the bed i made but it pisses me off to see women giving up their lives to raise the children of men who could not be less deserving, like fucking rapists for example.

What sort of message is being sent to people like me?

Is that where i went wrong?

Choosing morality instead of just raping?

Should i lie to women and tell them what they want to hear until they get pregnant and then just walk out the door?

Seems that is what is acceptable behaviour, as long as the women is free to decide the outcome of the pregnancy thats the only variable that matters, is that the whole situation for you people?

This is the empowerment of women to you?

He absolutely doesn't want a child and while i fully support your freedom to choose, why would you choose this?

Why would you give such a fucking amazing gift to some one who doesn't deserve it?

'Freedom to make my own mistakes was all i ever wanted' i guess.

Maybe Im just in a bad place with this is too emotionally driven or whatever, i guess in way i feel i am indirectly being told that i am worse than a rapist because i was 'careful' / 'foolish' and incorrectly thought that if i made a life that i would be responsible for that.

What about the child?

So what? You are going to tell them that their father didn't want them but you just went ahead and had him anyway because you dont give a shit about what he wanted and you dont care if you childs father wanted them or not?

Seems to me like its all about you which to my mind isn't a good place to be raising a child from, you dont know who they are, you get to choose for them either.

I just dont understand it really, it seems like you could be making better choices but I can't know you or your situation and its your life you do whatever you want.

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

Is this truly the kind of man you want in your life? He hands down ultimatums and focuses his on his convenience and not you, your beliefs or his responsibilities? Do you really want in your life a man whose response to weighty moral questions is, in so many words, "Hey, everybody is doing it?"

Cards on the table, I am pro-life. (If you are interested in why, here is my response to the question: Are you pro-abortion or anti-abortion? Certainly NOT required reading, but I want you to have a full sense of where "I am comin' from" before I offer my advice.)

Still, whatever the stance on the larger abortion issue, your boyfriend strikes me a self-absorbed where not intellectually and morally frivolous. Is this really the man you want raising your children - ever? Does he really come across as someone who you will, when the chips are down, be able to rely on as a husband?

Look, I am not here to tell you that raising a baby on your own will be easy. It will be scary and you cannot be fully sure of how things will work out. There will be times when you will feel absolutely alone. There is just no way to sugar coat it.

However, right now, you hold a little life in your hands who was conceived by you and a man who sees the whole thing as really little more than a huge inconvenience. So, do as he wants - he threatens - or you are on your own.

It is vile. It is filthy. It is despicable. Putting the issue of the baby aside, it is not how you treat anyone you claim to care for and - arguably - love. Say what you will, you have seen what the man in your life is really like.

For obvious reasons, I would tell you to have the baby. However, even if you don't have the baby, drop this guy. He is all that is worst in human nature and specifically his generation.

Trust me, there is no way this has a happy ending with him in the picture. Even if you have the baby and he opts not to carry out his threat, you (and your baby) will be as alone as if he had abandoned you. You will have the illusion of a loving relationship, not its' reality.

McMillanD · Accepted Answer

It is a horrific experience to go through even when you are 100% sure it's what you want. You won't "Be Ok" just because all of his friends have done it... that is sick.
This man is not father material, and is not someone I would want around my child.
I know it's hard and it's scary but you need to get away from him, if he doesn't convince you to do what he wants, he might try and take the choice away from you. I have heard stories of men crushing up pills and putting them in drinks or even going so far as to cause an accident that leads to losing the baby. I would not even talk to him alone at this point because he just can't be trusted when he is acting this way.
Most men don't see it the way we do, how can they? They aren't the ones carrying a life inside of them. Feeling it move and grow, there is no feeling like that except for the first moment you hold that tiny wonder in your arms. I completely understand you wanting to keep this baby.
It is half of you.
I won't lie to you, being a single mother is hard but you are strong and you CAN do this all by yourself and you MUST ditch that guy. From the moment you got pregnant you became a mother and it's your dutie to protect your child, even from his/her own father who is trying tying to kill them. Don't bet that he will change his mind and honestly after what he is putting you through and how selfish he is being I wouldn't give him the chance.
I would have nothing to do with him and lawyer up to make sure he signs all of his paternal rights away to avoid him "changing his mind" in the future when you are happy and settled in a new life with a man who treats the both of you like you deserve.
I am so very sorry this is happening to you.
Be strong and be safe, if not for you than for your future son or daughter ❤

Hannah591 · Accepted Answer

Take him out of the picture entirely and imagine just you and this unborn baby. If he wasn't there, what would you do? If you would keep the baby, then do it. However, you need to seriously ask yourself if you're able to raise the child on your own because it's unlikely your relationship can recover from this. Obviously, ideally it would be nice to imagine you guys staying together and raising the child, but that may not happen here.

I know you say you have supportive friends and family, but even then, you need to imagine if they weren't there or weren't as supportive as you're possibly expecting, would you still be able to manage on your own? I think it's important to consider every scenario and whether you could realistically manage them on your own, financially. Also, abortions aren't "just a heavy period", they're incredibly painful so you can inform him of that.

It's important to consider your partner's point of view of course. He obviously doesn't want a child, he sees it as something that will take away his freedom and he's not ready for that - and that's a perfectly reasonable way to feel, so don't invalidate how he's feeling, but at the end of the day, he can't physically force you to have an abortion.

You need to sit down with him and have an adult conversation after you've made up your mind about what YOU want to do, inform him of your decision whilst being receptive to his feelings about the situation and try and work something out together. After all, you both could end up parents so you need to get used to working through difficult times together, whether you stay together or not, for the sake of the child.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

If you get an abortion because it's something you're forced into, the relationship will not survive. You will grow to resent him for forcing you into something you didn't want to do. And he shouldn't be trying to threaten a decision from you. You have a right to decide what you want to do. If he would of sat you down and stated what he felt was the best thing, but that he would support your decision, that would be one thing. But to think he can order you to do what he wants is wrong. And either way, doesn't sound like someone that deserves you

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You will lose him unless you do exactly what he says you should do, even if what he wants violated your fundamental beliefs. There is no future with him. He is probably concerned about paying child support for 18 years. Tell him goodbye and get ready to be a mother.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Keep the baby and leave his ass. He wants you to get kill the child to rid himself of any responsible of raising a kid. If he wasn't ready for such a responsibility then he had no business having sex. I say the same thing to women who use abortion as a contraceptive. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to raise a kid. What he said doesn't make sense, what's the difference between 10 years and now? You just got a head start, you're still going to have to raise a kid. This guy wants you to wait on him for 10 years, that's the best moments of your youth, fertility, and eggs down the drain waiting on this guy to see if he MIGHT want to still do that 10 years later. Girl don't let this guy make a huge decision like this for you, he should be supportive of you and not threatening to leave you cause he still wants to go out and have fun. I would tell him to leave but get ready for child support.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Break up and have the baby without him and than marry somebody else

MzAsh · Answer

Do what  you  want to do. In the end, you are the authority on this matter.

Finchie40 · Answer

Wow your boyfriend sounds like a piece of shit have the baby and towable his ass

TheBalancedOne · Answer

Watch some YouTube testimonies of those women who regretted killing their child.
Don't start/end a serious relationship with what could be considered murder. Do better than others!

Pray for your boyfriend. He, like you must take responsibility for the awesome power of human sexual procreation, and not seek to sweep his mistakes under the carpet - that is not what an adult of 27 years old does. People of your ages have already formed big and beautiful families, with several children, alive and well, bringing joy to all. In this very day and age.

Do not listen to the negative example of our crumbling world culture, which puts self interest first and care for others last, instead do the opposite, put another first, especially one who has no voice or way to defend itself. Mothers are known for their strength, their ability to sacrifice themselves for their children. That is what exemplifies a powerful women, and a beautiful soul - which has not let the world convince her to commit evil - but to overcome it.

If your boyfriend truly loves YOU, he will love the child you have created TOGETHER, and he will OWN his part of the responsibility, as will you, and your lives will be changed because now you have created another living being. It will help you both mature to nurture it, not to kill it and attempt to forget it, because trust me, as so many women have spoken out already in various stories, written or video, they count it among the most horrible mistakes of their entire lives. At least those women who have not lost their conscience and have kept themselves from listening to the darkness of this world, which treats human beings as less important than bacteria.

Treat the wonderful child you have created as your beloved, now he/she is most important and the one who united with you to form them, ought to be on the same page. If you were to ask the child: do you think the child would say "kill me"? Only evil would say yes. But good would persevere, learn, grow, adapt, and mature, and turn what is unexpected, or perhaps perceived now as a terrible mistake into the most beautiful blessing.

Once your blessing is born, you will see that these words are truth. And if your boyfriend is serious about YOU, he, of his own will and initiative, will commit his life to you and the child you have created. Do everything reasonable and possible to make it work, by seeking outside help, because people are willing to help. If you are to be married, it must be of your own free will, both. Not a forced thing. Each must want to invest themselves towards each other and the family unit, only in that way will the marriage last.

However, if he does not do that, forgive him and move on. Find a father for your child and get married to a real man, who is giving and loving, not putting himself first, but his family.

Fatherhere901 · Answer

For God sakes, he's 27 years old . I have known several friends and family who all got pregnant before their 21st birthday, and not even one of them ever considered they ruined their life. and on a personal note, I had my first kid when I was 26, owned my own house, and married the love of my life when I was 25. Now, if he truly believes that he is screwed up his life because he got you pregnant, then  he truly doesn't quite understand the consequences in having sex  , let alone every single time you have sex. I would truly ask him what happened? Did he not think about getting condoms every single time? Did condom start to get too expensive? Or was he just too selfish thinking about himself and the pleasure of making love to you Now, here is where he gets really, really 1 sided on his behalf.  Whether he likes it or not, he is not a trend setter. He is going to be financially responsible for that baby,  this is by state law, whether he is with you or not. And believe me, it's gonna be cheaper if he sticks with you. Yes, it is his right to decide to end the relationship, just like it's your decision too. And I do hope you also are considering the safety and well-being of the baby when you are listening to how he is talking with you. You're going to have a wonderful live with your child , whether it's a boy or girl. And as you said, you have a wonderful support structure to bring the baby into this wonderful world. if in the end when this baby is delivered, the father of the child decides he can't be there  , that is going to be his loss and he will pay for it. I truly hope he straightens his life out and he starts thinking about what he's going to lose if he's not there. But don't forget one wonderful thing...  There are a lot of benefits in Wonderful creatures called “Step Dads”.

Anonymous · Answer

Not to sound like a cunt here but the fact that he is deliberately trying to make you feel bad about this proves to me that he only cares about himself. he's only thinking about how this will affect him and what he will lose out of this. Not once did he take a step back and think "Huh, I wonder how my girlfriend will be mentally if she gets an abortion". Does he not realize that right now you are at your prime to have children? In ten years you will be 37 and they stronger advise against pregnancy after 35 due to you being more likely to have medical issues AND a greater chance of birth defects, miscarriage, etc. Bottom line, he is being super selfish.
With all that said, if you dont want to get an abortion, dont. My ex forced me to get one and I haven't been the same since. That shit eats at you. Honestly, after he made me abort, I couldn't even face the idea of having another child because I just killed a child who didn't deserve it and how is it fair that I aborted a child (who would now be 2 years old) but went on to have another? You know? Point being, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you get an abortion when you dont want to. If you wanted to, that would be different.

cntrytbm · Answer

It sounds like he is being manipulative. I really don't see how someone can say I am praying that you have an abortion. Essentially is what he's saying. The fact of the matter is this guy probably won't be around in a year or two anyway, so you have to think about you and how you will feel. If you have an abortion that is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life with or without him.
Abortion is a very personal thing and no one else can tell you what to think. I personally am against abortion but I understand that everybody feels differently about it and I am trying to learn to respect that.

The problem with his approach is that when going through something of this magnitude, you need someone who is there to support you, not manipulate you into a decision by saying you will lose me I don't want to lose us, blah blah blah. Those are not supportive statements.

This is a tough place to be in, And I'm glad you have supportive family and friends. Lean on them more and less on him.

Anonymous · Answer

Your body your choice, his decision his choice when it clashes; no one can help.

He's not being selfish, if he doesn't want a child he can't give you good points and agree on a middle ground, how would you like him to consider your feelings if you want it and him not? Then maybe he's turning creepy and really selfish because that's literally the worse thing that could happen in his life, none of you are considering other's feelings because you just can't in any sense, it's just binary: one of you accepts the other's choice or you part.

What makes you happier between the prospect or having the child or saving your couple, if option 1, can you materially do it alone, love him and give him good care, taking such a life changing decision forever.
Also make a clear distinction between wanting the child or being guilty of abortion, it's just a bunch of cells for a good time still, and if your choice comes from some moral ground of refusing to acknowledge that and your need to project him a mind and a life, then it's not "wanting a child", and that's how you might take the worse decision by doing it for moral reasons but not being ready mentally and physically.

Wish you luck, happiness, and get out of this situation a way that hopefully will be the best choice for both of you and maybe the future child.

flamiE · Answer

This sounds like quite the situation. I’d dump him because someone who can’t put somebody else’s feelings first at 27 most definitely won’t be able to at 37.. don’t listen to him when he says he wants a family in 10 years.. the fact that he wants to enjoy your company only for so long should speak for itself.
And talking about how “it’s just a heavier period” is a dick move. He can’t possibly know and it’s different from every woman. Even if it is, the emotional damage is going to be huge.
I don’t know why he thinks he’ll lose you, you’ll probably have to stay at home a bit more but will still enjoy each other’s company so it looks like he’s really selfish and only thinks about his needs.
I’d keep the baby and dump him even if he changed his mind after I’ve decided to keep it (maybe he was hoping that by threatening you you won’t keep it). That’s if I really want it and know I’ve got people to rely on as it’s not easy for a single mum. I’d be grateful that such situation presented itself and gave him the opportunity to show his true colours. So even if I kept the baby or not, I’d still get rid of him as he seems toxic.

Jamie1865 · Answer

Yea, he sounds like a right tosser. Forgive me if this is too personal a question, but were you (as a couple) using birth control at the time? I do think that changes the dynamic. If you're using condoms or the pill, or implants etc (we all know nothing is 100%) but I think that if you ARE and you get pregnant, and he doesn't want to be a father, and you decide you want to keep the baby - that's fine, but it's then your responsibility - and that includes financially. If that sounds harsh, please let me explain..
Forgetting for a moment that a lot of women take the pill to regulate their periods and reduce bleeding and PMS/T and other legitimate medical reasons, if you're both in a sexual relationship with NO PLAN to have children, and you're actively taking steps to prevent it, then (unless it's a drunken night or you both get carried away and don't use a condom etc) I DON'T understand why as a society, women think they get 100% of the decision to decide BOTH your financial futures? If you were both trying for a baby, or didn't care either way, or weren't using birth control, then yes, it's 100% the woman's choice and right to be financially supported. But if you had no plans and no expectations for a child and were actively trying not to have one, then that's different.

HonestlyHelping · Answer

I honestly think that this guy better off gone I am glad you are keeping your baby. I hope you get the right love and support from your family but I don't think you should see this guy. I honestly think that if he is pressuring you like he is and not thinking about your feelings and threatening that he won't love you if you have this baby then he is better off gone. He would not be a good person to be in a relationship with and I think there are much better people that would care for you, love you, and appreciate you. You honestly are not alone in this situation though, this happens more than it should but the best option is to just let him leave because he just wouldn't be a good partner. However, I would advise you to also consider moving closer to your family if you are out of state or farther away from them because being a single mother I know for a fact is incredibly stressful, it is really hard to do because a lot of single mothers are also low income so they often have to juggle jobs while trying to get friends to babysit and trying hard to raise a kid while staying off the streets. However, if you are with family they potentially house not only you but also your child, they can take care of the baby while you are at work and being very loving and affectionate to the baby. They can surround your baby with joy and comfort instead of being surrounded by busy parents and stressful times farther away from your family. However, once you have gained enough money from jobs and the child has maybe reached toddler age you could get your own place but stay nearby so you can stay in close contact but still have your own space and more room to raise your child. But this all depends also on the support of your family, you make them sound supportive and loving though so I think this would be your safest bet.

Massageman · Answer

He IS right about one thing. You WILL be sacrificing some sleep when you have your baby born. He's sopping wet about the rest of it, however, and here's why-- - - -
1. Any guy who says you should "get rid of IT" about your unborn child does not deserve you pr the oxygen he is breathing. 2. Considering he wants to make you his puppet and just pull your strings, I don't see a future with him REGARDLESS of what he threatens or promises. 3. He is trying to play the "sympathy card" AGAINST you, making HIM appear to be the victim! We pray that you will NOT give into his back-door bullying tactics.
It's GREAT that you have an awesome support team. 4. He said and I quote, "I love you now but that could change if you continue this pregnancy". Anyone who would say that does NOT a "life-long-love" for you. He's an "absolute mess" (literally!) because he probably pooped in his pants at the thought of the responsibility of having a family! We are SO glad that you have chosen to keep your child! You will be in our prayers.
- If you haven't already seen it, check out the movie "Unplanned". It was forced with an "R" rating but it is barely a "PG". Abortionists just are making it hard for the truth to get around.
- Look up a CareNet Pregnancy Center or any similar sister organization in your area/country. They will give you help with counseling, care groups, classes, etc. to help you cope. PM me at any time if you have concerns. Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

He’s not wrong. Most these replies are from people who don’t have kids.
I can tell you, it’s extremely hard. But, I didn’t have family or monetary support and everyday was a fight for survival.

Just take your time and think about what you want and how you feel. This decision is forever either way.
Children aren’t for everyone. When I was pregnant I read a lot about Moms that didn’t want children, had them, and were the best moms but they still said that if that they still never wanted to be a mom and they missed out on a lot.
You can feel two things. It’s not always this or that.
If you want to have the baby then that’s great and If you don’t, that’s great too.
There’s also adoption to consider, even a family member.

Just know that a lot of people say this or that but they’re not you and they’re not in your situation. You do what’s good for you.

As for the guy, I see what he’s saying and where he’s coming from and he has every right to. But him trying to pressure you into something you like that is wrong. It’s probably best to move on from him no Mather what you decide

loveslongnails · Answer

It's called quite simply... " emotional blackmail". This line here is one of the most ludicrous things I've ever heard: " I love you now but that could change if you continue this pregnancy". This should tell you what you need to think about now and going forward - do you want this man in your life and the life of your child?

Once you decide this, there are legal options to consider. If you don't want to have anything to do with him, which I hope is your decision, you can have him sign documents releasing all and any claims, rights and privileges to the child's upbringing. This would mean no child support for you, more than likely, but that's lawyer stuff.

Whatever you decide, you should realize one thing, for absolute certain - no matter what words come out of his mouth - THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU !! This man loves himself first, and does not want the responsibility of a being a father and husband. Frankly, this is something you BOTH should have thought of and talked about before having sex.

btbc92 · Answer

Get rid of him
He gets your pregnant but forces you to have an abortion? This guy is backwards. It means you neber had him in the first place and it was all about sex. A person who loves takes responsibility. if he didn't want to risk getting you pregnant he should have never if he didn't want to risk getting you pregnant he should have never attempted to have premarital sex with you from the beginning. If he was not going to be serious about you, he should have just made it clear that he wasn't. Drop the jerk asap.

Daniela1982 · Answer

If he didn't want a kid he should have used a condom instead of being a selfish dick, which he still is doing by threatening that you will lose him if you don't have an abortion. He just doesn't want to pay child support which he should have thought about before he unzipped his pants. My honest opinion is that you will be better off without him. At 27 he should be thinking about having a family now, not 10 years from now, which is how long he will string you along until he finds some other girl to string along. You are being played the fool. If he truly loved you he would not insist on this. He is only thinking of himself. I'm pretty sure if you stopped having sex with you he wouldn't lose any time dropping you and going his merry way.

scorpy04 · Answer

I have to say this guy seems very immature If I didn't know your age i would have thought you were talking about someone around 14 /15 If his old enough to do the deed then he should man up and take responsibility Threateningly you with his own health issues shows me that if he doesn't like any decision you make he will carry this on through your relationship He wants your guilt for him feeling this way I think your find this relationship will dwindle Your strong you have made your decision for you and your baby and I hold you in the highest respect for doing so Sounds to me if you eve wanted to break up he would probably thraten suicide to change your mind He ha no respect other than for himself it all comes back ck to the bully tactic I'm big your small I'm right your wrong Carry on with whats right for you Abortion can be right or wrong Its your body and only you can make the final decision You won't feel better if you do a your told For years to come your se othe children same age as your baby would have been Be happy with the right decission for you

My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion? He said I have to choose the pregnancy or him? Please help?

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My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion? He said I have to choose the pregnancy or him? Please help?

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