Why do guys end the relationship by saying, "you deserve someone better" after getting close?

Question

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

This can be one of the most frustrating things that can happen when a relationship ends. Most men today have been conditioned to be sensitive and express their feelings. Since you are 21 I will just add most likely you have had a relationship with a guy that is broken. YEP, I said that! I work with a lot of guys aged 18 to 38. ALL currently in the US Navy. ALL divorced or waiting for a divorce to become final. We discuss the topic of moving on a lot. One guy is a Navy Lt that came home one night unexpectedly and found his wife on her knees giving another guy a BJ. Typical outcome. That night we discussed this topic was his night to be open about his life. He ran across a great girl that works on the Navy base and is a civilian. They dated some, but after several dates, he simply was unable to take it to the next level. Admitted to her he was broken and was doing her a favor by just putting her in the friend zone. She then started spreading all kinds of he is gay crap all over with his friends. EVEN his ex wife started defending him on that. I know it hurts like hell to be into someone and have this happen.

Now, if the person is a player and is simply gaslighting you this is 100% different. Kick his sorry ass to the curb and find somebody that can treat you right!

Pyrofox · Accepted Answer

A lot of society loves just bashing men continuously if you want a man at this point in society to stay you gotta just reinforce that they actually really do mean something to you or they just feel like. Another dude passing by. Its kinda sad how those crude jokes and comments about guys being creeps really have gotten to the larger majority of guys. As a result most guys are naturally set up to feel depressed. Kinda feels weird to realize this as society doesn't but men and guys got feelings to. We just aren't societally allowed to show them.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

It is an elegant way (seen from the point of view of the guy) or a coward way (seen from the girl's point of view) to sever a potential relation because it gets too complicated or because it takes an unexpected turn.

What it boils down to is actually just a way of saying that you are the wrong person but rather than to admit that fact, they use the elegant/cowardly way to express it.

Nothing new here but I would like to emphasize that this way of phrasing a cut is not the sole prerogative of one gender. Girls are not much better when it comes to ending a relationship.

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

Because they don’t want to hurt you. It’s a nice concept but I prefer a more tactful, honest approach (I. E. I think you’re a very sweet girl and very pretty, but I don’t think this is gonna work). No explaination as to why is owed after that. Although the “you deserve better” approach is true in some cases. A guy I dated years ago used this line on me, and it really was him. He didn’t want to commit and last I heard he still doesn’t (almost 20 years later lol), so in that case he was being honest.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

They are tryong to convince their self that they are doing you a favor so that they won't feel so guilty.

ohshee · Answer

Well first of all because they feel guilty because they already have a new girlfriend so they're telling on themselves you deserve somebody better than me he doesn't finish the sentence by saying because I found a new girlfriend I'm a cheater I'm walking away because you deserve somebody better will fucking right she deserve somebody better it's his way of keeping things Pleasant and making it about her and probably about a month to two months down the road she will find out the truth did he was actually cheating on her and he wanted out of that relationship

DaveJord · Answer

I have used as a nice way of saying your too nice, too kind and maybe too nieve to be ruined by a guy like me. Because I honestly only wanted sex and never intended to make it a long term thing or do right by you, so its better end it before you really get hurt.

Don't try to get back with this guy, just move on and let it go. He's not interested... if you go back to him... then you're basically saying its okay for him to treat you like dirt. And he will without regret because he already warned you.

TheorionMage · Answer

Because they've come to realize that you've grown apart and to 'fix' those root elements which separate you (PL) would require elements of yourself to change and that would be 'unfair' to who they've discovered you (or them) to be. Or... perhaps they were just looking for a 'friends with benefits' with no greater commitment.

I once was metaphorically in a relationship where MY 'dollar' was not valued by my SO as much as Other's 'nickel's.

You've all heard, "It NOT you, its ME" and one of life's hardest 'truths' is, sometimes that your SO is PAINFULLY candidly 'truthful' ~ :(

Anonymous · Answer

From my experience, when they say this, they either mean they acknowledge they’re a POS to you and you genuinely deserve someone who treats you better OR they don’t see a future and think “someone better” is a way to reassure you that you will find someone who wants a future with you.

askandgiveAnswers · Answer

Sometimes guys are learning what is needed emotionally and physically. If emotionally you listen good or if you are a good communicator then awesome. If not, maybe communicator is needed as almost to feel loved or at least cared for and not wanting to say I love you. Just to not say them words is also a key for some relationships not to say the words. Yet, show it in many other forms. Maybe if sex was done and he doesn’t know how to ask how good sex was or a kiss or getting close, this could be another item. Maybe it is of sex and he has a question, butt (butt) he doesn’t know how to raise the question, mmm (raise) . Or he doesn’t know how to say he doesn’t want to hang out with you, he is moved on butt doesn’t say it nicely to ur face. Maybe she is high strung and an irritation to try to talk to. Maybe she doesn’t listen on some ideas or points. Maybe she is alway thinking she is important and that is not nice as a queen. Um, no.

NetSapien · Answer

Without knowing the circumstances...

If a guy says "you deserve something better", it typically should mean that your goals are not totally compatible. For example, you may want to seek out someone for marriage and he may simply feel he's not ready for marriage. You would, in this example, deserve someone that is ready for marriage.

This doesn't mean that a guy may not use the statement as an 'easy out' though. I wouldn't.

Anonymous · Answer

Most likely maybe because they are trying to break up in a “nice way” and believe by saying this they won’t hurt you much !
I honestly don’t know why some people take break ups badly and some take years to recover. Listen you YOLO once in this life. We came into this word alone and die alone when you meet god you will walk there alone.. no one is going to hold your hand.
If someone doesn’t want you fuck them who gives a shit. They are humans who poop and eat and laugh and cry and fart as me and you. Why hurt your soul and heart for a random human who doesn’t hold much value in your universe because the prize is you you matter you are the one who loves you. You are number 1. Love yourself. That’s it

Anonymous · Answer

Because its an honourable thing to do. They want out of the relationship as ots not working for them but don't want to hurt you.
Compared to us women who will stay in a relationship we are unhappy in until we have another guy lined up. I've done this, it was pretty shitty of me.

aintnocandle · Answer

They’re just trying to lessen the blow and it’s just a common line used that they don’t even think about. Mostly I think they mean “you should be with someone who really wants you and I don’t”

melanieeeB · Answer

My ex said that to me and he was the first I truly believed he meant it. He explained, that he can't give me the love back that I'm giving him, cause he doesn't feel the same for me. He appreciates me and thinks highly of me but his heart is not 100% in and yeah, I deserve someone who can truly loves me.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I used this phrase before. It's because I felt someone better and more compatible would make them happier. And contrary to what others have thus said here, I use this phrase as a way to take ownership of my own faults in the relationship.

CaliGirlBH · Answer

That's just something they do out of guilt.
They think if they make you feel they are a douchebag it's going to make you feel a little better about him dumping you.

They use it as an easy way out because they found someone else and don't have the balls to tell you straight up.

sage2021 · Answer

Because they are chicken shits!! I have been told that before and it actually made me realize that I do deserve better. It was a wake up call for me to dump his skinny, worthless ass!

MsTaniaUncensored · Answer

It has always seemed like they are almost trying to gaslight you into believing that so they don't have to feel as guilty and so we won't get as upset.

MCheetah · Answer

Maybe, because they feel... You deserve better? Most men aren't an enigma; they mean what they say and they say what they mean. Not that this is a common thing men say that often, anwyay.

razzmatazz009 · Answer

That probably means you deserve someone who likes you the same way that you like them. Meaning they probably don't feel the same way about you as you do about them

Ceslovas · Answer

Because they are 'cowards' acting from a place of fear of hurting you.

Uncomfortable to say a truth about them... needing someone better.

It's never about you , it's about them. pay attention to what people say;)

Screenwriter · Answer

They're not ready to commit or getting close scared them. In either case, that person is not for you!

rosesanddaisies · Answer

They probably feel like they aren't good enough for their partner or feel like they hurt them to the point that they don't want to hurt them anymore.

Bdsmaster · Answer

Every guy has a different reason luv, like some might say it to get a clean break, some might say it so that the girl doesn't get hurt, some might say it to not feel guilty for breaking the girls heart or some might seriously believe what they are saying and not have confidence in themselves that they can make the girl happy.

exitseven · Answer

It is a different version of the "it isn;t you, it's me" crap. It is just something people say when they want t obreak up.

kenz000 · Answer

Move on from them tbh. They don’t wanna be in the relationship so why should you?

Seangreen · Answer

It's a nicer way of saying that he don't see a future with you

CaliSixx · Answer

I usually reject men that way. Usually because I genuinely feel like I'm not good enough

Rosalindaa__ · Answer

Because he’s probably gonna hurt you seeing you’re better than him. He wants to be able to do stupid shit without the “drama” of a girlfriend ygm.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

Easy way out. Relationships take work. A lot of people, men and women don’t want to put in the effort and talk through things

KellyPlayz333555 · Answer

Probably because they're not ready to go even further into the relationship

MJtheCoach · Answer

Because they’re losers and they don’t have confidence and all the girls the date will probably extremely ugly or fat or much worse than the current girl that they wITV,

Exterminatore · Answer

That’s the guy version of “it isn’t you it’s me.” It’s a way to let you down easy.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

I think he's saying that he doesn't deserve someone as kind as you are. I don't think that's a bad sign but it's a sign that your partner doesn't think very highly of himself for whatever reason.

Subarugirl · Answer

It's basically the same thing as saying, "it's not you, it's me."

Shy_Steve · Answer

Chances are they are they are feeling depressed, If you really have feelings for him then try to make him feel better and tell him you really love him and why.
If you don't really like him then just tell him.

spartan55 · Answer

They couldn't come up with anything else, and knew "it's not you, it's me" wouldn't work.

HawkPerception · Answer

Oh do you want us to say "I'm not attracted to your shitty personality Karen." ?

certifiedalphafemale · Answer

He might not want to tell you that he screwed up and stringe you along, that’s why he’s saying that.

Soleil8000 · Answer

Probably because they are liars, or - girls with penile implants. Have you had sex/did you see him ejaculate (penile implants cannot produce sperm/there is no ejaculation)

Lushly · Answer

Cuz we tried an tried again so let someone else fulfill your needs

Jintendo18 · Answer

It’s just another way of saying “It’s not you. “It’s me.”.

cookiecrusher · Answer

Women can't handle rejection, most of the time. a lot of guys aren't very direct either, mostly scared to.

badboy-hey · Answer

I know it's normal but someone who is genuinely facing issues won't say something that illogical.

unusuak · Answer

If your a piece if shit who doesn't want to try at all yeah definitely. a lot them walkin around

OddBeMe · Answer

Why are you getting into so many relationships that end like that?

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Why do girls say " Its not you its me"?

Rohaan2020 · Answer

That's when you make him feel hez not good enough..

BBFDancer · Answer

Maybe he thinks it’ll help you in the long run. Or he thinks he can’t measure up to you.

dustybiker · Answer

Because honesty is too difficult.

Anonymous · Answer

Because we always think higher of you than we do ourselves.

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

Realization their partner is too good for them.

Anonymous · Answer

That's because you probably friend zoned some better. The universe works in harmony and balance smh

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

It's an excuse to dump you.

rebeliouse · Answer

lol just crap lie to make u feel better

lightbulb27 · Answer

were you constantly identifying his flaws?

malwins · Answer

they may really think that *shrugs*

FreyaRed · Answer

Sarcasm

JohnGarcia · Answer

They don’t want to hurt you, that’s why.

jasco · Answer

Because they don't wish to be better

threebelles · Answer

They feel they are not up to the mark.

Slim57 · Answer

Just an excuse because its something else

noohair · Answer

Fear of commitment.

Why do guys end the relationship by saying, "you deserve someone better" after getting close?

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What does it mean when a guy says you deserve better than your ex?

Why do guys end the relationship by saying, "you deserve someone better" after getting close?

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What does it mean when a guy says you deserve better than your ex?

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