Does absence make the heart grow fonder or more distant?

[Anonymous]

I usually see my boyfriend 2x a week but lately we’ve both been super busy and we haven’t seen each other at all in about two weeks+ (we still talk daily). At first I miss him like crazy whereas he was the opposite - he’s too buried in his work and he didn’t have time to really miss me. Then after a while I got used to not seeing him and stopped missing him whereas now he’s missing me so much and he’s saying it just gets worse as we spend even more days apart.

So absence seems to make HIS heart grow fonder but not mine… how do you guys and girls feel about this?

Fonder

Distant

Other

[btbc92]

It's neither of the above. It has everything to do with the fact that both of you really want out of this relationship, what you to desire for and with each other, and what is your intention for relationship. It just seems like to me you two are in this relationship for two different reasons and this is not compatible. In real life, people do have things that they have to do. And unless you two are married, you two are just dating. You cannot expect the same expectations as if you two were married. For him, it seems like you want to spend more time with you but he's focused on work and other things he has to do. And that's very important. Well you work when you work but it seems like to me you're more concerned about his attention. Now I do not know if this is a personality thing will you two are very different regarding your values are not, or is this just a gender thing concerning him being a man and you being a woman. Do is very possible is both or one of the other. But no matter what it really is, the question is what do you two really want and how much do you to truly trust each other for this relationship? To accuse him to say he doesn't miss you is wrong. You two just have different timing and how you two have your desires. If you're not used to being alone and by yourself then you're naturally going to try to want to connect more. But others who is used to that dont have she same needs as another. I believe what you're going to have to do is let him know what your expectations are in his relationship and he equally and decide from there. I believe what matters is that as long as the person finds the time to think about you that's all that matters.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight, really appreciate your objective point of view on this!

[btbc92]

You're welcome. If you feel that he's not putting much effort into that relationship than you need the side of this a relationship you need to keep or not. Take it easy on yourselves.

[Asker]

I’ve talked about this with him. I do have more free time bc my job is less demanding, but lately he has to work every single day even on weekends so finding a time to meet up have been tough. He did admit that he didn’t really have the time to miss me during the first week of not seeing each other bc he was too occupied with work but now that it’s been 2 weeks he realized how much he misses me while I already got used to his absence lol We are planning to meet up soon for at least an hour so hopefully that’ll help solve this issue

[Miristheiss]

Other.

It depends on the length of time and how often it occurs. Being apart for short periods, not seeing each other for a week or two... from time to time can make the heart grow fonder because you miss them and think about them all the time.

If the periods happen a lot and it is for a long duration. You don't see them for a month or months... then you start to bond with those you have daily interaction with and those you have meaningful time with and quality time with. The possibility exists for you to drift apart.

I don't do long distance relationships so I don't understand why anyone would even attempt it. You can't hold or kiss your girl for 3 months and then you get to for like 2 3 weeks and then they are gone again for another few months... etc. Just break up. If you are both single if and when you ever move to the same place you can try again but in the meantime just break up and move on with your lives.

[Asker]

Perfectly said, thanks so much for answering!

[Wise4myage]

Fonder in my opinion.

[Asker]

How so? Is it because you only realize how much you love the person once they’re gone (for a couple of days/weeks etc)?

[Wise4myage]

Its because I realize how much I miss them.

[Asker]

Oh I see, thanks for answering!

[Wise4myage]

You’re welcome