Have you thrown in the towel and accepted your reality of not having a life long partner?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

Meh sometimes

[TheUniqueOne96]

Meh sometimes.

I've never had a relationship before and I do think about it a lot, but when I do, I imagine a person who's basically perfect to me, but they more than likely, doesn't exist.

Having never had one though, I don't know what I'm missing, because you don't know until you try and I highly doubt I'd meet someone who's perfect, so whilst the idea of it sounds amazing, it's probably not the reality of real life relationships and I don't approach either, never have done, it's just not something I do.

In the past, I used to be kind of obsessed with the idea, but I didn't think too much about the point above, but in general, when I think of something that seems cool to me, I feel or try to understand that it can play out far better in my head, than in reality.

Ultimately, as long as I live a happy life, that's the most important thing, but if I did meet a special someone, I'd more than likely give them a chance, but if not, what you never had, you never miss and I think a person should think of their happiness before making any major decision in their life and I think a relationship counts as a major decision.

There's definitely people out there who get depressed or even suicidal over things like this, because they feel worthless and honestly, I hope they're reading this, understand and can get something from it to feel better about themselves, because I've never really got depressed over it and I don't want other people (good people anyway) too, because sometimes it can drive people to do stupid things.

“I know people who graduated college at 21 and didn’t get a salary job until they were 27. I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single. I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else. I know people who love each other and aren’t together. There are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they’re not. They’re living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You’re not falling behind, it’s just not your time.”

"You need to destroy the idea that there's an expectation to do things by a certain age. You don't have to be married with kids at 25. It's okay to not have your dream job at 30 or to not have graduated by 22. There are no rules to life. Life is neither a race, nor a competition."

[legalboxers]

Im done. Stick a fork in me...

[Asker]

Lol samee

[legalboxers]

TY for MHO

[90sVibe]

Yes, I actually made the decision this year. I've decided to dedicate my life to my work and will eventually do ifv and adoption. My family was not happy and quite upset to hear about my decision but I think this is what's best for my emotional and mental stability. I'm tired of the constant disappointment so I changed my mentality with friendships and realized I needed to do the same in romance. I no longer am counting for my life to be fulfilled by a man who I don't believe exists anymore. I've never met anyone who I've felt a good chemistry with and have honestly given up hope. But that just means I get to dedicate more of myself to others and find happiness in myself rather than others. I feel a huge burden taken off myself by adopting this new mindset of life long solitude romantically. I'm not saying I'd reject someone if I ever met the right person, but that I no longer waste my hope and breath waiting for the near impossible to happen. I feel at peace now and encourage others to find peace and contentment in their singleness as I recently have.

[Flower7]

Adoption is an amazing thing to do. There are so many kids who would love to have a home.

[Asker]

Girl... I was right there with you when I was ur age at 25. And I'm back here at 31 (almost 32) so my answer is becoming more definite. Haha I basically need to met the father of my kid now lol because will if I end up having a child of my own then I would like to be pregnant by 34 or at least start trying. That is already on the older side. But I think that's where I'm at. I might have one kid and adopt another.

[90sVibe]

I hope that by the time I'm in my 30s I'll have my own house and have enough financially to create the best life for my kids since I'll be doing it on my own. I love hearing about the single parents who do their best for their kids no matter what. I've wanted to adopt since I was a little girl and that dream has only grown stronger and since I've never met anyone I wanted to have a romantic relationship I think its just meant to be.

[Jamie05rhs]

@90sVibe Your post is making me sad. You're a really cool person. You should not have to be single.

[90sVibe]

Sorry, I know it's very pessimistic but that's my view on "love" and "relationships". I just see so many hopes and dreams shattered because they put their faith and hope of wholeness and happiness in others and then are left broken. I've created a life to where I rely on no one but God, and that people are a nice addition and not a necessity. We all need people in our lives but most aren't able to be faithful to commit whether romantic or platonic.

Its not that i "have" to be single. Its a choice. I've just never met a decent person I felt chemistry with. The last guy I felt any sort of attraction for ghosted me and I'll never know why. So there's no point in waiting around with pointless hopes in dreams that will never be more than just that, a dream. I'm not saying there's no good guys or girls out there, only that I haven't connected with any of them on anything more than just a platonic level. I've learned to be content with my lifestyle though, I've never had had a romantic relationship so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Life's good though

[Jamie05rhs]

@90sVibe I understand. Feel free to message me if you want.

[Cynicaldreamer]

I accepted that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life years ago! And as sad and weird as it sounds, I really don't mind too much.

But then if you're secure enough in yourself and not dependent on a relationship or others to bring you happiness, you learn being single isn't the end of the world.

[Asker]

Lol love that 🙌🏽 learning how to appreciate to be single. A bit tough but working through it... Lol I've accepted it just getting comfortable with it

[Investigator]

At this point in my life, I've been in multiple relationships. I've come to realize, like so many other people, that I was more into the idea of a relationship than I was actually being in one. Which is to say, there's the expectation of what you will get and then there's the reality. Now, that's not to say that I didn't enjoy my time, which I did. But, the anticipation of "what's it gonna be" is always more exciting than what you get, even if you know what awaits.

There's this part of every person, who has never been in a relationship before, that romanticizes these pairing-ups as "the embodiment of happiness"--as if merely being with someone else will magically make you less lonely--when that couldn't be further from the truth. Relationships do not produce happiness, they are the result of happiness. If you walk into a relationship like I've done in the past, expecting the other person to fulfill you and give you purpose without having done that work yourself, you are in for a world of hurt. Just like as a child you thought adults had all the answers and as an adult you come to realize "they do not", so do you come to realize, if you've ever been with another person in any kind of committed capacity, they've got it figured out as much as you do... which is to say, not at all. But, they're trying.

Maybe I'll find a life partner--someone who is enough of what I want in a person--but I'm neither counting on it nor losing sleep over it. There are more important things in life to concern oneself with and endlessly pursuing "potential partners" on a whim is a recipe for wasted time.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

I have come to realize that since there are no absolutes in life, that means no life long partner.

I have tried over and over and over. I am not saying that I am not the problem. I am just tired of investing time to get to know someone and years down the road it ends.

I mean there are pros and cons. Long list of them. Everybody wants something different from a relationship. Love, companionship, and family are a given. There are not necessarily hidden agendas but alternatives for the reasoning of being with someone or being in a relationship. Loneliness, fear from the past, or just needing a warm body. There are so many reasons people are together besides the givens.

I am just happier alone. Just looking after my kids and myself. I don't mind having friends but no more relationships. It takes a long time to let someone in and expose all you flaws and insecurities. It just gets harder and harder to do that since some people are as receptive as others may have been.

[Asker]

Well at least you have your kids and friends it sounds like. Haha I just have my career and one friend and her family I see on a regular basis.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Well, you still have somebody. Who you choose to have around you let's you know who you are. If you are young then putting a career first isn't a bad thing. Trying to have everything at once and it not working out could cause everything to come crashing down. When one thing fails it will cause you to teeter on everything else. It is all about foundation and what you want to build up.

[Vero4567]

Not really. I still have a teeny-little hope left for a guy who would understand, love and accept me for who I am. It's hard to find, though. And the more I look for it, the more I'm left heartbroken and disappointed. So, I think it's better to leave it to my fate and luck. If it's meant to be, it will be.

[TomBham]

I stopped overthinking it ~30 ( 35 now)

I just find it simpler an easier and I grown to like it.

Don't get me wrong, if girl turns up that I like enough to get in to relationship I will.

But recently, with all that covid BS I just gave up on the idea...

[SunnySri]

Yes mam, because there is no point in finding someone, loving them whole heartedly and then loosing them.
Cause it's a fact mam, no one stays with you forever, either they leave you or you leave them.
Cause in the end no one lives forever.

[Juxtapose]

Commitment until death by old age is worthwhile in my opinion.

[SunnySri]

Yes, but how can you be sure the until death part will be in the old age?

[Juxtapose]

Just be safe. A lot of people in the first world make it.

[SunnySri]

True

[Asker]

Ur guys pfp looks so familiar I thought you were talking to urself 😹

[SunnySri]

😅😅 but I hope you understood what I meant mam.

[Asker]

What is this first world

[Asker]

Yes I understood sir

[SunnySri]

That was not a word mam, it was an emoticon, but maybe it was not showing properly.
Glad you understood though.

[JSmuve]

Haven't thrown in the towel, but not overly optimistic. They say that it happens when you're not looking for it, so I haven't made an effort and nothing's come my way. Go figure. At this stage, even if a life-long partner did somehow walk into my life, I'm probably too jaded and cynical to give a shit. If it was gonna happen, it should've happened at least 5-10 years ago when I was more open to the idea.

[Unit1]

I did so 10 years ago. It's not in my cards. I can always try but I'm not exactly sure what for i keep doing that, fully knowing my chances are zero. Is it boredom? Desperation? Not really giving up? Trying in spite of these odds?

but one thing is certain - money i can get more and more of. That i actually have control over, so I'll do that.

love? I'll believe it when I'll see it with my own eyes.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Some times I do sometimes I don't. Don't really know what to do honestly.

[Asker]

Very much the same

[hellionthesagereborn]

For me its every time I start thinking maybe I should try again, a woman goes and fucks me over reminding me of why I don't get involved (last girl asked ME out. I thought great I was willing to give it a shot. Immediatley began making excuses every time I tried to bring up a time to go out. Then she at work told me about how she went on a date with some one else and how great it was then acted surprised when I was annoyed at this. Its been pretty much that kind of interaction every time (flaking etc.(past five women I believe if memory serves). Its infuriating.).

Don't want a low quality person but its getting frustrating being alone too so I'm not sure what I can do.

[Asker]

I understand that. Last time I was planning to meet a guy I wanted him to know I gained weight over the lock down he basically called me a liar and told me he expected 100% honesty. I wanted to say whoa dude we only talked for less than 2 weeks. Calm down but I said I understand and said goodbye.. Like really dude... its ok it was making me feel uncomfortable with his sexual advances so soon. He was cool but I felt relieved

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well some women do lie online about that but if you had only been talking for two weeks and were open about it that seems a bit of an extreme response on his part (and also who the hell didn't gain weight during the lock down? I gained twenty pounds over the course of like almost ten years, with the lock down I gained ten in four months. I'd actually be surprised if some one didn't gain weight during it).

For me this has been a theme and its getting. . . frustrating, to say the least. I'm old fashioned, I don't believe in one night stands I don't understand the concept of friends with benefits, but I also can't seem to find a woman who is worth being in a relationship with because either they flake or act like the previous girl or they are older and desperate (not all older women are desperate mind you but having had some experience in this, some women want a relationship, the fact that its with you is not really relevant to them (they are getting older and want to secure a relationship before its "too late" which just ends up backfiring horribly (again, I've experienced this)). So again, I don't know if I should give up or try again as it always ends in failure anyway but I want to be with some one.

[Asker]

Haha well I had just re-downloaded the app before I could really upload anything we were chatting. Eh either way it doesn't bother me... i just feel like if guy won't like me bigger than it isn't worth my time... Haha don't need a body shammer by my side lol 😆 plus he was tall and big. Also he made me feel really uncomfortable and has a lot of sexual advances to talk about over the phone. So glad it ended up being a no go...

Anyway I've given up... And not really trying to date atm. Just focusing on loosing weight. And getting to know people.

[Asker]

Also. Well it's not custom to talk about weight the first time meeting someone so I don't know I would not call it lying. seems weird to mention my weight the first day we chat. I think if you are going to mention weight it's when the girl is comfortable. Just because she is working up to tell a person doesn't make it a lie.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Not saying you lied, I'm saying some women do in fact lie about it. They will intentionally put up a photo of them fitter then they actually are in order to hide the fact that they gained weight (which in my opinion is the real problem not necessarily the weight itself (well unless she was morbidly obese then that would be a concern). Like I said if its because of the lockdowns then yes every one gained weight during that so it shouldn't have been an issue.

[Lliam]

Throwing in the towel is surrendering. And surrendering is the only way one can fail.

[Asker]

Touche

[Lliam]

There are lots of famous quotes about giving up.

[Browneye57]

Well actually no. I've been married to wifey ver 2.0 for just over thirty years. Isn't that funny, nearly longer than YOU have been on the planet. And then 10 years to another, ver 1.0 whom was an awful person.

If you want a life partner you have to do the work to be worthy, to actually have something of value to bring to the relationship. Then you find a quality guy and DATE. Get to know, determine if he's worthy, if he's a match. You can't really shortcut or rush this process. It takes time, and it takes work. But it's WORTH IT. And you are running out of time, so you really do need to get busy.

YOU, and YOU ALONE get to decide what YOU want for your life, for yourself, for your future. Do not let anyone else take that away from you.

Choose wisely, treat kindly. __Dr. Laura

[Asker]

I've actually found no guy worthy of me... No man has brought shit to the table. I'll prob do adoption of ivf in a little over 2 years. Oh well that's reality.

[Browneye57]

Giant FAIL. Oh well. So you're going to deprive your child of an intact family and a dad. Got it.

[Browneye57]

You can be a MAN too. LOL

[Asker]

You make no sense and couldn't stay in topic lol 😆... Anyway. There has got to be a man out there who is actually worthy of my time and effort.

You can be a woman too lol 😆

[Browneye57]

There is. But it's up to YOU to find him.
And no, I don't claim to be - never have and never will - a woman.
My comment was based on yours - "I'll prob do adoption [or] ivf in a little over two years." This deprives your adopted child of an intact family unit, and having a MAN in their life. Having one truly benefits BOTH genders. Yes, there are TWO. LOL Too many women today belive they can be a dad as well as a mom. So we have this whole crop of girlie-men, and women with 'daddy issues'.

[Asker]

Well brown. You never asked how I would raise a child. You assume way to much and jump the gun without knowing the facts. But its not like im looking here to get ur opinion on my life. So meh... In reality you know nothing about me or my life. 🤷🏽‍♀️ sooooo you can have your opinion based off a few sentences back and forth 🤷🏽‍♀️ doesn't make it true. Just rather ill-informed opinion onto someone else life

[Browneye57]

Which changes NOTHING. I can read you like a fucking book.

[LayLayT]

Yes. Yes. Yes I have. I gave up the moment I kept getting cursed out by dudes when I told them I did not want kids EVER. I do not have the mental capacity for them and I like being alone. Kids stress me out and I can only be around them for so long before I am mentally exhausted.

[douride2]

At 43 I am thinking it may well be over. I'm ok with it though.

[Asker]

Yea same. I'm keeping hope to 35. Then whatever

[wondering_guy]

I'm 33 and never had a girlfriend what do you think

[Asker]

Hmm that u dont care

[finallylettinggo]

Yeah, at this point it would take a miracle or 3. Been in a few serious ships but we either grow apart or they are unfaithful/do drugs. Guess i don't like the good ones or the good ones don't like me, either way i think lowering my standards as has been suggested would make me about as unhappy as being alone so screw it, take the towel the gloves the shorts and whatever else, I'm done.

[Danny98]

I'm not going to say I won't ever find a girl to marry, I haven't even started looking yet for different reasons, but I do see it as being a possibility because I don't click well with my age group.

[Anonymous]

sort of. i mean I've accepted that if I'm single currently, it would be nice to have a partner but I don't need him to live. but on the other hand, i also know that who knows who might be waiting for me down the road. so i guess in a way, I'm good with either or.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a feeling. Girls usually get attracted to me and just lose interest. But more commonly I make good female friends and I just don’t know how to move on to being a couple. Although, I have watched Charisma on Command’s video on how to escape the friend zone, so if I can just stop contemplating it and do it with this one female friend of mine! 😖 Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I still think that - there isn’t someone for me. 😔

[Anonymous]

For the most part yes. I had my fun and met some really wonderful women but the fact that they would leave for no fault of my own let alone no reason at all just completely ruined the fun of dating for me. I tired to get back into the fray but I can’t get any attraction going. I’d rather be left alone.

[genericname85]

no. i will find a partner or die trying. i don't see why i should give up.

[90sVibe]

I wish I was as optimistic as you

[genericname85]

@90sVibe I'm not "optimistic" at all xD nevertheless, I will try.

[90sVibe]

Well I think that's really cool of you. I'm sure your perseverance will pay off

[genericname85]

@90sVibe thanks :) we'll see, i guess ^^

[KrakenAttackin]

I had the "life partner" for 17 years and most of the time I wanted to put a pistol in my mouth.

[Asker]

Sounds like torture haha I don't know if that's a life partner. But definitely a ball holding u down... Enjoybur freedom

[KrakenAttackin]

Thanks! My freedom has been quite a relief.