Caught my boyfriend trying to film me giving a BJ. How do I respond?

[Anonymous]

So me and my boyfriend have been going out for a little more than a year, though I've known him for about 8 or 9 years and would consider him one of my closest friends. The other night while I was giving a BJ, my boyfriend went to grab his phone to put on some music. That was fine, but when it was all over we were cuddling on the couch and as soon as he unlocked his phone I saw a video of me that he took while I was doing it. He captioned the video with the intention of sending it to his friends. He then told me that he was trying to find a music video and it accidentally recorded... which I don't believe in a second because how does that make any sense...
I've never been in this situation before. I am his first serious girlfriend so I know that he must be naive in what's okay and what isn't, but him doing this and sending it without my consent is what hurts me the most... Should I forgive him? I never in a million years would ever think he was the type to do this, and I can't talk to any of my friends because we share the same friend group and I don't want them to find out about this. He showed me his photo gallery and proved he deleted it straight away.. but should I really forgive him just because I happened to catch him before it was too late?
Thanks for listening

[MountAverage]

"I am his first serious girlfriend so I know that he must be naive in what's okay and what isn't"
No. Just no. No one needs relationship experience to know the basics of acceptable behavior. Abusing someone's trust, not asking for their consent, invading their privacy, exposing an extremely intimate and sexual moment to other people - every sane person knows that's unacceptable. You trusted him, and he didn't give a shit. And not only did he expose you to his friends, he also willingly risked that someone will leak it and it will go public, possibly causing even worse issues for you. You do realize that once it's on the internet, it's impossible to ever remove it again, do you?

"Should I forgive him?"
No, you should not. I'm an advocate for forgiveness, generally speaking. But there are just certain things that cross a line. This wasn't some "silly mistake" or "boys will be boys" or some bullshit excuse like that. This was 100% a case of "we've known each other for years and you trust me, and I don't give a shit and gonna fuck you over because all I care is my douchebag ego and the validation and thrill I get from exposing you". Plain and simple. You don't forgive that.
If you forgive him, I can 100% guarantee that this will not be the last time he will hurt you like that. And I'm going even further and say you need to end not only the relationship but also the friendship. This person is not a friend. He doesn't care about your feelings, he will take advantage of you as a friend or as a boyfriend.

"and I can't talk to any of my friends because we share the same friend group and I don't want them to find out about this."
Talk to your closest friends, the ones you trust the most. You need support.

"He showed me his photo gallery and proved he deleted it straight away.."
You have no reason to believe him. He could have sent it someone already or uploaded it to his laptop or whatever.

"but should I really forgive him just because I happened to catch him before it was too late?"
You just pointed out something VERY important - the only reason you know about this, is because you happened to catch him. What if you hadn't? I tell you what - not only would he have sent it to his friends without you knowing, he would have most likely done similar things again, and again, and again. Until you catch him.

TL;DR: Remove that motherfucker from your life immediately and don't look back.

[NamerOfStars]

Ouch. I would be FURIOUS in your situation. I don't know where you live, but pretty much anywhere people have smartphones, recording sexual stuff without consent is against the law. SERIOUSLY against the law. Distributing it even more so.

I would, at the very least, have a long, hard talk about personal boundaries- even if you do dump him, it's the kind of thing he clearly needs to understand; better that you're the last person affected by this than letting it hit someone else.

[Tired0]

Girlie. Dump him. You deserve SO much better let’s be honest. Even if you were his first serious girlfriend he should know better than to do something like that hell I have some guy friends who haven’t ever dated anyone before and they know so much better. If he had the intent to send that to people then you shouldn’t forgive him at all plus his excuse is absolutely ridiculous. Point is he’s immature as hell and this is probably why he’s only ever had one serious girlfriend. I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a person and I wish you luck on finding someone better!!

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It is 100% NOT ok. Considering he never asked for your permission and consent to record you it would be considered invasion of privacy. If you choose to keep on dating him then you'll have to be more alert when you do anything private with him. But I would say it might be best to find another guy who you can trust and respect more. Nobody should have to be scared of cameras being around when they shouldn't be.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I would seriously find another boyfriend. Even if you're his first girlfriend, he should Know better. Not to mention recording sexual Acts without someone's consent is illegal... And even if it was "accidental" which I hardly believe, that still doesn't explain/excuse that he captioned the video with the intention of sending it to his friends
That doesn't sound like someone you should be trusting.

[OlderAndWiser]

Will you ever again be able to completely trust him?

[Levin]

Pretty easy one.

Break up with him. He's a douche-bag.

You said yourself, he captioned it with the intention of sending it to his friends. Therefore, you've caught him lying, and worse, he intended to harm you and break your trust by sending this out to his friends, which could end up destroying your life. This is psychopathic behaviour. You need to get out, now.

[EternallyCorrect]

Yeah dump him, I'd say that this is unforgivable. He's not just naive, he's stupid and he's a liar. A weirdo too. Why would he want his friends to see you in a sexual way? Imagine if he did send it to his friends and they put it up online? If you're in the same friend group they'd all find out if he sent it around. Then afterwards he told you that he recorded it by mistake, yet he'd captioned the video, which means he doesn't respect you either.

He's liability.

[kreesholva]

I wouldn't forgive something like that. Horrible invasion of your privacy and trust. Nobody should ever photograph or record something like that without explicit permission and what is is used for.

To me that's be a non-forgivable offense.

[douride2]

Try smacking him in the nuts. Honestly though you should find yourself a better class of boyfriend. If it was me I would find it very difficult to trust him ever again. I hope you deleted that vid off his phone. Don't trust him to do it.

[Meldrum]

Nope, not cool. That's an invasion of your privacy. You agreed to perform a service for him for whatever reason. For him to film it is a serious break in your trust. You're not a porn star and he was trying to make you one.

[Unit1]

This is where you need to get the cops involved because he obviously violated your personal privacy. This can land on PornHub one day against your will. Get his ass charged and on a criminal record.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Pick a better man. Your boyfriend isn't the type you can trust since he has a sneaky personality. Sex is something very private.

[ChrisMaster69]

Bit or cut his cock off and post a video to his mates

[Steve1071]

Damn, what a little dip-💩 I’m surprised you didn’t smash his phone. Secretly filming you is really bad and you might want to think about dumping him. Or at least kick him in the nuts.

[msc545]

He kind of destroyed a lot of trust. It's up to you if you want to trust him going forward, but I would be very careful.

[Twalli]

Recording you is one thing, letting other people see it without your permission is entirely something else.

[Anonymous]

dump his ass he clearly doesn't respect you or your private intimate time together. he's an immature little boy not a man and he needs to grow up and you need to keep your mouth off his dick

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

You dump his ass.

[TheFlak38]

what a boring cunt you are

[Anastasia97]

Film yourself breaking up with him.

[ayomanwya]

Yeah that’s not cool at all

[pokenstroke]

Did he ask your permission

[GAGSucksBalls1]

sue him