Would you date an asexual?

[MenAreMysterious]

Would you ever date someone if you knew there was no chance of ever having sex?

All the other parts of the relationship would be there hugs, cuddles, sleeping in the same bed, spooning, kisses all the way to maybe a little bit of touching up, but nothing more, no under clothes groping or hand jobs, blow jobs, no sex.

Would you be okay with this? What about if you agreed with your partner that you could look for sex elsewhere and have a sort of friends with benefits thing going, but in the end you would still be dating the asexual?

[Anonymous]

I would do it. For me sex was always a way to show my love for another person but because most girls have not the same view on sex as me and devalued the act with all their casual encounters i lost my reason to have sex with them and thats why i dont want to be in a relationship with a girl who had never had any casual encounters. It wouldn't feel good for me having sex with her while she dont see sex the same way as i do.

So the only type of woman i might date are the girls who never had casual sex or the woman who are asexual. But because most girls lie about their past and won't confess having had casual sexual encounter in the past its almost impossible to find a girl who never had casual sex.
Thats why i would date a asexual woman because she dont want sex and won't expect sex from me so i can show my love for her in other ways.

So i would love to date an asexual woman. Especially because they are more gentle, romantic and their love is pure and mot based on some stupid lust. I would love to be with her and to msrry her.

And i wouldn't seek sex from other woman. Yes, i have a high sex drive but sex is a symbol of love for me, i wouldn't have sex with someonei dont love and its not about pleasure for me cause i could just masturbate if im horny and therefore have no use for a fwbs.

But im a weird one, haha.

But i would want to have sex with her one day... and this day is when i want to make kids with her. Would she have problems with that?

[CraigX]

I gotta say u was n a relationship, after she had a child she never really touched me, we slept in the same bed and never had anything. There was no touching, no cuddling, no spooning, no nothing. SMH got out that quick. She didn't want a hug or even hold hands in public.

now this was after she we had a child together. before she was ripping my clothes off. Sitting on my lap, dry humping me. it was amazing. it all changed after we had a child together.

guess she used me to have a child lol.

O well u live u learn.

[MenAreMysterious]

You do know that the hormones shooting around women's bodies can make them behave differently, including sexually differently, for a while after giving birth? She may have post natal depression that may be lowering her sex drive and making her feel isolated. Or your baby may be her main concern (in keeping with human evolution). Plus birth is traumatic. She has likely just had her vaginal passage, and possibly vulva and other parts of her pelvic anatomy, torn apart by pushing a three to four kilo human out of her body. Either that or her stomach sliced open, possibly while she was still conscious, to pull her baby out.

You should've given her a while to recover. And you should've given her support. She gave you your child after all.

[MenAreMysterious]

Plus this has nothing to do with dating an asexual.

[Hippppo]

Still it is not excuse for behaving like this. She is mother but she is wife too. It has nothing to do with holding hands or cuddling like it is not even sex... it cannot damage her vagina lol... It was her choice to have child.. if you are mother you have to provide for child but also you are responsible for other things..

[MenAreMysterious]

First time mothers have a 95% chance of tearing of the vaginal tissue to some extent.

Tears can be so severe they can completely rupture the perineum, the wall that separates the vagina from the rectum, and can require stitching closed. This can make sex or even just having a bowel movement painful for months after the birth of a child.

[Hippppo]

Well still I would try to be passionate at least a little bit. If she can cuddle her child she can at least cuddle husband. In healthy relationship it is done automatically.. but there must be other problem. It needs counceling

[CraigX]

okay
I had done everything, gotten babysitters so we can go out and have some time doing anything she wanted. she didn't want to do any of this.
she stayed home told the babysitter not to come over.

Also she had a C section and it had been 6 months after the baby was born.

thanks everyone.

[MenAreMysterious]

Six months isn't very long at all after the birth of a child as far as hormones and body image issues go. Post natal depression could cause all of the things mentioned above and it can last far past six months.

[aestheticsofty]

@craigX what happened after all that?

[CraigX]

well today we are just friends, I wanted to be more then friends and stay in a relationship but she wants to just be friends.

But hey life goes on.

[MenAreMysterious]

Are you still in your child's life?

[CraigX]

yes he is in my life. I get him every other Wendsday to Sunday.

[KaitlynS198]

I'm asexual, but I still fall in love with people and I still want to date them. I just don't want anything sexual, and I understand that others do want to have sex and I shouldn't take that away from them. I would prefer to fall in love with another asexual person for that reason, but if I didn't I would be ok with them finding other ways or other people to satisfy their needs as long as it didn't go any further than fulfilling their physical needs.

[MenAreMysterious]

Exactly. I would prefer to be in a relationship with another asexual but there isn't always a possibility of that happeneing as there are so few of us not only around, but who are around and out about it. If I liked someone who wasn't asexual and they liked me as well we could either find an agreement between us or not, and I'm completely aware of the fact there may have to be some compromise on either or both of out parts. I'm not under any illusion that dating as an asexual in this society is easy.

[Berethor]

I also think that most asexuals are girls and not guys, guys tend to be more asexual than girls in general, and it's likely usually the case even among asexuals.

tvtropes.org/.../AManIsAlwaysEager

[bytes]

Asexual has nothing to do with not having sex. An asexual would more so enjoy pleasing her partner that would turn her on rather than sex itself. It also means it's not the main reason for having relationships. You need to educate yourselves

[bytes]

A Misunderstood Orientation
Many people hear the word “asexual” and make assumptions about what it means. They think of single-celled organisms in a petri dish. They think of a celibate monk on far off mountaintop. They think of a genderless robot from outer space. Asexuality isn’t any of those things.

In particular:

Asexuality is not an abstinence pledge. (Although there may be abstinent aces.)
Asexuality is not a synonym for celibacy. (There are celibate aces and promiscuous aces and aces everywhere in between.)
Asexuality is not a gender identity. (Although there may be trans, non-binary, or genderqueer aces.)
Asexuality is not a disorder. (Although there may be aces with physical or mental conditions.)
Asexuality is not a choice. (Although not every ace is "born that way".)

[bytes]

Asexuality is not a hormone imbalance. (Although there may be aces with hormone issues.)
Asexuality is not a fear of sex or relationships. (Although there may be aces who are afraid of or otherwise dislike sex or relationships.)
Attraction, Not Action
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like homosexuality or heterosexuality. And like being straight or being gay, it’s about what someone feels, not what someone does. Dating, having sex, masturbating, falling in love, getting married, or having children do not conflict with asexuality in any way. There are many reasons why an asexual person might do these things that do not require sexual attraction to be present.

Experiencing arousal or orgasm also do not conflict with asexuality.

[MenAreMysterious]

I agree completely with all of this except the first post:

"An asexual would more so enjoy pleasing her partner that would turn her on rather than sex itself."

They may not enjoy anything sexual, even pleasing their partner. They may be happy to engage in sexual activity for the sake of their partner but they may or may not enjoy it. And also there is no guarantee it would turn them on at all. It may, but it may not. Each asexual is different.

[CraigX]

well thanks Bytes for that good info.

[bytes]

Well our body can be turned on weather we are emotionally engaged. It's our biology

[MenAreMysterious]

You're talking about a sex drive. You can have a huge sex drive and still be asexual, i. e. not experience any sexual attraction. An individual may choose to satisfy that sex drive with someone else, regardless of sexual attraction to them, or they may choose to satisfy it alone.

[bytes]

Exactly

[RachelleDraws]

I don't wanna have sex with my girlfriend until we get married, but I'd rather date a lesbian, due to her still having a physical attraction to me.

[Berethor]

In that case clearly no, but really what you should had been asking is if we would date someone who would never agree to have sex, because in fact most asexuals who are in a relationship are having sex, because they know that their relationship would not last long if they would refuse to ever have sex. Hugs, cuddles, sleeping in the same bed, spooning, kisses are not good enough, I would rather look for a better deal with other girl, why would I let an asexual girl to use me? she would get all that she want from that relationship but I would not? I don't think so, I am not going to play by her rules.

[Berethor]

And as for if she would let me have an side chick, well how "nice" of her, but I think that I prefer to stay monogamous, also the other chick would likely have much more to offer to me than this asexual girl so what the point of stay with this asexual girl? also while she might think that she is being nice if she okay with me having an friend with benefit, the fact that she don't care about me being with other girl could also be offending, because it likely shows that she didn't care much about me, but than again an asexual girl who refuse to ever have sex with her boyfriend also tend to show it.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I don't understand the point of someone being asexual and then doing all the things you've mentioned. I can't even imagine that. I thought asexual meant free from sexual/intimate desires. All of those things seem fairly sexual and intimate. If sex wasn't on the table, I probably wouldn't. Not even oral sex or handjobs? I probably wouldn't. Probably.

[MenAreMysterious]

It's not really a thing with a 'point', it's a sexuality. You don't get a choice in it, just like with every other sexuality.

And there's a difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation. So someone can be asexual but romantic in that they would want all of the above because it's about the emotional bond, not a physical one.

Imagine a serial one night stand person. This would be the same but in reverse. Whereas they would want just sex and none of this (they would be sexual but aromantic), the asexual wants all of this but none of the sex.

Some a sexuals are willing to compromise in that maybe they'd give hand jibs and blow jobs even if they weren't keen on it but wouldn't have sex and the partner would accept the compromise of not having sex but the asexual giving them hand and blow jobs even if they'd prefer not to.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

But sex can, and IS one of the most emotional things you can do with someone else. I think it's probably the MOST emotional thing. Also, I would want children. My own biological children. Unless she accepts to having sex strictly for that one time for procreation.

[MenAreMysterious]

Maybe they would feel it to be an emotional connector. A person who only does one night stands usually doesn't. And they may consent to doing it for the purpose of having kids. It's up to the individual. But from this I assume your answer is no; you wouldn't date them.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

I don't mean to be selfish but I would like at least other means of pleasure. Like handjobs or oral. If I really loved this woman, I probably don't think her being asexual would be a deal breaker. It depends like you say, on the individual person.

[Berethor]

@MenAreMysterious so she would compromise on giving blow jobs but not on having PIV? funny, didn't giving blow jobs is harder for an asexual girl, in a sense that it requires he to be more active and seeing an guy penis up closely? while with PIV an asexual girl can just lay on the back and let the guy do all the work? well if she agree to give blow jobs it's an better offer an her just hugs and kissing with the guy, and technically blow jobs actually can keep some guys sexually satisfied.

tvtropes.org/.../TechnicalVirgin

[InfoBot]

No, I wouldn't date an asexual. I want a sex life, it's a requirement. It's not the most important thing but it's important all the same. There is no value in me dating someone but having sex elsewhere. I might as well just not be dating in the first place.

[ryann21]

This is perfectly acceptable, intamcy can come in many ways. sex is only a single way to be intimate.

honestly if both parties were willing... you would truly have an amazing bond and strong relationship #datingyourbestfriend

[MeGo99]

I think a lot of people wouldn't. Most people have sexual needs and they need these to be fulfilled, which you can hardly blame them for; it's as much a part of who they are as being asexual is a part of you.

Personally I wouldn't mind giving it a try. I've never even had sex.

[MenAreMysterious]

I wouldn't blame them; to each their own. Their wanting sex is just as valid as an asexual not wanting sex. It's just up to what the two individuals could agree on and if it would be a deal breaker or not.

[Berethor]

Yes they "just have different wants" but the being asexual is still the less normal of the two.

[Anonymous]

I would probably be tempted to if I really liked them, but in the end I would realize that I wanted to have sex with them and not doing so with them would bother me in the long run. I'm not interested in friends with benefits, flings or really anything like that.

[wankiam]

i would because whilst im not asexual i do prefer diy to sex so if she didn't mind me using porn and masturbating a lot then it could work perfectly

[Celestias]

I'd actually find that pretty nice. I'm more into the cuddling and all that anyway, so sure.

[Anonymous]

I'm on same kind of relationship but we don't sleep on same bed but we do all other activities. Well it was fine for me for a year but now i have some urge I don't know how long this relationship will stay. I was not having any other girlfriend from when we started dating.

[BrittBratt2416]

I don't see much point in a asexual dating if sex is not something they would like to do plus they are not sexually attracted to their partner. Which is a bit odd..

[404filenotfound]

No, sex is the deepest and most intimate connection that anyone can experience and if I couldn't experience that with S/O, there's no point in them being my S/O.

[loveout]

as long as i can masturbate, sure. i wouldn't want to have a friends with benefits thing on the side though.

[normielover6969xD]

Yes I would. Don't care much for sex. We would need it to reproduce though

[notallthere98]

That's my ideal relationship (other than looking for sex with others. Don't want it)

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, sex is not the only thing in a relationship , i could go with a girl and not engage in sex. I'm looking for real love in a relationship.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

No. I'd be okay with being friends but not a relationship.

[Blonde401]

Heck no. I want an adult relationship. Why would I date someone I'm not sexually compatible with?

[OhMyLeniency]

Ya dun care but he better be okei with givin me babies or bitch I am out!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

I've been in a relationship like that and it just steadily made me feel worse and worse and worse.

And the kisses feel fake after a while too.

[Maxemeister]

Nope. Relationships aren't all sex for me, but I'll eventually need sex in my life. I can be friends with an asexual, but certainly cannot stay in a relationship with one