Agree or Disagree: Cheating isn't always physical. If you have to delete texts so your partner won't see them then you're already there?

[coachTanthony]

Agree

Disagree

Other ( See me ) in the comments below

see poll ( I hate cheaters )

[have_a_good_day]

I had a girlfriend who liked to take my phone and went onto my whatsapp probably to check if I'm being cute with other women.
I wasn't.
Then on a day she decided to go into my phone's gallery and I quickly took my phone from her and told her there's pictures I don't want her to see.
We weren't on the sexual stage yet and I like taking photos of myself naked in a mirror because I have a rocking body 🤷‍♀️
Never sent it to people - I just liked looking at myself and where I can improve my body.

I don't think she thought of that because women have two brains.. Their normal brain and their psycho brain. So psycho brain probably kicked in and got the better of her 🙆‍♀️

[TheLawAroundHere]

If you are engaged in ANY kind of behavior that you would have to explain away if your partner came from around the corner, you are cheating.

That was kinda wordy. So lemme try this.

If you are doing... this - "this" being talking, kissing, texting, flirting, fucking... ANYTHING... and your S. O. caught you doing it... or even thought you were doing it... and you would have to be anything less than 100% honest with him/her, then you are cheating. Sure, you may not have had sex with them yet. But you have violated their trust. After that, i believe that the deceiving partner should be put to death.

Hey. Centuries worth of arabs can't be wrong! Well... minus the extremism, radical religious beliefs, and forced female circumcision. But nobodys perfect, i reckon.

As you may be able to tell, i was once in a relationship that fell apart due to infidelity and betrayal. Care to take a guess at which party i was?

[riri457]

yep! i believe in emotional affairs.
in a previous relationship it happened to my ex with a woman.
they were just friends.
i was okay with it.
they started talking more and more to a point he'd actually talk to her about anything (even things about our relationship that could've been solved if he just told me about it)
eventually they fell in love with each other.

[coachTanthony]

Emotional affairs can be even more damaging because the partner is going to someone else for that emotional stimulation. That is not a good feeling.

[riri457]

i totally agree. sexual cheating is horrible but emotional is so much more painful in my opinion. you completely lose the person you love to someone else.
on all levels

[coachTanthony]

yep spot on.

[weasley8]

I suppose it depends on why you were deleting them. But I believe that emotional cheating exists as well as physical. And lying is a problem on its own too.

[Lliam]

As far as I'm concerned, cheating is a physical act. Period. A person can entertain thoughts and even have correspondences, but it's not cheating until he takes physical action.
It's like, thinking about theft isn't theft. Theft is when you actually steal something.

[coachTanthony]

Oh wow don't agree with that at all but it's cool.. thanks for the opinion man.

[Lliam]

No prob, bro.

[OurManFlint]

Conspiracy to commit, burglary, robbery, etc still gets you time.

[coachTanthony]

@OurManFlint That is true.

[Lliam]

@OurManFlint, if the crime is not committed, there is nothing to prosecute, that is unless the police had a sting, prevented it, and presented evidence of intent. The rest is just thought policing.

[coachTanthony]

@Lliam but didn't you make the case intent doesn't matter if the physical act didn't occur? I mean look.. if my woman said to me.. I thought about fucking this guy every day for the last 30 days and his big cock inside me but just didn't have the chance to do it... that is okay with you?

[Lliam]

Never had the chance?
I'm talking about fantasizing about something but never going through with it because I feel to do so would be wrong. If I fantasize about robbing a bank with no intention of ever doing it, am I guilty of robbing a bank? If I fantasize about what it would be like to fuck a certain celebrity, is that cheating?
Honestly, I can fantasize all day long but I would never cheat on my wife.

[coachTanthony]

But what if your wife conspires with the other person through text? Phone calls? Meeting them for coffee and discussing it? What if your wife did that? Would that be okay as long as she doesn't physically do it?

[Lliam]

Conspired?
First, I don't own her and I don't spy on her activity. Maintaining control over someone isn't a relationship.
But, if I found out she was doing the things you described, it would cause me to distrust her. I would be upset. I would want to know what her intentions were and what was wrong with our relationship that she would do that. I'd be willing to discuss it to see where she was coming from.
But if she actually followed through and I found that she had actually cheated (had sex with someone else), we would be through.

[OurManFlint]

So if everything is there in front of you in black and white, and you can see that she planned to sleep with another man and through osmosis you found out before it happened you ask her "what her intentions were"?

I don't get it.

[Lliam]

@OurManFlint, she didn't sleep with him. That's the point.
And what "osmosis"? Keeping track of her, spying on her devices? I find that as disgusting as anything she might do on-line. If she did that to me, I'd be pissed. There has to be trust in a relationship.
As I said, if she actually did have sex with somebody, our relationship would be over. But if I found evidence that she was thinking about it, I'd be willing to talk about it. Depending on what she said, we would either stay together and work it out or we would split up.

[OurManFlint]

Osmosis meaning it does not matter how you find out. You don't have to bug her phone dude, it could get out mistakenly through a friend, she accidentally text you, I mean you can't see the forest through the trees because that detail is secondary at best.

We're just trying to get at how far you'd be willing to let it go. And it sounds like by your logic she could meet him at the hotel, lay on the bed, let him put a condom on and then the hotel catches fire so they rush out but she's absolved because she didn't go through with due to some externalities.

[Lliam]

@OurManFlint, what the fuck ever. I gave my opinion. Now you're losing your shit and making up ever more absurd "what if" scenarios. You're not trying to clarify or understand anything.
This turned into the stupidest conversation.

[Nordicnerd]

Deleting old chats doesn't imply that your partner is cheating on you. I personally am a very neat person, this also includes my phone. I only keep chats that truly meaningful to me, example: Girlfriend/Wife, Mom, Sister etc. Anyone else, after the conversation is finished its gone.

[coachTanthony]

Who said anything about old chats? Everything you have said is absolutely true and has nothing to do with the main question at hand lol

[Nordicnerd]

Haha apologies for the misconception. When you referred to deleting texts, I assumed these texts were old as in conversation ended a hour ago *delete*. I see i am incorrect.

Breaking away from the example you listened. Yes, I personally find emotional cheating deeper and more hurtful. Sadly, I personally have experienced the effects of developing emotional interest/attachment with someone else instead of my partner. I had to end the relationship because of this.

My hypothesis, judging by my personal scenario, it was a matter of rushing too quickly into a relationship without truly knowing what I wanted in another partner first.

Hopefully I hit the mark this time. If not, take my knowledge and I give up 🤣

[coachTanthony]

Ha no it's all good. Thanks for the comments.

[bob_anon714]

If you have to delete text so your partner doesn't see it could be because your partner's fucking crazy or will get crazy jealous and will fly off the handle on any little thing, so you're just trying to protect your own sanity

[coachTanthony]

LMAO Yes. I knew someone would come out with the... I fucked up and chose a crazy jealous insecure woman that I adore and admire but... but... I need to lie to her for my sanity. This is precious.

[GoldenTulip]

Yes and it also depends on how the person interprets the message... messaging is difficult because we can't see the emotions behind.

[bob_anon714]

Very true goldentulip. Even though we see something at face value, they could take it the wrong way or vice versa cuz it's all how they perceive it in their crazy jealous little mind. I find when someone is like that, it's usually cuz they're projecting and accusing you of something they would probably do. A person who doesn't cheat, I e also found, doesn't even think about cheating. The thought never even pops in their head to even consider it. Talk about crazy... I know, huh...

[Finchie40]

Agree , if you are secretly flirting with someone behind your partners back and deleting the texts from them so your partner can’t see them , then you really don’t value your partner you just like the convenience of them , So yes you are pretty much borderline cheating , The sad thing this sort of thing happens a lot , so I never understood why people get into serious relationships if they can’t really love and respect their partners. If you are already in a relationship ask your partner to let you have their phone for 1 week and they can have yours for 1 week , if they freak out and say no way then you know they are hiding something from you lol

[TruthBringer]

Only those who are guilty of something have something to hide. If I find out she is talking to someone behind my back and is removing texts, I'd replace her the next week

[coachTanthony]

A week? Wow

[TruthBringer]

@coachtanthony Yup, you think I'm going to cry myself to sleep while she is out there screwing someone else? Nah. And why should I if I can get with other girls easily. Having an abundance mindset, especially as a man does wonders

[DJB72]

It depends on the person. My wife and I rarely use each others phones. There are boundaries, or there should be. I trust my wife so I don't open messages on her phone. I don't need to. She doesn't open messages on mine either.

It's a sad indictment on a relationship where there's no bond of trust between the two partners.

[coachTanthony]

That is fine and true. But if you put yourself in the shoes of the person needing to delete a text in case their partner finds out you would agree there is something wrong with that?

[ChiTown33]

95% disagree. Cheating is basically physical. That doesn't mean that the non physical is ok. But up to that point it's arguable where a line is crossed.

[coachTanthony]

If your woman said I was going to cheat on you. I had a hotel room the guy and his big dick ready to go but I didn't do it... and your mother or Dad said wow that is horrible that is no different then cheating. YOU being the awesome guy you are will say.. NO DAD.. cheating is basically physical. She didn't go through with it.. so please don't speak of her that way.

I am all ears and here all night.

[ChiTown33]

Yeah and i also said it's arguable where a line is crossed. It is obvious the intent was clear there.
Let me throw one back at you. A woman is happily married with 2 kids. Her and her gal pals go out for a night of roller skating. After meeting a couple guys that night they all take the party back to HER house. Her husband is at work. Now she hasn't cheated on him but you and i being guys know whete rhis is headed. What do you think her take is? Does she hink she cheated?

[coachTanthony]

No a woman can go anywhere she wants. Cheating is about intent. Going to someones house is not intent. She can certainly go and back up her girlfriends. Apples and oranges.

[ChiTown33]

That's kind of my point. I know this woman really well. She wouldn't cheat on her husband. Though anyone with half a brain, (obviously meaning guy) knows that those guys weren't going back to her house just for drinks. But that thought never even entered her mind. Either way that's where it ended. But she still feels bad to this day that it went that far.

I guess the point i'm trying to make is women are blessed with option of being more in the moment about these things. Guys have ro plan ir more meaning wirh a guy it's a lot easier ro prove pre-meditation.
And i'm sorry but the dance that is flirting is something i suck at, don't do well, and just plain avoid. So to me a mand and a qoman flirting vs. Talking looks basically the same ro me. Lol

[coachTanthony]

You said you disagree 95%. So in this world there will always be "one offs" in life. Nothing is ever really binary. So you are saying this isn't a one off in life that 95 percent of the time when some one has to delete texts so that their partner doesn't see them its appropriate to do. I simply have no idea how you come up with that.

[ChiTown33]

Maybe it's more that i see those as being the odds of 2 people hooking up, 5%. I'm sure those guys who are successful probably see it higher. I mean if she's not interested it doesn't matter wherher he intends to cheat. Now does it. 🤣
Keep in mind you're talking to a guy who is 0 for everything when it comes to a relationship

[coachTanthony]

Okay man no worries. I think you misinterepted the question. The question clearly states you already have a partner... we ain't talking about hooking up or stuff like that.

[VertigoJ]

Some people get het up over absolutely nothing and it's down to personality flaws. It's quite often the reason people delete messages. People shouldn't have to, as private messages are just that, and even having someone in your life that wants to see your messages is a really bad sign.

[gecebutnotgecendayaa]

if you have to delete texts because you believe your partner is going to be angry or upset about what you posted, then clearly you shouldn’t be engaging in those types of texts... or you should rethink the person you’re with if you’re willing to cheat or engage in flirty texts 🤔

[MecheD]

Yes in fact I do believe it’s cheating. In all reality though if you were to cheat I’d advise you to use Snapchat at least at that point by the way their program is set up you don’t have to worry about that at all.
Fact is if you’re willing to play that game play it like a pro. Your best friend gets tired of being put in your bullshit because you can’t handle the weight of being a “player”.

[Jacqp]

What? Lol... is your friend putting u in middle of cheating?

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. Girls don't have it easy they get hit on so often from guys.
However if she responds to one guy in a sexual way all the time you could consider it emotional cheating.
For the most part you have to trust in a relationship and just because she is talking to some dude or she is once flirting with another guy I wouldn't consider that emotional cheating.

[coachTanthony]

There are always one offs in life but they don't happen very often.

[Mollynotgemma]

I would rather my partner have a random one night stand on a drunken night then be texting someone else... as that’s calculated!

[Jjpayne]

I'd agree 🤔 it's a simple detail but it's a good one to make, flirting and sex does not have to be just verbal it can be done by text too

[Hangry22]

To me , cheating ranges from flirting to sex. So yes that's cheating

[deadroses18]

It is still cheating no matter what if you love someone there would be no need for it if you are falling out of love then you communicate that to your partner

[DepressionXglitter]

I'm fine with my lover texting the same gender, or just anyone. I'm not ok if those are flirty or sexts.

[genericname85]

i disagree. i may delete texts, causue they may give the wrong idea when read out of context. that deosn't mean i'm cheating. it just means i know what certain things look like to a bystander, who didn't see the context.

[WesBrewer]

I would say deleting texts doesn't make it cheating but If he/she is deleting texts then your on track for a sour relationship down the road.

[OceanMelon]

Sorta yes, sorta no, it depends on what you were talking about in the texts

[Agem123]

Yep, that's how it starts.