I was hurting him so I left him?

[Anonymous]

I’m in love with a guy since 5 years and he knows but he always says he is not interested in relationships (he is not in any other relationship also). I don’t know why but I was waiting for him hoping maybe one day things will happen but he still said no. So I got frustrated and I started yelling at him. He still used to talk nice with me, hang out with me. I kept yelling at him for over 2-3 months still he treated me good. Few days before he said he is tired of my drama and I’m hurting him (I didn’t knew I was hurting him as he always used to play cool) so I left him. But when I left he don’t want me to go. He always asks me to stay. And now I’m scared that if I stay I’ll hurt him and I don’t want to hurt him. What should i do?

[Anonymous]

I yelled at him for 2-3 months because he doesn't want a relationship with me, but I didn't know I was hurting him. That says enough right there.

And you wonder why he doesn't want a relationship with you?

Immaturity, anger issues and lack of communication skills are your problem. Yelling doesn't EVER fix a thing, and people usually tune out, so all that attempted "forced" understanding falls on deaf ears.

Fix them before you seek another relationship, or you'll be back here in the future asking what went wrong this time?

[Asker]

I didn’t knew I was hurting him because he always played cool. And few days ago I realized my mistakes. So I choose to leave. But he still asks me to stay. And I feel like I’ll hurt him again.

[Opinion Owner]

Playing cool or not, you had to have known yelling solves nothing, whether he felt hurt or not. Do you like when people yell at you? Think sweetie.

Apologize. If it doesn't work, chalk it up to experience and don't repeat that mistake again. In the meanwhile, go take some anger management and effective communication classes.

Apologizing may soothe him, but it isn't enough for YOU! Go learn how to "talk" to others, and how to manage your anger BEFORE you engage in another relationship. You owe yourself that much.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Sure I’ll work on my anger issues 😇
Thank you

[Joseph3253]

I pass something like this with a friend, your friend says that what you did hurt him and dont want you to leave cause you are a good friend to him, he said it hurt cause he want you to have a chance to stop doing this, he really see you as a really good friend. When someone say something hurt doesn't always mean that they want to live, at most cases, when someone say that something hurt them they just want to make everything work better. What makes a relationship works, doesn't matter if its a romantic relation ou just a friendship isn't not having inssues, is talking about things that makes you feel uncorfortable.

[Avicenna]

Make it up to him and avoid doing things to hurt him

[Asker]

Sure. Do you think he loves me? Or just being friendly? (When he acts cool and still come back)

[Avicenna]

I don't think he loves yo, but he does seem to like you

[Asker]

Groovy thank you so much 😊

[Avicenna]

No problem

[2021biguy]

He doesn't want a relationship with someone that yells at him. Maybe if you don't yell at him anymore he might want a relationship one day, but you are showing him a side of you that's not good.

[Asker]

I’ll try to fix my anger issue. Thank you 😇

[2021biguy]

That's good, you're welcome :)

[Iron_Man]

Why not work it out

[Asker]

I’ll try my best

[Asker]

Thank you 😊

[Iron_Man]

You better believe it