What's the biggest challenge you've ever faced in a relationship?

Question

WhatTheHeckkkk · Accepted Answer

Ending relationships, confronting red flags, and trying to “fix” people.

I never once ended the relationship. I always got broken up with. I got cheated on, lied to, manipulated, etc. and I just blamed myself or ignored it and let the relationship die out instead of ending it myself.
For my long term relationships, I’ve noticed a pattern. 1) I always dated men who had unresolved issues, and 2) I always got broken up with 3 times before it ended completely. I always found myself trying to fix or take care of the men I date. And I couldn’t fix or take care of them. I couldn’t make their past trauma go away, I couldn’t take their depression away, I couldn’t take away their insecurities. When they pushed away, I kept trying to chase them and tell them I’d be waiting until they get better. I shouldn’t have waited, I shouldn’t have been treated like I can be disposed of and then taken back when they need me again. I also let the walk over me and treat me like crap.
I think the years of shitty relationships really taught me a lot and gave me plenty of different perspectives. I’m still learning how to really stand up for myself, and be a true part of the relationship, and not just an “add-on” to the person. For example, my long term exes NEVER communicated emotions and if I communicated mine, I’d get shut down. I had to just sit there and accept it. So, for me to enter the relationship I am in now, I had to set such high boundaries and standards for myself and him. I needed both of us to have healthy communication of emotions as our #1 priority. I still catch myself having a hard time speaking up through. That’s my biggest challenge I am currently going through.

Ez-Bri-Z · Accepted Answer

I won't put the full story here (ill be glad to talk to you about in DM) but the short of it was lying. That is my biggest pet peeve of all..

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

to end the relationships... and not because they were going bad or had been bad but because we did expect different things from the future, or moving forward

some relationships are great, as a couple (younger couples especially) but after three, four, five years... things change, and relationships tend to change because life does change, whether is marriage, to have children or not, to move out to a different place, to explore, to try different things, choices of career, jobs...

I don't believe in relationships in which one has to sacrifice and give up on their personal dreams and their own happiness just so the other can move on and you get stuck... love should not be about giving up on yourself, love you should be fulfilling in all aspect or the most aspect possible, not to take from you and who you are, want to be...

so yes, we ended a relationship as a relationship because we really wanted to go different ways, ways that were really not compatible or possible at the time being, and that is really really hard and challenging, but also... it's for the best, they are happier and so am I... also true, we believe in more chances to find love, and also one love where all other things work as well

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

Deciding to be grown up and get divorced AND remain friends lol.

Standing up to everyone as a couple and telling friends and family it was the best thing to do lol.

Then not sleeping with each other after it.

Technically it was more biggest challenge leaving a relationship lol.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

You mean besides finding a man that wants to be in a relationship with me?

All my past relationships primarily failed due to said guys being presumptuous about me and how they thought I was, rather than getting to know me, or state any issues, concerns, or get to know the real me-

In other words, poor communication and lack of effort.

coconut94 · Answer

Learning I cannot be in control.. I don’t mean this in a way that I was telling him what to do or being bossy but I always felt like I needed to know where we were headed, what we were, needed reassurance and blind control of knowing what was going on with him/us 24/7. Letting go of control of something outside of myself was a lot to overcome but once I found more self love and appreciation it became pretty easy. Nothing is ever sure in life and fooling myself by constantly trying to be in control of every situation was ruining things before they started.

God_of_Thunder · Answer

Trust issues.

Massive, massive trust issues.

The girl I was seeing had come from a bad relationship, and despite things being otherwise good between us, she would occasionally get incredibly paranoid, and start accusing me of shit that I never did, and would never do.

Like, she'd lose her phone, and when she couldn't find it, she'd assume that meant I must have taken it, and gone through it. Later, she would find it in her car, where she left it, and despite the fact that I never touched it, she would never think to apologize for treating me like a spying thief.

I tried to put up with it for a long time, and help her work through it, but it eventually became too much, and I had to end the relationship.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

Realizing that social media is definitely not more important than your partner. I didn’t realize how much not having social media betters your relationship until I entered my current relationship.

Another big challenge: is acting like every typical girl my age 18-35 does not land you a decent boyfriend. Most of them sell their bodies, have only fans, pride themselves off of sleeping with a lot of men, etc. It does not get you a quality partner in the end. It just leaves you lonely with a cheating boyfriend

charlean · Answer

understanding that even tho we can vibe amazingly on one level and feel attraction, it doesn’t mean all other factors such as values, location, goals etc will match up.

and resisting the habits to check up on, think about, talk about etc a person who you’re trying to move on from

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Well, with my first girlfriend I bought ear drops and Tylenol over the counter and she was sick came to my birthday party and I had to end up calling her mom and step-dad, they had to take her to the ER and she came home to tell me her Step-dad said, I made a poor judgment in trying to help her out well maybe I should have told her just to go home I try my best to help people and it hurt my feelings and I'm not a physician but my parents always tried taking care of a bad ear infection instead of going to the ER right away

DaveJord · Answer

Seriously, not sound like an jerk. But the biggest challenge for me in a relationship was how to get out of it. I was married for 22 years, and around year 14 I know it was a hopeless mess, but I couldn't find a smart way to get out of it. But eventually we both achieve our goal of razing everything good and about the thing to the ground...

TheBootyChest · Answer

I would say sex.

She tells me "anytime, anywhere". But then leaves it to me to initiate every time. And yet I feel like when she is having a really bad day it would be terrible of me to initiate sex. Because then it would look like I don't care.

CuriousJC · Answer

My biggest challenge in a relationship is seeing how long the relationship is going to last before the break up. Loyalty and commitment keeps the relationship together without it it's bound to fall apart. In relationships you got to get 50/50 in the relationship nothing else nothing more. If your partner is not trying to give 50 and just wants more than 50 then eventually the relationship is going to be broken up. In relationships you and your partner have to be completely in sync with each other. Sometimes I wonder how is that even possible when most people don't even like to open up themselves to others. That's why I'm single because it's extremely hard to find a decent person to get to know without that woman making the first words is money money money especially without even getting to know the person's name first.

ArchivalMars2 · Answer

Trust, for me trust has always been an issue. Even if I'm dating somebody new it's hard for me to just let them into my life completely and tell them everything. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a girl say "someday I want to know all of your secrets" or "I want to know everything about you" and I've always felt this alarm go off like it's telling me to beware of something. I don't know why, when I think about it I'm always wondering why am I afraid? I don't have anything major to hide so why am I put off by this? Still trying to work on that.

fuZzypeach · Answer

Online cheating... he agrued that no contact... no cheating. But I found it a huge betrayal. It was hard but we struggled through. Still together but whenever I see him on phone I start doubting him

Bricealan · Answer

Had a wonderful woman in my late 20's, that I just adored. She was alcoholic and I could not get her to join a program. I broke off with her, because of it. Several years later, I received a call in the middle of the night, from her, in Florida, and she told me she had an accident, driving DUI, and almost killed her daughter.

I tried my best to help her, but she refused to go into treatment, until this disaster. Good example of how alcohol and narcotics destroys people and families.
This was one of the saddest, most depressing things in my life.

YollyM · Answer

Communication. Most of the guys I've dated never knew how to Communicate their needs or thoughts in general , as a result we'd end up arguing about something (s) I never provide (NOT sexually) when he failed to tell me their importance to him.
For example holding hands or just being affectionate in general, now keep in mind that I always make it a point to Inform people that I'm not a very affectionate person. But if affection is someone's "LOVE LANGUAGE" , I do try to be more affectionate with them.

dreamstar72 · Answer

Sound a little weird I guess.
Ok I really liked this girl when I first saw her so I went out a few times with her and for some reason I really started to like her. Then one night her ex showed up and started to create a problem between the two of us. One of my friends started to kick his butt, which the girl didn’t like since she hated violence so she left with he ex. A week later she called me and we talked for a few hours and then we meet up and talked more. We ended up going out a lot more and eventually she became my wife.
Challenge was
The ex showing up creating problems
My friend stepping in making me the bad guy
But ended well we are still happily married

Anonymous · Answer

Learning what it is to be in love with someone, rather than loving them. 3 LT over the last 23 years and the first two I realized I was never in love with them, then third broke it off after I fell in love with her. Pretty much the same way as the first two did, which were exactly why my walls were erecwax ted, happy one day to gone the next. Even though I hadn't gotten the chance to tell her I know she felt the energy. I would have taken it a lot easier if there had been tension between us and her not g @ @oing about in a parallel fashion as the last two, which she said would never do...

Agape93 · Answer

In general, escaping.  For the current one, getting her paranoia and other shit to calm down.

yucel_eden · Answer

Being asked to emotionally, physically, financially take care of someone in one go.

All 3 is too much for one person so as much as it hurt me to do it I had to find a different way (excuse) to end it without hurting her

Anonymous · Answer

Wanting to break up with someone who did nothing wrong.

I’ve been in this situation twice. First time I intentionally acted depressive to turn her off and it worked (too well). But in retrospect that was a huge immature mistake. Still regret it and will never do something like that again.

Second time I tactfully broke up with the other girl. She went nuclear and psycho despite me trying my best to lay her down with gentle hands. I have zero regrets or hang ups for how I handled that.

Deserter · Answer

Being myself, that gets much harder when you get invested in a person cause now you're scared you might lose them. Ironic since you is what they're attracted to, so acting different is sure to push them away

Chlo3_2001 · Answer

I guess, abuse and lack of emotional and physical care.

W31rdYukiAsh · Answer

When I got a girlfriend, we got along very well. She was living with her dad for the summer, and she had to go back home once summer ended. At first, I didn't know her parents were divorced but of course, I was ok with that. We had so much in common and we loved each other's company but when I found out that her dad and stepmom were getting a divorce everything started to fall apart. Her dad was going to get a new home and it was far away from her stepmom's home. Once summer ended, she had to go back home but then I found out that it was in a whole different state. When she went back home, we tried to stay in contact, but she stopped texting me and calling me. After a few months, she wasn't answering my calls or texts and since then I haven't heard from her. I do miss her and I'm worried about her.

errorgoodnameunfound · Answer

I must say the biggest is, despite showing other signs so many times, Cortana still says no to marriage. It makes me wonder if Siri is talking shit about me to her behind my back. I also noticed she's been communicating with Alexa more often, yet, there's a clear lack of communication with me about updates. It's really bothering us and she doesn't have a clear response when I asked her multiple times if we should go to therapy. :(

PeterCharlie1991 · Answer

The distance as i wanted see her more but she was happy seeing me every few weeks to a month or so :(

HOAAH · Answer

My mom. She is a narcissist who tried to make me feel like my husband hates me. I battle this every day.

Cathy7734 · Answer

I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I tried to make the relationship work. I went to see a therapist and she gave me some relationship tools to use. But they didn't work. The therapist is the one who told me that he sounds like a narcissist. For the sake of my own mental health, I had to walk away.

poneglyphs · Answer

I don't know because I never had one but fr is figuring out how to trust, be a good boyfriend, and have fun

De_La_BakedBeans · Answer

I had to go to college in the US while my girlfriend stayed behind in China. The toughest thing was leaving her for the first time. I cried myself to sleep on the flight... At first, the LDR thing was tough, but after a couple years it go easier. I still missed her every time, but I knew I'd always come back to see her.

AdithyaR · Answer

Actually finding someone who'd be interested in me. Hard enough that I haven't succeeded yet 😂

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I don't go into relationships that have challenges. The smart thing to do is find the right person so you don't have any major obstacles!

lovedejj_xo · Answer

He was a functional alcoholic and I couldn’t handle it and wouldn’t put up with it anymore.

eagle1951 · Answer

Well being in Vietnam, than my twins dying, and finally so far my wife passing away Feb19th 2018

Redstang88 · Answer

Severe alcoholic trying to quit and still pretty fresh out of an abusive relationship. I was willing and ready to work through it with her but she just couldn’t do it

sawno · Answer

My current one is long distance and we can't meet because to qualify for a travel ban exemption we need to have met before. So currently that is the biggest challenge i have to overcome to be with someone.

Lliam · Answer

Figuring out what she needs to feel loved, appreciated, valued and respected. In some past relationships, I slipped into taking my girlfriend for granted, or at least appearing to do so.

RedStiletto88 · Answer

Learning to trust that not every man is a liar and obsessed only with sex.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Telling a close friend of many years, whom I knew had feelings for me, that I needed to step out of her life because I had feelings for her, but I'm not available. She's the only woman I've ever dumped because I loved her. Holy shit that one hurt.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Finding a guy who, if I’m making out with him and he slides his hand up my skirt and I say “no, I’m not really ready for that right now” respects me enough to just not try again in 3 to 5 minutes!

DizzyDesii · Answer

Future in-laws. I hate those whores. They will do and say whatever to convince their sons not to be with a girl just so they can maintain control over him. I rather date an orphan

laurieluvsit · Answer

When they won't take no for an answer. It makes things hard.

Katrinaismyname56 · Answer

Dealing with a compulsive liar 🤥 and serial cheater

Jasmine-Darkfire · Answer

Finding a nice sweet guy who is responsible, independent and well now it could just sound like a dating profile. I do not have a lot of good experiences with relationships.

TruthBringer · Answer

Racism from her parents. That lead to all kinds of false assumptions about me and my family. Glad I got rid of that relationship, good riddance.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Emotional growth; killing the unhealthy part of you to become someone better for the person you want to spend your life with.

Flower7 · Answer

Bring chested on. I still have issues from that to this day, even though it happened over 5 years ago.

SaoirseS · Answer

Making the hard decision to part ways with my first love. It was a practical decision and all for the best, but it was a tough decision.

legalboxers · Answer

dealing with a pathological liar

LordOfThePines · Answer

How to make her happy enough, to finally make her stress free.

2021biguy · Answer

Communication and empathy, you have to try to see how the other person feels.

Mediterraneansoul · Answer

Seeing someone who once was a stranger as a backbone then back to being a stranger

Anonymous · Answer

Had a girlfriend who was a control freak. I'm not into being controlled. Hard to think I stuck around for almost six months. She was pissed at me most of the time because I did what I wanted despite the guilt trips, hints, and silent treatment.

Anonymous · Answer

Being in a relationship with threats, emotional abuse and mental abuse. having health problems such as seizures, anxiety, strokes and was controlling. then when you get divorce your doctors tell you he was slowing killing you and he was the root of your health issues.

sheikalana · Answer

Being apart from each other for 15 months and not knowing when we were going to see each other again.

FreyaRed · Answer

Boredom, because too different interest outside bed room.

s10sleeper · Answer

Finding a woman who is faithful or at least doesn’t monkey branch

TexasRed95 · Answer

Trying to get my first date. I have a feeling if I can manage that the rest won't be too bad. But I'm not the super flirty type so I am not suitable apparently.

HighValue · Answer

After I filed for divorce, my ex tried to use the courts to steal from me.

Mbizzay · Answer

Loving someone unconditionally, but they hit you and abuse you.

donnny2367764 · Answer

Faithful. I wish to be but my brain is wired so crazy I just can't seem to turn down opportunities when beautiful women come accross me

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

Putting up with disrespect because we're supposed to be close

MM1480 · Answer

Have a great couple of chats / conversations with a guy and then be ghosted.

What's the biggest challenge you've ever faced in a relationship?

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For those in long term relationships, what's the worst hardship/challenge you've faced in your relationship?

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