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I cheated on my boyfriend and I can’t ever tell him. Is this okay if it was only one time? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(18-24) 
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You need to tell him. I hope that he has not asked you about this and you lied too. Its devastating to be cheated on even though we are men. It's just as devastating to women to I am sure. Any way its better to just leave someone if you want to try something new. I would not have been as upset if my late wife had left me instead of cheating on me. Oh and yes I asked and she lied. I loved her so much even though she hurt me so much I was willing to try and work things out. She was the only woman who actually wanted me back. I have a felling that she was not lying. I hope that your relationship is strong enough to survive this and you have learned not to literally fuck around.
It's still backstabbing and hypocritical of you if you don't tell him. A relationship keeping this secret and lying to him will only damage your relationship worst in the long run. Eventually the truth will come out someway and somehow. Not only that your integrity as a person, much less his girlfriend, is not worth anything if you keep it a secret. Even if it means he ends the relationship you need to tell your boyfriend. He has a right to know and make an informed decision and you owe it to yourself to be a better person than most people out there and not sink any lower than you already have.
The relationship at least may be salvaged by telling the truth. If you don't and he finds out, and trust me he will eventually, the damage most likely will be irreversible
"It would be backstabbing and hypocritical of me to tell him the truth of what I did."
No no sweetie, you're getting this all wrong. "Backstabbing and hypocritical" was when you cheated on him in the first place. Your morals are already out the window, the least you can do is come clean to your boyfriend. He deserves to know what kind of person he is keeping in his life. Cheating is never an accident.
Horrible accident? Did you trip, fall and land on his dick then he just happened to have some sticky substance on his dick that prevented you from getting off? Like that kind of horrible accident?
No lady, you made a blatant choice to cheat. It wasn't a "horrible accident." People like you disgust me to my core.
This comment made me laugh đ
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She claims she doesn't have an std. Like wtf you're having sex with random men.
It's not truly an accident, but sounds more like an impulsive mistake. It's similar in the fact it's an unintended event.
A true accident is unavoidable and the victim is unaware of the event.
This cheating situation in context sounds more like an honest mistake that happened out of impulse and could have been avoided with more insight and thought on the part of the victim.
@zang101 nobody cares bro
@uptowngirl88
1) that's irrelevant to the conversation.
2) You're impling I expect people to care. This is the internet, and I'm not stupid.
Excuse me but are you saying the chick that cheated is a victim? đĽş
Victim in context to the entity of which an event is affected by, yes. She is both the victim and perpetrator due to her own actions causing the event to which she regrets.
Victim as in the general societal definition of a victim, no, not at all.
She is only a victim of her own selfishness and stupidity.
I agree with you @SlightlyEccentric
Yes. I agree too.
The problem with cheating is that itâs rarely a one off.
itâs invariably, well itâs not really cheating if I donât have sex this time.
people start making reasons to justify it.
You really need to tell him, you also need to get a sex health check done.
even if you wore a condone, you can catch various STDâs.
Thats always a give away one person in a relationship ship is cheating when the other gets an unexpected STD.
one thing you really need to talk to yourself about, is exactly how you came to cheat.
Unless you can understand that, you run the risk of cheating in any other relationship.
Yes you could sit on it and not tell him, however these things tend to come back and haunt people, such as the other guy telling a friend etc, posting on social media etc, then a friend of your boyfriend knowing a friend of this guy etc.
You really have to sit down and talk it through, be honest though.
You *already* backstabbed him. Now you're just in "damage control".
If you really want to have even a chance of saving your relationship, you've got to be honest with him about what you did, and honest with yourself about WHY you did it (hint: it's your fault)
How is it my fault? You donât even know the whole story
Oh believe me I do. I've seen every version of this story play out in it's entirety. What makes your circumstances so special that you get to abdicate all accountability for your actions?
Clearly you didn't want advice here, because you only respond positively on comments that reaffirm your decision to not tell him. I'm not gonna help you justify your shitty choices. All I can do is tell you the likely consequences of those choices. And not confessing to him is just like cheating on him all over again. First you cheated by giving away your body to another man, now you're cheating by trying to erase all knowledge of cheating ever having taken place. Your conscience will catch up to you eventually; you'll become paranoid and constantly on edge out of fear of being "discovered". And he'll pick up on your paranoia and emotional distance, and assume he's not satisfying your needs. And when he eventually learns the truth, it'll be a double whammy coz he'll also have the knowledge of how you hid the truth. And that's almost as bad as the cheating itself, if not worse. You cannot claim to care about someone you've betrayed, and in the very next breath decide to take a course of deception that ultimately causes even more harm to that person.
Think long and hard before you brush off what I'm telling you. The choice you make today can make the difference between "handling a bad situation with minimal collateral damage", versus "pouring more gasoline onto a fire you started". Telling the truth will suck, don't get me wrong. But it will suck less than the damage you'd ultimately inflict by NPT telling the truth. If you really do love him, then NOT telling the truth is simply NOT an option. And you need to understand why that's the case. Otherwise you'll perpetuate the same self-defeating cycle of shitty choices that created this hot mess to begin with. Don't sell your soul just to save your face. Take whatever may come now, and prove to yourself that you can come out the other end a better person for it.
Youâre the one that spread your legs for someone other than your boyfriend, in WHAT alternate universe is it NOT your fault?
OP, if you made a conscious decision to sleep with another person while you were in a relationship, it is 100% your fault. Now you need to own up to it like an adult and accept full responsibility rather than making excuses or trying to play the victim.
What'd ya do, tripped and fell on a guy's dick or something? Don't you hate it when that happens?
In any case, am I the only one who gets the feeling that this is a troll question? This can't be real, no one can be this stupid and have this much level of self denial right?
"What'd ya do, tripped and fell on a guy's dick or something? Don't you hate it when that happens?"
LMFAOOOOOO!!! đ
Yeah, I hate it when girls accidentally lose their clothes and fall on a naked guys hard dick.
Hahahađ that must be terrible!
Poor girls!
Let me put it this way: It will be a lot easier for him to handle if you tell him yourself than by him finding out some other way. A relationship where one person cheated on the other CAN be fixed with hard work and effort as long as both are willing to give it a proper try, but if you try to hide it from him then there's no coming back from that.
The problem with cheating isn't that you had sex with someone else, it's the betrayal of trust and dishonesty. You already failed the first one but you're still able to rectify the second.
If he will never find out, and if it really was a one-time incident, then for heaven's sake don't tell him! What would be the purpose of telling him? They say that confession is good for the soul, but here it would be at the cost of hurting him terribly for no good reason. Plus it would ruin your relationship with him, perhaps forever! DON'T GO THERE! There are certain secrets in life that one must take to their grave! This is one of them. Don't confess because you feel guilty. You might feel better but he sure won't. Why would you want to do that? This was a terrible mistake, and it will never happen again. If you really mean that, then let it go! Time will heal the guilt and the shame you feel.
he deserves so much better.
No... please don't listen to bad advice. Your relationship is now always gonna have a dark secret that will crush him even more finding out later
I agree with MOST. Tell him and let him make next move
Which is fairly all his no matter what he wants to do
Why is it that you boomers always say the most retarded shit? There is no virtue in being a liar and coward which is what you're saying to do. But then again it only matters if it sounds nice huh?
@StunningANDbrave I completely reject your perjorative use of the word "Boomer" as an insult. Let me tell you something: I realize that you, being young, already know everything and have nothing you can learn from older people. But your elders happen to have been banged around by life enough to have achieved something called wisdom, which must be earned and doesn't come cheap! Maybe if you shut your mouth and open your ears you might actually learn something useful. There was a time when people looked up to older people with respect, instead of treating them like garbage to be disposed of.
If you read my post up above, you will see that I have good reasons for the advice I gave. And I have heard that advice from professional therapists as well. If there is no reason to hurt someone for no good purpose, then you don't hurt them! You carry your secret to the grave if you have to, rather than unloading it on the other person for no good purpose. And sometimes what she mistakenly called "accidental" is actually a matter of stupidity and poor judgement. THAT is something that every one of us, without exception, has exhibited in life at one point or another. But an act of stupidity and poor judgement has one beneficial feature: It can be learned from! If the person learns from it, and learns enough never to repeat it, that is the only good that can come from it. That is STEP ONE on the long path to wisdom. Some of us learn early, for others it takes longer. But if you already know everything, than you are incapable of ever learning anything.
Perhaps you will be a better human being once you realize that forgiveness and compassion were placed in this world for a reason, and that anyone ought to be entitled to one mistake, if it teaches them a lesson.
Blah blah blah therapists are full of shit and profit of of stupid people. Why don't YOU shut your mouth and quit spewing garbage.
@StunningANDbrave I don't have to shut my mouth for you, you cretin! You are too stupid to discuss the issue and the facts, oh, no, you just call names and insults like a kindergartener in a schoolyard. You resort to ad hominem attacks. You don't even know what that means! You are a totally disgusting individual and I will not waste more of my time interacting with someone like you. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR SPIDER HOLE! And "Boomer" is not an insult, it's a compliment, as far as I'm concerned.
Appalling to be a nasty slimey cheat. But to encourage someone that not only was it ok..."just a mistake " is even more appalling. Both of you are gross people... just nasty
@Keyboardkat there is absolutely nothing wise about telling someone "it's just a mistake" to cheat as long as you learn from your mistakes. this man she is with deserves so much better, not a woman that goes behind his back. you know what will hurt him even more, if she ends up pregnant with another man's child. oh, but she should keep it a secret because he will surely never find out, according to your logic. older does not always mean wiser.
@DianaWest Diana, if, as I am assuming, you mean a person who does this habitually, then I agree 100% But you are denying the efficacy of remorse, regret, shame and repentance. You are denying the possibility of a person redeeming themselves. I am taking her at her word, that it was a what I call case of stupidity and poor judgement, and that she means what she says, that it will absolutely never happen again. Compassion and forgiveness for a repentant person seem to be sorely lacking among a lot of the posters on here.
@Keyboardkat It's up to her boyfriend to decide if she gets forgiveness... no one else.
How can you take someone at their word that she loves him? Impossible to cheat if you are in love. She just doesn't want to be alone... huge difference
The guy she cheated with clearly wasn't as good as boyfriend. So she is gonna hold onto the sweet man. Until she finds better... just absolute bullshit
IF she truly loves him and fucked up.. she would let him know and prove she wants to fix it not hide more secrets..
Funny you try to insult StunningANDbrave... saying he isn't smart "call names and insults like a kindergartener"... when IN fact !!! Your name calling count to him is WAY higher. Sorry that if people with morals offend you... but in turn people who think like you and this whore. Make me sickđ¤˘đ¤Ž
Guilty people who don't give a shit hide and run'
People who are honest and loyal deal with issues head on and face what consequences come
@Jazquee It's amazing how NASTY you become when someone disagrees with you , like putting me and "this whore" into one category. You don't know anything at all about me or where I'm coming from. You have some nerve.
Lol... your the one shooting off at beak. BUD... You are in same category as her.
You are telling her cheating is ok... don't like the truth... don't speak
Tell him. Cheating is not a mistake, it is a decision. I remember a story a friend of mine once told me. Her cousin had cheated on her boyfriend and when her mother found out about it she was livid. The daughter had the same reasoning as you âit was a mistake, an accidentâ. You wanna know what her mother replied with? This: â An accident? Why? Did you trip and fall on his dick? No? Well than it is not an accident but a decision.â
You are just afraid you are going to lose him. You are being selfish. Just tell the poor guy and if he wants to leave you he has every right to do so. You have made your bed, now lie in it.
Okay so that was a moment in time you said you'll never do it again now let's move to the next moment do not tell him Let It Go. I feel your pain today make sure never happens again and Let It Go and prove to him and to yourself how much you love him I never talk about it again you're not going to gain anything by telling him you going to lose you not going to gain anything from telling all of us I'm pretty sure with all your answers you're going to get you're going to lose LOL sorry about that just remember one thing if he was to cheat on you tomorrow one time only one time you cannot say one word about it you can that bitch you cannot move do not throw a fit you owe him that
You're not seeking advice. You're seeking validation to do what you want to do. Please sit down and have a conversation with yourself, so you can understand these issues
I tell him all the time that I wouldnât ever make them cry or do anything to hurt him.
This is why I think words are BS. You trust people's actions instead. I don't believe it's an accident when people cheat, unless you slipped and fell onto this guy's D.
Please donât act like you are a perfect human being and donât make mistakes
I'm in no way perfect but I'm not going through life making fake promises or call my mistakes "accidents". Be an adult and own your mistakes.
She may not be perfect... but at least she has morals... you are not in the position to judge anyone... your a cheat... shittest thing to do to another person you "claim" to love
If you truly care about him, you should 100% honest about it. A key to any relationship is to be able to communicate honesly and respecfully, and man-up to your own mistakes. Sit him down alone and ease into the reveal to soften the blow. Just be prepared for anger and other unpredictable emotions.
A few best/worst scenarios I can see happening in a situation like this:
You don't tell him:
Best: He never finds out and you live with the guilt internally.
Worst: He finds out via gossip and breaks up with you, never speaks to you again.
You do tell him:
Best: He loves you enough to move past it, and you learn from the mistake and it never happens again.
Worst: He breaks up with you, but you got it off your chest and at leaat attempted to right your wrong.
If you don't tell him, he'll find out either way. And also, if you truly loved him you wouldn't have cheated on him in the first place
https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OGC.f41b0a2900fcee96a83da55aabda1dac&pid=Api&rurl=https%3a%2f%2fmedia.giphy.com%2fmedia%2f2XplSIeD7azMk%2fgiphy.gif&ehk=7SHwG1jv7Fa1Jt0fvO4WSiNJm6LX%2fnGlUVkgWUQhaZ0%3d
The fact you are so sure you wonât do It again tells me you actually will do it again.
i mean, you did it once, and if you are telling the truth it doesnât sound like it was your intention. So maybe one day it wonât be your âintentionâ again.
This is the mistake people do when they admit to their partner they cheated. They act like they would never do it again. But you canât guarantee such a statement, just like you failed to live to your original commitment of faithfulness. What makes you sure youâd like to your second commitment of it.
so if you do tell your partner absolutely do not phrase it like you did above if you want any chance they will forgive you,
the only chance of forgiveness is to show self awareness. Which signifies growth. If yo donât show self awareness no one will forgive the cheating.
Saying it will never happen again is not self awareness. Because if you can do it once, you lack self restraint and you may lack it again.
break up with him.
NEVER kiss and tell. EVER. Take it to your grave.
Telling your lover you stepped out on them, for any reason or any duration, serves no good purpose. AT ALL.
And quit making excuses for yourself - it wasn't an 'accident', you got naked and did the deed with another guy by choice. So just shut up about it and go on with your life. Hopefully you've learned a valuable lesson.
If you cannot deal with the regret and guilt, then cut him loose so he can find a more well adjusted individual to put his faith and love into.
For all you clueless guys that think she should tell him - understand that doing so simply offloads HER grief onto HIM. Which is more unfair than the cheating. At least he doesn't know about it.
You kids are clueless. Your fucking girlfriends fuck around on you all the time, you just don't know about it. Be happy in la-la-land.
It is well established that any woman can and will fuck any guy she wants, any place she wants, any time she wants. Just ask them!
And it is also well established that a woman will dump a perfectly good man if she thinks she can snag a better one - richer, better looking, or more powerful. This is solipsism at it's best.
And why you never put a woman on a pedestal. EVER. You NEVER turn over power in a relationship to a woman. EVER. You need to LEAD. The burden of performance is on YOU. If you fail, she will shut down sexually, cheat or bail, or any combination of these. And then you'll be standing there crying in your beer wondering what happened cuz you did everything she wanted and more.
You do not possess a woman. You simply get your turn. Then when she gets bored the next guy gets his turn. Silly boys. LOL
Your view of relationships is very cynical and makes them out to be not even worth it.
She needs to own up to what she did and *be honest*.
Yeah you're mostly correct and people don't want to hear the cold hard truth. The only thing you did wrong was say It's Solipsism when what you were referring to was hypergamy.
@StunningANDbrave - Thank you for the correction. I"m sure I confuse the two. ;)
@Juxtapose - As far as them not being worth it, that's up to YOU. And if you think stark reality is cynicism, so be it. Normally the only way to get young bucks like you to understand the female psyche is for some bimbo to rip your head off and shit down your neck hole. THEN you might start to pay attention. Otherwise, you just cannot be convinced. Or the classi 'rip your heart out and stomp on it". Evidently neither has happened to you.
They're worth it if you like pussy. If you don't, or you don't care, then go for a guy.
As far as them not being worth it, that's up to YOU. And if you think stark reality is cynicism, so be it. "Normally the only way to get young bucks like you to understand the female psyche is for some bimbo to rip your head off and shit down your neck hole. THEN you might start to pay attention."
This very reality is why I'm starting to tire of trying to genuinely help these guys. They are dumb as hell and think all women are wonderful or are too ego invested to think it won't happen to them and that it doesn't happen as often as it does.
@Juxtapose - "Owning up" is pure bullshit. She fucked around, she keeps it to herself. If you're gonna fuck around on your SO, you don't TELL them you idiot. It's YOUR problem, you don't offload your guilt and remorse on them. That just makes it worse.
The right thing is to tell him - he has a right to decide if he wants to stay with you or not, that's a big part of the reason why this is eating you up because not only were you unfaithful but you're being dishonest. It has to be his choice about whether or not he forgives you.
It was an accident? lol! REALLY? Is THAT what you tell yourself? So like, you were walking down the street one day and you tripped, and the next thing you knew you'd fallen and impaled your pussy on some other dudes dick? And you kept trying to get up and kept falling back down on it? Again and again, faster and faster, until you climaxed and he shot his load in you?
Is that how your "accident" happened? Tell us so we know how to be careful lest such "accidents" happen to us.
If you love him so much don't you think he deserves a girlfriend who isn't a cheating whore? You're being selfish because you're so afraid of losing him, you're fine with him getting the shit end of the deal and a crappy woman.
He's going to find out anyway, quit wasting his time.