My boyfriend snapped at me over the phone for the first time and I feel upset about it. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 24. Yesterday I called my boyfriend over the phone to say happy birthday to him. He said thank you and we talked about what’s been going on in our lives with the pandemic since we can’t see each other in person (my parents are immunocompromised with their old age). My mom happened to pass by me as she was doing her laundry and she said, “happy birthday (my boyfriend’s name)!” And moved along. Him and I weren’t in the middle of a conversation at that point, so I didn’t mind. However my boyfriend said to me, “could you please keep the phone call between you and I?” In a sort of irritated tone. We weren’t even in the middle of a conversation and we weren’t even talking about anything private either. I said gently to my boyfriend, “(my boyfriend’s name) she just wanted to say happy birthday :) “ but then he said, “just keep the phone call between you and I” in a less irritated tone even though he wasn’t saying anything to me for 3 minutes and weren’t talking about anything private. I paused for a minute and asked, “Are you okay?” And he said in a very irritated tone again, “Does it sound like I’m okay? I’m all alone in my friend’s apartment because my mom is sick with the virus and it weakened her immune system and now I’m having to quarantine away from the house because I may or may not have the virus now”. I told him that I’m really sorry to hear that and wish there was something I could do (again I can’t go see him in person especially now that he is possibly sick and my parents are both immunocompromised because of old age). So he didn’t respond to me after I said I was really sorry and that I wish there was something I could do. 15 seconds later he said in a monotone voice, “I’m going, have a good semester” (I’m transferring colleges for my major as a senior and will be super busy with lots of classes). I said in a sort of sad tone, “oh, okay...”and he said bye and I said bye back and hung up and started crying.

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That’s the first time he’s ever snapped at me like that. It especially hurt when he snapped about my mom because I love my mom a lot and appreciate her, she’s been with me through so many tough times. My boyfriend hasn’t messaged ever since after the phone call yesterday. I understand that he must be hurting right now, but it just hurt that he snapped at me intensely. I don’t know what to do except leave him alone to calm down. Like I said, I can’t visit him and I don’t know where his friend’s

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+1 y

apartment is anyway say if I was to give him another birthday present. (I shipped a favorite board game of his in advanced and he got it and loves it). Is there anything else I should do?

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

This guy is a controlling type manipulative, that behaviour will only get worse as he gets older.
He threw a bombshell on you about his mother, that rings a bell about a narccist girl i knew who always did that about her grandmother but she never about her any other time.
When you live with parents you can hardly keep telephone calls private. It's confident to be able to talk infront of them. He doesn't respect that. Are his values different to yours? Oh and do write to him and tell him how his behaviour made you feel, that you cried. I am almost certain that he will show no empathy.

[finallylettinggo]

Sounds to me like dude is stressed and worried to his breaking point. Everything in this you described is something that worries, stresses, or is a big change to him. The problem with the mom saying happy birthday could have been a trigger because he is so worried about his mother. Plus you are going to a different college which will probably be a big change in your relationship and with how bad things are for him, may be making him feel like you are abondoning him at his most stressful time. I would suggest talking to him and explain how his actions made you feel. If he apologizes then it was probably just stress and worry, if not, then that may be a red flag as to a hidden aspect of his personality. All of this virus stuff is stressful and people react differently to stress. Communication is key to a healthy and happy relationship, so talk it out and get more information before making a choice or assuming the worst. Good luck and be safe in these trying times.

[finallylettinggo]

Thanks for MHO

[Via_8662]

It definitely wasn't cool for him to act like that. If he doesn't have a history of snapping at you for no reason then I would maybe give him the benefit of the doubt right now. It sounds like he's going through a lot and that he's not be handling it too well. Maybe it was a combination of stress and the fact that he can't see you that caused the outburst. I would give him some space to cool down and think about it. If he doesn't come around though or keeps acting this was you probably need to have a conversation about what's actually going on. He shouldn't be redirecting his stress at you like that.

[Finchie40]

For him snapping was disrespectful but you shouldn’t take it to heart unless it continues , his snapping could be for a lot of reasons , this whole pandemic has people losing their minds and not thinking clearly , it’s a life changing event , even though we feel like we have it under control the reality of it is we don’t , it sits on our heads of not really knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s a constant thing that is attacking all of us one way or another. People aren’t living content lives anymore cuz I it’s a constant question mark on not knowing what we should expect next. It’s a shock to our brains kind of like someone grieving over the loss of a loved one they aren’t in a right state of mind , People are doing stupid shit because we are lost and allowing social media to fill our heads with nonsense. Relationships, Jobs , etc. Are taking a turn for the worse. So if you love your boyfriend forgive him but if it continues then leave his ass

[Anonymous]

Get over it. He snapped for like a second, and then again when you had to be all "but whyyyyyyyy?" when his request was very very simple. When your boyfriend asks you to do something simple, just do it. Don't tell him he's wrong, don't "I was only" and don't "but whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

He has almost certainly forgot about it. Don't be so in love with the drama you create that you keep coming back to dig up moments like this.

[Asker]

I didn’t react like that. My boyfriend is not the boss of me. I make the decisions too in the relationship, not just him. If he thinks that way, then I’ll just leave, but I don’t know if he thinks this way. In this case, it was no big deal because we weren’t even talking and my mother was trying to be nice.

[Thatsamazing]

"I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 24" why does this matter.

[kencu67]

It's immature to snap at you for this.

[TheFlak38]

break up. he deserves better.

[asshole_]

what?