Why does my boyfriend get physically violent when he feels like our intimate time is lacking?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been getting more physical towards me when we don’t have sex for more than a few days. Today he slapped my hip really hard and smacked my lips (knowing I just had lip filler yesterday). He also threw my phone on the floor and smacked food out of my hand. I didn’t touch him at all, just called him a dirt bag after I saw my phone was cracked. Since I’ve known him, he always gets sad when he aren’t intimate for more than a few days. But recently he’s been taking his anger out on me physically. He says it’s because he thinks I don’t love him. I tell him all the time that I do love him that I just don’t want it as much as he does. Also him being this way makes me dread it at times. This is all just so embarrassing and I’ve been coming to the reality that I need to leave him. I’m crying writing this because I just feel at a really low point in my life. If you can just please let me know your thoughts. I don’t want to tell anyone I know so if anyone is reading, just tell me what you think please. I just need someone to talk to. Thank you.

[DJB72]

For him sex isn't about love, it's about power. I assume he's sexually dominant.

These "little" things are assault. Nothing less. It's a criminal act.

I'd say you probably did love him once, but at this point it's not love you feel. Call it codependent or Stockholm syndrome or whatever you want to. The fact of the matter is that there's a well established pattern of escalation for boys like him. I call him a boy because no real Man would ever strike a woman. You deserve better. A Man will protect you. It's hardwired into us. My son is only 3 and he's starting to display protective behaviour about some of his friends at crèche - all of whom are either girls, younger than him (!), or both. He favours talk so far, but I've been on the receiving end of his punches - he's got a good right hook!

My point is that there's no good reason to stay with anyone who hits you (unless you've asked him to and there's a safe word involved).

Either move out or wait for him to go out and change the locks. I'd suggest the former. Take your stuff out to somewhere safe a bit at a time over a couple of days but don't take long.

I went to a doctor today. She examined my foot (I've only got one now). I had a callous on my big toe. Back in March I cut my toe badly in a swimming pool. That's where the callous was.

She looked, took out a scalpel and cut the whole calloused lump off leaving a gaping open wound on the pad of the toe.

She dressed it with a gel and a silver lining. It'll take a few weeks, but doing it this way my foot should heal.

If I'd left it I could easily be looking at losing my other leg. Weeks in hospital and months of rehab.

It's not a perfect analogy, but this guy sounds like a callous you seriously need to excise before it leads you to losing more than a flap of skin.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, you do need to leave him. Your relationship is becoming an abusive one. You should never be feeling "dreading" your boyfriend. This is not going to improve. This will get increasingly worse. This is the pattern abusive relationships often follow.

If you feel like chatting, don't hesitate to message me. But you DO need to get out of this relationship. Now. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!

[tatianamay]

Oh dear god. Girl, RUN! Run for the fucking hills!

He is being abusive, and you should NEVER tolerate abuse. Its gonna get worse if you stay with him. He sounds extremely insecure. He will get even more violent as days go on.

A boyfriend is someone who shoukd protect you and be there for you. Not someone who makes you cry! Nobody should physically/verbally/sexually abuse anyone!

Please please leave him. Its NOT going to get better unless you leave him. If you ever wanna talk, just pm me, okay? Hugs ❤

[zyrensong]

sorry you're going through this, but yeah you need to leave. you can message me if you wanna talk

[Drumlin2001]

Why does it matter why he does it? Do you want that to be your life? Getting beaten every few days? My OH had a very rough pregnancy and recovery from birth, TBH we had sex maybe 3 times in a year. What's your fella going to do if you were to fall pregnant, beat you whilst you carry the baby cause you can't have sex, or go cheat on you. Surely you deserve better...

[PrettyPriya]

I agree with others. You need to leave him immediately. Do you have family/friends you can stay with?

This will never get better.

[Anonymous]

Unacceptable. That’s abuse. It will only escalate if allowed to continue. Sorry you’re in love but people that truly love you (not just what you can do for them), don’t abuse you. You need to end the relationship.

[Jessica405]

Dump his ass right now! Violent control freaks do NOT get better. They get worse very quickly.

[boggboss]

Because this is how he prefers to deal with situations he can't get his own way with and because u stay with him he feels he can continue

[boggboss]

U are allowing yourself to be abused u need to sort it out before this situation gets worst

[DaveJord]

Because he's an asshole with emotional problems? Its not normal thats all I can say.

[sage2021]

Sounds like he is on meth. That will make you act that way. Get away from him before he knocks your teeth out or worse. He has changed into someone you didn't fall I love with

[MotorcycleMan]

You need to get away from that abusive man before things get much worse. Whatever it takes, get away. You deserve better.

[Dchrls78104]

This is the mark of an abuser who is controlling and perhaps insecure. It is a situation very likely to grow only worse. When you're on a ship you see is sinking, you can either go down with it or else abandon ship. The choice is yours.

[Agape93]

Holy crap he's abusive. Honey, please, leave him and don't go back to him. It will get worse.

[PositiveNote]

The word "violent" should never be in any sentence containing a woman. Period.

[Anonymous]

He has poor impulse control - leave him and find someone better.

[RichSD]

Because you let him. Stop being a doormat. Break it off or decide to be a victim forever.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Sounds like a guy you need to get away from

[Anonymous]

Get out alive please.

[Laura456]

Leave him