Do you think counselling/therapy is for attention seekers or babies?

[lilyanony1]

I thought about this a little today and I kind of wondered if I was presenting situations that may seem rather pathetic to my therapist. I know they say they don't judge but I think they'd find it difficult not too. At least in their heads.
My dillema is identifying and understanding true and genuine love.
I get that sometimes people can do unpleasant things for love but in my family I talk to understand. When someone doesn't communicate with me I find it really difficult to see the reasoning.
I need to know why you did something that I wouldn't have done or I perceive as being unkind to understand the person.
On many occasions others have said I've understood their behaviour wrongly but I still haven't received an explanation. Just more round about kind of ideas and gests and excuses.
So on my head that means it was callous!

Does that make sense?
To break that pattern of thinking im going to therapy, because the over thinking has left me very anxious.

[AmandaYVR]

Oof. Tough question. Another that can go both ways.

So, my stepfather was a psychiatrist. Not a huggy, touchy-feely, non-medical-doctor therapist or counsellor or even psychologist, but a psychiatrist. There are significant differences between all of these. (One of the main ones being he was a medical doctor, and did a residency in hospital, surgeries, emergency medicine, and was licensed to prescribe medications.) Plus, he was pretty unemotional and unorthodox (as a human being, ha ha.)
Anyway, I worked for him. And I grew up in that world, hearing all this from the other chair. And, my mother had mental illnesses all her life, and honestly, she never resolved really any of them. Even marrying an individual who should have theoretically been able to 'fix' her. Nope. Many think he actually made her worse.
(I'm giving you bkgd here on what constitutes my answer. This is not a guess. I've also read a ton about therapy training differences, styles, etc.)

Attention-seeking? Yes, sometimes it is this. And no, sometimes this has little to do with those who seek therapy.
The distinction of when, why, how, and all that, does not need to be elaborated on here. For the purposes of your question, I'll assume you mean "all" or "generally speaking" and my answer to that would be, no, it's not always the case. For most, they [certainly start out] seeking genuine, much-needed, help, and they do want it to end as soon as possible.

In your case, you seem to be combining two+ topics here, and I really can't comment on your capabilities to discern love, and your misinterpretations of others, but those are excellent reasons to go see a therapist.

"Babies"? No. Therapists think they are doing good work, important work, and they also get paid for it, make their livelihood on it, so therapists rarely turn you away. You are a paycheck.
And that, unfortunately, can exacerbate the co-dependency, and attention-seeking (and sometimes narcissistic, which it is said cannot be cured) behaviour. The therapist is, by nature, feeding into that desire of the patient. Or, the therapist can become a saviour, more than a mentor, and the patient can develop feelings for this person that only add to the complexity of the relationship. (It's a well-known fact that some doctors, like surgeons, have 'God complexes.')
So my point is that there are pitfalls. And the longer the patient stays with that therapist, the more likely they are to happen. There are patients who are addicted to the attention they receive in therapy, and consequently, go for years, accomplishing very little, eventually.

Therapists are meant not to judge patients. They are trained to avoid judgment (strangely, unfortunately, I think, because much of their "mmm's" do enable unethical behaviour), and it becomes irrelevant, whether they like, or respect, the patient. The therapist is there to help the patient understand themselves, and to aid them in progressing in their life, towards the goals they seek. I doubt the therapists will even say it, if they believe the patient is becoming too dependent on them. It'll be up to you to decide when you have garnered enough knowledge, that you can experience life, new situations and people, and have the tools to process it all, on your own. The goal needs to be on your own. But how long that takes, is wide open, there are no hard-and-fast rules about it.

I support you going to therapy. You will likely learn a lot.
Just be careful about the meds. Psychiatrists and PhD Psychologists are notorious for handing out meds. And you can turn into a zombie, dependent on them. If you go on antidepressants, you MUST be under their care and supervision, and always titrate them down, little by little. Any other method could be fatal.
(And yes, I remember your q a while back, about your reticence on this, and a doctor wanting to put you on some for your hormone issues, so be very careful.)
Psychotherapy is a good idea though.

[lilyanony1]

Thank you for your answer. That's very insightful. I work with med professionals and due to the nature of my role I'm often disrespected by them.
In some cases so badly I've jumped jobs because they have also caused me much trauma and triggered deep anxiety in me.
I dislike them for this where I originally respected the profession. When I said to my counsellor that I don't like the industry for this reason and being referred to as a glorified cleaner, I sort of noticed a shift in behaviour. I felt like he made the decision to distance himself. Where perhaps he previously was interested in helping.
It was a weird shift but I felt it.
I'm not saying that I wanted him to be a friend but I was deeply anxious when we first started talking and this would fall under whistleblowing if I went public. So you can imagine things came out like word vomit

[lilyanony1]

Anyways as painful as some things have been in the past I needed to get it out, and I told him more than I've told any therapist. I'm not sure why but I think I'm at a point of wanting to move on for good!
I've been hurt so much and so unnecessarily. I really don't need another 30 years + feeling like I have... I'm on antidepressants sertraline they're really helping and in all honesty they're the only thing keeping me level. In the past I don't think I was willing to really let it work as I was so afraid about being hooked etc. But I was kinda drowning

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Absolutely agreed. I was put on SSRIs at a young age, and did become a "zombie". That was the only time in my life I've ever felt truly suicidal and as if I had no control over my own life, it was awful. They had no interest in listening to me when I explained how I was feeling.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Not necessarily. It can be for people who genuinely need help sorting issues out in their lives, and there's no shame in admitting that you need help and seeking it out.

However, if I'm being completely honest, I don't have faith in a lot of them and have some very bad experiences with a couple of different ones when I was younger. That isn't to lump them all together and say none of them are good, but I've noticed a pattern of people with pretty big unresolved issues themselves becoming therapists and making questionable diagnoses and treating patients in equally questionable manners. I'm personally not a fan of the way they have such an insanely large amount of people on psychiatric medications for things that don't necessarily require them (you can't convince me that such a disproportionately huge amount of the population has chemical imbalances and that much of the depression and anxiety we see isn't largely caused by environmental factors). I was put on SSRIs at a young age and they did nothing but cause tremendous trouble in my life, and I know a surprising number of people who have experienced the same. Now, that is not to say that they're not needed for anyone, but I do think we as a society have swung too far in the direction of diagnosing every little harmless idiosyncrasy as a mental illness and drugging issues that are completely treatable in natural ways (and in which drugs only mask, but do not actually treat). I know it's an unpopular opinion I'm likely to get flamed for, but is something I have a strong opinion about given my own experiences, the experiences of some of my peers, and general observations. I digress.

There's certainly no harm in seeing a therapist, but don't be afraid to question things that don't seem right, do not allow them to bully you into thinking you're wrong for questioning it (for example, when told I did not feel anxious when diagnosed with "anxiety", I was told I wasn't intelligent enough to recognize my own feelings 🤬 - still pisses me off to this day), and get to know them and use your own judgment to choose one that is right for you. There are good ones out there, but like with any profession, there are also plenty of bad apples to beware of and sort through. Most will allow you to get to know a bit about them at first, which will help you make a decision.

[AmandaYVR]

You are absolutely right. From the outside, people who are not in it nor have experienced it, believe it is much simpler than it is. It is also extremely difficult, as you touched on, to have your judgment quashed by the judgment of the professional sitting across from you. But there are vast differences in therapists, and there is a reason patients tend to see three before settling on one.

And yes, more people should ask, 'Why is the U. S. the #1 consumer of antidepressants worldwide, by a huge margin?' It cannot simply be that life is the most stressful in the nation (it's more stressful than poverty-stricken nations believe, though. It's a different rat race.) One also has to look into the pharmaceutical industry and what a powerful, profitable, behemoth it is. That is not something one can easily do when one is in the throes of panic, PTSD, severe depression, chaos, etc etc (and I'm not saying it's possible to do it then), but this idea, that so many others convey, that one just needs to get help, get on meds... it's unfortunately far more complicated than that. People get better, and people can get worse.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

@AmandaYVR Absolutely agreed! I think a lot of people see and treat mental illness as a one size fits all type of situation, when it isn't.

[MrOracle]

I read a bit of your past on another thread, and given what I gleaned from it, I'm SURE you have important things that you need help from a therapist with. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And I highly doubt that you're asking super shallow "high school girl" type questions with your therapist - but I can definitely see how growing up with parents who were doing drugs and almost certainly ignoring you (if not outright abusing you at times) would screw up your ability to understand what love really means and how that should look in the real world.

It's these kinds of problems that therapists exist to help solve. You aren't stressed over matching curtains or which guy you should date because of what car he drives or other such drivel, you have REAL, SERIOUS issues that need addressing, and you're doing the adult thing and getting help from a professional to help you answer those questions. You are taking responsibility and accountability for a problem you have, even though you weren't the one who created the problem. I'm not sure how you have the moral fiber to do that - so many in your situation wouldn't, or would need to be led there by someone else - but I applaud you for doing so. Excellent decision-making.

Hopefully you'll eventually be able to share your experiences with others, who are also struggling and who also need therapy but are afraid to go or are uncertain if it can help. Not enough people are willing to talk about getting therapy and their success stories with it, but a lot of people need to hear those stories.

[Lliam]

Accusing those who seek answers through counseling is ignorant.

I've enrolled in counseling before. I learned a lot about myself.
I'm someone who learns by talking and getting feedback.

It can be helpful to talk things out with a neutral party who can ask questions that prompt you to dig deep and look for answers and insights that are within you. Sometimes digging deep can be quite uncomfortable, but that's where you will find insight.

A counselor can't fix your problems, that's up to you. But they can help you uncover things about yourself and give you tools with which to continue your forward progress in life.

No counselor should be judgmental. If you encounter that, find someone else. Some counselors are better than others and there are also different styles of therapy to choose from.
And if you go to an actual psychiatrist who is trained in Western medicine (which is usually unnecessary), kick them to the curb if they try to put you on drugs.

[lilyanony1]

One thing I've found is that I've really struggled to take positive feedback. He at times has said to me that what I have experienced and the kindness I've still expressed at times even despite the difficulties I've faced is commendable. But I personally don't see it that way. Being kind is who I am. Being angry and holding on to pain is what was killing me. I have a big heart and in the past I have always wanted to just be. I'm so used to people being unkind to me that unless it's coming from a trusted source like my grandparents, it basically blows over my head! That's a real issue!

[Lliam]

Interesting that you have a hard time trusting complements. But at least you are aware of it.
Know that there are quite a few genuine people out there. Not everybody is blowing smoke up your ass or trying to manipulate you.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Ok, I am about to get really personal here and share something I haven't told a lot of people, but in this case I think it is super important.

Therapy can be life saving and we have got to stop stigmatizing the idea of mental health care as being childish or weak. Admitting you need help is one of the strongest things you can do for yourself mentally.

Now for the confession time.

I deal with a lot of depression and anxiety. Like major amounts in both cases. I generally can deflect people asking too much about them by using humor. If people see you laughing or making others laugh, they tend to think nothing is wrong. It's been a coping mechanism I have used for years.

Sometimes, however, it gets to be a bit too much. Typically, I can just hide under a blanket and listen to thunderstorms to calm down. When that fails, I try to write for as long as I can. In severe cases, I cut. In extreme cases, I have tried to end my life.

In the last week and a half, I have attempted it twice.

I had a therapist for a while and things were going great. I was on a very positive path, then one day I get a call saying her billing office was having issues, but not to worry because I am fine (I have insurance so I really was fine). Then my appointment got cancelled. Then I stopped getting responses from her. I felt abandoned and alone in my fight and everything I had built up to trust talking to this woman went right out the window.

Growing up, my parents never took mental health issues seriously. It took me until this week to finally get a diagnosis that I probably needed as a child. Depression, anxiety and adhd (which really just explains so much of my focusing issues and restlessness). I now have meds which should hopefully help me get back on track.

If people need help, they should seek it. We all play therapist to friends and family at one point or another in our lives. Why is this any different? It's someone to talk to and help you make sense of your life and to get you out of the echo chamber of your own thoughts. They may not always be right, but it always helps to have another point of view to approach your issues from.

[Anonymous]

First to not judge means to no evaluate emotionally or subjectively.
2nd, most people don't understand or know what makes up a pleasing personality.

Many people lack courtesy but it is hard to know that unless you are thinking about courtesy all the time.
I am saying they are ignorant to the fact their behavior is not pleasant.
Just the other day I was waiting in line and another line popped open.
I was going to go to the new line but then I thought maybe the person in front of me wants to go over there. I waited for her to go but she didn't.
Some guy in back of everyone goes and it pissed me off. I almost said something to him. I realized if I was the one that had gone to the line I would have been, possibly, doing the same thing the guy did. I realized that the guy didn't know he was doing something that is not pleasing to others because I didn't know it when I was going to go to the new line. I just thought the lady in front should go because she was in front but it never crossed my mind that it might piss her off if I just went. I would have never known if the guy in back hadn't done it. Only then did I see it. It seems so obvious now of course.

There is probably many lessons in my story. You can learn from others pissing you off, on how to further develop a pleasing personality. Pleasing personality meaning one that can be in harmony with others. An attractive personality. One that doesn't repel people. We all know kindness is one trait. Courteous is another.

The main lesson I wished to show is that people DONT KNOW. Maybe from a lack of open-mindedness or perspective. I got the perspective of the person who got cut in line so only then did I realize blank...

My last bit of advice is don't let your circumstances define you or your life. Just because it looks a certain way, doesn't mean it is a certain way. Edison failed thousands of time but lucky he didn't see it that way. He didn't let the failure define him or the situation. After ever failure that would have crush any normal man, he said, I must be getting closer. Edison had like barley in schooling. I mean like basically none.

[DizzyDesii]

I think its for people who have given up on fixing themselves and expect someone else to steer them in the right direction. Thats okay for a little while but if their shit isn't together after a while then i’d assume they want someone to baby them through life

[DizzyDesii]

As for your paragraph, it sounds like you just want understanding and closure. Thats totally fine

[lilyanony1]

Thanks hun. I feel a lot lighter for going. X I hope my posts going forward will reflect the change. 😊

[aWes0MeNeSs]

You definitely do have a point there, and this bleeds over into the medication part of it, too. I believe one of the reasons we're so overmedicated as a society is because people expect medication to solve all of their problems (when typically it only masks said problems and doesn't actually solve them, or it makes them worse in some cases), when many people's issues are caused by environmental factors, or their own choices, each of which typically can be remedied naturally without the use of drugs, though it definitely requires work and facing fears people generally want to avoid. I don't believe such a huge portion of the population has imbalances that require medication, and was one of the people who did not need them, but was put on them anyway at a young age, and they did nothing but awful things for me.

While there's definitely no shame in seeking help to fix your problems, the old saying that "you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves" is true. The fact of the matter is that solving problems is going to require doing some hard and uncomfortable things, and you need to be willing to do those things and want to fix your problems badly enough for any changes to happen. While someone can steer you in the right direction, you'll have to do several things on your own as well. I'm currently dealing with this same situation with trying to help a friend get his life on track, but he has been used to having everything done for him in life and expects it, so there's not much I can do but give suggestions.

[JCrockett]

I am very negative on therapy in general.

However, it's not because I think it's "attention seeking". Of all the flaws of professional therapy, narcissism on the part of the counseled is very low on the list.

Also however, your motivation actually seems quite favorable for therapy. Just talking through with someone to help you understand the behavior of yourself and others. That's something therapy can actually do, and therapy is an okay way to do it, if you're willing to overpay for that service.

[TheBootyChest]

I don't think it's wrong to bring this kind of stuff up to a therapist. It's helpful to talk it out with someone who is willing to listen to your problems and help you through it. Friends can get bored and not want to deal with this sort of stuff.

I'm proud of you for going to therapy.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I have been in a ton of therapy due to my assault over the last 12 years and I really never wanted to go.

At first I never understood how talking to someone would make me okay with what happened and it took a very long time but it really did help.

Some people really need it, I don't think anyone goes to it for attention though, there are other ways to get that.

[menina]

I understand why you are having second thoughts about therapy but I think you should go. If you feel that these feelings are bothering you speaking to someone who is going to listen to you will be very helpful. I had therapy for 3 years and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It changed me so I highly recommend it.

[PurSeduction]

It makes perfect sense to me!

I've made the same experience with the exact same mindfuck question..

My solution was:

Tell the person i chose counselling me (therapy, psychiatrist, etc) everything from the deepest.

And if he or she didn't give me the impression understanding or relating to my problems i would find another person.

Trust me, you will find someone who is indulging and furthermost is able to comprehend sooner as you may have thought

[Wade12345]

Many counselors are atheists and don't understand the concept of "real love". The people who talk about "love" in our society are largely using the word "love" in place of "lust". Love is unselfish. Lust is selfish. What you see on soap operas and movies is "lust". Guys and girls rating one another's looks is lust. masturbation is lust.

You can't counsel someone to love, and you also cannot counsel away real mental health problems. Only medication can cure real mental health problems, and only Free Will can produce Love.

[HazyDaze63]

The point that jumped out at me is your need for answers or reasons. I used to be that way. It was through therapy that I learned that I don't always need to know the answers. My life will not end if I never get that answer. It took awhile but once I accepted that fact, I was a much happier person.

[WhyAmEyeEvenHere86]

Only if you flaunt the fact. Going around bragging that you are in therapy is a good sign that maybe you are just doing it for attention and to uphold a certain image of yourself.

Of course, generally speaking, therapy is an incredibly beneficial experience whether you need it or not.

[DryGermanGuy]

Just as a total guesstimate, I would say that 80-90% of topics/talk is about genuine problems. 10-20% are maybe time wasters or even attention seekers.
Now for the reasons, why so many people in the United States seem to require counseling... ho-hum... :-o

[Massageman]

Counselors have heard just about every excuse, explanation, hypothesis, etc. in the book. I'm not saying that there aren't a few jerks that just "play the game". But for the most part counseling can really help those who are willing to invest the time for the therapy.

[Bdsmaster]

No luv that's not true, human mind is a fragile thing it needs comfort and support from inside and outside as well, so I don't think counseling is for only attention seekers or babies, everyone should have their mental check up one in a while and if needed have counseling sessions.

[AdithyaR]

As a psychology student, I genuinely believe everyone could do with some therapy at some point in their life. Therapy is not attention seeking or anything of the sort. It's actually helpful and nothing to be ashamed of.

[slatyb]

Not at all. A wise woman saved my life. I hope it helps you. Keep in mind that not all t all people. If you aren’t comfortable working with someone, find someone else.

[Razp_Sorbet]

No. I wish people would seek help when they need it. I just lost a friend to suicide this week. I have no doubt that if the systems were better and not as stigmatized he would still be here today.

[lilyanony1]

I'm really sorry for your loss. X

[pink_and_inlove]

No I was forced to go though from age 11-18 it sucked I still feel like they’re very fake people and I don’t believe in therapy. I have had like 4 different therapists just because I’m very shy with social anxiety

[Wester1967]

No. People who call other people babies probably need fkn therapy

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, therapy isn't for attention seekers and babies, my therapist Rachel helps me keep my head together