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Poll Result
Voted 283 times in total
It's not even the Asexual part why I said no.. It's the " if your partner came out as asexual". That's something that should be disclosed Before becoming a partner not after...I did go without sex for a year before my husband died because he was too sick to have sex anymore. And as much as I love sex, lived my husband more!! But if someone knows they're not into sex and you are yet starts a relationship with you without being honest about that, well the dishonesty with which they did it would be a deal breaker for me. A relationship that starts with someone hiding their true self isn't a relationship I would want any part of.
Sex isn’t super important to me in a committed relationship but regardless I still want the desire to be there. If my partner was asexual and told me I’d probably leave. I’d still love them but it would be bad for both of us if the relationship continued after that because I’m so big on desire and some form of sexuality existing even if we hardly ever have sex. It would inevitably lead to arguments and very uncomfortable conversations and moments that would never get solved. Plus it would be a huge trust violation to know that she has been lying with me for all these years and faking her desire I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Asexuals should really just stick to asexuals it’s in the best interest for both parties.
By definition, I am an ace. I usually go years between women. I don't sleep with strangers.
My largest issue is not sex, but actually being aromantic. I am not good at that stuff. I tend to value a woman as friend to my own detriment. Not as a lover, even if she is my lover.
But my largest challenge is that I have demanding hobbies that I get lost in, as major projects. I can make a woman feel exceptionally lonely.
But I love for her to be right there, and sexual as any guy, but without so many hugs and kisses. Missed birthdays and missed special occasions. I am the abscented-minded professor.
It depends.
Are they gray-ace and fall on the spectrum somewhere we can work out a good way for us both to meet our needs?
Can they work with me to find fun and exciting ways to play around sexually while still respecting their limits and preferences?
Because if we can still make it work, then I'm staying. It doesn't deal break if it doesn't, y'know, deal break.
Sex isn't everything, even if it is important to me.
Opinion
85Opinion
I tried to be friends with a woman who claimed to be "asexual" once. She later revealed herself to be into yoai, have had several past boyfriends that she used for access to anime, and that she generally to this day has the mind of a 12-year-old. She ended what she had left of a chance for a life with me, after her sister picked a fight with me out of nowhere, for an asinine non-reason. She wouldn't dare go against her big sister, even when big sister was clearly in the wrong. So she chased me away. Fickleweather and foolish woman-child.
Since then, I've found it hard to open up to anyone who claims to be "asexual." Because it's usually just a nicer way of saying "infantile."
Women don't get it. To them commitment and affection are the primary factors for relationships. For men it's the sex. You might think that's shallow but for us guys the ultimate expression of love is through sex. That's how we're wired and so many females don't seem to understand that. It's one of the reasons men don't like promiscuous women. You've given that to men in droves, we dont feel special anymore. We feel like we're the left overs that get to deal with the baggage and none of the perks. Child care, full time work, stress, relationship strains, fighting, we get all those aspects but none of the fun. Sex, access to it often, guarantees that it's for us and no one else, and we get it when we want it, continuing our bloodline and family name, that's why we put a ring on you. What sounds petty and flippant to many girls means the world to us.
Probably not.. because I would have liked to know that from the beginning.. I naturally go for sex in my relationship so we would already be sexual intimate together.. if he had not wanted sex with me I would not think he is that into me xD.. so knowing he had done it without really having the want for a longer period would make me feel bad about it all.. not sure I could cope with that.
I will, however, consider dating someone who is open about being asexual.. as long as he still want to be physically close - making out, massaging and so. I can take care of my sexual release alone, but would be nice if he would like to pleasure me now and then, for example fingering me.
If you asked me when i first got into a relationship i woulda said yes. Although i had sexual frustration i also had big trust issues which meant that ironically it was actually tougher for me to have sex when in a relationship, also i didn't really see the point in sex "Why not just masturbate, it's more efficient"
Now though thanks to therapy and just generally doing it more i am starting to actually like sex so if my partner came out as asexual i probably wouldn't stay with them as i've realised that i actually do like sex and my initial dislike was more down to emotional disconnection (which i still have) and issues forming connections deeper than surface level
I am myself asexual, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel attraction or crush, or the feel to hug or cuddle or kiss on the cheek (although we just don’t go for ego like that nor just ask too soon, because it would make it awkward, especially cheek kiss), it just means I don’t feel the desire to have that 3 letter word action starting with the letter s, having just one vowel, and then a consonant making two sounds together. Now, there are people who feel the desire to have that 3 letter word action but don’t feel attraction, and there are people who feel neither. If I ever decide with my future wife (if I get married) to have kids, then I would definitely go for the hospital method if she agrees to it, otherwise it will be tough trying to get her to understand that I am disgusted to that 3 letter word action.
I'd at least try. I'm demisexual so I can relate and wouldn't want to end the relationship over it, but at the same time, I know that I'll want sex more and more as the relationship goes on so I don't know if it would work in the long run. Seeing other people to meet my sexual needs wouldn't even be a good alternative for me because I'm demi.
I assume this is something I'd know before being with them. Wouldn't be with someone where I want to have sex and they don't. Asexual or not.
So if they're Asexual but we're consistently having sex then sure. As long as they're a good partner in regards to sex and what it means for connection.
If they want the emotional intimacy but break away from the sex part, then there a selfish lover. Something I don't want in a partner
No because what's the point? I would no longer be the partner for them. That would be a MAJOR incompatibility. I would be understanding and empathetic but we would have to part ways.
Also, I wouldn't bother trying to compromise because I want someone to want me and crave sexual intimacy with me. Not doing it as one does laundry or the groceries. I. e. a crappy chore.
I would stay. I'm very into platonic and less of a sexual relationship.
(Some) Asexuals can have sex and feel good. It's not like they lose the ability to have sex or masturbate, they simply don't feel sexual attraction. They can still make out, cuddle, have sex and masturbate.
Sex is a big part in a relationship but I'm sure we'd work it out. I'm fine with having no sex for a couple of months. Masturbating's a thing.
If I found out my partner was secretly an asexually-reproducing organism, I would have many questions.
If you're referring to the bastardization of that word to mean people who don't have sex, that poses an issue considering my ultimate goal in a relationship is to have a family...
It isn't a bastardization of the word. The prefix A- has roots in greek that mean Not. Words like asynchronous (things not happening at the same time) and athiest (without a belief in God/gods) would be great examples. All asexual means is basically not involving sex.
It isn't an LGBT inherently. It is just how English has evolved from other languages like Greek and Latin.
This question needs to be more detailed.
Asexual in what way? The way that don't do any sexual things, the way she will still have sex but just my pleasure, the way she will do some sexual things but not full on sex?
There is so many way's one can be asexual. Either way i think my answer is yes to most if not all. We would have to talk about it and figure it out.
Physical intimacy is literally what changes somebody from a friend to a lover.
If you don't fuck me then you are a platonic friend only. NEXT!
Exactly
Ur basically not even going out anyway if you ain't doing sex or any physical stuff... it's jus she titled herself as yours for some reason... But technically you can still date any girl since technicallly you two aren't even together
Yeah David Jay and Julie Sondra Decker are ugly af. Same with Yasmin Benoit... wait no... she's a model... how do you generalize us now?
Wait... so in cases where you don't have sex until marriage, how does that work? does that mean you are just friends and then suddenly you get married? Cause without sex you are "platonic friend only", and then you get married?
Lmfao you morons are like the three stooges, there's only 2 of ya but it's the exact same comedic yet dumbass energy.
I would need to fully understand the utilization of the word.
There a million genders and misuse of the word "sexual".
Does she have testis or a peen? Or does she imagine she does and wants the attention of being so different?
If she has male reproductive organs, sorry, I'm out.
LMAO
I don't even know if this was intentional confusion or not, but that was like answering what do you want for dinner and you going into a diatribe about how much you hate silverware.
Asexual is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low interest in sexual activity. ... It is common for asexual people to have romantic (but not sexual) attractions to others. They may identify as hetero-, homo-, bi-, or pan-romantic. Others are aromantic — that is, they feel no romantic attraction to other people
Yeah it's fine. I don't really need sex anyway, I just want affection. I don't particularly love or hate sex and could go the rest of my life without it, if it just meant having someone to care for me and show me affection.
That's up to how you feel. If you feel only slightly uncomfortable, that could be from a small shock still from their coming out. If you feel the same about them as you did before they came out, then you should stay. But if you don't, then don't force yourself to stay in the relationship. If you still decide to be on good terms, but don't live them, sit them down, explain it, and ask to still be friends. Hope this helped!😊
I found that most of the opinions go for no, as for me I see this differently.
Simply if I love him and he loves me then this all what it matters and love shows in the simple things and not just sex... anyone can have sex with you, but not anyone will truly love you.
No. Not having a sex life that my partner enjoys too would be a deal breaker for me.
Sex means so much to him 💀💀 it is hard for me to imagine a world where he is asexual. I do want children in the future, but I love him a lot more so I will stay with him
You can have kids without sex, there is in vitro fertilization as an option.
I am an etymology buff and the words use in the context you are implying is manufactred language by a country that has no copyright over the language they are culturally appropriating from my people.
So no. If my partner said that I would not only end the relationship but advise they move to the USA.
A better question would be if i became a-financial and didn't share my house and expected her to pay for everything would she stay? Because im certainly not paying for a date and damn sure not the mortgage if im not having sex. Lol. No privledges for no privledges.
an asexual can still have sex but they just generally don't want to. it would be the equivalent of washing the dishes for them.
@Me_I_guess i dont believe that exists. Just haven't been fucked right.
that's like saying that you don't like doing chores because you haven't done them right.
@Me_I_guess except I've done chores. Never met someone who thought sex was like a chore.
No way. I would be open to remaining a loyal and supportive friend, but I am a highly sexual being - the thing that truly distinguishes my romantic relationships above other relationships is sex.
Yes I would. Sex is not a big deal to me and I don't think it's the most important thing in a relationship.
Yes, as long as there's romance. I can always masturbate.
I found an article on asexuality. There are some that will have sex and some won't have sex period:
https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual#limited-sexual-attraction
No, sex is too important to a happy relationship for me.
I agree. It’s then the relationship of a good friend not a lover.
I'm not surprised that most guys would NOT be okay with this!
yeah thats true. also guys have a fucktonne of testosterone, especially when their near girls and we need a way to dispense that. im fine with just masturbating but a lot of guys aren't.
@Me_I_guess testosterone is us over used when people include it to being the will behind a man sexual desire. Theyve proven that with studies. Test is more like a fuel supply certain behaviors that exert a lot of energy...@flower7 most people wouldn't ok this because being in a relationship for anyone, there are expectations for doing so and most, as we have been brought up is that, is haveing a safe consistent source with someone you enjoy company with... would women stay in a relationship where they were ignored on a emotional level? Or if the guy had no means to support... its not because of the person is asexual. Its because its not what they are looking to be a part of and not get for reasons expect. Would you still work if you expected to be paid but werent?
Yeah sure but he would have to buy me toys in exchange then LOL
Can't buy things for yourself?
@devilman666 it was a joke...
Will a Barbie doll do?
No, I can't be romantic partners with someone without sex. That just doesn't compute for me, and it's a deal-breaker.
I may be wrong, but asexuals don't come out. They don't pursue relationships. If they say this, its because they want out of this relationship but do not want to hurt you.
No, that's not true. Many asexuals still want a romantic relationship, even marriage
No.
Sex is a very important part of a relationship.
If they have zero sexual interest in me then they are a friend. That is all.
Lol I'm asexual so if I found a partner who is asexual as well would be perfect
Guys, commitment is a trap.
No, why would i be with someone who i could not have sex with, or finds sex repulsive.. I won't be with someone that broken.. I actually want children who are biologically mine. and with someone who is asexual it would not happen.
Yes, happily. Sex is something I'm usually neutral to or against so I really don't mind if my partner tells me they are ace and don't want sex
Yes but they would have to understand that I am not and allow me to have meaningless sex with others while I come home to them for the romantic stuff.
I don't think so but it would depend on how our relationship was and if I could be satisfied by other means.
I don't see how it would be possible for a grown woman to suddenly grow a dick and, if it grows from her crotch, she couldn't possibly use it to fuck herself with it.
Depends on how deeply I would be in love , but o would still feel betrayed that they knew and didn't tell
No because theyre no longer sexually attracted to me (or really anyone for that matter)
obviously no but then again I thought asexual people do not date or get into relationships. I thought their asexuality did not allow them to comprehend this part of life
You'd be wrong on that, asexual and aromantic are not the same thing, some people have both but you can't assume somebody with one will have the other.
@devilman666 didn't knew there were two of them. till then I know sex is not the only thing relationships are all about but it is an important element in a relationship so I assumed someone who is unable to comprehend sex would not comprehend relationships
Nope. It's typically less about not understanding sex and more about not understanding sexual attraction, some asexuals have sex to seem more normal (like a gay christian who fucks his wife so he can get into heaven), some asexuals even have sex, ironically enough, the important thing is that they lack sexual attraction to others, but they often still have sexual urges like masturbation, so some asexuals who are more neutral about sex will use it as a way to get physical pleasure but it's not the same for them because they aren't attracted to their partner so it's more like using a dildo rather than having actual sex, it's for the physical pleasure solely.
As for other parts of relationships, asexuals are fairly normal, they can desire love, or desire solitude, it's just a personal matter. Some asexual people are single for life, some bounce in and out of relationships, some get into long term committed relationships, it depends entirely on that persons sexual urges and romantic desires/romantic attractions.
Aromantic people, on the other hand, feel no desire for romance, they can (and often do) have casual sex but no desire for anything more. Yet an aromantic person still understands sex, yes, in our typical understanding the two are linked, but if you look closer then you'll find the two can be mutually exclusive.
But that's only because sex is an important part of a romantic relationship for me. That isn’t to say I would abandon her as a friend or that I would put an end to other forms of intimacy.
The only reason I'd get a partner in the first place is to have sex with them. I don't see a point in having a partner of that sort for any other reason.
Yes. If you dont stay with them just say you are using them for s3x
By this logic, anytime you breakup with someone, unless they broke a promise or went against something they said they would/wouldn't do, it means you were just using them. If they cheat on you and you leave, you were using them for monogamy and if you leave them for being cold then you are using them for affection.
Bro I'm demisexual. You don't gotta assume things about me just because you don't like my response. There's nothing wrong with being asexual, I was just pointing out the flaw in your logic, namely the assumption that having dealbreakers or things you want in a partner is somehow the equivalent of using them solely for that thing.
Another example is leaving a partner for being emotionally distant, in that case you're using them for emotional validation/emotional help.
Tl;dr: leaving someone because you want something else does not necessarily mean that you were using them.
If you break up for financial reasons (one of the most common reasons for divorce), then you were just using your partner for money.
Sorry, financial reasons are the leading cause of divorce (at least in Canada, my home country)
Also, incase it wasn't obvious, the second message there was another example of your logic. I didn't mean that from my perspective.
No because I'll not be like her and everything will tur bad. In that situation she need somebody with the same interests , so both can be in the same page.
No because they was disingenuous and lied to me, why would U get into a relationship with someone your not into? Jus so you can let them down and scratch your evil desires?
If you love someone personally be there friend, not girlfriend..
Ah- the proverbial quandary facing every married man.
My friend tried to set me up with one... What kind of shit is that right?
Um, how would I have ended up in a relationship with an asexual women in the first place? Was she faking it the whole time until this point?
Sometimes it takes time for people to realize they are asexual. We live in such a sex obsessed society, the idea that some people don't want or enjoy sex doesn't get talked about much. Many people who are ace start off by thinking there is something wrong with them, or that if they just keep trying eventually they will enjoy sex.
@Inexpensivefurniture Of course it takes time for a lot of people to realize it. And you correctly pointed out why that usually is.
But it doesn't change my point at all. Whether they realized they were asexual or not is irrelevant. They've always been asexual. So, how did I even start dating someone asexual? How did I start dating someone who's clearly not a sexual person, not enjoying sexual activities, conversations, etc?
Oh then yes I would say some people fake it, and fake it extremely well. I was in a sexual relationship for a year and my partner never knew I didn't like sex
@Inexpensivefurniture I highly doubt any woman could fake it with me without me realizing it. The thing is, faking to enjoy something is not that hard. But that's because it's just faking a reaction to something. But faking initiative and active interest etc. in something, especially so frequently and especially about something that intimate and intense - nah. I don't think so.
But to answer the original question very hypothetically, assuming she was a master at faking it until then: The relationship would be over immediately.
Ask them how are they going to impregnate themselves
It depends. If she's cool with me having sex with other girls it could actually be pretty great! Also, you don't "come out" as being asexual. It's not a sexual orientation.
No, because being asexual isn't real. It's made up by crazy people.
get the fuck out
Sorry, but you are completely wrong here. Asexual is a legitimate orientation. Some people do not desire or want sex, even though they could be attracted to a person. I suggest doing some research next time before commenting.
@LuketheDuke inventing gay terms for your gay lifestyle doesn't prove science.
i swear to god if you live in alabama with your mum and you're over 25... i actually wouldn't be surprised.
@Me_I_guess I swear if you're not a woke queer in San Francisco I wouldn't be surprised.
Check your grammar. You're saying that if I'm NOT a woke queer in San Francisco you wouldn't be surprised. Idiot.
@Me_I_guess you're the queer idiot
ok i guess
Friendzone next.
It wouldn't have worked that far anyway due to her sexuality.
As long as she still let me fuck her on a regular basis.
I would break up. I want my man to love care and desire me and i want to desire him.
A better question is how did they become my partner in the first place. Unless U're referring to a partner in a professional capacity.
NO I have a high libido if I am dating a girl she doesn't have to match thst libido but sex should be possible
Honestly id rather date someone who found me attractive in that way.
I personally desire sex in a relationship, and a sex less relationship to me is not a relationship, it might as well be a close friendship. It's their choice, but it's a deal breaker for me.
No, because it defeats the entire purpose of a romantic relationship.
My first love was asexual and it didn't change the way I felt about her.
Yea probably I love her ass no matter what so why not
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