How important is "instant" spark & chemistry for a successful relationship? Do you "really" need it?

Question

aintnocandle · Accepted Answer

How do we define a spark? I’ve always been confused by this.

There was a time where I would go on dates with men, and I wouldn’t feel much, or whatever it was that I was looking for. I felt bored on dates; kissing and sex were lack luster. I always pictured in my head/what I’ve read is that with the “right” person there should be an instant connection, witty banter back and forth, and that you should feel at ease around that person.

I was looking for this until I met a man 8 months ago. I was hoping for all that, imagined it in my head, but when we met the first time (we matched online first and then we met at his place), in his presence, my nerves were WHACK. I was practically shaking, and he kept going pee like every 10 minutes. That bs of feeling “at ease” around the “right” one for you is bs. I couldn’t hold a conversation; he couldn’t. All that witty banter I had imagined never happened. But, I felt electrified around him. And when we kissed that first night, I literally (no joke here) felt an intense surge of *something* in the center of my forehead. Like someone stirred the center of my brain? And I kept feeling that whenever we kissed. Since then, the word he and I have used the most describing what we have is “intense.” The passion and fire I feel with him is unmatched to anyone I’ve ever been with or met. After feeling this, I can’t imagine ever settling without feeling that spark.
So, that to me is a spark. Not sure if that’s what a spark is to everyone (as we didn’t “click” in terms of conversation and being “on point” with words or whatever) but what we have makes me feel so alive that I know it’ll last. (in whatever form that may be.
Due to unfortunate circumstances, we aren’t currently together. But, I feel him every day.

SabinaV · Accepted Answer

It doesn't have to be in an instant, it is not usually the case, it usually takes time after meeting people (ofcourse not in just a day, month, year) It usually depends, do not be hard on yourself if it doesn't occur with the first person, it should occur naturally.

Yes put the effort to go for the person you are interested in. If it works out great, if not it is ok.

If you two have that interest with one another it will just feel right, then you go on from there and enjoy see where it goes.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I think it's very important, but not necessary. This is the difference between driving a practical car with good gas mileage that you can afford, to your job that pays well enough, and back to your mediocre home with a few issues that you can deal with in a city or town you're not entirely happy with... etc.

... compared to driving your dream car, to your dream job, in an awesome place on the planet that you are excited to live in, in a home that you are happy to relax in at the end of the day.

In reality, most of us are not going to buy the impractical dream car, and might not land the dream job, and may settle to live in a place that they don't fully enjoy. Or maybe we get one or two of the factors and compromise on the rest.

Love/relationships are like this as well. Will you hold out for that dream partner with the possibility they either don't exist or it wouldn't work out as you had hoped, or will you settle the way many people do with a relationship that feels either "good enough", or maybe even, "this sucks, but I'm too scared to leave." It's your life, your decision. I personally hold out for those relationships that inspire and excite me, because I have enough going on in my life that if I'm not in a relationship, it frees up more time to do things I enjoy and want for my own development. If someone comes along offering an experience that is more attractive than what I'm doing, I am all about it as I love intimacy and developing a relationship. But I'm far from desperate enough to take anything "less than fabulous"

Anon621 · Accepted Answer

Instant spark and chemistry isn't important for me in a relationship. Most relationships take time to develop. In fact, if anything me being me since I'm paranoid and cautious I make sure to not jump and go with an instant spark and chemistry because that can lead to assumptions or the relationship being toxic.

AmandaYVR · Answer

I've had questions about a way a person looked/not that attracted/neutral/wondering... but instantly liked their personality, the way they spoke, and yes, you can build a relationship on that. A very loving one.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes you can have a spark and you think it’s platonic. Like that younger guy who you sort of love and treat like a brother but he never annoys you or upsets you, and you let him get you in trouble. You may not think of him sexually but you adore him and a unique way that defies explanation. And years later, you realize that the spark does not necessarily mean you want to rip his clothes off. It means his smile is like sunshine and even thinking of it from far away makes it impossible to be sad.

Then one day he sends you just the right message at just the right time and your heart melts and suddenly, he is the only sexy man in the world.

DarkCarousel · Answer

I’m answering your second question, yes. Yes You can have a successful relationship without an instant spark. Things build over time, lay a stronger foundation.

Anonymous · Answer

Someone said if you feel butterflies, it's your body (low key) letting you know to be wary of that person due to similar person who hurt you in the past. Real love doesn't have instant spark, chemistry builds up over time as you get to know the person more and love grows.

nolabels · Answer

My relationship with my wife is somewhere between low/low and low/high on your chart. It is not and never has been good. We're still together after 27 plus years, though. Just sayin'.

menina · Answer

I think instant spark and chemistry might be a key factor for a successful relationship. That's how people get interested in each other. However in some cases is not enough to keep the relationship going.

bobalife · Answer

I think sparks is subjective. But “instant” sparks isn’t necessary because somethings just takes time or some works wonders haha. I do believe chemistry is important to obtained to start dating and manage a relationship to be ongoing.

aqua0101 · Answer

When I think of instant spark , I think of an emotional connection , not physical attraction. I believe that a emotional connection can go long way in a relationship , than physical attraction. So I'm do believe it's important.

Browneye57 · Answer

That's a whole bunch of gobbledy-gook.
Love can't start till attraction does, and then there needs to be a conversation.
I just can't figure out why anyone would date someone they weren't attracted to. It makes ZERO sense.

Anonymous · Answer

I was in a wonderful relationship in which at the beginning I was not even interested in him. But with time and getting to know him better that spark and such deep connection was born and it was something beautiful.

Iron_Man · Answer

It’s important enough that if she doesn’t like sports that’s a problem. If she’s going to be my wife because that’s what I love I can’t be catering to her every Sunday and running errands when my Miami dolphins are playing 🏈 🐬

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

That spark, whatever it is, is needed to get things started, but it can't maintain a whole relationship all on its own.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Honestly, no. Over the years I have tried because she was really nice, or had other things going for her, but for me, Chemistry is everything.

Anonymous · Answer

My wife didn’t like me at first. It pissed me off and I made it my mission to get her. I did. Heh, I showed her. Been married for decades now with three kids.

pinkmood · Answer

I dont think you need "instant spark ". Sometimes this can come with time spent together. And after a while you'll find yourself thinking how much happier you are with your partner.

Anonymous · Answer

I really like it a lot when that happens but it doesn't always turn into a relationship, sometimes just great sex for awhile, sometimes nothing.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

Glad to see so many smart questions on GaG (unlike the 'do you like the size of my dildo - have I stretched my pussy wide enough' variety)

Yes, the instant is obligatory - without it, you will never really be happy

karaspara · Answer

I think so in my experience slow burning relationships have been healthier and longer lasting

SphynxUK · Answer

It doesn’t have to be instant, but there needs to be something that makes you want to pursue them.

Siren777 · Answer

With sparks, they can die. However you can always spark interest over time.

Zelda_5 · Answer

Unimportant. As long as you get along, it doesn't matter.

serious · Answer

Yes it is important but the level of importance each person gives can be subjective.

josephinelcajon · Answer

In todays insistent need for instant gratification its more important than ever!

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Not important. The spark comes from building intimacy not the instant hots because they just look or said the right thing the first second you met them.

Andres77 · Answer

My quick sparks burnt out early. My slow burn is still burning 18 years later

Massageman · Answer

A spark is needed to start a flame. Constantly restoking is needed to keep the fire burning.

Asianguy123 · Answer

Both are the luxury a lot of people don’t have. We don’t have neither friend nor boy:girl friend even to start with. World is lonely place and everything we say is like a wish.

red_knight · Answer

Unfortunately I'm the kinda guys that wants big sparks flying around

Likes2drive · Answer

I suppose you can if you started off as friends but usually you need that chemistry when dating

Account · Answer

Very important. No, I cannot.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

You need chemistry but it can build slowly

Sarahr123 · Answer

Yes - I think you need the instant spark

JosyJosy · Answer

not at all important, I take months to get a spark

Anonymous · Answer

That’s for the movies….

marc94 · Answer

It is not important at all.

clampfan101 · Answer

It’s not required, but very difficult without it.

townhouse · Answer

Kinda important and not

humanearth · Answer

Yeap I need it

rcljr · Answer

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How important is "instant" spark & chemistry for a successful relationship? Do you "really" need it?

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Is chemistry instantaneous or developed over time? How important is chemistry to a relationship?

How important is "instant" spark & chemistry for a successful relationship? Do you "really" need it?

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Is chemistry instantaneous or developed over time? How important is chemistry to a relationship?

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