Am I Being Selfish For Wanting To Keep My Baby When The Father Doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I've recently found out I'm pregnant after the pill failed during a one night stand. Given the circumstances the father had been very supportive and has been there for me. However, he has made it clear he is on the side of wanting to abort as he doesn't feel financially ready.

I have done some thinking and I think I'm going to want to keep the child. I have made it clear that if the guy doesn't want to be in the child's life I understand and won't hold it against him as I understand how it's something he doesn't want. When we initially spoke about it he said if I decided to keep it he'd want to try a relationship with me so our child potentially could have both parents living with him.

Yet I feel I'd be taking his life away from him. I do think he likes me but not enough to date me outside of this baby. He's a very good-looking guy who is only 23. I don't want to ruin his life or tie him down. But I know if I go against my heart and abort I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I've got to think about three lives in this situation, mine, his, and this child's and I don't want to hurt anyone.

[btbc92]

The guy doesn't like you, I'm sorry, but you need to be realistic and STOP. This man only used you for sex. For whatever reason, you decided to have sex with a man whom you not legally married you, which is what you already did. Pill or no pill, you got pregnant. I believe that is a sign right there for you to take care of that baby and that it was more and likely meant for you to have him/her. Inspect who the father of that baby is. Listen, stop making excuses for him. He decided to have sex, that's it. He needs to either step up and be a man or simply have no rights until he shapes up and be ready to be a father. He is still the biological father of the child.

This is why you wait for marriage to have sex and not fool around. Either way, the children deserve to live, and you have the right to raise this child be if the guy wants to be there or not. Either way, he again decided to have sex, so he has no excuse. It's time for him to GROW UP. It doesn't matter if he is or isn't financially ready. He should have thought about that before deciding to have the one night stand. You already understand what you had decided to do, so at that point, you have to seriously think about the legalities about this. As a few users have said, you may not have much of an option at this point. Still keep your child and raise him or her to the best of your ability. I pray that both of you are able to overcome these new challenges now.

[Hangry06]

You didn't destroy his life. When you consent to have sex, you both are responsible for the consequences be it protected or unprotected sex

[DonkeyDan]

Depending where you live will depend on the laws that protect you and your child. You saying that you won't hold him responsible if he doesn't want to be father might not actually be an option. Some countries a father can't sign away his responsibilities financially, and if you fell on harder times and wanted welfare in the future the state could go after him regardless of your agreement. Consider that too if you decide to keep it against his wishes. Maybe the 2 of you could work out but being that I assume you don't really know eachother as it was a ONS that is not very likely and there is a possibility you'd try and make it work for the sake of the child and that is a really bad idea. Find out if he has the option to fully legally sign his rights away first, that night make your decision easier.

[Wiredone]

I was in a similar situation only it wasn't a ons. We were dating. I wore a condom but it broke. We didn't think at all about abortion. I was not going to let her raise the baby on her own. I did everything I had to do to support her and our baby. I even sold my car to buy baby furniture.

[Anonymous]

He could've worn a condom if he was so worried about unplanned pregnancy.
You're not taking his life away, he's an adult and there's nothing wrong with being a father in your 20's. Having children doesn't ruin your life, caring for a child is an important life experience that allows people to grow.

[hahahmm]

Give the kid to a two parent family that is eager to raise a baby. But better get the dad (and yourself) to sign the right legal paperwork with some adoption agency or you'll have issues later on.

[TeddyE]

Surely the more selfish move would be killing your kid! Hard to fathom how you could even contemplate that. Poor kid.

[RichSD]

Absolutely keep the baby. Don't let that asshole ruin your life. The baby's life matters more than his or yours at this point. Do the right thing, I think you know what it is.

[DaveJord]

No if thats what you want then its definitely not selfish.

[Cubus]

It's not selfish, he can't force you to do it, if you don't want to. Keep the baby. Your man can leave you, but your baby will be with you no matter what.

[Celtero]

Sorta, but that's what he gets for being irresponsible.

[Manuel2]

No.
In fact tell him, When my child is rich and famous please do not treat it the same way Meagan dad treats her

[Anonymous]

Then sign away his obligations to the baby. Talk to a lawyer and sign away his legal obligations.

[Robert123456789]

It’s would be selfish to want to murder your child.
Enjoy the blessing.

[Glasgow55]

Nope.