So I have severe anxiety, isolation sends me into panic attacks, and I have a history with depression. Been in a relationship with a guy for a couple of years, been halfway living with him for 8 months, we spend all our nights together usually at his place. The past 2 months whenever we need to spend the night apart for one reason or another it's had a very negative impact on my mental health, and I really can't function. We were talking about getting married then he started going through a bad rough patch with work and his health, and isn't even sure about our relationship anymore. He asked for a week of space between us, and I have no idea how to deal with it, so I'm sitting at my house having a complete meltdown right now.
This is honestly more of venting then anything else, though advice or comments are welcome. I just don't know what the hell to do or how to deal with this right now, can't stop crying, barely breathing properly, just trying to calm down.
Wow you just entered into my chest I could feel you so deep right now I can feel every single one of your words and it's almost like I want to cry that's how deep I feel you I need to take a breath. Just take a breath relax. Go wash your face just relax for a minute.
Is this your first relationship. Most of the time our first relationship we as people see somebody that we like him we start having a relationship it's just like a body type relationship body-mind. Then there are times where when we get into a relationship our body our mind and our energy touch and feel the other person's body mind and energy when two energies Bond is one of the most beautiful feelings in this world that you will ever ever have. And when your energies are in love and they have bonded you can break up and walk away from a normal relationship but when your energy is Bond then human have a big problem because even though you can walk away from it your energy can't and when your energy Mourns loss of their significant other we can't eat we can't sleep we are miserable it would become moments where you say what the hell is going on this is not me. I don't do this. That's because it's your energy the real you it's on the inside your guide your teacher the things that words you people call it gut feeling its energy. In time you can kind of be okay with it but when your energy falls in love and is not around their partners are energy to take out in that other person it makes you sick your energy just cries out is so sad. We have all gone through this before. How do you deal with separation and anxiety separation is you and him anxiety is your energy and their energy it's hard for me to explain it but like I said it's one of the most beautiful feelings in the world when it happens when you're together but when you breakup you're breaking up your energy with their energy or vice versa and inside of you your energy is mourning the loss of their best friend it sounds weird but I can explain more if you send me a private message
Best advice is you have to focus on your self and well being and realize we can’t force someone to love us , we can only guide them , if they want to go let them go , the fact that ihe wants space from you is his loss and it sounds like he is a selfish piece of shit person and is pretty much checking out of the relationship with you , don’t beg for him back , if he wants to be selfish and leave that’s his loss , what sounded like a great relationship between you 2 he is destroying, s that’s something he is going to realize when he realizes you won’t take him back , word of advice do not take him back , he is a piece of shit period. trust me I been down this road before with my ex when all of a sudden she met these newly single girlfriends that basically said all men are assholes and pretty much pulling her away from me , when her and I were inseparable, but her priority became these toxic friends that were pulling her out to bars and making it clear that I was excluded , I was so hurt inside the fact that the girl I gave my heart to just decided she needed space all the time from me and started treating me like shit , dressing slutty and seeking attention with these other toxic girls , so instead of chasing the selfish bitch I started playing her game and told her go have fun with your friends , I am going to go do the same , when she saw me doing the same she got jealous and tried chasing me back , I didn’t make it easy for her cuz I realized I saw her true colors , Selfishness is the biggest relationship killer and when someone thinks grass is greener on the other side they are damaging their relationship, so that right there is your answer to basically tell them to go fuck themselves and move on and find someone that doesn’t want space from you. When we allow someone to walk over us all it does it make them want to walk over you more , don’t allow that to happen , realize you are a beautiful person and that you deserve someone that wants to stand by your side , not someone that likes the convenience of you
I saw this post and just wanted to leave you a comment.
I think your allowing your thoughts to spirral and this is sending you into a meltdown. I understand mental healh and depression, I've had bad generalised anxiety and had a hard time being comfortable alone during times of fear or panic, however. The best thing i ever did was seek support from family and friends. Text, write things down that you would want to say to the person your missing or wishing was with you. There are times where no one will be able to be with you, an its hard but you will build up resilience and independence. Its difficult but I believe this will actually help you become better with coping, if you remind yourself that it isn't personal against you.
The guy wants some space. Listen to him and give him till he needs. If he wants to communicate he will. He will thank you for giving it him. The last thing you should do right now, is be needy and contact him for reassurance, as this is something that might be taken negatively by him and could just make things worse. *from past personal experience*
Take the time for self care. He's not around so plan activites with friends. Read a book, create a mood board for your goals an ambitions. Focus on your hobbies, social life and leisure. When you can't cope an feel panicky, call a friend or write a note to yourself. Distrcation is key.
Ultimatley, I think working on yourself during this time will be good for you and your MH. Men find it attractive when women just do their own thing. Nobody wants someone who is waiting for them to reappear.
Show him you have your own life and needs. You are a strong independent woman, remind yourself of that and let the wallowing pass.
Its ok to feel shit and low. But remember its temporary
If you trusted him you wouldn't feel like this. And for him, constantly hearing about how depressed/lonely you are is going to wear him down. A person can only give so much emotional support before they're drained. You're draining him dry like a vampire drains a victim -- even tho that wasn't your intention. Give the guy a break. Instead of complaining/telling all of your depression to him every day, dial it back. Once a week... better yet, once a month. Give the man a break! And remember that life isn't all about you. He is probably wondering how he is going to give you all the support you need while getting ZERO of what he needs in that department... my guess.
Nutrition can play a big influence in people's mental health too. Make sure you're eating PROPERLY. Cut out as many processed foods, fast foods, soft drink, artificial sugars and so on. Get regular exercise.
Anyhow, if you actually can pretend to be happy it can rub off and make you FEEL happy. Try it sometime. Yeah, lots of people hate to hear it when they love being a Debbie Downer but it's true. Contribute to more of your fiance's happy times/memories and it will go along ways towards making him think it's a good idea to stay. And I ain't talking about sex, either.
I rarely ever talk to him about my negative mental health unless it needs to be spoken about, and have been trying to be really supportive for him because I know he's dealing with a lot and is very much a pessimist, and have been doing a lot of whatever he wants to do to try and help cheer him up.
I'm trying really hard to figure how to be okay on my own I just genuinely don't know how too.
Faking it til you make it isn't bad advice at all but in this current moment not not most effective.
Okay. It could be that you are overthinking what he's up to then. Men tend not to want to share as much as women do anyhow. Maybe he just needs time to feel a certain way without being under pressure. So wait a week and see.
Well from what I can gather, he is basically saying he is having second thoughts about your relationship, for starters. Secondly, for people with Anxiety to have this is no stranger. What you need to do is to get your mind off of it. Plan for Thanksgiving or think about Christmas coming up in just FIVE WEEKS. Go get your hair or nails done, or just plain do something for yourself. This way you will be thinking of yourself for awhile and it will distract you from the possible demise of your relationship (if my suspicion in my first sentence turns out to be accurate. But hopefully not.).
Im getting ready for bed but this caught my eye. I suffered anxiety of every kind including seperation anxiety. If you w help message me and I'll get back to you when I can. There's a lot of things that can be done to help you and I'm willing to help you get to the he bottom of it because God knows this stuff is a living hell and ravages the mind, body, and spirit.
There is a difference in wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be with that person for marriage, raising family and so on.
He seemed like one of those live by the moment guys that get scared of the life long plans.
The 2 of you having meltdowns at the same time may lead to break up or ot could go the other way. The uncertainty, powerlesness, and fear of the break up is one hell of a tornado of feelings to deal with.
Its really up to him now to work things out with you or leave. All I can say is you are not the only one that this happens to. I have always been rejected so you should know that millions of people haven't had even half of the great things being loved in return feels like.
What has helped me survive is knowing those who dont have half of what I have, like ability to see.
So you had these issue before him and when did they start? It just sounds normal for you to feel that way given the threat of loss. What have you done to work on yourself and understand and manage that response? My girlfriend daughter was like this… some is personality and some was prior trauma. I’m sitting here right now because she goes to a support group for anxiety. Identify some options you can take action.
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Started after he started to show doubt about our relationship, and there is some past trauma with abandonment, so yeah that makes sense. I honestly don't even know where to start manage it though, I dont know where I'd find a support group for anxiety or if I'd even be okay with going to it, I really, really don't want medication for anxiety, the only thing I can think to do is to spend a lot of time away from him until I can breathe alone again, but the issue there is how crippling it is being away from him. Now I don't have a choice though and my anxiety level has been though the roof with no improvement for the past two days.
so if I understand, is your fear of abandonment a key driver for why you get moody... and hurt his feelings, and so he left to takea break as he doesn't understand or know how to handle you?
It's not easy, I talked with someone similar to you years back on gag, for a few years. Most everyone has emotional wounds, and those countrol and limit us. your job is to be aware and work on resolving. There are many books on trauma, anxiety classes, etc.. It's not easy to work on when you are in a state of fear. Things you can do: Be honest with him so he isn't afraid of you. Meditate to heal your brain from the damage of stress Eat right rather than going for sugar and fat which is what body desires under stress Practice positive thoughts, gratitude, compassion and thankfulness each day/night. changes thinking. Start researching techniques to address the underlying trauma... read about trauma. There's imagery, prayer, groups, etc.. don't take medication to mask the problem... I agree if can at all be avoided. that's a crutch and it's what most doctors offer. Leads to more problems. You want to heal your hurts... that's long term solution.
I haven't read other people's opinions but, my brother had a similar thing when we were younger and he had to build it up over time, I'd suggest maybe a therapist, my brother built it up over time but I don't know if your boyfriend understands what you're going through even if he supports you with it hence the therapist.
Listen i am right there right now living in your shoes. I just lost my family no differently than what you explained. So please take it from me and no matter how bad u are compelled to text and kick and scream.. Dont. Let them go they will most likely be back here soon. But give them space and try to breath. If it gets real bad and u need to talk i will be there for u. Everything sounds to me like its gna be ok if u just leave it alone for a min.
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I just want to stop feeling so desolated. I can't even sleep at night right now.
Yeah i know. Its a mixture of shock & your routine being taken from you. Im willing to bed you have probably asked out loud " what is even happening.. Why is this happening". Look he said he wanted a week. Did he take anything from your home with him? I was serious do not text.. Do not call thats just going to have the opposite affect of what you want to happen. If there's still stuff at ur guyses home that matters to him your good i promise you y'all are gna be ok if u give him space
A dog helps. Dogs love people. Plus they never go through a rough patch where they don't want your companionship. Feed them, pet them, walk/play with them and they'll love you. My dog loves everyone because she knows people will pet her. She loves me more because I walk her and feed her, so as far as she knows I am the reason she gets food.
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I actually use to have a dog but she also had separation anxiety and I couldn't leave her alone at all, and I didn't have enough free time to be home with her so I had to find her a better home. That tore me up inside so I don't think I'll try getting another dog unless I could be home with it all the time.
I dont know why women don't listen to what a man is telling them. A man means what he says. There's nothing for you to do but to leave him alone. Read between the lines. You're too much. Get help , get some friends, and a life. You're clingy and emotionally unstable and complete burden to the poor guy.
Well, all that feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping you at all.. do u think he's at home miserable and crying!! And hopefully everything is ok , and he's just having cold feet... my point is be better than that..
