I cheated on my boyfriend and I can’t ever tell him. Is this okay if it was only one time?

[Anonymous]

It was only one time and a horrible accident. I regret is so much. My boyfriend is so sweet, handsome and kind. He didn’t deserve it and I feel so bad sometimes. He has the most gorgeous green eyes and I tell him all the time that I wouldn’t ever make them cry or do anything to hurt him. It would be backstabbing and hypocritical of me to tell him the truth of what I did. I can’t tell him. It was just once and a mistake that won’t ever happen again. He is so sweet and caring of me. I can’t lose him.

Don’t tell him

You have to tell him

[rienna888]

Umm, only if you'll never do it again, don't tell him unless you want to lose him and cause him to have many trust issues. What was the reason why you cheated?

[Asker]

Drunk and being stupid

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Love people who blame being drunk for cheating on their partner 🙄

[Smoke-n-Growls]

@Dazed0N0Confused right? Like "lol, oops, I got so drunk I literally consented to sex with a total stranger, lol, so random 🤪".

Nah, s'about as "accidental" as knowingly forgoing a condom and impregnating a woman against her knowledge or consent. It ain't accidental.

It's full intentional assholery.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell him just don't ever do it again

[Asker]

My plans

[Opinion Owner]

@Nachowedgie everyone do mistake it would literally only ruin her relationship with him. What she did was bad but still just don't repeat that mistake

[Opinion Owner]

@Nachowedgie also I never have cheated in my life actually I am still virgin but I know how it can ruin her relationship. truth hurts sometimes

[Nachowedgie]

Cheating isn't an accident, it's a conscious decision someone makes.

She already ruined her relationship by cheating!!! Are you fucking dense or something?

So because she's a piece of shit who cheats she shouldn't tell him why? Because he doesn't deserve to know? Or because you think cheating is okay?

[Opinion Owner]

@Nachowedgie I don't think that cheating is okay we don't know what was her mental condition maybe that guy tried to seduce her maybe she was scared that he would rape her or she was depressed and was only and just did it we don't know why she did it

[Opinion Owner]

@Nachowedgie it is not ruined if she don't tell him just don't do it again and try to improve

[Nachowedgie]

So you're okay with cheating, got it 👌

[Opinion Owner]

@Nachowedgie I said I am not but let's agree to diagreer

[Asker]

I’m already making it up secretly to him. His birthday is coming up and I’m buying him the PS5

[Opinion Owner]

Lol cool idea boys love that gift

[crazy8000]

@Asker

Buying yourself off only makes it worse.
Also tells a lot of your character.
And you gonna get even worse karma that's gonna hit you sooner or later in life when you least expect it.

Cheating are never really a mistake. mistake is just a excuse to not take responsibility of our actions in this kind of scenario unless you got raped.

He probably gonna notice you have done something you shouldn't have done.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

@anonymous & @asker, i hope you both know the feeling of being cheated on and continue to feel this exact same way.

[Jazquee]

You are both HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE people. There is a special place in the after life for bitches like you two...
You make me sick... I actually threw up in mouth just thinking about what you would both willingly would do to someone you "love"... just appalled.
I hope you get the shit kicked out of you by someone who really loves this poor guy
..

[Opinion Owner]

@Dazed0N0Confused I am literally virgin and I would never cheat on anyone.

[Opinion Owner]

@Jazquee most people don't have self control like me. I am still a virgin I really won't cheat.

[backblueblack22]

Notice how the QA chooses the most unpopular opinions as MHO. She never was open to hearing even constructive criticism on the best way to handle this. Instead she just wanted affirmation to take the most selfish route possible.

Her ATTITUDE about this is more gross than the incident itself. Bet you a hundred bucks she will cheat again.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

@backblueblack22 exactly. Hopefully someone tells him she's a fucking cheat & he leaves her.
@Opinion Owner fuck you. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean fucking shit. I hope you're just as forgiving when & if your partner cheats on you.
@asker you're a horrible person & your man deserves someone who can keep their legs closed when they drink.

[Opinion Owner]

@Dazed0N0Confused I don't like guys with too many partner (I like the idea of losing Virginity together guys like him usually don't cheat) even if he did I can forgive him if he did it once (I won't give him second chance and ask him why he did it?)

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I believe you should come clean about it. Personally, if I were in his shoes, I'd want to know, even if it hurt. A harsh truth is better than a nice lie, or never knowing.

Also, it would not be backstabbing or hypocritical to tell him. You already backstabbed him by cheating. Like another comment said, now you're in damage control.

It's best to take full responsibility and admit that what you did is wrong. No excuses, no making yourself out to be the victim or having a pity party, just owning up to it and promising it will never happen again (and keeping this promise). You will need to take steps to work on your self control. Let him know you plan to do this.

Your relationship may end because of this, but it is better to be honest and not hide it, as he deserves to know. Take this as a lesson learned and actually LEARN from it. Do not say it wasn't your fault or try to put the blame on anyone else (as I saw one of your replies to one of the answers here where you stated it wasn't your fault). If you don't take this seriously and learn from it, you will never stop doing it.

[SecretsofKB]

Yeah, he didn't deserve what you did to him, and he also doesn't deserve for you to not tell him.

Tell him what happened. He deserves to know, and he deserves to have the right to choose if he wants to stay with you (which may happen).

If you don't tell him, you'll regret it the rest of your life. If you do tell him and he stays with you, you'll know he loves you and you won't regret that. Telling him is your only option out of this.

[Asker]

There’s no way he would stay if I told him

[SecretsofKB]

He is such a great guy, right? Then why are you doing wrong by him so much? He may figure it out in the future or someone will tell him and that's way worse than you telling him.

[Asker]

He is but why should he know? I don’t understand

[friendzoned4life]

Tell him , I been cheated on before he will dump you and he is right for it you don't deserve love

[Jazquee]

The fact that you don't know why he needs to know. Makes you even a nastier person than I originally thought.
You don't deserve a relationship. You don't deserve someone to love you... you destroy other people because you want 5 seconds of joy... get over yourself
Not only do I hope he finds out. But that he has a few bitch friends
.. or sisters that will kick the shit out of you...

[coachTanthony]

You should leave him he deserves better. Loyalty is everything.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[DianaWest]

why do you have so many downvotes? i guess it's from all the hoes and tramps.

[coachTanthony]

@DianaWest Fake accounts, adored fans LOL Who knows... happens on all my posts. GAG is looking into it.

[Citizenkirk]

I wouldn't suggest that the number of transgressions in this relationship would determine whether it's okay or not, because if you believe that it would hurt your partner to know this, and it's obviously hurting you to know that this happened, than back to place and the health of your relationship with this other person are probably the most relevant factors and determining whether or not to share this information with your partner, and what to tell him about how this situation has affected you, and how it might affect him in the long term.
There doesn't appear to be any malice or resentment involved here because you seem genuinely worried about how this news might make him feel, and if you're reluctant to tell him out of fear of hurting him emotionally, it says that you care enough about him to make his feelings about the situation of priority for you, but does not invalidate the possibility that this time in your life may not be the perfect time for you to commit to a lifelong relationship with your perfect man.
Sometimes people do things they regret as the means of sabotaging the relationship on some subconscious level, because deep down inside, maybe they know something about the relationship or about themselves, that would tell them something they really don't want to hear or believe, which is that no matter how much you love a person, there may be other factors involved in your life that just will not accommodate that kind of relationship at this stage of your life.
Maybe he is a perfect man for you, maybe he's not, but this may, or may not, be the right time for this man to be in your life.
If you see a lifelong commitment with him, then your relationship will not survive keeping a secret like that indefinitely, because it doesn't become any easier to forget with time, it becomes harder, and the stronger a connection between you and him grows, the greater the intensity will grow of any feelings of guilt you carry around with you as a result of this one indiscretion, and the heartbreak you are afraid of causing him now, will inevitably become a self-fulfilling prophecy as that sense of guilt and remorse grows stronger with time, stronger and harder to reconcile in your relationship later in life💔

[Anonymous]

You are just trying to justify for yourself avoiding doing the right thing, because it is difficult to do. I think you are mainly avoiding telling him because you are afraid of losing him, which is selfish reason not to tell him.

But yes, you are right that it will most likely hurt him.

That doesn't mean that not telling him will be better. It may hurt him a lot more if you keep it a secret. And keeping it a secret will probably hurt you a lot too.

The truth almost always comes out eventually anyway. And if everything is going fine, and you guys get more serious, and it suddenly comes out much later, it may hurt both of you a lot more.

Look, we're all human, and humans sometimes make terrible mistakes. He has a right to leave you for cheating on him. But he also has a right to forgive you.

But right now, you are robbing him of the choice to do either of those things. Ultimately, if he can forgive you, it will make your relationship stronger. But he can't forgive a crime he knows nothing about.

You also made a mistake in promising him you would never hurt him or make him cry. That's not realistic, unfortunately. So you made two mistakes, actually. You messed up.

If you want to tell him in a way that's going to be least painful, then do something nice for him (that's non-sexual) before you tell him. Like, cook his favorite meal for a brunch, and then go for a walk afterward to let the food settle. Then towards the end of the walk, you tell him. He may lose his appetite after you tell him, so with a good meal, at least he won't go hungry. And the walk builds endorphins, which makes it easier to deal with stress. Also, if you take the walk on a bright sunny day, the sunlight will help ward off the depression. And the fresh air brings more clarity of thought.

Before the meal, give him a clue that you want to go on a walk because something is bothering you, but don't tell him enough to worry him so much he can't enjoy it.

After you confess, even if he forgives you, he may lose sexual interest in you for a while. Try to prepare yourself for that, and accept it as part of the healing process. On the other hand, it's also possible that his interest may not decrease, and he may feel that intimacy will make him feel better. Everyone heals differently.

And of course, there are no promises he will forgive you or stay with you. But it is better to end a relationship in honesty, then to continue a relationship under the veil of deceit.

[Anonymous]

I know the majority is saying tell him, but don't.

Look, those people are putting themselves in his place - if their partner cheated, they'd want to know.

But don't tell him.

Women often nuke their own relationship because they are addicted to drama, or secretly want to break up, or some other reason. But you can't nuke a relationship and put it back together again. The drama queens, the ones who lob grenades, often have regret after the fact, lying there amidst the rubble and realising they are now single and he is never coming back.

Don't tell him.

If it was a once off and you're sure it will never happen again, do two things. Get an STI test and a pregnancy test. And never tell him.

I'd say the same to a guy who (for reasons) went with a hooker or something. If it was a one off, and you're horribly upset with yourself and you know it will never happen again... don't tell.

Forgive yourself - you're the only one who can. And don't tell. Because at that point you're just punishing both of you, needlessly.

Don't tell.

And if you are looking for a silver lining here - there's two. First, people in your position who have slipped and fallen are a lot more careful in the future. You won't put yourself in positions where you're likely to be tempted. If drink played a factor, you'll never get drunk alone with a male friend again. If drugs played a factor, you may give up drink all together.

And second - your boyfriend/husband may slip up in the future. And maybe he won't have had this advice - and maybe he will just tell you, or maybe you'll just accidentally find out.

If you have forgiven yourself and chosen not to tell him, you'll find it is a lot easier to recognise the flawed human in front of you, telling you it was a one off mistake and he'll never do it again.

But if you had told him, and he slips... part of you will never be able to let go of the idea that he did it out of revenge, and to punish you, and to make things equal or even between you. You will never fully be able to think of his slip as a once off accident.

So - make sure he never finds out, forgive yourself, get the two tests, and learn how to forgive people who slip.

Good luck, and I hope you to listen to the minority in this case.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

My first fiancee cheated on me, she cheated on me with 6 people or so and was banging her pill dealer. She told me, I wish I didn't know. That said, it doesn't matter what she does, short of offing herself, it won't make any difference.

[AdithyaR]

Absolutely horrible advice.
You essentially want her to lie to him and basically manipulate him into staying in the relationship. She did something that's a deal breaker for almost every relationship, the biggest betrayal of trust.

[BeeNee]

So...your advice is just hope you get lucky and don't have an STI that you spread to your boyfriend (so you don't get caught) and in the meantime, hope the other person doesn't have any contact with the boyfriend (because if he tells days, months, years later that won't ever blow up in her face) and don't tell him and forgive yourself...kind of like when people murder people and get away with it, and just forgive themselves because it will only happen the one time.

She blew up her relationship when she cheated. A relationship is built on trust and if you don't have that because you're a liar, that is no relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

@DeltaCharlieEcho "She told me, I wish I didn't know"

My point exactly.

[Opinion Owner]

@AdithyaR Yeah you're 20. Kids love to live in absolutes.

[Opinion Owner]

@BeeNee "So... your advice is just hope you get lucky and don't have an STI that you spread to your boyfriend"

Never said anything like that - since you can't argue against what I said, and you have to make shit up, that kind of shows how weak your argument is.

[Opinion Owner]

Anon - Just to add, if you read the responses other people have made when answering your question, one thing becomes clear. The ones saying Tell him are all thinking about themselves. What it would be like or has been like, if their partner cheated on them.

They are not thinking about you. Or your specific circumstances. Keep that in mind when deciding whether to ignore their advice or not.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

Let me rephrase that, I wish I would never never met her; I wish I didn’t know what it feels like to know what’s behold the gate of truth as it relates to women. I wish it didn’t send me spiraling into years of research on sexual psychology for survival.

I knew she was cheating before she told me; she only told me because I called her out on it. Telling me made no difference. The experience has shaped my life though.

[Opinion Owner]

@DeltaCharlieEcho Then your case is also different to hers, and like I said, you're thinking about You and how it made You feel.

[Opinion Owner]

@DeltaCharlieEcho " she cheated on me with 6 people or so and was banging her pill dealer. "

Again, does that sound remotely like her experience as listed in her question?

You are posting advice for him, when you should be posting advice for her.

[AdithyaR]

So apparently cause she's gotta think of herself she's allowed to lie and manipulate her boyfriend who's not done anything wrong in this situation?
Yeah sure I maybe 20 but at least I have the common sense to know that you shouldn't fricking cheat in a relationship. It's not a mistake, it's a choice. Yes we're thinking about her boyfriend in this situation cause he's the one who's been wronged, he deserves to know the truth and if he chooses, leave her. Cheating is a deal breaker and she knows this, hence she's looking for validation to not say it, cause she knows she's screwed up and will lose him.

[Opinion Owner]

@AdithyaR Wow. Your follow up demonstrates exactly why she should ignore your answer, and the other folks who think like you.

[AdithyaR]

Of course, she should stick to a sweet lie than the bitter truth. And let that poor guy get manipulated.
People like you who are defending cheaters are just bad as cheaters themselves.
I feel sorry for both of you.

[Opinion Owner]

@AdithyaR I hope you never need the forgiveness of a loved one.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

@AdithyaR don’t even respond to this mongaloid. The opening owner is most likely a female pretending to be a man. If it is a man he should just chop off his balls and start wearing shirts because a man doesn’t think this way.

[AdithyaR]

@Opinion Owner if I ever want forgiveness from them, it won't be for fricking cheating, I can assure you.

[AdithyaR]

@DeltaCharlieEcho yep this person likes a troll.

[Opinion Owner]

@AdithyaR I've been accused by you people of being a woman, a cuck, a troll, and a cheater.
I haven't accused any of you of being anything other than mistakenly idealistic.
I think I know who the trolls are just fine.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

You make it sound like being a woman is a bad thing. It's okay sweetie you can be honest with us, we won't respect you any more or less, but it's okay to have a snatch.

[Opinion Owner]

@DeltaCharlieEcho And yet you're the one who acts like it's something to be ashamed of, because you're clearly aiming it as an insult. You missed, of course. But your intent was clear.

I hope OP is listening to the mature responses and not the childish reactionary ones.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

The female logic you're displaying is absolutely shameful, being a female doesn't have to be. You don't have to hide anymore old lady, we know you're a female.

[Opinion Owner]

@DeltaCharlieEcho Like I said, you're wrong, you use female like an insult showing your misogyny, and for some strange reason you think I'll be offended by it.

[AdithyaR]

I accused you based on what I see. You're defending a cheater, hence I called you out on that. And if you aren't serious about anything you're saying, then you're a troll.
And also, being loyal and not cheating isn't idealistic, it's the fricking bare minimum. It's basic human decency to not cheat in a relationship. If you can't do that, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship, period.

[Opinion Owner]

@AdithyaR I am serious. I was serious about everything I said. Your inability to recognise that other people can have a different opinion than yours, says more about your lack of awareness and inability to deal with the outside world, than it does about me.

I will spell it out for you one more time, since you seem to have such difficulty with it.

I choose to believe the OP when she says it was a one off deal and will never happen again. I choose to think one deed does not define a person for life. She has asked for my opinion and advice, (amongst everyone elses) so I don't really give a shit how it will affect anyone else. I am giving her the best advice I can, FOR HER. I don't condone cheating. I do condone forgiveness. And if it was a one off one time mistake with no consequences (hence the sti/pregnancy checks) then there is no point in telling him if she wishes to keep dating him because telling him will most likely end the relationship.

[AdithyaR]

But by not telling him she's not giving him any choice in the matter. Relationships are built in trust and honesty, the trust was broken when she cheated, now she still has the choice to be honest. Now there is a chance he might leave her but she's gotta respect that, cheating is a deal breaker for most people. The fact that both you and her say that telling him will likely end the relationship shows you know what she did was wrong.
You say you condone forgiveness but you're ignoring the main person she needs to get forgiveness from, her boyfriend. She needs to give him that option. If she's honest, there is a chance he will forgive her and stay. She can't hide it forever and eventually when he finds out from another source, it will hurt both of them more. If she continues to hide it, their relationship is now built on a lie and is already doomed.

[AdithyaR]

And I have no problem understanding that other people have different opinions. I can respect different opinions as long as they don't harm anyone else. Your opinion directly harms the boyfriend as you're encouraging her to lie and manipulate him. And as for your point that your advice is for her and you don't care how it will affect anyone else, that doesn't work in the real world. Situations like these have multiple people involved and here both the OP and her boyfriend is involved, by not thinking of one your advice is biased and actively harming the other.

[AdithyaR]

And lastly, cheating is never a mistake, it's a choice. Cause if she had consensual sex with someone, she's cheated and if it was non consensual, that's rape and a whole other ball game, where the OP is a victim and neither she or her boyfriend are to blame. But here she is aware that she cheated, meaning it was a decision, not a mistake.
And everyone has to be held accountable for their actions. By lying and hiding it, she is avoiding responsibility and accountability of her actions.

[zeitgeist057]

I also cheated on a girlfriend, and I knew that if I told her, then our relationship would be over. I loved her so much and didn't want our relationship to end.

But on the other hand, every day of keeping the secret from her was a poison inside me. I only want a relationship where I can be honest and where my girlfriend knows me and what is in my heart. I want to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with her, to be intimate.

I realized that I had an impossible situation. I couldn't have intimacy with someone who I was lying to. So I told her, and we broke up. I still love her and miss her to this day, but I couldn't have the relationship I wanted to have with her.

You have a choice. You can keep this boyfriend, but you will never be able to truly be close to him with the lie between you creating distance. So it is a shadow of what true love and a true relationship should be. There is a chance he will forgive you if you tell him, but that is up to him. And it's up to you what kind of relationship you want to have.

[Jazquee]

This is best advice so far. Good for you for passing on the lesson.

[Miristheiss]

Who cares if it was only "one time"
He 100% DESERVES to know. You may give him a sexually transmitted disease. He needs to know that you are capable of this and that you are selfish enough to betray him in the most intimate way whenever you get the urge. He needs to know if you are the marrying kind or not. He needs to know because this may be a deal breaker issue and he will want to leave and find a faithful woman. If this is a hard deal breaker then every moment you pretend to be the faithful girlfriend is just a lie. Let's say he finds out one year from now and breaks up then... every moment from now to then to him will have just been a lie... you will have tricked him into staying with you by lying to him.

If you are truly repentant and remorseful then tell him and let the chips fall where they may.

You selfishly chose to betray him because you felt like it and there was an opportunity... now you are talking of hiding it and lying. Why? Because he may break up over it. You can't have that... so you are willing to lie.

Step outside of yourself for a moment and look at yourself with new eyes. Do you see what a selfish person you are? Until you change that and transform into a giving, selfless person... you are bad news for anyone to ever date. You are incapable of being a good girlfriend, wife, mother. You are too selfish.

[Anonymous]

"It was only one time" That's okay. He had sex with your little sister but they only fucked once.

". . . and a horrible accident." How did the guy's dick accidentally end up in your pussy?

"I regret is so much." You should, but regretting it after it happened is not a substitute for not doing it in the first place.

"He didn’t deserve it and I feel so bad sometimes." And you feel okay about it the rest of the time?

"He has the most gorgeous green eyes and I tell him all the time that I wouldn’t ever make them cry or do anything to hurt him." Most cheaters are also liars.

"It would be backstabbing and hypocritical of me to tell him the truth of what I did." It would also cause him to leave you and you don't want that; THAT is the reason you don't tell him.

"I can’t tell him." Actually, you CAN. You just choose not to do that.

"It was just once" So, if I'm horny and I ask you for a BJ, and you agree, it's okay because it's only once? But if you did it TWICE. . . now THAT would be bad!

"and a mistake that won’t ever happen again." I doubt you will have much more of a chance to cheat on him again.

"He is so sweet and caring of me. I can’t lose him." You can and you will. Very soon.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Based!

"regretting it after it happened is not a substitute for not doing it in the first place." this shit needs to be taught while kids are at school, it's a good lesson for life, not just for cheating adults

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

Cheating on your boyfriend once is more than enough times to break his trust. Relationships are healthiest when both parties trust each other. I am also not convinced that your infidelity was a "mistake" or "accident." Mistakes or accidents are events that people cause beyond their control, consent, or intentions. When a person cheats, he or she makes the direct choice to do so, which is fully within his or her control, consent, and/or intentions. Therefore, you can't claim that it was an accident. I recommend accepting responsibility. Personally, I wouldn't even recommend that you and your boyfriend get back together. If he is truly very sweet, handsome, and kind as you said, then he deserves a woman that would respect and love his traits, and remain loyal to him. If you don't mind me asking, why did you cheat on him? Was he bad in bed? Within my experiences, that's usually the main reason women cheat on sweet and kind guys. Regardless, I recommend that you find someone that can fill the void regarding the reason you cheated and learn how to remain loyal to good men. Thus, to answer the question, I recommend that you take responsibility for what you did, tell him that you cheated, break up, and allow him to find the loyal woman that he deserves.

[Screenwriter]

Somethings are best kept to yourself. Total honesty is foolish. You young adults, do you tell your parents everything you do? Of course you don't.

This person has been extremely careless. We all have to admit that. She needs to examine WHY she did this. Was it because of a fight she had with her boyfriend, was she too drunk? If either of those scenarios ring true, you need to speak to someone who it IS safe to tell about this transgression: a therapist.

You need to work out with an objective person why you put yourself in a situation that could ruin your current life with a partner you clearly love. Have you never had such a positive relationship and on some level want to ruin it? That's called self-sabotage.

If you are doing something like that, you need to learn why to stop it. If you got drunk and fell in bed with something, then you might have a drinking problem... that is masking some OTHER problems you also might have. A professional will dig down through the clutter to clear this up with you.

Most of these kinds of issues can be solved with thirteen to 20 sessions. Get that help. Don't discuss this with your kind boyfriend and break his heart. Carry the burden yourself and take it to the grave with you.

[Juxtapose]

She's a piece of shit, therapy won't fix that.

[Screenwriter]

@Juxtapose How do you know what she is? Do you know this person? Do you know why this happened with her? You cannot judge unless you ARE her. Walk a mile in her shoes. I'm making no excuses. I don't know the particulars. But we who are NOT this person, who is CLEARLY remorseful, have no right to crucify her.

[Juxtapose]

A lot of cheaters appear remorseful but they are only sorry they got caught. If they had any empathy for their lover then they would have not cheated, they are fucking scumbags.

Unless she is being abused or something then almost nothing can excuse the cheating. I am judging her with the utmost severity as she deserves, I have NO respect for cheaters.

[Juxtapose]

After all, people are 100% responsible for their actions. She has personal responsibility for what happened.

[Screenwriter]

@Juxtapose Of COURSE she has personal responsibility for what she did. And she did NOT get caught. There's nothing to respect about what she did. But just perhaps she has learned a dire lesson. Maybe something positive will come from this awful error she made. I hope so.

[Finchie40]

Poor guy , the thing is you don’t love and value him cuz if you did you wouldn’t of cheated on him period , The thing is you are a selfish person and honestly you don’t deserve to be with someone like him , by you telling him the truth is going to shatter him and you are more than likely going to lose him , cheating is one of the worse things someone can do to someone , so word of advice just end it with him and let him move on and find someone that wouldn’t cheat on him , if you love him then love him enough to let him go so he can find true love , just because you think you love him , you honestly do not , If you don’t tell him the truth all you are going to do is live a lie and have guilt eating you alive , You will never be able to look at him the same again cuz you know deep inside you cheated on him , you basically dug your own grave , but look at it this as a learning experience , maybe the next guy you latch onto you will stop yourself from cheating , but that’s something you have to choose , but for your current boyfriend you are best to let him go , cuz by keeping him just proves you are a selfish person that only cares about themselves , if you can’t remove selfishness for someone then you don’t know what it means to be in a relationship

[Finchie40]

Also I am sorry I am coming off so bluntly , but sometimes truth hurts and hopefully we learn from those mistakes we make, You aren’t a bad person for the fact that you know what you did was wrong but be a better person by accepting your mistake and letting your boyfriend move on , We are all imperfect people and we all make mistakes but what’s makes us better people is living up to those mistakes and changing for the better, My personal opinion is to not tell him you had sex with someone else , he doesn’t need full detail but definitely end it with him , That will completely shatter him , Just tell him you don’t want to be with him anymore and that you want to date other people or you met someone else He will still be upset and sad but it’s better than him picturing you getting screwed by another guy , If you don’t end it with him , You will never be happy holding that guilt inside you for that long , realize you deserve someone that you wouldn’t cheat on and that you don’t have to hide secrets from to appease them , You are only hurting yourself for accepting that and you would be living a lie

[backblueblack22]

The most important question is this: WHY did you do this? If you loved and more importantly RESPECTED your boyfriend than you would of never done this.

There always going to be very attractive people out there to tempt you. It’s human nature to have that impulse run through your mind. But you made a decision to go through with it. Why? Did this guy offer you something your boyfriend hasn’t been fulfilling?

Anyway you can not have the best of both worlds. You can not have this sexual escapades with some random bad boy all the while having your “sweet and caring” boyfriend on the surface. No. Bullshit. There is zero justification.

The best thing you should do is break up with your boyfriend. Yes if you respect him than break up with him. Don’t tell him why but if he does ask then confess what you did. Tell him that he deserved better than what you did. That’s the most noble approach you can have. At least you can regain a modicum of dignity in that situation. Again it’s about RESPECT.

I have one ex girlfriend who broke up with me 7 years ago that I’m about 95 percent sure cheated on me a week or two before she dropped the axe (with a guy she worked with). We were already on the rocks and think she used her “feelings” to justify that bullshit. I definitely had my faults in that relationship. I did flirt with other girls but I never crossed the line. I had several opportunities to as well but I did the right thing.

However she never admitted it to me because I didn’t ask. I’m not sure how I would of took it if she did confess it. But again it was “don’t ask don’t tell” scenario.

[backblueblack22]

Funny I 100% trust my ex girlfriend at the time. That’s why I never asked her why she wanted to break up. I thought it was solely because of my behavior (I admit I acted disconnected and it was wrong). It didn’t cross my mind so she got let off the hook on that. Maybe you will be lucky too.

But I thought we would have some mutual respect afterwards because we agreed to still communicate about some things. But she then treated me lower than pond scum. Looking back on it she was just doubling down on her own shitty ass guilt.

[Anonymous]

Oh shit, oh boy! Well you got scenarios to play with one you tell him and his green eyes will turn gray from all of the crying and then he will kick your ass to the curb but you will cut the cord sooner rather than later or the more likely option that most people do is play the numbers that sometime in the future it could be tomorrow it could be a hundred years from now but somehow the truth Rises same thing will happen he'll kick your ass to the curb but you will have no control no say of any sort of when the truth comes out at least when you tell the truth you're ready for the consequences are about to come with concealing the truth you never know so because you were screwing around either you're going to get screwed or you going to get screwed I don't know what to tell you it's a tough decision and either decision I don't blame you it's either sooner or later you are going to pay the Piper lesson in all this keep it in your pants keep the pussy tight can you do that for me can you? I can also say start praying to Jesus but I think we're past that point anyway but it's never a bad idea to start praying. Oh yeah that picture is a reason why we cannot have nice things you remember that when you can no longer have nice things you remember this moment

[Anonymous]

Tell him the truth. You simply want to make it easy for yourself by not confessing to what you did so you don't have to deal with the ACTUAL consequences, whatever they may be. This isn't about not hurting him....you've already done that.

Your time to make good life choices about this relationship ended when you cheated. You say he is nice and kind, so he gave you no reason to do what you did, and you did it anyway. If you are truly actually remorseful, sit him down and explain what you did and let the chips fall where they may. Secrets have a nasty way of coming back to bite you, so just because you don't tell, doesn't mean it won't come out and you may find yourself worse off then, then had you have told him in the first place. I hope you do the right thing and tell him. He deserves the truth from someone he should be able to trust.

[Jazquee]

It will eat away at your soul if you don't I'm affraid.
If u truly love him you should tell him. The guilt will make you act differently. (Unless you have no soul... which I can tell you do because of not only your question but how you worded it )
What happened? Were you drunk? Does he know guy?
Think of it from his end... wouldn't you rather hear it from him... than someone else? I'm sorry this happened... but for every action there is a reaction... sometimes cheating can be worked out.. it would take a lot of work from both sides, but sometimes.. good luck

[backblueblack22]

There is a difference of confessing something to alleviate your own guilt (which is selfish) vs. confessing something because you RESPECT the other person.

The best thing she can do is break up with him and flat out say “you deserve someone better than me.” because that’s the truth. If he pressed for the truth then and only THEN confess it to him. How he reacts to it is on him. Personally I would say adiós if I was in his shoes. BUT in the long run i would at least feel semi better that she respected me enough to own up to her bullshit. That’s the difference.

She made her bed. Now it’s time to lay in it.

[Jazquee]

I disagree with you. No selfishness in telling the truth ... and so what if she also wants to clear her soul... no point in beating around the bush.
Tell him.. like a bandaid'... who knows maybe he is the kind that will want to work on it. If your straight up and honest about it

[backblueblack22]

Okay so honesty is the best policy. So if she REALLY told the truth is would go like this:

“Hey John you are such as sweet and caring man. Although I love how you have always bent over backwards for me the truth is I got bored and lost respect for you because deep down I want to be treated like a complete whore by random fuckboys. The drama makes me feel more alive. Yes that whats REALLY WANT which is of course different than what you heard me say I want.

So at this point I hope to get the best of both worlds. So I’m going to confess to you that I cheated. You see while I do feel guilty for hurting you what I really have are crocodile tears: I feel more bad for myself. I also worry that someone else might find out and it will get back to you. Then the world will know I’m a cheating whore. I got to protect my rep so keep it between us okay?

But I know you a “nice guy” and while you may get upset I’m really hoping you will let me walk over you. You see I really want the best of both worlds. I want a nice guy to kiss my ass and boost my outward reputation. However I want to secretly fuck bad boys and say it was an some sort of accident. But at the end of the day I don’t respect you. That’s why I call this an accident vs flat out admitting I’m a selfish POS.”

[StunningANDbrave]

@backblueblack22 Ruthless 🤙

[backblueblack22]

@StunningANDbrave just read into how the QA phrased her “confession”. If she truly respected her boyfriend (despite cheating) she would of phrased it along the lines of “My boyfriend is a good man and he deserves better than a cheating POS like me”. But no instead she’s talking about his “green eyes” (she doesn’t want to lose his attention” and how the cheating was an “accident”. You can just see her disgusting conceited thinking. It’s all self serving.

[StunningANDbrave]

@backblueblack22 I agree with everything you said. It genuinely pisses me off to see this kind of trash and the rationalizations these whores make. Once you can understand subtext it becomes even more irritating.

[Jazquee]

Honesty is the best policy yes. But you can add Tact and grace to it as well.
No need to carelessly rip his heart out.
But telling him I made a horrible mistake and you didn't deserve this kind of statement. Puts him in control and also has her taking the blame.
I in NO way condone cheating and I personally think she is a nasty little selfish game playing whore...(sorry lady... I speak the truth )
But she can still let him down properly

[backblueblack22]

@stunningandbrave I know all too well because this bs was done to me years ago. Also I truly believe many women are getting worse about this because modern feminism ENCOURAGES hypergamy. These same women would of made better choices in a different time era despite being tempted.

@Jazquee thanks. Realize I was being sardonic above. Of course she wouldn’t say that but we can read between the lined. Also just a FYI I know there is a decent percentage of women out there who have better morals and respect then this selfish bitch. However I do believe there is a growing percentage of them who are getting worse given the modern culture we now live in.

[StunningANDbrave]

@backblueblack22 Me and you share much of the same prospective, I'm sorry you got finessed and fucked with dude but often that's what it takes to have an awakening, me included. As for women making different choice's in a different era I have to question if this shitty behavior being displayed today has always been a feature and they were lying or being chameleons in that era. You can blame feminism for being the catalyst for it sure but is what we are seeing actually new?

[Jazquee]

I understand what you are saying but it's fairly shitty to put the blame on women. I know many many many men that are shitty cheats and liars as well
It's not men or women to blame it shitty people

[Jazquee]

@backblueblack22. I totally get your point. But as half of the good population I have to stick up for us... not very many these days it seems 🥺

[backblueblack22]

@Jazquee i know it’s not fair to blame all women and I don’t. That’s why I said straight up that a “decent percentage” of women are better then that.

I also don’t deny there are plenty of scumbag men out there. But let’s be honest, how many guys do you see posting and confessing about cheating on GAG all the while looking for affirmation or wiggle room for their shitty behavior?

I cheated only once in my life and it was on my first girlfriend at 16. I was a stupid horny teenager who didn’t know how to handle surprise female attention. Funny how women often find taken men more attractive. But still what I did was wrong and I damn well knew it at the time.

I confessed it to my girlfriend and she was hurt/furious. Not surprisingly she dumped me a week later. And I did NOT have any self pity. I accepted the consequences of my decisions. I laid in the bed I made for myself.

I made a vow back then to never do that again. And I kept it all through adult hood despite being tempted, sometimes angry at my gfs or thinking of some other shitty self serving excuse. Last but not least I’ve had other women treat me like shit but I don’t use that as an excuse to mistreat an innocent woman to get “revenge by proxy” for “the team”. No.

Men don’t get away with trying to justify shitty behavior because of their emotions (and we definitely have emotions whether we show them or not).

Again I don’t want to throw all women under the bus. But modern feminism is making this bullshit 10 times worse.

[backblueblack22]

@StunningANDbrave our society in general is losing morals on everything. I sometimes use dating apps and I often come across “partnered” women who are in a “open relationship”. People openly doing this was virtually unheard of 10 years ago

At least is those scenarios everything is out on the table. But why is it that as men we have to always be on “our guard” with this bs? When a woman gets screwed over she’s “a victim”. When a man gets screwed over he’s a naive chump. That’s an exaggeration but still look how some of these females seek affirmation for shitty behavior? They need to be judged just as harshly as men are. A POS is a POS no matter how much glitter and lip gloss you out on it.

Feminism will never truly succeed unless more women like @Jazquee stand up vocally against this bs.

[Jazquee]

I agree and fully hate the self righteous females... no I wouldn't imagine men would gossip as much as women in general!.
But no there is no sympathy for cheating. Your actions your choices. I fully agree

[Jazquee]

And thank you for the compliment. I am on a mission to find more like me... lol
There has to be.

[backblueblack22]

@Jazquee thanks. These bitches don’t listen to guys but they MIGHT listen to other women. Because you have been around long enough to know there are consequences to your decisions.

by the way I tore into a different guy on GAG because he admitted to cheating. I can relate to how it’s so much easier to get action when you are taken but I flat out told him he was being a scumbag bs. He actually acknowledged me and listened.

[Jazquee]

I am old... lol this is true. 😄😄😄😜
I am totally a crime fighter towards bad intentions and shitty actions.
I believe in the sanctity of marriage and relationships. Not mature enough to commit to someone and bond to just ONE... then don't get into a relationship. So cruel and unfair to you with a human being like he is your toy... I seriously want to punch this chick in the dome.

[Jazquee]

Good for you for setting someone straight... sad that relationships don't matter anymore to most

[backblueblack22]

@Jazquee I’m actually your same age. But seriously I’ve met grown ass adults who still act this way. Anyway. It’s tough be single nowadays

[ARealHonestHuman]

Its not okay anymore. You broke his trust and loyalty. Thats the sad truth you're gonna have to learn lady. Plus the bad thing with that is people see you differently, even his family will. Its best you end it, change yourself before you start dating and then tell yourself. Is it worth it to cheat because you wanted to feel some satisfaction or is it worth it being grateful and being appreciative that you have someone to love you even in your time alone. you're even lucky to be in a relationship now. and yes i did compare you to us who are single.

[bobalife]

No, cheating is n e v e r okay at all even if it was just once.

If you truly love your boyfriend, then what do you think will hurt him more? Cheating and hiding for him to find out otherwise or cheating and being honest as soon as possible? If you really love someone, you have to respect him enough to be honest and take it as a consequence to be upfront and be a better partner. If you decide to hide and lie, you're only going to be the cause of hurting him long-term and be scar like most who have been cheated on. You should try to be the 1% who actually wanna make it better. I know it is scary, but it is the right thing to do. Put yourself in his shoes if he cheated on you with someone else. A healthy, good relationship is based on honesty even with uncomfortable conversations.

[Pasiton5]

Once you excusea lie or deceive then it becomes rest the next time and the next, and there will be because it's like some one addicted to drugs or any habit, they feel guilty after the fact saying and feeling as you do now after the fact, but what made you home in to your weakness surely will happen again, telling him being honest will allow him to decide if he wants to continue with you seek counselling and move on, you keep it from him what's to deter you from repeating what you done or worse, the truth will set you free, he just might also, always best to be honest

[DJB72]

It'll be infinitely worse if he finds out from someone else.

You say it was an "accident". I've never found sex was "accidental". At some point you decided to kiss another man. Then you decided to take off your clothes. Then you decided to let him get inside you. It may have been a mistake, but it wasn't an accident.

I'm not judging, just stating reality.

I believe you love your boyfriend. Anyone can make a series of mistakes. But premeditated or not, you cheated and its nearly impossible to hide that forever. It will hurt both of you to have him find out from someone else. If you tell him then yes, he may break up with you. He may not. The simple fact is that nothing happens in a vacuum. There must have been a series of events that allowed you to be able to cheat. If you're honest with yourself and him you can work together to make sure it never happens again.