I am from India, a traditional – not orthodox family. We usually overcome social, emotional and relationship issues with our traditional wisdom; perhaps it is our genetics – not limited to blood. We always stress the importance of having the healthy fundamentals in place. Deficits in these healthy fundamentals are the real relationship killers, not unwashed dishes. If we want our love to last, and to be as satisfying and healthy as it can be, we have to fix any cracks in that foundation of fundamentals.
The number one relationship killer is one word: Complacency (Gratification or Satisfaction – as simple word). Being complacent in a relationship might not seem like such a big deal, compared to lying and cheating; but it leads to divorce so much more than expected and it can be the silent instigator that leads to infidelity and dissolution.
Lack of trust is usually starting point, If you cannot trust your partner, you never will be happy, and neither will your partner. Small tweaks, like being on time and following through when you say you will do something help build trust. Lack of trust is not healthy, and it is not an issue you can ignore.
Lack of emotional honesty comes in more colors than the entire spectrum of human vision. Emotional dishonesty creates real barriers in your relationship that affect everything from communication to intimacy to trust. This includes being able to ask for what your need.
Codependency is something not understood for most people. Unconditional love and support is not a free pass for your partner's bad behavior. Instead, learn to be supportive rather than accommodating, and never shield them from the consequences of their actions.
Lack of boundaries is one more reason. You have to maintain your own friendships, interests, and personalities, but, if things go sour, you have a super hard time getting back on your feet. The easy to fix is - Just make sure you are still doing the things you love to do, and spending quality one-on-one time with your partner.
Lack of support is relationship killer. in a relationship, you have to be your partner's biggest cheerleader, be nice, and supportive, and a good friend. It will make your relationship a million times better.
Lack of communication is most dirty thing. Talk only about your own feelings, instead of placing blame for situations, do not interrupt each other, and make sure each person gets their say, never expect your partner to read your mind, so when something's bothering you, speak up before it gets to a communication meltdown.
Even the happiest relationships are filled with small conflict. It can be difficult decision making, learning to compromise, and even just finding a way to get through an annoying day without getting snappy at each other. This is a skill that takes practice, and you both have to learn the best ways to deal with conflict. You have to put a system in place to avoid letting conflict be a relationship killer.
For me, they are lack of communication, lying, jealousy, temper issues, greed, and laziness. I don't ask my partner for the world. I simply ask him to love me and be honest with me with everything, to communicate with me even if he things it'll upset me, to be understanding, to let me be me and that it's ok to just do little things
There are tons, but what I think a lot of things stem from is poor communication. A lot of people don’t know how to communicate their thoughts, are scared to, or want the other side to be a mind reader so it’s less of a pain for the troubled person. This leads to sooo much unnecessary conflict.
I would even argue a good idea would be having a “sit down” time once a week (more or less, depending on couple) to go over thoughts, troubles, and difficulties that came up. Letting things build up will only lead to dissatisfaction, and it’s unfair/not the partner’s responsibility to be a mind reader and make wild guesses what the issue is.
Furthermore, many don’t have just trouble with communicating their own thoughts but also listening to others. That’s the second piece many are missing. If people took a moment to realize that most peoples intentions are good but their source information is bad, a lot of conflicts would be resolved right there. E. g. take politics for example or heavy “grey” topics. Most people really do want what they think is best for society. However, their viewpoints or emphasis on different things as more important will create differences in opinion. Breaking up because of political fights is a consequence. Poor communication is generally the cause.
Likewise, many who cheat likely would cite some issue in their current relationship, like “oh, he/she doesn’t pay attention to me anymore.” Sometimes, fixing this would be simply expressing their own feelings.
Don’t get me wrong- many breakups still need to happen… but I’m sure that many could be avoided if people could communicate better.
1# Excessive drinking As someone who very nearly died from alcohol poisoning to such a degree that the doctors said it was a miracle I was alive and who had major drinking problem that bordered on being an alcoholic and who has absolutely no substance control regarding alcohol or liquor it’s very dangerous for me to be around someone who drinks excessively and as a general rule I avoid liquor and alcohol because the temptation is to great even being in the same room as a open bottle is a real struggle.
2# getting high, and doing drugs or weed
i will not be with someone who does any of those things period.
3# hiding your true self and keeping secrets.
4# dismissing my feelings and experiences.
5# being emotionally abusive or manipulative.
not really interested in being with another person who’s idea of being supportive is to tell me to man up and deal with it or you’ll threaten to leave me. And to not take my mental health or my past with mental health issues seriously.
6# lying
7# avoiding conflict Someone like that strikes me as someone who won’t bring up issues that need to discussed such with us or the relationship and those issues will just keep growing and becoming more of a problem because they’ll refuse to talk about or deal with them.
Physical or emotional/verbal abuse... Infidelity... Sweeping issues under the rug instead of addressing the issues and working to resolve the issues.. Letting other people's opinions or thoughts matter more than that of your SO...
The very first lie it goes downhill from there honesty no matter what you have to be honest if you did something you did it for a reason so be honest about it lack of touch lack of emotion and not growing together if you grow a different speeds or if one person stops growing it goes downhill from there you have to know who the person really is on the inside before you can even get involved if you just I think the person on the outside is who you really getting you're wrong communication is the key wanting and Desiring the same things. And you have to be able to laugh at yourself otherwise your stick in the mud you have to be able to trust one hundred percent if you don't and you have to let that person go because you will always be battling inside your head and that's just no way to live I think you said it and your question is excellent he gets everybody something to think about
a lot of overlapping things but lack of communication, Lack of trust, not being on the same page or the same side, having too much ego and trying to win or manipulate to get you're way.
To me a relationship killer isn't just something that ends in a breakup, but things that destroy the state of the otherwise happy relationship. There's a lot of things people do that ruins the relationship that doesn't lead to a breakup.
Usually there was a long run of being miserable before a relationship ends.
The number one thing that I've had to deal with that wasn't apparent early on but gradually destroyed relationships was a crippling lack of self-esteem that two of my girlfriends but one especially just couldn't get past no matter what. And the thing about both of them was they really didn't have a reason for it; both had fit figures, were smoking hot, no major medical issues, a pretty decent circle of friends and independently successful, but it simply didn't matter. Basically nothing I did was able to reverse it either, which made me feel like I failed them (at the time). Now one of them has since gotten married and is doing fine as far as I know, but the other one is an absolute Trainwreck even 5 years later.
Now in regards to your list, all of these can be bad but having a significant difference in core values is a guarantee things will fall apart sooner or later. That's why I try to weed that out early on. The rest of them can usually be worked on.
This is a very difficult question for me to answer because I do not engage in exclusive relationships. I also help run a men's recovery group for men that have been cheated on and are now divorced (or in the process of) come to meet. Talk about their lives going forward and also spend some time beating the hell out of my punching bag! So I guess my answer to this is rather simple. If she does ANYTHING out of the ordinary that sets off my "spidey" sense and DOES NOT take corrective action to stop it once I communicate to her I am uncomfortable. If she does not take corrective action we are done!
Besides the usual stuff like dishonesty, cheating , drug use and cruelty I broke up with somebody because she put no effort into our relationship. One day I just realized it was never going to get better amd just like that, the spell she had over me was broken.
Top ones for me are JEALOUSY, SMOKING, and someone who 'likes' alcohol a bit too much. My girlfriend flirts, sometimes a lot, and that really pisses me off when done in my presence, and I told her. BUT by the same token, she gits furious, if I FLIRT, or she THINKS I am flirting.
All of the ones you listed are 'hot' buttons also, but my top offenders are above.
You covered a bunch of big ones, but I say trust and honesty. You should be able to talk about ANYTHING, literally anything... life before them, life with them and what you expect for life after them.
No secrets of any kind, saying something is no ones business is a huge trust killer for a lot of people.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I would say "being focused in winning fights" its really frustrating when they are wrong in a situation and you give them reasons of why you're right but they shut you down. Another one is if there was an accident where you broke something of theirs or hit them in accident and you apologize but they get so angry and avoid you for days. I can't stand that its the most frustrating thing ever.
Ahaa , the man is angry with you bcos you broke something that he liked and saved and you don't wang him to get angry so you don't want to express himself? Isn't that natural? Yet he doesn't want to take out the anger on you bcos he knows it would make it worse and the loss has already happened and you are more worth than that object giving him space is least you could do to calm down. men also have attachment it will take at least few days
Being argumentative, its ok to disagree on things that do not relate to the relationship and are simply opinions. There's no point trying to argue with someone that just sees something differently, but also it does not affect their ability to be in the relationship.
Smoking, booze, drugs, religion, owning at least one cat, being a gold digger, liking the "wrong" music, being pushy/bossy, lying, cheating, stealing, being an asshole, getting pissy about me using "dirty' words, being into the violent end of sex (BDSM, tortue, water sports, etc.). On a slightly lower end of the spectrum: spending hardly any time with me, refusing to fuck me for LONG periods of time (months).
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
The number one relationship killer is one word: Complacency. Being complacent in a relationship might not seem like such a big deal, compared to lying and cheating; but it leads to divorce so much more than expected and it can be the silent instigator that leads to infidelity and dissolution.
Not being able to talk about problems without it turning into a fight. I live with a couple and I'm always surprised that they stay together because they have this problem.
Porn High expectations Impulsive assumptions Lack of family support Alcohol Drugs Selfishness Mental issues Living in the past Countless previous sexual partners Lack of hygiene Lack of ambition Fairly tales hopes
Pretending to be one thing and sharing certain views in the beginning and then slowly turning into someone else. For me, feeling similarly about basic values and life goals is critical.
When someone doesn't know why they like you except for the way that you look or what you can provide for them. A relationship is a connection between 2 people that they can feel, not a physical transaction.
Oh and trying to pressure me into having children. I do not want children, period. I have my reasons. If he must have children then it's a dealbreaker for me.
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