Guys, He broke up after 5.5 years. No fights. Relatively little drama. Do men ever come back?

[Anonymous]

7-8 wks ago my boyfriend of 5.5 years broke up with me suddenly. We had been talking about moving in together. At times I felt he was not all in and checked in several times - willing to discuss taking it off the table. Each time he assured me he was in. That morning, he sent his usual good morning beautiful text. That evening we met for drinks. I arrive, quick kiss, take my seat, we trade stories of our day. Everything is NORMAL. Except he orders a 4th beer. Unlike him. But it's Friday, right? Then a #5. And #6. When the server brings his #6, he downs #5 in one long drink, sets his glass down, and proceeds to say he doesn't want to combine households. It's not me - he doesn't think he ever wants to live with anyone again or ever remarry. (We are both in our 50's and have brutal divorces in our pasts.) I am relieved. It was already clear he had been hesitant and I was in no hurry to have to undo a household again myself. But in the next breath he said, "In fact, I think we should end this." He continued talking but I honestly didn't hear anything after that. After a few minutes I simply gathered my things and left. I had not said a word. Next morning I ask why. He says doesn't think I'll be happy unless we live together or marry. I deny this. Wks have passed. Aside from a few weak moments, I have left him alone. Other night I was out alone. Sent him a teasing pic of my legs. Crickets. Next morning he texts complimenting the pic saying he hopes I don't take it wrong but he respects me too much to just use me for a good time. I tell him I appreciate this and try to let him out of the convo, but he carries it. For more than an hour. Casual chat. It gets late so I suggest we say goodnight. He agrees. Last thing he says before goodnight is "thanks for the leg pic. Gonna save it for later". Was this flirting? I love this man and would like to reconcile, but he's been steadfast. Will he be back? I know he still loves and finds me attractive. Help?

[MTC29]

A break up at 5.5 months? Yes, he'd be back. Returning to a relationship of 5 + years? No. It's finished. Guys don't come back to such long term relationships. There are a variety of reasons for this, but the major reason is that after 5 years, everything has been "discovered" and he knows exactly what he'd be coming back to. Something in the relationship is bothering- big time. I can't begin to guess what that might be, and he's not doing you any favors by keeping it a secret. I'm sorry for you.

[boggboss]

Its hard as in his mind he knows what u want and he can't provide that so he can't be with u maybe u need to ask to him again and express that

[Asker]

That's very much what he has said. I've tried to be reassuring.

[boggboss]

Well sorry it happened hun

[Asker]

Thanks. Me, too, lol.

[Avicenna]

It's rare to get back together with someone after you break up. What caused the break up needs to change for it to work and usually even for someone to want to get back together.

[dudeinohio]

Well, it seems he gave the situation a lot of thought. It is really hard to determine what will happen.

[Asker]

I agree. And I know it was really hard for him to find the courage. I absolutely respect that. I just don't know if the flirty words and interest in staying in the chat after weeks not talking means he might be sorting it out. I know he's not seeing anyone. I don't know. I guess he'll either show back up or he won't. Just so frustrating knowing how each of us feels about the other.

[In_Trance]

Why would you want him back?

[Asker]

Because I really think this is a matter of miscommunication more than anyone needing to change. We are both grown. I'm perfectly self sufficient. We don't have to live together to have a relationship. In fact there are days I know I prefer to live alone also. I get where he's coming from. The living together discussion had been very gradual and mutual over several years. No one was pressing it more. When I noticed he was losing enthusiasm for the idea, I got it. Was willing to move forward as is. It's frustrating, lol.