I hit my boyfriend and he broke up with me, how can I get him back?

[Anonymous]

We had a big argument over him refusing to give me his passwords even after 12 months together and he told me not to be so damn controlling and possessive and I couldn't help it, I just saw red and punched him, I HATE being called controlling, especially over something I have trust issues with from previous boyfriends and I just saw red and reacted without thinking, and he just dumped me and turned and walked out and won't take my calls or see me or reply to my messages , I know I messed up, he pushed my buttons but I shouldn't have reacted as much as I did and I want him back help me

Updates

+1 y

Okay so he finally talked to me and I explained myself but his only response was basically "if I had hit you, would you still stay with me?" and I tried to tell him that's different, a man can cause much more damage and it should be forgivable and he said that I still don't get it and he doesn't want me in his life anymore

[ohshee]

I honestly don't think you're going to get him that but you have to understand. But first of all you don't always get what you want second of all what's in his phone is his business that's why there's a password on there if you can't trust him then why are you with him and what are you doing hitting a guy for. You're lucky he's not a prick and knock your ass out then what would your question be. All of this over a password all of this because you have trust issues. And who are those trust issues really with you or him.
Okay so let me try to explain something to you when you get into a relationship it's a 50/50 deal the only control you have is your 50% that's it you be the best you can be you work your butt off to make that 50% work everyday and that's all you can do if he can't hold onto his 50% and it drops down to 20 then you have to make a decision you can't make somebody love you and why would you want to you can't tell anybody what to do or how to do it. If you argue yell and scream that's just stupid where's that gets you if you hit your boyfriend because you won't give you ice cream that's stupid to I was just trying to make a point with somebody's password because what's in their phone is their business only did he ask you for your password. No because he trusts you. And if he doesn't trust you he's just waiting until he has 100% proof before he kicks you to the curb but he's a smart man he walked away from you you probably just looked at you with disgust and said WTF are you doing. You need to get a grip on yourself you need to understand that it's not all about you and you need stop trying to control people. Especially the ones that are trying to love you. Now see I would say that there's a lot more involved in my you just said I think this goes on every other day.
If you get into another relationship understand this it's a 50/50 deal treat the person with respect and trust and loyalty because he will do the same but once you start with the I don't believe you I want to see who's in your phone I want to see this that blah blah blah you just opened up the door for everything to go downhill quickly and crash and burn so it's time you get into a relationship no this it could be one day it could be 20 years that person could just get up and walk away if you understand that then you would understand all you have to do is to your 50% and whatever happens happens because that's the way it works

[Anonymous]

You won't want to hear this, but you may not be able to? These are some serious issues of YOURS. But if there's any chance, I think you'd have to tell him you're getting help (counselling) and mean it and do it. And whether he comes back or not, I'd suggest this anyway for your own sake. Trust issues, while understandable if you've had past bad relationships, you have to work on. He isn't these other guys and you're "punishing" him for what THEY did. Think of it in the reverse, how would you like it if he didn't trust you or anything you said. Especially if you've given him no reason to. Trust is a MAJOR foundation of a relationship. So that's the first thing. Second is your anger management. Nobody should EVER hit anyone, no matter how mad you get. You have to learn how to deal with that and control it. But that very well might have been a deal breaker for him? Just like if a guy hit a woman, that person shouldn't stay in a physically abusive relationship. So there's no easy "quick fix" to this as these are major issues you have to work on.

[kyleelyn199723]

You are one toxic person. Why are you blaming past relationships on your boyfriend? Poor guy. You are abusive and you don’t deserve him. How can you even look at him and think “I should smack him” I look at my boyfriend as one of the most innocent people in my life.

[kyleelyn199723]

To your update: sorry hun, you are entirely wrong and there’s no excuse to domestic violence on each side. You are very lucky he didn’t decide to hit you back, because cops will treat a domestic violence case different from case to case. Just because he is a man, doesn’t mean he will always go to jail and just because you are a woman, doesn’t mean you won’t go to jail. You have a lot to learn in life if you think because you are a woman you think you get to put your hands on a man.

[MrOracle]

LOL. So you've just proven to everyone here that you're incapable of taking responsibility for your actions AND incapable of learning a lesson. Had you taken responsibility for your actions, your boyfriend likely would have forgiven you, but you continued to insist that you were right - despite everyone on this thread telling you otherwise - and now you've been dumped. Will you EVER learn the lesson? It doesn't seem likely.

The first lesson is that HITTING is NOT OKAY, and being female does NOT give you an exemption from that rule. And the second lesson is that when you make a mistake, quit trying to justify it, and take responsibility for your mistake and apologize, and understand that you were wrong. Because you WERE WRONG. And you still are.

[Shortman70]

You're gonna have to wait til he's ready. It's up to him now, you just as well accused him of cheating and stomped on his balls. He may never let you back in, if he does things will never be the same between you 2. Don't call or leave a thousand messages or texts, you'll push him farther away. Leave one voicemail, one text, one note and wait. If it's meant to be he'll contact you. Apologize and get some counseling or some kind of help. If you don't resolve these issues, it will haunt every relationship you have. Good luck!!

[Shortman70]

RE: He's right you don't get it. If its not right for him, it's not right for you. Maybe he should press charges and you could explain it to the judge, why it's ok to hit a man. Maybe he could explain the law.

Also you took no responsibility for your actions. You just turned it around and basically told him it was his fault. He's to blame because you lost your temper and that he needs to change to appease you and your happiness is what's important. That's not the type of life anyone should live. If you took responsibility, went and got some counseling and took anger management classes maybe he would give you another chance. Speak to him again, accept responsibility (to him), schedule counseling services and then go to them, schedule and attend anger management classes. I hate to break it to you but he's probably not gonna take you back (especially if you do not take responsibility for your actions, for sure). You still need those 3 things if your ever gonna make a relationship last long term. If you do not do those things, the only guy that will go out with you isn't gonna be the type you want. Your gonna get the guy, that if you hit him is gonna beat the living daylights out of you. Then you'll understand. He'll control you, if you do anything he doesn't like, he will beat you again, each time it'll get worse. Your mindset will change to you thinking that it's your fault that he hits you and eventually he'll kill you. So please, do those 3 things before you spiral out of control and something terrible happens to you. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[Dchrls78104]

I would have dumped you, too. I take strong exception to relationship violence. You said that you had trust issues from an ex boyfriend and yet you fail to notice the irony in that statement (that by your own violent acts you displayed a degree of hypocrisy and gave HIM valid trust issues concerning you and perhaps women in general). Apparently you need to get over your temper issues, besides your trust issues. If you cannot control your temper or insecurities, you should not be in any relationship.

[Staximus]

Now his trust is broken. You will probably hit him again and he knows it. It's over, you fucked up. Own it, move on, and learn how to not do that again to the next guy you care about. You can't just hit people. If you hate being called controlling, then maybe you have a problem that you need to address. Go get some therapy for anger management and control issues.

[Staximus]

You are lucky he didn't hit you back

[Staximus]

You still don't get it. It's not his face that hurts, it's his feelings. You wanted to hurt him or of anger and you did. Why would he want to be with somebody who can't control themselves and will hurt him again? Time for you to grow up and learn how to control yourself.

[Staximus]

Out of anger

[msc545]

You will never get him back, and you should never as you don't deserve him and he sure as hell doesn't deserve your abuse.

If he had hit you, he would be in jail, but because you are female, nobody will prosecute you or do anything to you. Do something about your psychiatric problem and stay away from men (and women) until you get your anger issues under control. The next time you hit someone it may not go so well for you.

[nawtee_me]

So you are still trying to be controlling of him... You want him to come back even though he doesn't want to. You want it your way with no regards to his feelings. Instead of excepting that you caused this and learn from that mistake so you do not make it again, you would rather seek ideas on how to get him back so you can do it all over again.

[Paul09]

Well, You made a choice, now you have to deal with it. Why do you take bad experiences and move them to another relationship? If I were you, I'd work on myself before going back to another relationship. What would of happened if roles were reversed? What if he punched You instead? Then what? He's fu#ked. While you get away with it. Be an adult and fix yourself. Or you'll just end up doing the same thing again and again. Passwords are personal. I never understood the sharing.

[slatyb]

He was right to leave. Why do you need his passwords? That's very controlling. If you asked me, I would have said "No, and don't ask again." Or I might have just ended it. I can't imagine anyone I know either asking that or sharing their password.

[Anonymous]

The thing is your EX boyfriend is right. Take this as a learning experience, as a sign that you need to grow up. You are controlling, If you can't accept that about your self you will never be able to grow beyond that, which you need to if you want to have a good man in your life. If i were in his shoes i would have done the same thing, and filed a restraining order against you.. My advice to him, Never date, or stick your dick in crazy..

[Opinion Owner]

"and I tried to tell him that's different, a man can cause much more damage and it should be forgivable" Thats some twisted logic you're using there. Regardless of gender its NEVER ok to hit the person you're with. you're an abuser, you need help, Seek therapy, and get your anger under control. leave that man alone, let him find someone who won't hurt him. And stop using thinking errors to try to justify your shitty behavior.

[admles]

You're lucky he didn't hit you back, he would have been fully justified to do so.

Leave him alone, he doesn't deserve a terrible person like you.

[Anonymous]

“Saw red”

if you can’t control yourself to the point where you physically hurt the person, then you aren’t ready for a relationship. Take some time and work on your issues. Maybe he was cheating, and in that case you still shouldn’t be justified in violence, just leave. He left. He could have punched back. Imagine how that would be? Consider yourself lucky he has self control

[HighValue]

Once you break trust there is no way to ever get it back. Even if you somehow got back together it would never be the same again.

[DonRollins]

Yeah i'd probably leave you too. You sound like a crazy fucking bitch. Why would you do that.

You don't need to see all that shit.

[ChiPaPa]

I wouldn't take you back. Not only are you controlling, but the first reaction is to assault.

[Razor8]

Good for him. You assaulted him and you don't respect his privacy.

[Razor8]

Your update is even worse. I hope you are trolling.

[jfazzle101]

Yeah you gotta control yourself. That being said you sound pretty hot lol. Hmu I'll give you all my passwords😂😁

[Anonymous]

Reverse the genders. If a guy hits a woman and she breaks up with him, would anyone help him to win her back? No they would not.

[Opinion Owner]

re: your update, sorry, you don't get to play double standards when it comes to violence. Better luck next boyfriend.

[noohair]

Well, take that lesson and don't hit your next boyfriend. This guy knows that you will hit him again.

[noohair]

When you learn that men and women are equal and no one deserves to be hit, you might be ready for a new boyfriend. He is right, you don't get it. You lack impulse control.

[IronsKev]

Glad he dumped you to be honest sort your issues out before entering another relationship

[Gwenhwyfar]

He did the right thing