What do you want a woman to bring to the table and vice versa for men?

[Justneedtokno]

I always waited to be in a relationship because I wanted to be well rounded and be able to bring something to the table other than sex. I wanted to be able to be knowledgeable about subjects and good work ethic and etc.

but now I’m learning that you can learn and grow with your partner

So what are some things you would want your partner to bring to the table?

[Lliam]

Aside from the joy of sex with a partner, I love having a companion; a trusted best friend.
Their femininity - looks, mannerisms and voices - makes women a delight.

But there is much, much more. I like the fact that my wife is bright, curious, open minded, intuitive, insightful, kind, compassionate, nurturing, empathetic, generous, fun, funny, and hard working.

She has had careers as an independent businesswoman since after high school when she went to cosmetology school. She became a regional manager for Paul Mitchell for a while. She does very well as a hair stylist now, has her own private room at a salon, and contributes to our income. She was also a professional photographer for years and still does it part time. She's very creative and talented. She taught herself to be a Photoshop expert. She's a member of a local professional photographer group that meets once a month. She enters photos in our local county fair. And she makes money doing portraits and Photoshop work.

I recall that she worked as a ticket agent for an airline and was able to travel to different parts of the world when she was young.

She has become interested in social and political issues over the past several years and has recently gotten involved in a local group of activists to oppose the covid "emergency measures" and other things. She has become an information junkie and, for that, I admire her. She and I share information with each other and we have great conversations about all kinds of things. We learn a lot from each other.

She does research and continually discovers new ways to maintain physical, mental and emotional health.

She works hard around the house and in the garden. She's a good cook, too. We share that stuff equally.

She suggests fun things to do at times, like going to events, restaurants, or on short or long vacations. I do, too, but she comes up with some great ideas.

She has taught me a lot about maintaining a strong, healthy relationship, too. On a few occasions over the years, she enrolled us (with my agreement) in couple's counseling. It wasn't because our relationship was in trouble. It helped us to learn more about ourselves and each other. And we learned a lot about healthy communication techniques.

So, you can see that she doesn't let grass grow under her feet. Life is never dull with her.

She is dedicated to our relationship. She's my rock but she's also a lot of fun. We're partners in every way. I couldn't love or admire her more.

I hate hearing crap about all women being gold diggers who just want free stuff and will leave their partner for anyone who can provide more.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

Mate, I was just going to complain about the banalisation of humans and relationships to tabloid level stuff.
That being said, and I do not mean to offend you - her having a 'private room at a salon' sounds like she is a prostitute. According to some people I know - how else would a good looking girl make money.

[Lliam]

@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes. Most salons rent chairs to stylists, kind of like barber shops. The salon where my wife works does, too. But there is one separate room there that she decided to rent. It's not very large. The door doesn't lock. She fixed it up to be cute, peaceful, comfy. She can even play whatever music she chooses. She and her clients can chat without being overheard or interrupted by everyone in the salon.

She's also a professional photographer and does portraits there. She can do a person's hair and makeup, then set up a backdrop, lights, and do photo shoots in the room. She does Photoshop retouching later and can even add backgrounds or whatever. For example, sometimes girls want graduation photos. But other people want portraits, too. My wife has examples of some on the wall of the room.

She has some male clients, but most are women. Most men just want hair cuts. But a lot of women pay good money for fancy color, cuts, perms and styles. Some older women come in once a week.

I guarantee there is nothing sexual going on. It's a hair salon, not a massage studio.

[Ceslovas]

Are you talking about my ex? Not nice of you

[Ceslovas]

Just joking;)

[VanillaSalt]

forgive how fast this is scrawled my last post was glitched and I’m not rewriting it all…


Anywho. I’m not chasing marriage anymore. Women have an unfair advantage over men when it comes to marriage so signing government papers is a no. Besides this I’m too picky. If I ever did it married a woman would ha e to prove her worth and trust in me with several years of a LTR before my commitments even an option. She also needs to check all the boxes.


Work no more than 40 hrs a week. I don’t mind her doing her thing but first comes the kids and the home. I want a woman devoted first to the kids, me, the home. Obviously I want kids so she’s gotta be ok with that and understand I don’t trust others to teach my kids until they understand for themselves. Cook because I can’t -.- clean because I won’t. I work 72 hours a week with my hours cut by covid… I’m not coming home and doing dishes. But I’ll knock out the grass on the day off and I grill all the time. Ide say frequent sex but I don’t have sex for me anymore so I’m not worried about that…


She needs to take care of herself… She’s just as replaceable as I am until I sign the paperwork so I expect both of us to stay in shape for the other. I don’t need or want a Greek goddess but I don’t want a land whale either. Give me peace and make it clear how I can keep you happy and that’s really it…


What I bring? Im strong sturdy and reliable. I’ve been hit by a. Car riding a bycycle to work and was at work 40 minutes later… I’ve got almost a sociopathic level of empathy for others… I've got a mind that thinks me out of as many problems as it thinks me into. I've got the basics of most of the trades down… electrical, carpentry, plumbing, etc… I’m not playing games. I pair for life and if I Assam like an asshole it’s because bitches don’t know how to pair -.-. You cheat your likely to get your ass beat as you deserve. You try and leave understand we’re done no money no support no contact.


Like I said I’m pretty picky. But the benefits have always been high as well. I’ve chosen not to take the risk with women just as they decided with me so whatever. Thinking I’ll drop this black company and get a different job since I don’t have to support others anyway.

[DizzyDesii]

Emotional Support, Hope, Stability, Fertility, Morals, Manners, Work Ethic, Determination, Brains, Attraction, Understanding, Kindness, Trade Skillset, Companionship, Commitment, Dedication, Reliability, Relatability, Twintuition, Patience, and The Necessary High Sex Drive (As Needed)

[Justneedtokno]

Twintuition?

[DizzyDesii]

Where you both are thinking the same things and say it at the same time and stuff

[Justneedtokno]

I think that happens naturally overtime when you’re with a person. You don’t just right off the bat have that with someone unless you were born with them

[DizzyDesii]

Nope i just came across someone who has that yesterday. It was scary cool. And we happen to be thhe same air sign so that could explain it

[DizzyDesii]

Thanks for mho

[Justneedtokno]

No problem 😌

[TurningGraves]

He just needs to bring home the bacon at a timely manner, and I would cook it and bring it to the table. But, of course, that’s too much to ask for. I imagine I’ll have to do the shopping, cooking and transferring of the bacon.

[Djaay]

That's a great recipe ! For being single

[zeitgeist057]

Caveat: I don't actually expect anyone to have all of these traits, etc. Part of what I enjoy about meeting people and a relationship is discovering the things I wouldn't have dreamed that I wanted, those surprises of individuality.

My ideal partner brings (in no particular order of importance):

1. A sense of joy about life. The ability to laugh, to help me to laugh along with her, and to laugh along with me when I think I'm being funny. To help me laugh at myself when I'm being too serious.

2. Independence. She loves to interact with me, but also has her own time and space apart from me. Maybe with mutual friends, or some outside friends/family she has intimate connections with, or just some hobbies and interests. I don't do well with attached-at-the-hip types. I like a woman who goes out in the world and comes back with interesting stories and fresh ideas to share, and who wants to hear the things I experienced and can share with her. When two people spend every moment together, these moments of sharing don't happen as much because, well, you were both there.

3. Hot sex and chemistry. It's not a romantic relationship without this element. If it's all the other items without this one, that's just a good friend. Flirting, building tension, building intimacy, sharing kink and building patterns of desire. It's a garden of pleasure, and we tend it together with our attention and intention.

4. Sense of adventure, confidence, and fitness. This has been true, and is often an early dealbreaker, but is becoming even more important the closer I get to my long term goal of sailing the Pacific Rim. Previously, it has eliminated women who would shy away from my idea of a fun date such as hiking to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise (@0500), or kayaking in the ocean under a full moon. But the benefit has been I've also found some very adventurous women who enjoy these types of dates as much as I do. Not that every day has to be like that, but I want someone who can roll with a little exertion and challenge. If I find someone to sail with, she'll need to be able to handle the occasional squall, as well as the serenity of scuba diving and snorkeling in pristine locations.

5. I leave this open, because as I said at the beginning, I really do enjoy the unknown. To discover an aspect that I wasn't expecting. I've been very lucky in love and I never would have imagined some of the personality and qualities I had the serendipity to encounter. I find others fascinating, and I wouldn't want to limit anyone to some checklist I created based on my limited imagination and wisdom.

[humpbackjack]

I guess I was seeking a woman that was loving and caring and wanted to be a mom and a great mom but I never sat down and made a list I just followed my heart I was pretty rough around the edges I had several friends with benefits at the time and most of them knew each other and knew my wife I was in and out (mostly in) trouble most of my life back then and had been on my own since about 14 years old so I really had no thoughts of a relationship let alone a marriage I met her at 21 and I knew I loved her and was going to spend the rest of my life with her immediately I wasn't a fall in love kinda guy but she stole my heart when I looked in her eyes I could see she had such a beautiful spirit inside we got married 2 years later and we’ve been married close to thirty years I’m not saying it’s always been perfect but the first twenty years we never argued and were best friends and our sex life was twice a day minimum every day every one we knew wanted what we had and would call out there SO saying to watch us and learn

[MCheetah]

This is what I want my ideal woman to bring to the table:

- Kindness and positivity.
- Being accepting and nonjudgmental.
- Being open-minded.
- Intelligence.
- A strong sense of humor.
- Strong work ethic.
- Patience.
- Politically moderate (not too liberal or conservative).
- Strictly heterosexual (not gay).
- Strictly monogamous (loyal; not poly/a whore).
- Nerdy; into video games or superheroes.

What I bring to the table:

- My own personal, unique charm.
- Independence.
- Daily self-improvement.
- Awareness.
- Open-minded (to an extent; not to the point of losing my sense of reality).
- Very intelligent.
- Sarcasm.
- Wit.
- Abundance in creativity.
- Artistic skill.
- Strong work ethic.
- Patience.
- Politically moderate.
- Straight and monogamous.
- Nerdy.
- Resourcefulness.
- Bravery.
- Loyalty.
- Thoughtfulness.
- Responsibility.
- Masters degree (in English, though).
- Thoughtfulness.
- No drugs or vices.
- No diseases.
- No children.
- No crazy exes or divorces.
- No history of abuse or any arrests.

[Anonymous]

It seems you have made the same mistake so many women do today, which is to think men value the same things in a woman that women do in men. We don't.

Think of it this way. In terms of attraction, humans are no different today than our ancestors were thousands of years ago. Women are still most attracted to men who have the same traits that made men good partners way back then... tall, strong, smart, able to protect women and children, put a roof over their heads and bring food to the table. Today, some of those traits manifest a little differently because the world has changed a lot, but they are still the same traits.

Men are NOT attracted to those same traits in women. Never have been and never will be. Just like their ancestors, men are attracted to the traits that make a woman a good mother and lover... kind, loving, nurturing, compassionate, unselfish, humble, empathetic, supportive, good sense of humor. It's important to note that in many ways, those traits conflict with the ones women seem to think men want... well educated, good career, etc.

[TallAnon]

For me it's about love, companionship, support, someone that makes me want to be my best self to support her in return. Being attractive to me and having your own income are also important, but I value them less (being less attractive is alright until a certain limit as long as other conditions are met, having no income can also be a process). That said, if she has no passion or interests, I wouldn't have anything to support her with, so that's important as well, they do have to somewhat match my morals, I met a girl who was passionate about support people in third world countries, that doesn't work out, because honestly I really don't give a shit.

I've never been in a formal relationship, this is mainly because I travel a lot, but also because I don't require support where other men might seek out women specifically for this reason. But this can also just mean that my ideals are exactly that, idealistic. A lot of this comes down to intuition for me, so I might be asking for too much.

[Lionman95]

I want them to have some life experience, be smart and curious to learn something. I would want a woman I feel I can rely on (I know that needs time but I need a person that gives me the feeling I can connect).
I want to make at least 5 years into the relationship to make her own money. I feel it would be that both are taking care of their own at the least at the beginning of the relationship.
Another that´s important for me is that she has a healthy lifestyle in terms of eating, tidying up and cleaning. I hate it for example if a person has a messy car.

[simonqq]

Just someone who is supportive, understanding, someone I can be fully myself around and plenty more probably. I'd also say I really value her having her own aspirations and goals, I don't really like someone who has no life of their own if that makes sense.

In the end I don't think you need to overstress thinking of your part. Be yourself and let someone enjoy the real you. We all have our flaws but as long as you are aware of them and try and improve it's all that matters. You will find someone who can deal with your flaws or who will give you what you need to get over them.

[Grond21]

I want her to be willing to commit fully for life. I want her to be smart and to hold a good conversation, to be responsible, to be willing to work together on taking care of the responsibilities in our life. I want her to bring understanding and peace. I want her to be my safe place. I want her to turn our house into a home.

[Anonymous]

Each guy is different.
But (besides beauty and sex) women can make me happy by giving me massages and love. I'm easy to please and maintain and I make that clear.
I love career women, so if she makes her own money, that's great. She doesn't need my money and is in a relationship with me not for the money but for the real deal.

Cooking? While it's a good thing and I value if she cooks, I don't have such an expectation or requirement because I can cook myself (i left my parents). Cooking doesn't impress me as much as do the other physical acts of services like massages.

[ArrowheadSW]

At my point in life, I'd expect a woman to bring to the table some sort of established career. Not necessary to make a huge amount of money, but the means to earn a living. In my twenties, I would have expected a potential partner to at least be on her way towards some sort of meaningful career.

[MTC29]

1) At age 27, she needs to have a job. At age 47 (the age range where I'd be looking), she has to have a CAREER.

2) Stay at home wife? Not on my dime! Keep right on working.

3) A clear understanding about children... we're not having any. That's a potential conflict at age 27, less so at age 47.

4) Baggage- no small children, and no meddlesome ex husband.

Those are the four qualifiers.

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

I would like for him to be the provider, protector, to be loyal, to responsible, be masculine and allow me to be in my feminine.

[PoliteSpeaker]

Beautiful to me, affectionate, romantic, non-judgmental, playful, loyal, habit of being happy and joyous, tells me I'm beautiful, in love with me, open to having kids and open to not having them, no 9 to 5, does what she is passionate about, is okay with not being cool, doesn't overly use tech. Enthusiastic. Good attitude about herself. Someone who isn't into gossip or talking negatively about anyone.

[DaveToo]

It would be difficult for me, at 76, to have an intelligent conversation with you at 27. Not because you aren't smart! No, it's just that there are decades between us, and in those decades I've experienced, first hand, some really scary shit, and some absolutely incredible shit! But what I would really love to hear is your perspective on current events.

[Anonymous]

I mean this in the nicest way possible, I don't think a grown woman should seek dating advice from an app filled with adult children. I'd advise speaking to a friend or relative that is in a relationship you deem as successful. Or a licensed therapist. A lot of people on here are misguided and pessimistic. I would take everything they say with a grain of salt.

[Twalli]

She needs to be athletic enough to walk my dog with me. It's just another 2 miles twice a day.
She needs to be able and willing to cook OR clean.
She needs to love me.
She needs to have a good relationship with my family.

[Jlegacy]

Nothing like a unison of purpose. doesn't have to be the same job but her heart must be in unison with mine. A common objective and for me that is serving God.


All other things are secondary.

[Djaay]

When they can prove honesty and trustworthiness first then we'll talk.

[Justneedtokno]

In your eyes what makes them untrustworthy and dishonest

[Djaay]

You have no idea?

[Justneedtokno]

At this point I don’t know what you guys think

[Djaay]

Truthfully I think your question is very heartfelt. I actually believe you're heart is in the right place. I threw this annon in to constignify an answer out of you and I am glad you answered sensibly. I can only answer for myself tho. What I usually confer a women to do as far as bringing something to the table... I would rather we both build our self's up together in as many different areas as possible sharing our growth with one another as we both continue age.

[Justneedtokno]

Hi, yes at this point I’m just not even getting into the game of dating it’s a Lotta craziness right now. I truly want to know because I figured if I get more education or build my house or learn new things travel. Still not What a guy wants so I wondered what you guys really want

[54Will]

I agree.

[t-8900]

Loyalty, trust, understanding, acceptance, nurturing, submissive, patient, modesty, humility, high sex drive, fertility, positivity, touchy/feely, love for dogs, softness, romantic, sexually passionate, monogamous, family oriented.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

Thanks for a good question,

A lot of it is about the mind, yes. Not necessarily skills or knowledge, but willingness to think - and ability to do so, or to relate to events and ideas similarly.

I met a very cute girl 2 days ago, we smiled at each other - my gut feeling was she is a smartie, which I find important.