My crush told she wants to focus on studies and not be in a relationship even though she said she likes me. What should I do?

[alexxxxx0502]

I went through a big breakup 2 months back, and i was not in a good place in life for two months. But then i started talking to this girl who made me really really happy, and i started having a huge crush on her. So i told my crush i liked her, and she told me she liked me back. That was one month ago. She told she needs some time to be with me, but told that she does want to be with me but doesn't wanna mess it up like the previous relationships. But then she told be a few days back that she wants to focus on her studies at the moment because its her final year and in the past she didn't do well academically and that she wanted to change that. And she told me this over a voice message "so i had to decide if i wanna be with you now for a short time cuz if i date you now, my parents will obviously come to know, or whether i wanna be with you for a long time" so i dont know if she meant that she wants to be with me in the future, but i dont know if i should ask her if i should wait or not also (please tell me if you think i should ask her if i should wait for her or not) and she also said that her previous relationships were not even a percent as good as this one even though this wasn't a relationship. I really love her and I don't know if she knows this, but im ready to wait for her even if it means i will have to wait for months for her.

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Go through the pain of what I had to endure reading what you posted.

Re-read your post and tell me what you think?

I think you need to calm down and now when you close your eyes, just breathe, breathe with me, let go.

Listen to the Sub Focus Remix of 'Breathe Feat. Rob Swire' by Eric Prydz.

She doesn't want you. That's the truth.

Whilst she focuses on her studies and betters her life you're going to be moping around waiting for her months. For what?

Nothing. Other than that 'crush'ing feeling on your heart when you finally wake up and realize it was all for nothing.

If she had wanted you, you'd know and wouldn't be out of breath posting a question on GAG.

Leave her be and pick yourself up. Focus on you and what you need to do, to achieve your hopes, goals, dreams and aspirations.

[Itsok2behapp-e]

Thank you for Superb Opinion :-)

[WindAtMyBack]

Ask her yourself if she wants you to wait. A big part of any relationship is communication. It's an easy thing to ask her to clarify.

For now, she has obviously decided she wants to concentrate on her studies, which is probably a good idea. You have to accept that. When you ask her to clarify if she wants you to wait, try not to come across like you are pushing her. Tell her you understand she needs to concentrate on her studies and you accept it. But ask for a clarification whether you should wait.

She might not even know the answer. But whatever her answer you have to accept it. She needs to concentrate on her studies. You need to concentrate on whatever you are doing with your life. Do NOT put your life on hold while you wait.

[AllieOops]

I think she is trying to let you down easy. Some women like short term and don't want any long term entanglements. She may really mean it when she says she has to focus on her studies as college is not cheap and maybe mom and pop are tossing in for the tuition. If she cats around and either gets pregnant or doesn't make the grade to get a good job mom and pop may not carry her further. She would be seen like Lori Laughlin's kids as just going to school to party. All told you can either give her space until she graduates and is ready for something more, or just move on in life. There will be others and maybe Karma is telling you this is not the one for you.

[weasley8]

Feel free to ask her what she meant by the message. I found it kind of confusing out of context. Rarely is it a bad thing to ask a genuine question. But if she has made up her mind about something, don’t try to change it. That wouldn’t be how to start a healthy relationship anyway.

[Unanimouz]

I'm late but I hope this helps 🤔 just like what the other guy said "COMMUNICATION". The only reason why most people have a failed relationship is because there's a miscommunication between two people.

Firstly, based on what you've said it maybe true that she really wants to focus on her study and she doesn't want to mess it up. You need to think about her parents sacrifices, tuition and such and put yourself on her shoes so you understand better why she acts like that.

Second, maybe she's still stuck in her old relationship that she puts on highwalls, you might think you're better than her old exes, or she might say otherwise but that doesn't help fix her trauma. healing takes time and isn't something that can be fix easily by care or words alone.

I don't know how long she's been single but that will tell you a lot about her. If she tells you she’s not ready but then dates someone else soon after, that likely means she wasn’t interested in you specifically. But if she stays single, it shows she really meant she needs time. You should ask her directly the reason why, and then respect it, don't force anything no matter what. If you force things when she's not ready you might become a hindrance, or worse she might lash out to you. You don't want that, right?

Then finally ask yourself this question. Do you still want to be with her or move on and find another partner? if you choose to stay with her then I highly suggest you put more focus on building yourself. Become better than who you were, find a stable job, go to gym, or do whatever you want! that will stop you from overthinking things and helps you not feeling drained. But also don't forget to show some care for her so she can still feel love. Coz what I'm seeing right now you are pouring too much into her and not leaving anything for yourself. If your feelings for her is still strong after that, then it's not infatuation anymore but more on love, people can say they love their partner but not everyone is capable of staying (action speaks louder than words as they say). That's all.

[btbc92]

You decide what is more important to you. Her or yourself? Relationships are not about you. She never told you that she didn't like you (whatever that maybe), she said that she wants to focus on school and not a relationship. So either you be her friend and get to know her for a relationship, which is the smart thing for her, or go date other women and leave her alone. Just don't get upset if she dates other guys later. Choose your fate, I like to call it.

[triff]

She sounds a very intelligent girl and you have to respect her decision My understanding from what you have said A relationship between you sounds like that it maybe stronger You are still getting over one Lady and now involving with another I don't think it's love you feel It's more infatuation It seems a lot of pressure on this Lady and sounds like she is trying to let you down gentle While she keeps her education firmly in her mind aware her finals are approaching We all seem to need an academic qualification So support don't put pressure on her Ask if its alright to keep in touch Who knows that way she might come back to you when all is said and done No relationship just 2 mates keeping intouch

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

Having experienced the final year of university, it is no time for a relationship at all. It's gutwrentching. Give her space, by all means enjoy your single life, date other girls if they come about. Dont wait for her, if when she's finished her final year she decides to come back to you, you can decide if you still want her. From experience, a girl who went into her final year did the exact opposite she finished her degree and refused to get into a relationship. She had no money and found a job 6days a week and pursued a masters degree. Because of this she was playing guys about and lost all her friends because she didn't have time for them.

[Bananaman177]

Give her space and be patient, don't pressure her, and just prepare yourself to find out she's met somebody new and has lost interest in you.

This is a female we're talking about, so just accept now that it's gonna be a total crapshoot, anything could happen at any time for any reason or no reason at all.

Trying to make plans around a female's decisions is like building a castle on quicksand. Or like that one song, you know that one song that was SUPER popular a year or two ago, about how girls are like birds? They're only good for flying away. That song is so true. No matter what, a girl always has one foot out the door and the other foot on a banana peel. Either way, she's always ready to split, you know?

[0bada]

You can talk to her about it and agree to get back together once she's done with studying and getting her degree. It would be a really good solution, because making her stress the relationship and ruin her studies isn't a good idea and that is understandable... You can look at it as a pause or a break instead of a break up. You would tend to miss each other more while you are away from each other so when you get back, your relationship is stronger, however, make sure to stay in contact with her, and tell her if she would like to get back together once she gets her degree.

That's the best solution I can offer

[On_the_other_hand]

Tell her you will wait, but ask her if she is willing to be yours, and you hers until she can focus on the relationship.

I say this because, if she really likes a guy she will make the time, but if her reasons are real then I think she can agree to be exclusive without dating and sex until she is available.

[White_Widow]

Let her focus on her studies and you should focus on yourself in the meantime. During her final year, be friends, keep in contact and be supportive of each others goals. If it's meant to be it'll happen, if not, you can both move on as better people.

[DSimus]

Whatever you do... do not chase this woman. As long as you're on the leash, she'll keep dog walking you. Feeding you lines about how much she likes you and wants you but needs to focus elsewhere blah blah blah. As long as she knows you'll be there when she's ready she will keep stringing you along.

Go live your best life without her. Take that energy and redirect it to self improvement and betterment. She'll be the one to chase you at that point.

[DavidDong]

That's a grimace, stay in touch, noone studies forever, she can't be full invest, that makes sense.
But if you make it clear that you dont mind if she does want to be in a relationship she should be able to go out sometimes.

So it's like make it clear through actions and words that you care.

[slatyb]

You should move on. The only possible answers were “yes” and “no.” That was a “no”. The res may be true or not, but the message is “no, please go away”. You should do that.

[Jamie05rhs]

Optimistic view: She actually likes you.

Pessimistic view: She's a lying bitch.

I honestly don't know which one it is.
However, I will say this: if she wants to wait until after she graduates before going on dates, she should at least keep up communication with you until then. If she can't even give you that much, then tell her to go fuck herself. Because she's playing games, and you shouldn't allow her to get away with that.

[Marcuslrh]

Got to respect her choice and you should do the same that's what I did and is so much better for you

[A1513]

I would respect her wishes and patiently wait to see if it turns into something. Sometimes, to know if a relationship is meant to be, we have to let go of that person to see if they come back.

[Unit1]

Don't wait.
Ask the next girl. There's no time to waste.

[AlexUnleashed]

That rather seems like an excuse to fuck off. Or she needs to learn what is more important.

[dmm31888]

Well I’ve been there and just went through it. If they don’t want to be in a relationship, you just have to accept it and move on. I know it’s hard! But you gotta do it for yourself if you ever want to be happy.

[SphynxUK]

You can and get clarification, but for now, get on with your life and if your both single when she’s done studying, see what happens.

[Heiniken]

Shed rather read boring as books then be with you, sorry.

Find a new girl to crush on there's literally millions of them.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket You might want to think about moving on

[spartan55]

She wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to.

[Rohan-Thanekar]

I feel she's bailing out,, without saying it direct,,, just respect her decision and walk away

[Browneye57]

Lots of excuses = big red flag.
Find a few more to pursue. Maybe one of them will work out.
Having options is ALWAYS the better option.

[asshole_]

she's not being fair to you

she's saying "wait for me"

you're not going to get younger..

you need to start thinking about the future dude

[AlefBae]

True love then wait unless she tells you she doesn't want you... or anything similar

[Lsantos]

I think sometimes you shouldn’t force energy... talking about what would happen after her study is key too, everyone got rights to their own opinions... if she really likes you, she will come around surely

[Wise4myage]

Thank her for being honest with you, and pursue other girls. Maybe something will work out in the future, but don't put your dating life on hold.

[KrakenAttackin]

Move on. What she wants is the freedom to ride the cock carousel while keeping you on her friend zone bench.

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

exactly! thats exactly what girls in her position do.

[worldscolide]

It means what she says... Drop her, she is not worth your time and effort.

[SirrVeta]

She does not deserve you. Taking study above family, friends and lovers is just horrible!

[Peachbae]

I think you should decide on what is vital for you, once you find the answer then you can act on it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stfu and mind her own business.

No one should tell u what to do

[Anonymous]

Just try your best to support her and whatever will be will be. If you want to.

[lemonsmile00]

Respect her choices and give her space.

[Torari]

Meet someone else. Relationships with people who don't want them don't end well.

[dandiecandie]

You should wait for her then

[KrakenAttackin]

@dandiecandie You would seriously suggest this poor bastard wait for this girl? How cruel can you be? She does not have a genuine interest in him she just wants the ego boost of his attention and having him at her beck-and-call while she rides the carousel.

[dandiecandie]

Lol Kraken, dont worry he's not gonna wait. I guarantee You!

[In_Trance]

Move on

[Anonymous]

Bang her bff.