My boyfriend has all his assets and wealth in trusts, should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

So I was looking around his desk the other day for a pen and came across some paperwork, and I couldn't help myself and noticed that all his money, his house etc are all in trusts, and after talking to a friend of mine in the finance sector, apparently these are all untouchable in case of divorce / breakup.

He''s never told me about this ever, and it worries me because we have talked about getting engaged soon, and I worry if this is him preparing for a divorce in the future, because it would essentially leave me with very little as he makes so much more money and owns the house, should I confront him?

Updates

+1 y

Things aren't so good.

I confronted him about this, and he told me that he'd had his assets set up like this pretty much since he became a lawyer, and then had the nerve to demand I explain why I was snooping in his personal documents, and we had a big fight and he told me he doesn't want to talk to me right now and asked me to sleep in the spare bedroom while he sorts his feelings.

He wouldn't listen that I just wanted to know that I would be provided for in case we split up after marriage

Updates

+1 y

Screw your all, I have a right to be worries about my future! 🤬

[btbc92]

Yeah you do have the right to worry because it says a lot right there but he's not really telling you. Even though it's not a super some of your business. But if you tell him about getting married to you and he has that kind of attitude, I think at that point I wouldn't want to stick around. You decide if you want to stay, but I don't think you're going to be happy in that kind of marriage. This is why you talk about these things and you process and then lemonade the wrong kind of people. It's very clear to me that he already is playing having plans to potentially have that emotion in case you and him doesn't last. Well it is his right, it says a lot about what his mentality is. If you can't trust a person, don't get mad. Because men are supposed to be forever. If he already has dumped he needs to be honest with you. People who can't be honest with you about those things, shows their not ready for something serious. It's one thing to try to be smart, it's another when it shows that your intent is something else. I think what that's going to do is cause a lot of stress and heartache.

[btbc92]

Asker, instead of waiting for him to figure it out, it's time to move on. Find a place to go, focus on yourself. You cannot have a future with a person who doesn't want to guarantee that you do. If he is not a husband then what is he? You need to ask him WHAT ARE YOU TO HIS LIFE? A commodity? If so, you deserve to be with other people.

[btbc92]

Simply put he doesn't want to provide for you. There shouldn't even be a divorce, but having that convo, I think that warrants to leave before you marry into a big mistake.

[Miristheiss]

Your worry is... if you marry him... and one day you two ended up divorcing... you wouldn't be able to get your hands on the things that he owns right now... his personal, private owned things that are 100% his.

HIS. You had ZERO role in earning, inheriting, producing, obtaining any of this stuff.

These are things you, as an fully independent ADULT, have lived without your ENTIRE LIFE...

But if you ever divorced, you wouldn't be concerned with just equally dividing the things you two obtained during you brief marriage... what income you two brought in during that short window...

You are concerned you couldn't get your hands on and steal the things that are 100% his right now. His investments, his home, his assets. You think if you marry him for a few years... all of that stuff should be half yours and you want to get your hands on it?

YES, confront him... he needs to know what you really are and if this is what you are he'll know not to marry you ever or know what he is getting if he does marry you.

What is wrong with you? You 2 haven't gathered any assets together yet and if you ever did you'd only be due what you two obtained during the marriage.
This stuff he already has now... that is 100% his. Marrying him wouldn't make those go to you if you divorce... that stays his. What is wrong with you?

[Miristheiss]

You want to be taken care of?
Get a job.

[Miristheiss]

If you 2 marry.
If you 2 divorce.
You are entitled to half of what was acquired DURING the marriage.

So what is the issue? What is your worry?

Those things you bring up are his personal property and assets. He has these before ever even knowing you so OF COURSE those wouldn't become yours and you have no claim on them.

Why is that an issue?

If you divorce you are a full grown adult... one of 7 billion people on the planet. You are responsible to "take care of your future" at that point.

So what is your issue?

[caring__1]

At your young age you are already preparing for a divorce? I don't know where you are, but here in California, all assets owned prior to a marriage and not co-mingled into the family funds are separate assets, and you wouldn't be entitled to anything other than 1/2 of what is earned or acquired after the marriage. If you are marrying to acquire wealth, he's probably not the right choice for you.

Also, understand it is actually a good financial decision to have all significant assets in a trust. Without a trust, everything must go through probate upon the person's death. After the cost of probate, there is generally little left for the heirs.

[msc545]

You must not live in California. There is the de jure expression of the law regarding the division of assets, and there is the de facto case of what really happens. I will leave you to guess who benefits - the clue is, it's not the person with the penis.

[Aimée__LJ]

And you're the reason why people get prenups. Why are you concerned about what he is doing with HIS finances. A loving and caring partner would not care about trusts and prenups. You're with the person because you love them not their money.

[Still-alive]

Damn you got it right

[jennifer_bloom]

In Canada, you do not have access to a man or woman’s inherited wealth in a divorce, you only get access to their personally acquired wealth that they earned themselves and this is only true if they earn more than you but you did half the labour in the relationship and can prove it.

[Tyrael]

It's wise on his part. Unfortunately statistically speaking, divorce is a very real possibility. You may see it as untrustworthy, but if you've worked hard to earn what you've got (which he clearly has), then you have every right to protect it.

At the end of the day, marriage is a contract, and you don't sign contracts without covering you own ass first. And despite whatever romantic notions people may have, it's irresponsible to assume it'll all go well and you'll be the couple that makes it even though the stats say otherwise.

[ChrisMaster69]

Well as someone that has a reasonable property portfolio sorted and set aside for my daughter, this is why we do it.

I don’t want 20 years of work and investment going to just anyone, it goes to my daughter and is in trust for her with various safeguards in place.

What you put as your question is pretty much why I have done it.

Also, even though that’s how they are written now does not mean he may not change them.

the question you need to ask yourself is, Are you marrying a person you want children with and to love or simply his financial assets?

[Anonymous]

It would leave you with nothing in the case of divorce? You’re also thinking about what will happen in a divorce, just like he is, only after looking at his paperwork and asking a friend in the financial sector whether you’d get anything in the case of divorce.

Statistically you’re 75% more likely to divorce him than he is to divorce you. Especially if he earns a lot more than you do, because you’d get half of his stuff.

It’s women who think like you which makes guys like him do what he’s doing. I mean everything you’re saying here about him could easily be said about yourself. You’re afraid he doesn’t trust you and that he’s planning ahead in case of divorce - you don’t trust him and you’re planning ahead in case of divorce also.

[Opinion Owner]

With the update this has got to be a troll post. You can't possibly be so oblivious to your hypocrisy.

[Avicenna]

If you're concerned about this, you need to talk to an licensed attorney who specializes in this part of family law, and you should have done it prior to speaking to him.

It's entirely possible that the arrangements he's made, depending on the jurisdiction, were to shield assets from creditors from malpractice suits.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Let that man have his own assets and wealth to himself and do as he pleased with it. You're just a girlfriend, you need to remember that. You're snooping around his office and now you're concerned about what you found. Maybe next time don't go snooping, because that shady AF.

[es20490446e]

If my partner did that I would greatly respect them for that, it shows they are smart.

The truth is that these days there's plenty of people that are fucked up, and could make your life miserable if they break up with you.

By putting all those important belongings out of the equation they are actually making the relationship easier, because now the only thing that matters is the relationship.

I will copy him.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

You boyfriend is a smart man & when it comes to tying the knot marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it’s all said & done house is gone. Nowadays you have to protect your assets from gold diggers.

[admles]

Why should you be worried?

He makes good money, and he's obviously being smart by protecting his money - it's not about you, he's most likely had this in place for quite some time.

HE should be worried that you've been snooping through his financials and then instead of speaking to him about it, you spoke to someone else.

[CreamySeed]

Yea she shady af

[es20490446e]

@CreamySeed Exactly what I thought.

[Rob17792]

she's a piece of shit

[es20490446e]

@Rob17792 You are assuming too much.

[Evening-Pitch1418]

He's your boyfriend, so he can do whatever he wants with his money. Just talk to him. If you're so concerned get a pren-up

[msc545]

If your goal is to make money by way of a divorce, then yes, you should worry and not marry him. Seems like he is smart enough to head off this kind of theft.

[msc545]

in your update, you say "I just wanted to know that I would be provided for in case we split up after marriage". You are not a child. Provide for yourself if he is stupid enough to marry you after this and later realizes his mistake.

[Jamie05rhs]

^This

[Anonymous]

It's smart that he's preparing for the future. I believe marriage should be about love only and if you get a divorce then the lifestyle should leave with it. The more money a guy has the more he's worth divorcing especially if his assets aren't protected.

[Not_Average]

He should honestly keep all of the wealth that he’s earned prior to meeting you. The wealth that you guys earn together should be split 50/50 in the event of divorce.

[exitseven]

If he asks you to marry him, then is the time to confront him. You do it now and you will definitely spook him.

[EaterPeter]

If you get married with him legally and don't sign the prenuptial and don't sign any other waivers you don't need to be worried about. If we talk about trust. I have no idea how they work.

[msc545]

This is untrue.

[CreamySeed]

Small mfer is getting his ducks in order before shooting himself with a wedding ring 😂

[Luckycharms12]

Well his wealth so doesn't want anyone with him for money

[btbc92]

That's very disrespectful cuz that's calling her a gold digger and a hoe. If he don't trust who he's with he should not be with that woman. It's just that simple. A lot of you people go after such women anyway and then you want to know why you left with nothing. If you're lusting after a woman 9 out of 10 times depending on what and who she is, and if you're really having sex with her, what makes you think you're not having a gold digger in your life? Don't blame a woman for who you choose to lust after. It's not about money. It's about being a provider and actually being a man. If she naturally does not have much for herself, it is a man's responsibility to help take care of her. If he's going to be very selfish with that, that they should not be together. It's just that simple. Choose Wisely who you going to get married to and who you are wanting to date. If somebody treated you that way you would swear up and down they're being a selfish B.

[Luckycharms12]

No you don't know the person could have it done before ever meet a girl

[btbc92]

And that's why you be careful who you associate with. Didn't your parents not teach you not to talk to strangers? Your talk common sense. You learn to be friend of persons, you use the sermon, use wisdom, and you get to know people. You don't go around rushing today and it's Amazon body just because they sexually look like somebody you want a bang. Because that's exactly what goes through your mind being both male and female then you want to know why you got problems.

It doesn't even matter the person got a dump before they met the person. If you talking about you want to get married that's serious business. If you're hiding that kind of information you're committing fraud. Relationship is not going to last like that if you build a relationship based on lies.

[btbc92]

Was she talking about lets me know that they've been dating for quite some time. Long enough for him to make a decision whether or not he wants to continue to keep the stipulation, or to create one. Just sounds like this been there for quite a while. Because if he was really serious about her he would have told her. She already said that he never told her anything about it. The fact that she had to find out like that is a big red flag.

[Luckycharms12]

Plus it's her boyfriend who said there getting married and get married for love not money

[btbc92]

Again. When you decide to date, and marriage is on your mind, that is every right her business. If they were just dating casually then technically it's not her business. But if they are not going to be compatible, they should not feed a tit. Marriage is also with the stipulation of finances. What about it, you will not be able to survive. Married does not survive on Love Alone. There's obligations to be held, there is work to be done. If you expect to survive together, you must make it income. If you don't work, you do not eat. That's the reality of marriage. He already spoken about them getting engaged as she had said. Therefore he already made his decision.

[btbc92]

Nobody has time for fun and games. Are you going to be serious or you're not. That's to be honest and call it quits, then to lead somebody on and then you're stopping them from finding somebody else who's more than willing to do what they say they're going to do. It's not fair and it's not right to somebody else. That kind of stuff can cause somebody to end up in divorce and I seen that happen to me more than often because of things like this. Marriage is like a business, and it's the same thing with dealing with relationships. If you have no business and being in it then it's best to stay out of it before you get yourself in serious trouble. That's why marriage is for adults and not children.

[Luckycharms12]

You are religious I'm getting that. I don't know who those people are clearly you do. But he from money. People with money look after it. People that come up hard don't. That's why I come back to get married for love.

[btbc92]

I ain't religious. I believe in God, and I follow his standards. But I'm not religious. If you don't learn to do this right, the rules still apply. Everybody Brinks what they saw. Doesn't matter where this man come from. What matters is that he decides he wants to get married. The rules are still going to apply to him regardless who he is. Nobody is exempt. Because I grew up when did ghettos, and trust me a lot of people's about money. A lot of my family members of one of them. And a lot of them are not happy with themselves. Which is why the family is dysfunctional. Don't get married for love. You get married because you have a calling in your life to fulfill. It's not a joke. Because everything you do, others will be watching you, kids will be influenced by what you do. Your community is affected by what you choose to do. It's serious business. You don't just get married solely for yourself. You do so because it's what you have to do and what you need to do, not just because you want to.

[btbc92]

I know plenty of people who have money, I have family members that are rich, I have friends that are rich, I know people that are rich. But not everybody behaves selfishly. But that marriage is a contract and it's not about love it's about business and when they get married like Royals do, their marriages are about creating Unity of some form to gain power. You can have money. But is what you choose to do with it. Because you can be a billionaire one day and you can be broke by the end of the year. It's about the wisdom. And without the wisdom and discernment to know, then you become Reckless with what you have. What happened to knowledge being power? If you don't got the knowledge, then you don't know what you're doing with that money. That's why there are some that is Rich, there are some that are poor. Not everybody is meant to be rich, just like not everybody is going to be in poverty.

[Luckycharms12]

Get married because you have calling in your life to fulfil. What are you smoking people get married because they love one another. And want spend life together rich poor doesn't matter. So again get married for love in my eye

[btbc92]

People love each other so much then why people cheating left and right, have to look at Miss marriages or whatever the hell they want to call it, and divorce rate is so high? Come on man. Enough eating the Lucky Charms and wake up to the real world. What you're saying is fantasy. At the end of the day and I have friends who's been married to, love ain't all the time is what going to hold up a marriage. What you're saying may God be with you ended up with the horse. You still have a job to do. Those who know they're calling succeed. Plenty who don't, end up suffering off of it and causing other people to suffer equally. If you say you have Love in Your Heart, then you would want to know how to help me change something with a person you say that you love.

[Luckycharms12]

That happened always not lot last few years that start. Think wasn't going on back in the day of course only thing changed is woman have rights the man is boss any more and is only right

[btbc92]

I will tell you what one of my professors has said about marriage who has been married twice and has been with her current for about over 20 years and have adult children. Marriage was always a political matter. Love is something VERY new. You had to grow to learn to love who you married or had none at all. That means as is marriage, to love is a choice. It is not driven by your emotions and feelings, no matter how angry, happy, unhappy, etc you still had a job to do. And if you didn't do it, you will have hell in your marriage. I know she had to be right and she isn't a Christian. One of my friends married at 23 to her now ex-husband for the same thing. Bad enough he became abusive. She needed a man to do what he promised and he tells her that she needs to work AND be taking care of the home, meanwhile kept changing jobs and made excuses about not finding work because he didn't like the job. Plenty of chances she gave him, that didn't last. So it was that she didn't love him, she still had needs and he came short NOT because he wasn't capable. She was pissed that he didn't TRY at ALL. And that's it. My mom's side of the family has had years of marriage and has great grands and all and they will tell you the same. I met a couple who have been married for over 40 years and they said the same thing. They travel all over the world AND donate money to help college students afford an education. How do you think they made it? It is more than just love alone, and love is not about feelings or emotions, it is about actions.

[btbc92]

I understand how you feel and I am a feeler also. HOWEVER, I must warn you to not be so driven by your emotions because I can tell you very emotional and need to learn to maintain them properly. Marriage comes with benefits for both men and women, but you must have a good reason to be married. Just because you're over 18, not everybody is meant for marriage nor is mature enough to handle it. If so, I would have been married with kids in middle school by now if that was the case. I grow very weary of people especially men who say what you say and they give me bad vibes about this. The last thing I want for myself is a turbulent marriage. I implore you to rethink how you think about this because nothing of what you're saying is real. Even in Disney Movies, have the same principles. You have to understand what marriage is in order to have a successful marriage. Marriage is what you make of it, but if you not equipped to handle it, you can have a lot of problems that can cause stress.

[btbc92]

It wasn't that she didn't love him*

[Luckycharms12]

Your a interesting talk I'll give you that clearly educated to. Tbh don't believe in marriage anymore. If you are happy dating why change good thing even getting married is stressful why be bothered life stressful enough got one another way you are don't fuck with it

[btbc92]

I'm celibate. I am a virgin and never dated or been on a date. Nor have I had a boyfriend. Once you have the sex you created a marriage anyway. So your not getting out of it. That is why marriage is failing. It is people who don't take any of it seriously. That is not what dating is for. It is not a joke. If you want to fool around you find somebody who desires it. That's what I told every guy who wanted to date me. You want sex, then we get married. If not, why are you trying to steal my blessing to share with a husband? I refuse to be any man's whore or harlot.

[Luckycharms12]

You date to find out your type what like a don't. same with sex it's natural give yourself to someone it's personal thing fun excting experience.

[btbc92]

It's not that you don't believe in marriage anymore. It's the fact that you haven't found a woman to get married to. But if your fornicating and taking the things of God for granted, that is why you have problems. Too many women have lost a lot of value by believing the lies as the men have. It's a test to see who will fall and who will stand tall. It takes courage to get where I am at, i know many who went down your path if your not a virgin yourself and now they wished they were more like me. I had to tell them, be themselves, but learn to listen and be wise with their decisions as I have. They are their own person, but if they desire these things, nothing wrong, but do it God's way. Not your way of thinking your doing right and the results aren't what you wanted.

[Luckycharms12]

I don't believe in God firstly. Nor do I have problem finding a girl. Charming nice person eiyyn good job Don't want to get married because don't believe in it.

[Luckycharms12]

We just see world differently and that's cool be boring if we where all the same

[btbc92]

No. You do not date to find out your type. You date because you already found somebody to be romantically compatible with and have a desire to be with for good if you two workout. It is not about that type or like nonsense. Either you desire to love that person or not. I am a human being. I am not an item. Sex is a marriage and marriage is about having sex. You want to experience that, get married. What your saying is why there are so many divorces and people cheating. Your feeding it. What your saying just became a thing less than 100 years ago. For thousands of years, this never happened. And if so, and it did, it was whoredoms. What your promoting is sexual perversions and harlotry. And then you bring that same poisons into your marriage, how long you think it's going to last? That's how men sexually mistreat their wives and women growing and wishing they had other penises because that's what you want but expect women to be loyal and a man making her happy. This is why so many kids are so confused. And then they start sex early. I know. Grew up around it. That is how my parent's marriage end up dysfunctional and domestically abusive and I one of its victims. No way I am going to subject myself to the same hell hole and bring children in such. I rather die alone. A man wants to be a hoe, that's his business. I got plenty of stories of such boys mocking me for not having sex looking for me to still see if I am still single and a virgin only to tell me to stay that way, and how they wished more women were like me. Had they waited some would have changed their minds and been with me. If I chose somebody it's because I already desired to love them. I don't need to date around to know what type of person is fit for me. That's for people who are already confused and don't know what to do. What they're doing dating around is proving unstableness.

[Luckycharms12]

Romains and used to have orgys. And people where dying from stds so they made there people marry one woman and that was it and here we are today. I know my history

[btbc92]

Man, let me tell you something. If this is your mentality your better off single. Not dating. I don't care if you believe in God or not, whatever personality or beliefs you have. It is about common sense. You rely too much on shallow material things to get a girl, but can you keep 1? That's the question. Can you keep 1? If what you listed is your standard, that is why it's hard for you to find "love" and a woman to love you. You're being too selfish. Selfishness attracts selfishness. I feel very sad and sorry for young men like yourselves because you have so much potential and you waste it and or settle for less. If you settle for less, you get less. How do you expect to find a quality woman with that attitude? Quality women don't share those attitudes. That sounds like you not really happy in your life and you need to seriously work on it while those opportunities are still available to you.

"Charming nice person eiyyn good job Don't want to get married because don't believe in it.' This is not what's important for a relationship. This sounds like a red flag, and any girl who hears and sees that would either use you until she finds somebody else or as a rebound. I hear this and I would assume this person doesn't have much going on in his life worth investing in for a relationship. Maybe a friend. But, not a partner. This is why I like to evaluate people and where they are in life. It sounds like you have long ways to go before you are even ready for something serious. This all sounds negative. And positive people aren't going to want to be around that. Just other negative people or those who are stuck in life not knowing what to do. At that point, a relationship is not the goal or solution. But to change the outlook and start heading towards the road of development.

[btbc92]

My mom had HPV before getting cancer. She died 6 years later. What are you talking about? This is the real-life man. I don't have my mom here because of that perversion crap. What makes you think I want that in my life? If you like it, your free to live it. I want to do good in my life as she wanted me to.

[btbc92]

No, you don't know your history. I took Ancient and Medieval history and my prof is a historian. They never made anybody have 1 partner. They were allowed to have open marriages and the upper class had many parties where the men slept with other men and women and women were courtesans and sleep with high-ranking officials. They had the men as heads of their families known as paterfamilias and women and female slaves slept in the back of the house called the gymnasium. Virginity was not valued. Everyone was expected to be sexual, and even same-sex relations were accepted, however, to maintain the balance for procreation, people got married to create children for the sake of having children and political reasons.

[Luckycharms12]

I've great life travel friends had long term girlfriend of 9 years she wanted to get married I didn't so ended it. As for your mom I'm sorry my dad passed away when was kid from cancer so no the pain of losing a parent

[btbc92]

Women had limited rights in ancient Rome. But fared a bit better than Greek women as greek women had basically no rights. Marriage was for formalities. Sexual services were very common which is why they had open baths with prostitutes ready to offer men sex for the payment and nobody would bat an eye. Male on male sexual unions was the ideal and women were not considered the most desirable, unlike today. Men were. We fair no better than they did. We are repeating history. We're just "modern" in a different time period. Same thing.

[Luckycharms12]

Rome was before medieval id hate to break it to you

[Luckycharms12]

Rome was even before jeues was born

[Luckycharms12]

Spartan woman had loads of right actually

[btbc92]

I know my history. This is still God's world and he is in control. This is why Jesus had to come to set it right for everybody to be saved. So we don't be like the world. Do you want me to bring out my history text? I know when these things happen. It doesn't matter. It is not of God and this is why many of those kingdoms was destoryed.

[Luckycharms12]

Could kick there men our and get new one if wasn't in shape or had good reason to

[btbc92]

Then don't be surprised when your replaceable and can be discarded.

[btbc92]

Women of Sparta still had backwards rules they had to follow. I can go back into my textbook and tell you what they had done. Sparta was an independent city-state during that time.

[Luckycharms12]

Take it you are from the US. Plus most history books can be wrong. Just like Christopher Columbus found America. was found way before the vikings and india treaded there for many years before he found it

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. Sounds like you're toast. Maybe next time don't be so greedy.

[Anonymous]

ahh love the golddigger whore status of "women" these days

[Mia-Wallace]

He's smart. 🤷‍♀️