Why is my boyfriend being so stubborn when he could end the fight with one sentence?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriend is white and I am black.

He was tracing family history recently and learned his ancestors kept black slaves, and I half jokingly said he should apologize for what his ancestors did to mine and he just sort of went “ha ha sure babe” and that irritated me, and so I said I was serious and it would make me feel good if he did and he came back with some crap about how he’s not responsible for the actions if people who died hundreds of years before he was born and we ended up in a big fight and now we barely talk to each other, I’ve told him he just has to say this one thing but he’s not backing down and I’m so mad!
what can I do? I don’t want to end this relationship but hus racism is offending me and he’s being so stubborn!

Updates

+1 y

Forum is full of racists I see

[ChiTown33]

Let me try to inject some humor into this while attempting to make a point. I was listening to Tracy Morgan do stand up. He was dating this white girl. Anyways they did role playing where she was a white slave owners daughter and he was a slave. And she was always sneaking out of the big plantation house to be with him. And let me say she put him through a harder workout than any slave master could lol.
Point is he could have been offended but he just went with it.
Now I'm not saying that's what you should do. I don't know your experiences with race. And while I think your boyfriend can be forgiven for his initial response. I do think he's really dumb for continuing to disregard your feelings when he saw you weren't backing down.
I would simply ask him why he don't consider it be an issue. And then tell him why it bothers you. Then it's all out there. Not slavery. But why it's still an issue to you. He might see his error. Or you might find out a deal breaker between you two. But at least you'll truly know where you both stand.

[abc3643]

I think you created this mess because he's right. What his relatives did is irrelevant to him. It's the same reason why we don't arrest a murderer's entire family. It's his dead relatives that should apologize, not him. Furthermore, nothing was done to you! It was your relatives who were harmed.

He's not being racist; if he was, he wouldn't even be dating you to begin with.
However, in a way, you are acting a little bit racist now that you are expecting an apology - and apology for things he did not do and for things, none of which were done to you.

Learn this and go forward in this relationship or dump him and move on.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's fair to hold him accountable for something his ancestors did which he had no control over - clearly he isn't racist if he's dating and loves you.
I think you're being ridiculous and jeopardizing your entire relationship over something trivial like an apology for something he didn't do.
It's like if you found out your ancestor did something awful and then had someone expect you to make amends for their transgression, it doesn't make sense.

Up to you what you want to do - if you don't let this go and let it become an issue, don't expect to remain with him for much loner.

[Anonymous]

He’s right. And he doesn’t owe you an apology. He has no reason to apologize for the actions of previous generations. Neither do you. Just drop it and move on. Or move out.

[coachTanthony]

-----------Looks like it's your way or the highway. Not a good look no matter what the conversations is about.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[MrOracle]

This is NOT racism, despite what you might have been brainwashed to believe. He is NOT responsible for what other people - people who lived and died decades before he was born - have done. If you can't understand that, then it's because you've been indoctrinated into this "woke" bullshit that is trying to make everyone a victim or an oppressor - sometimes both on the same day.

He is responsible for what HE does, not what happened in the past. Do you want to be responsible for the crimes of your ancestors? I'm sure some crimes could be dug up in which we can force YOU to apologize, or worse. But most people understand that that's completely unreasonable for ANYONE to expect from ANYONE else.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with race, and everything to do with INDIVIDUAL responsibility.

[Anonymous]

"I half jokingly said "
"I said I was serious"

Which is it?

Here's what I think - you were serious from the get-go and you are a liar, because if you were honest here people would call you out on your bullshit. So now you claim you were half-joking and his response made you mad and so now you're suddenly seriously serious. And it's his fault.

"he’s not responsible for the actions if people who died hundreds of years before he was born"
Oh no, the Truth. How offensive. You should do something completely sane and rational and proportionate. I know - CALL HIM A RACIST! That will show him.

He's dating a black girl - he is clearly not racist. You're just looking for a fight and you found one. Congrats. Enjoy being single because he will dump you eventually, you're clearly toxic.

[NamerOfStars]

Clearly, because your racism is offending HIM. You're holding him accountable for the actions of people he never met, long before he was born, based simply on the color of his skin. Why, exactly, SHOULD he back down? Why do his feelings matter less than yours?

[The-Wise-Phoenix]

Are you stupid or something?🤨
Unless you are 170 years old I don't want to hear any of rubbish about slavery.

I'll give you an omission. My great great great grandfather went to war and killed his own brethren so your great great great grandfather could have his freedom.

Does that make you feel better now?

[magiusX26]

how would you feel if you both found out one of your long ago ancestors raped or murdered one of his? would he be entitled to an appology from you? no he would not. he owes you no appology for what people dead a couple hundred years did to other people now dead a couple hundred years. now if you're wanting an appology for his initial remark offending you, then i can see that being reasonable.

[jshm2]

Kiddo, you're being more stubborn than him, and more daft than him.

He doesn't care about the past, you seem hung up on it. Best bet is to take this as a red flag that you're both not compatible.

[Vietnemin]

Well he didn't appoint himself representative of all white people of all time so it's not a fair burden to put on him. Also it's not like his ancestors directly enslaved your ancestors. It was probably black people completely not related to you.

[Vietnemin]

But if it makes you feel better you can ask him to say sorry to the descendants of those ancestors today but it's probably not to you unless you prove that it was your ancestors.

[Vietnemin]

@update hey I tried to find a middle ground don’t expect non black people to understand your perspective just like I don’t expect non Chinese people to understand my perspective on issues of politics and justice.

[Anonymous]

why should he? he wasn't there he didn't own any slaves he didn't create this mess. and unlike the psycho liberals and sjw's are trying to force down your throat he did nothing wrong. if anything you're in the wrong for picking a fight with him over some brainwashed crap you keep hearing on the internet and on mainstream liberal sjw psycho jew propaganda media

[DaisyM23]

Sit down and talk, he’s stubborn and won’t say it, but it matters to you so that should be a consideration

[andreasderjuengere]

2000 years earlier, the Romans trampled through what was later my Grandma's veggie garden.
I will make Italy PAY for that :D

[dudeinohio]

He's right. He's not responsible for the actions of his ancestors. He does not need to a apologize for anything. He personally did nothing wrong. Sounds like you may be the racist.

[mackiewishbone]

You’re silly and selfish! Make him apologize for something he has absolutely nothing to do with? GTFOH He should leave you!

[In_Trance]

This is nothing short of absolutely retarded

[anylolone]

lol! You are crazy. Your ancestors held slaves, what your boyfriend's ancestors did not even pay back, some African king who was descendant from slaves of your ancestors sold you to his.

[Uptowngirl88]

Girl grow up and get a life. No one has time for your childishness

[bamesjond0069]

Its called shared values. Try dating a white beta simp libtard next time. But y'all women never find those men attractive now do you? 🙃

[thathonestman]

That’s what happens when you try and mix two separate cultures and two separate ideals, especially in this climate. Find someone on the same page as you as this won’t happen.

[johnsmithjs]

I had this same exact conversation with the lady I am seeing now.

[grega239]

he's right. Its not his fault or responsibility and you're being unreasonable