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My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion? He said I have to choose the pregnancy or him? Please help? (Page 2)
Anonymous
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Girl, this story better be true because I'm getting really emotionally invested here. Listen, the kid is inside YOUR body, NO ONE should tell you what to do with it.
And hell, if you feel like you want to have this baby have it.
I don't like children and I don't wish to have children but if I happened to be pregnant by my boyfriend right now I would never abort. I would forever feel guilt and wonder if that tiny undeveloped thing had a soul.
Follow your heart. If the douché leaves then let him leave. Sometimes we have to lose for something even better to come into our lives.
thank you for your reply, no this story is 100% true. I feel like I need to give this little life a chance. We didn't plan this to happen but when I seen that test last week and it said pregnant I smiled. Abortion did NOT come into my head. X
you hit the nail on the head on how he's thinking only about things HE won't be able to do once a child is in the picture.
Aside from this pregnancy, he sounds like bad news with threatening or going through with substance abuse just because you're pregnant, or guilt-tripping you about how much you not listening to him is causing him problems with his mental health. I know this is only one incident that you're telling us about here but has he been so controlling, full of so many complaints and self-pity before? If this kind of behaviour is frequent with him, I'd ask myself where I see the relationship going in the long-run before you do something you don't support in any way just to appease him.
His argument is BS and it just shows he is a big piece of sh*t. First of all, his attitude of giving an ultimatum lacks any kind of support and it completely disregards your feelings about this pregnancy. I get he does not want a child, but that's not the way and it shows he's not willing to take responsability.
Second, an abortion done in an "amateur way" is very risky for your health and even your life. A lot of women end up dying because of the blood loss or infections.
Whatever your final decision is, make sure you're choosing the best for you and your child (if you decide to keep it) and not because someone else is pressuring you. If you decide to end this pregnancy look for a safe option and don't listen to the turd that is your partner. Lastly, there is no point in saving a relationship with a guy like this. Baby or no baby, he is not worth it.
Response to update: He's just sweet talking to make you abort the child. Deep down you already know how he is, so don't try to justify him and do something you will regret. This man loves himself over anything else.
Oh honey he's a piece of shit. If he's telling you he'd run away he would do. You're better off dumping his ass and having the baby since you sound like you got a good support system behind you. If he does stay he will be a bad father. He will most likely be abusive towards you and the child. Please for the love of your child don't kill the pregnancy. There's someone out there that would be a better partner for you and a better father for your baby.
Beautifully said ❤
100% agree
Thank you. I've seen several times where a woman has had an abortion and regretted it. I had an ex who got pregnant by an ex and he made her get an abortion. She ended up with a severe case of clinical depression.
so I guess a fatherless child doesn't matter. Mmk, cool.
@errorgoodnameunfound she has a really good support system for one so a resentful father isn't needed. Plus she could meet someone that would help her raise her child like their own and possibly adopt the child. A loving step father is still better than a resentful and abusive biological father
@hbg84 thank you so much for your reply 💕💕
You're very welcome
yes, because every other man wants to raise another dude's kid and that kid won't suffer from the likely drama all caused because their parents had them when they were young idiots. WONDERFUL parenting 101, hold on, cause I need to take some notes.
@errorgoodnameunfound Then you should kill every child whose fathers have gone to buy cigarrettes and never came back. BS.
That's a great solution kill unborn baby that has a unmarried mother. Such a great idea. so dumb.
@pleasestopthis... how is that equivalent? We're talking about a goddam parasite. Idgaf about emotions and feelings, that is what fetuses are. Parasites. Facts and feelings are separate things.
A CHILD is already ALIVE. It already is past a point of no "humane" return, but seriously, people act like people being kept alive is always humane. Fact: It's not. logic>feelings
kill a parasite before they end up a fatherless human that more than likely will drain taxes at some point. Yah, I see no way how that's dumb. It's not emotion based, but it is 100% based on logic.
@errorgoodnameunfound
I don't see how not having a father has anything to do with anything. I never had a father. My mother did it all on her own after my father signed over all his rights. She nor I are a "drain on society", if anything it pushed me forward in life to strive to be better than him.
That argument is insane.
@errorgoodnameunfound you missed basic biology dude. Go back to school.
@pleasestopthis Funny, cause I did in fact take biology, psychology, sociology, social psychology and human sexuality. But sorry, guess that means I am clueless how biology work since some random user online claims so. My bad sir. :(
mam* you never had a father? yah and Im sure that was quite fun on father's day now wasn't it?
@errorgoodnameunfound
Actually my father raped and sold me for drugs when I was 3-5 years old. Took everything my mom and her side of the family had to get the courts to agree to strip him of his rights simply because he was my father and apparently that magically makes him have more rights than 2 female abuse victims. So when I say I don't have a father, it is by choice.
And YES! actually, both I and my mother used father's day as a way to celebrate getting away from that psychopath.
Parenting is a choice not a fucking right. And scumbag "Fathers" are not "needed". If you don't want to be a dad... there is the door. Just because you cum in someone doesn't make you a parent. Comitting to loving and raising a child right, dispite the circumstances makes you a parent.
So gtf out of here with "kids need a father" b. s.
by the way before you even come back with it... same goes for moms.
@McMillanD That's a tough situation, but please, look beyond it. I struggle with this sort of thing too, as anyone may have trouble with such severe criticism of their parents, but the fact of the matter is, that your mom made the decision to stick with him, past the point of having you. Usually, there are signs that somebody isn't worth staying with, and especially not populating with, but, sorry to say, your mom didn't see that until it was too late. So while you may see your mom as a heroine, I think that is still too rosy, as definitely was not, given that she decided to marry and screw the very guy who later sold you for drugs. It was in her hands to prevent you from being born in such a situation and the fact is she failed. Badly. As most parents do nowadays. Fact is many just are not parent material, they just become so because of pressure or greed for sex, not because they have any capacity to truly care about future kids.
This is a tough thing to understand. But believe me when I say I get how hard it is to look back at a mother you thought as a heroine for so long, but to then, even despite just how bad your father may be, realizing both had quite a few faults and flat out were not parent material.
@errorgoodnameunfound
You know absolutely nothing.
My mother was an unmarried hostage to an abusive man who would rape her on the daily. When she found out she was pregnant with me she could have killed me like you are suggesting this girl do, and she almost just killed the both of us. But instead, she fought tooth and nail for both of us to get away.
But you see she couldn't, not really. Because a man like you believed that even a peice of shit like my father deserved rights to "his child" and THAT is why he the access and the chance to raped me. Because some asshole judge somehow decided that he was a fit parent and should have acsess to me, dispite everyone on my moms side saying different.
Now what you are trying to say to me is, because of the bad decisions some assholes made I don't deserve to be alive? Because of the terrible things that happened to me and my mother i shouldn't exist? Because I was MISTAKE my life has not only less value than yours but NONE AT ALL?
Fuck you.
And by the way. the mental toll that all of this took on my mother caused her to be extreamlly mentaly ill to the point she would abuse me. I dont hero worship her.
Dispite everything that i have gone through i would NEVER wish i wasn't born. I LOVE who i am, where i am and the beautiful lifes i have created because once upon a time my mother made 1 good decision and that was to NOT get an abortion.
Now move along with your bullshit.
@McMillanD I couldn't imagine growing up like what you went through. Im glad you eventually got away from that abuse. Don't ever forget your life is valuable
@hbg84
Thank you ❤
It's wonderful people with honestly good values like you who remind me that there is way more good in this world than bad.
Keep being you and spreading your good vibes around.
@McMillanD OK unmarried hostage, it really made it seem before that at the very least, they chose to be together. If she was hostage like you were saying, seems to me she was basically kidnapped. but then if somebody was kidnapped, how did that kind of situation happens? And anyways, just like my point before, if she wanted to abort because having a child literally in that situation may have killed her, it's not exactly a bad idea. It's not an easy one, but she put her and you both at risk. You seriously could have ended up an orphan and life could have been much different. What I want to know is how exactly was she anywhere near that guy in the first place?
My mother had an abortion during her first pregnancy. Due in part to complications from that she proceeded to miscarry all but one of her future pregnancies. Seven in total. That shame from an abortion she was pushed into, by her own mother, combined with the miscarriages, really turned her into a basket case at times. It did not result in a particularly fun childhood for me.
If it's what you want, whatever. NEVER let anyone push you into it, especially if you have ANY doubt. It's something you'll always live with.
Continue the pregnancy. Ieonically it is the father saying you're selfosh who is being the selfish one. He'd rather be able to "go out" or "attend gigs" over preserving the life of his own son.
You can also tell the father is horrible person because he is leaving you with an ultimatum regarding your relationship: "kill your child or you lose me." Only a monster would force someone they supposedly care about to make that choice.
Think about your son/daughter 10 years from now. You see a living, breathing human being who loves you, and who depends on you for protection. Don't let them down now. The person inside you right now, is the boy/girl you're envisioning.
I meant to say ironically* not leonically. Dumb spell check. I texted this on my phone :c
its not a child yet, it's hardly a foetus yet. It's shocking how many of you dont have much education 😂
@ChocoBrownieMonster Even a zygote is a person, and if you say otherwise I would challenge you to demonstrate that I'm wrong.
do you care about the number of deaths happening all over the world, animals killed to feed you, etc.
But you seem to care about a zygote, i dont take you seriously
@ChocoBrownieMonster I see you're trying to refrain from getting into a substantive argument over whether we should ascribe personhood and therefore moral value to the fetus. I don't blame you. If I was out of my depth I'd try to dodge the argument as well.
by your standards it's okay to assume a spermatid is a child aswell. A group of cells are not a child.
@ChocoBrownieMonster Why are you strawmanning me? I never said that, and don't believe that. The reason that a zygote is a person is because it has a complete set of human dna. If you ever define personhood on a basis other than whether something contains the human genome or not, it always leads you to conclusions that are unacceptable, and you will not be able to prove otherwise. Give it a go though.
You need to choose yourself.
There is the "coin flip - method", which says if you need to make a decission flip a coin, not because you leave the outcome to a random factor, but the moment you flip it you will wish for one of the two, thats what you want.
Maybe go back before the pregnancy, did you both wanted the child?
Also it doesn't hurt to visit a doctor to talk you though all the risks involved and the procedure once you decide you go with the abortion.
Maybe talk with someone you trust and you know for long time about it, your sister or your mother, your best friend,...
He doesn't have the right to choose what you do or don't do with your body. It's your choice if you want to have that baby or not. I personally would keep the baby because it's a big dream of mine to be a mom even if that means loosing my boyfriend. Don't let him manipulate you like this.
Thank you for your reply 💕
“I love you now, but that could change if you continue this pregnancy”.
That’s not love. That’s using love as manipulation. Real Genuine Love is something way stronger and cannot be lost through such a small thing. If it did, it was love it at all to begin with.
It was not love to begin with***
Its NOT a small thing at all. He will also have to take responsibility responsibility he might not be ready for. He might not have handled it maturely but he is well within his rights to end it.
Girlfriend, choose yourself and that baby. This man needs to grow up and unfortunately, he is digging his heels in the ground. Tell him that he needs to choose between being a boy and being a man and to stop thinking about himself. It’s not about him anyone, it’s all about that baby.
You will also be ok if he decides to leave you. Like you said, you have a good support system behind you and that is all that matters. Good luck to you 🙂
thank you for your reply 🙂
I understand he's shocked, but its all just about him. He hasn't even asked how I'm feeling once 😂🙄
I know I want this baby, its just very hard having him in my ear trying to put me off and put things in my head.
Thanks again 💕💕
It kinda shows his maturity level, huh? Hopefully, he will calm down once he realizes that you’re keeping the baby but be aware that he’s probably not ready to be a father. So don’t depend on him for anything. Sounds like you might be doing this alone and if so, all power to ya. You’ve got this 😊
Keep the baby and dump his ass! He doesn’t deserve you, cause if he loved you he would have cared about how an unwanted abortion could affect you physically and mentally! I know some people like that and they’re so selfish that they could make you sell your kidney without any remorse!
Choose your baby and she him for child support. That's what I'd do. You have no right to put a baby inside of me and force me to take care of it, and I have no plans on abortion. It's your kid, too, so you are now stuck paying for it. You're fucked, pal.
Choose your baby. My ex threatened to kill himself if I didn't have an abortion. I told him "that sucks RIP". Kept my baby, no regrets. Of course you dont have to keep the baby but its your decision to make not his. If you do keep your baby dont force the kid on him though, not because he has no obligations to the child, of course he does, but people are sick in this world. Some people would harm their child because they resent having to financially provide for them.
Congrats on your baby! Being a parent is so rewarding! Update us in 9 months with a pic! Haha
It’s your body so it’s your choice. Don’t feel pressured to do anything and have that baby if you want to. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to stick around, that’s on him. As you said you have many around you who support you. Maybe he will man up and if not, you will find someone else who loves you and your baby.
Wtf abortion, kick his ass to the curb sis. It is a blessing that god has created a human being to be brought into this world by you the mother. And tbh if he dont appriciate this blessing and miracle then he need to push out. You can make it with out him, and if your parents dont support you then there are pregnant support groups for all ages of women. Look i kno someone who i look to as a family member who had a kid when she was 14-15 and the father of the kid walked away. Her mother supported her and she worked hard for her kid now she is very famous, and has the family she dreamed of having. Bottom line is... YOU CAN DO IT!
You should really visit a Planned Parenthood clinic or whatever's nearby. They probably deal with situations like this on a daily basis. Please, above all else, consider the likely well-being of the child (with respect to your financial capacity, available family support, etc.) before committing to unleashing a whole new human being into this hit-or-miss world.
Well-said.
@ChocoBrownieMonster you really are an arsehole.
Aww man I missed Choco! What did he say?
I'm here to support you 100 % and I don't support abortion, I think this guy being selfish to you and he wants you to wait 10 years when your biological clock will be going down the other way.. Trust me there is plenty of guys out there who would make a great step daddy and trust me that baby is what you need to make your life complete and Gods sending this baby for a reason and that's how I see things and for any man to be this selfish to a woman, it makes me wonder if there's a place in this world for guys like him and he will answer to God and please do not trust this guy cause he's a typical guy who would do anything to get rid of a woman's child he is shady watch yourself around him., Bless You !!!
What a scumbag. Do what you think is right. He doesn't care about your feelings or the emotional damage an abortion will cause you.
He doesn't want a kid because he is weak. Tell him you will have the kid no matter what.
If I were you I would call his parents and tell them you are pregnant
Don't listen to him. First and foremost he is full of shit, its traumatic (especially if you haven't had kids before it can increase the probability of miscarriage later because it weakens the muscles of the cervix. Also long term depression is not uncommon and short term depression is the norm). If he is saying this, he doesn't give a damn about the baby but he also doesn't give a damn about you. He is only caring about himself, that is evident when he stated "please don't do this to ME".
Whether or not you get an abortion is up to you, I think its a horrible thing to do but that is your choice to make. That said, what he is doing is awful and he should never ever have said the things he has said nor should he be pressuring you because in the end the consequences of this are on you not him if you get an abortion. He is only looking out for himself (sounds like a real piece of shit in my opinion).
Speak that truth!
Listen, you both took part in the sex and you both knew the risks and consequences, he knows this, he's a grown man. It's your body therefore its up to you to decide whether you want to keep the baby, BUT you must also think of this baby's future, you dont want it to suffer and have bad life. Are you financially stable to take care of it? Are you ready to be a great mother? Are you prepared of all the responsibilities it takes in order for the baby to be healthy and happy? Are you okay with the baby not growing around the father like a traditional family should? Those are things you need to consider for your baby. If you answered no to most of these then you are not in the right time to have a baby. The man your with sounds like an asshole and maybe you should let go of him (of course im a stranger so I don't know him personally) but by the sounds of it, it dosent seem like a decent man who is supportive.