I discovered that he smokes crack, should I leave him?

[Anonymous]

Im in a relationship with a guy for like 7 months.
He was open drug user, for like 15 years
He did everything from extasis, to cocaine to crysta to crack
He is clean for 2 years now he said
He even takes pills to control his adiction
But he still smokes weed everyday
Thats the only drug he used in this 2 years
But today I discovered he smoked crack
I was horrified, I was sad and disgusted
I dont know what to do
I love him and dont want to leave him just because i saw him do that
But I need to know how to act Im really scared and confused

[Staximus]

You don't need to deal with that. If he was smoking it behind your back, you should tell him to choose a life with you or a life with drugs. Most people who smoke crack can't do that and live a normal life at the same time. Crack is not a drug people do recreationally like drinking and smoking weed. All his money will go to crack and when he runs out of money and crack, he will be trying to spend your money in crack. I had some friends that turned into crackheads a long time ago. It took over their lives. One died from it. If I had a girlfriend and found out she was smoking crack, I'd tell her we're done and for her to go get some help. A relationship between a drug addict and somebody who isn't rarely ever works. You're always going to be left holding the bag, disappointed, paying the bills by yourself, raising the kids by yourself, etc. I've never met a crack head, tweaker (meth head), or heroin addict who put their responsibilities before their drugs.

[Asker]

Currently im the one who is sober and can give him alternative to his lifestyle
If he wasn't with me he would do it more often
With me he feels uncomfortable and ashamed when he smokes

[Staximus]

Everybody I knew who smoked crack back in the day said they only did it here and there, and not too much later they were doing it every day. I understand you want to help him, but he has to want to help himself first. You lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

[Staximus]

And it's not your responsibility to get him sober, it's his. He needs to act like an adult and take care of his own responsibilities. He's not in high school anymore and you're not his mom. You don't need a child, you need a man.

[Asker]

He used to smoke it everyday, several times a day
Now he is cut it down to once in 3 ,4 months

[Asker]

I want to be his friend and his support
He said i mean a world to him

[Staximus]

Well good luck and don't give him any money

[genericname85]

I'd leave honestly. It's only 7 months. No reason to waste any more time.

[Asker]

Well... our story is too long
Its been 3,5 years working together
2 years of him trying to get me on a date
And 7 month since i said yes and we actually started dating and being intimate, it worked for us
All this while lots of people were trying to split us, lots of lies to get me away from him
We were through a lot of rough and difficult, serious stuff together

[genericname85]

Well if he smokes crack, maybe those trying to split you had your best interest in mind...

[Asker]

He smokes it once in couple of month,3 or 4
2 years ago he used to do that every single day, like 5 times a day
He came a long way to leave all his addictions
He is in a path of recovery
He asked to be patient with him
But im getting tired of this
Even tho i love him a lot

[Asker]

No they were sating bad thungs about him which i discovered were lies
Crack smoking never affected me
I didn't even know he sometimes did it
Until i saw him he didn't expect me to be at home
And thats when he told me the truth

[genericname85]

well it sounds to me like you're up talking him. it got better. ok. but he still smokes crack. you want children with a crackhead? you want your husband to suddenly lose his job or go to jail casue he's caught? have you thought about long term relationship stability with someone that smokes crack?

it could be getting better. but you know what else is a thing: you could be with someone who doesn't smoke crack at all. what about that?

[genericname85]

sorry if i come across a bit butthurt. but it feels to me like rock bottom drug addicts attract girls more than guys that have nothing wrong with them xD

[Asker]

I didn't even know he did drugs!
I loved him for his personality and his mind
He is very crearive and fun, very smart guy
Hard working, kind heart, intelectual
Comes from a judge family
He knows laws

[genericname85]

yeah i'm not saying that the drug addiction is what attracted you xD i would say i'm "shocked" that he comes from a fucking law family and decides to smoke crack. cause being the best lawyer in the world won't safe your ass from legal problems if you get caught.

but i'm not shocked, cause that's actually fairly common for children of very successfull, well established families.

well either way. i don't think any amount of positive aspects could convince me to stay with a drug addict.

[Asker]

He was a typical rebel in his family, liked to party a lot in the past... like party hard HARD
We talk about 500-800$ per weekend in party, drugs etc
No he is more valm he wants to change his life.
Im the total opposite of his previous lifestyle
Thats why he is with me
One guy told me people like him are an anchor on my neck drawing me, but i belive in our situation
Im the rope of that anchor for him, to pull him up and out of that mess he got himself into many years ago

[genericname85]

i know exactly what type of person he is. you might like the idea of being his anchor. you want to be a caring and good person, that's why that idea appeals to you. but consider that the "pulling" goes both ways and i'm not sure if you're able to cut the rope in time before he pulls you under. not saying that will inevitably happen but it's not uncommon with this type of person. so yeah. maybe time to drop the romantic ideas and swallow a hard reality pill.

[Asker]

Leave him?

[Asker]

Why you think its not both ways?
I see he is trying

[genericname85]

i said it's both ways. you pulling him up but also him pulling you down. you're not the first one who was pulled under by a person like that. there's many men out there where you don't run those risks while having an equally good or even better partner that you do not have to pull up hoping they will some day just be good.

women make this mistake often. they pick their partners based on what they hope they could be one day and then they get disappointed when they always stay the way they were when they got to know them.

[Asker]

I only want crack gone
Thats it
I accept him the way he is
I even went once with him to see a dude who sold him that

[genericname85]

he smokes crack. pick your partner for what he is. not for what he could be.

[Asker]

Well damn

[genericname85]

the worst you can do is develop some sort of personal responsibilty for a partner like that. this will drag you down in no time.

[Asker]

No i dont feel responsable
I feel sad that he is sick and i can't do anything about it

[genericname85]

yeah. it sucks. not a very desirable situation to be in. not sure if i could decide like i'm telling you i would, if i was actually there.

[sage2021]

You said that you Caught him doing it". Did you ever consider that he intended for you to see him doing it on purpose? Sounds like he wanted to get caught so maybe you would tell the people in rehab what he's doing. Just don't turn yourself into a pretzel for him. The stress he puts on you in bad for your body and you could end up very sick.

[OlderAndWiser]

His addiction will always be more important than you and there is nothing you can do to cure his addiction.

[Asker]

I askee him if he ever canceled dates with me so he could smoke
He said no

[Asker]

He said its psychological
That he wants it maybe once in 4 or 5 months

[OlderAndWiser]

Those statements are motivated by his fear of losing you, but I doubt that they are accurate. That is not the way addiction works.

[Asker]

How i know he fears losing me?

[Asker]

Think he lies?

[Asker]

How adiction works?

[Oigit]

It's a tough one. Because to me crack is a lot like meth. I'd would be worried about a potential of a relapse. Smoking weed isn't and issue to me. Also I do understand that using something such as methadone can help keep people from a relapse and falling into the negative behaviors that come with it. If you choose to stay with him be sure to have a exit strategy setup. If his behavior starts to slide sideways use it. Simply because it's better to be safe then sorry.

[Asker]

What do you mean his behaviour slides sideways?

[Asker]

He doesn't know what he is doing?

[maverick2022]

Drug addiction is like a disease. As I understand it, crack is more of a psychological addiction than a physical one. There is somewhat of a stereotype that people who use that drug have very indulgent personalities. I'd say it's incompatible with a stable relationship so you should tell him to quit or leave. Understand that he may need help in the process...

[Asker]

He said the same, that its psycholgical
That he doesn't need it but its just sometimes he wants it
So he does it

[Asker]

Sometimes i feel hed chose drugs and not me
I dont want to give him that ultimatum

[maverick2022]

He wants it because it stimulates the reward center in his brain but it's an unhealthy lifestyle. Ultimately needs to find a healthy habit to replace it with and accept that he will not experience the same high.

[Asker]

How to hrlp him

[maverick2022]

I can't help and neither can you if he won't help himself. At some point you will have to make him choose or accept being second importance.

[Asker]

I can't make him choose
Its not fair

[Anonymous]

Why is this even a question?
Do you hear yourself?

I mean you actively dated a known drug user,
who did all the hard drugs for 15 years.
Including *Ecstasy and *Crystal
Garbage humans never stop being garbage humans. Crack heads are crack heads. Meth heads are meth heads.

Why were you horrified and disgusted?
You knew who he was.

What should you do? Well, you should do the obvious, and leave. Of course.

But you won’t.
You will stay
You will excuse his behaviour
Probably excuse the abuse that will happen
Probably get pregnant, and will add to the single mother problem.
Keep the cycle rolling.

Why?
Because that is how that world continues.

[Surely]

It seems that once your brain gets a taste of most drugs. It will always want more.
I really can’t imagine that he can keep using. Even just once in a while and not become a full blown drug user.
If you love him. Offer him support and if he doesn’t take it. Call it quits.

[Asker]

He wants my support
And i give it to him

But i can't lock him in rehab

[Surely]

Then he needs to choose between you or the drugs. If you two were to have children. Would you want him for a father to your children?

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Run. Run fast. Leave skid marks. Do not say goodbye. Do not turn around to look back. Do nothing except get as far away from him as you can.
That guy is racing to destroy his life and he will be happy to take you with him for the ride.

[Asker]

He is actually in his recovery process

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Sure he is.
He will be after he smokes the next time and the time after that.

[Asker]

He said he won't do this again
He said he controls this because its not a need , he says its psychological

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I have spent a LOT of time around addicts and yes they do often say that stuff as they pull you down under the surface to drown in misery with them

[Asker]

But he is not in amisery
He is not drawing me
He wants to recover
He said he used to do that EVERY DAY,2 or 5 times a day
While now he does it maybe 1 time in 3 or 4 months

[MrtoddsWildRide]

You strike me as someone that knows the right thing, but wants the other thing and you are hoping we will tell you that it's okay. I won't because it's not.
He is an anchor around your neck. Get rid of him. Staying will not lead to happiness. It will lead to misery and suffering. And that is the best case scenario. Crack increases aggressiveness and lowers self control. Scratch a crack head and you often find an abuser just under the surface.
Please get yourself out of this

[driven159]

psychological is still and addiction to it just different word

[MrtoddsWildRide]

That's what he says. He says a lot of things. You already told us that the things he says are not always true.
And yes, he is in misery. You just don't see it and you can't fix it and you didn't cause it. This is his doing and his problem.
If he is in so much control and he is so in love why did he feel the need to hide it and why didn't he stop when he found out it hurt you?
Have you ever sat in a room for any length of time with someone in the end stages of addiction? I have.
It's a horrible way to go.
The liver gives out and with it all control over bodily functions. The smell is terrible, but not as bad as the look on the face of the dying man. He wasted his life and hurt so many people chasing the dragon, but all he wants is one more time before he goes.
His family is shattered and often can't pay to bury him because he wasted all the money on his addiction. The kids, if he has any are usually treated badly, malnourished and ashamed. The wife, if she stayed is no better off. If she has a job, it has pretty much paid for his fix and so there isn't anything left for the other things so they will be on food stamps and living in the worst neighborhoods and cheapest housing until they been evicted from everywhere and end up homeless or living with relatives for as long as the relatives will put up with it.
That's your future. Don't say you weren't warned.

[Asker]

Dont say that😥😢😭😭😭

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Sorry. I am not going to sugar coat it and lie to you. By the way, in case you missed it, as he is dying he isn't thinking about the wife that loved him and the kids that suffered because of him. He's thinking about how he wants to smoke some more.
I have told you you need to extract yourself from this. Others here have told you the same thing and yet you still insist on making excuses for him and defending him.
He won't feel the same way about you, because you aren't in his pipe.

[Asker]

But he wants to change
Im very anti drugs i want him out from this world

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Look, you are going to do what you are going to do. It's pretty obvious you have made up your mind. Like i said, I have seen your future and don't say you were not told what it will be.

[Asker]

Its not My future😤
He will be clean and we will be happy and have great health

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I hope you are right. I really do.

[Wade12345]

You should dump him and tell him exactly why you're doing it.

[Asker]

He asked me to be patient with him

[exitseven]

These guys never really give it up. I'm really sorry but you should find somebody else.

[Waldoe]

YES... Immediatly... RUN... sadly he is self destructive and will drag you down eventually, you are NOT his savior... save yourself.. I fully expect you to ignore my advice...

[Anonymous]

His idea of "clean" isn't clean. He's simply replaced one drug for another. And until he's truly CLEAN, of everything, his relationship will always be with drugs, not you. They will ALWAYS come first.

[Bubbles16]

I think you should leave him before you get yourself into trouble

[Playboy2424]

But what's wrong if he weeds everyday?
I thought people fall in love with heart.

[Asker]

I have no problem with weed
I have problem with him doing crack

[Playboy2424]

Give him your boobs in his mouth whenever he doing crack... problem solved. 😘

[Asker]

He doesn't want sex

[Playboy2424]

Wtf than leave him asap...
You can pm me

[BillyBalls]

Any who smokes weed is not clean and sober.

He is an addict.

Do you want to deal with the bullshit of an addict?

Your choice.

[Anonymous]

It appears he can not control his addiction. I would move on if I were in a similar situation.

[Asker]

He said he can control it

[Opinion Owner]

I'd give him a time limit to prove and with the proviso that you will leave if he ever starts using again.

[BeMuse]

What is he one of Biden's all stars?

[Asker]

Not funny

[Jamie05rhs]

LEAVE
HIS
ASS!

He lied to you!!

[Asker]

I love him

[Asker]

He asked me to be patient and give us a chance

[Jamie05rhs]

Do Not give him a chance! He's an addict. He needs help. You aren't qualified to fix him.

[Asker]

Why not giving a chance?

[Anonymous]

Boy, you really know how to pick em.

[Asker]

I didn't know he did that when we met
He is awesome guy

[Opinion Owner]

He sounds like it. 🤣

[driven159]

yes, run away fast don't look back

[Jingi18]

Keep your money and valuables away.

[topofit]

im sure sometimes yes

and sometimes no

[Asker]

... wow thanks