What makes a guy leave his wife for his mistress especially if she’s a downgrade?

Question

OpinionIsNotFact · Accepted Answer

As stated a few times already. Downgrade is rarely ever a downgrade. It is always a upgrade in some manner. The cheater decided the new partner was better in some manner.
Some partners make best friends and great partners, but have very different libidos. Some partners are just great at sex, but are insufferable in other ways.
A lot of women have waning sex drives as they age, and especially after children. Many men dont. . This causes a problem where the man wants to have his family, but is being sexually neglected but his wife/girlfriend. This also goes the other way where the woman wants more then the man and she cheats, and loves the family.

Sometimes it's a fetish that needs met, mild like breast size, moderate like anal, or extreme like S&M. Communication, honesty, and willingness to explore are helpful to keeping a partner from wandering physically.

Worse yet, sex is withheld and used a controlling weapon to get something else from their partner. This happens a lot more than should.

Another aspect is that most women can jump in and out of relationships easily. Be average looking and they should have no issue. Men in society need to offer more then looks. Usually status or money. Thus they stay and cheat, because it it is easier than trying to start over and taking a long time to find a partner, especially as people age.

The ugly option is that they have a mental issue, either an imbalance or a childhood trauma that has not been dealt with. They fear commitment, have been abused, do not know how to express themselves, or they use sex as a weapon to release anger and control.

Agree or disagree, doesn't matter. I'm a male, and in my past have cheated, been cheated on, stayed and left my relationships. No longer, but it is truth from 1 mans position.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Infidelity comes in more forms than just physical adultery. In far too many cases, when one spouse turns into a cheater, it's because the other was unfaithful in some more abstract way first. Getting both parties to admit they're at fault is the beginning. Reforming the abstractly guilty party is the hardest part. Because they have the harder time admitting to any wrongdoing in the first place!

The cheat partner, however, often doesn't do that one particular bad thing that the abstractly guilty party does, causing the cheater to feel a sense of refuge. Which only fans the flames of temptation to cheat. Even if the cheat with partner is less outwardly attractive!

It isn't all about sex. Sometimes, it's about a search for emotional respite, that goes horribly wrong. And sex finds a way in after the fact.

If I'm interested in a woman, and she completely vanishes without a word for three months, I start considering my options. She might return out of nowhere one day, and make me feel guilty for trying to move on... but she really shouldn't be submarining in the first place!

SkyCastle90 · Accepted Answer

Cheaters are constantly searching for the perfect partner that could not only make their lives better, but be the companion they always wanted with little to no effort from the cheater to facilitate and maintain a healthy relationship. Problem is, jumping from partner to partner isn't going to find you inner peace, heal your traumas, or make you a better person.

Also, often times cheaters sort of live in this delusional world where they are the victim 24/7 and that it's everyone's fault but their own; "My wife is lazy," "My husband doesn't appreciate me," etc.

There's no good reason/excuse to cheat, but when it happens just cut your losses and find a better partner.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

Those types of people tend to think the grass is greener on the other side, though they don't realize that sometimes it is greener is because it's over the septic tank. 🤣

Some are also opportunists. If they have the opportunity to get in bed with a new girl, they will take it.

More often than not, those types tend to kick themselves later on, as that's a good way to burn a lot of bridges and eventually end up alone.

Finchie40 · Answer

The mistress might show more respect then his wife does , probably the reason he is cheating on his wife in the first place , His wife might be selfish and only really thinks about herself when it comes down to things , sadly most girl’s do this , she doesn’t prioritize her husband like he tried prioritizing her , if he tried talking to her about his feelings it probably went in one ear out the other , she only cares about herself , she probably lacks in the affection and intimacy category as well and makes everything about her , Most girl’s have the selfish attitude that men hate with a passion , basically it’s ok for her to do certain things but not ok for him , when a man feels he doesn’t have respect or feel valued from his wife or girlfriend , and that she doesn’t remove selfishness for him or include him when it comes down to making decisions , he starts to pull away from her , cuz when she expects him to prioritize her but she can’t prioritize him , that’s when most affairs occur and the man starts to check out of the relationship , in most cases the man still cares about his wife but he is not in love with her , he finds a mistress to fill a void that his wife is not fulfilling , he is pretty much checked out of that relationship and probably thinks it’s cheaper to keep her sadly to say. The mistress basically won cuz she had enough time to show how much she valued him while his wife wasn’t making any change to be a better wife to him , if the wife changed her ways and started showing her husband love and making him feel valued he might of ended it with his mistress to make his marriage work, the fact that he choose the mistress basically did her a favor though , that she can now find someone that wouldn’t cheat on her

Kaamraj · Answer

To answer the question, one had to view how men view sex as opposed to women. Most men can completely divorce sex from any serious emotions, meaning have sex with a woman and nothing more. Men, unlike women do not have to guarantee sexual exclusivity in a serious relationship, instead they guarantee resource exclusivity and commitment. Basically, the mistress can get sex, and some of his resources but she will never his acknowledged children or public recognition.

Now what will make him leave his wife for the mistress, in my mind there can only be one thing and it's not the sex, it's respect and appreciation.

genericname85 · Answer

I forgot the name of the phenomenon but it's observable in monkeys too. Human behavioral patterns are very close to monkeys.

In monkeys you can observe that a male will slowly lose interest in having sex with only one female over time. Though even if he only has sex with another female once in a while, he will want sex with the original female way more often than if he only fucked just that one female. In modern times with men, that issue can be resolved by the use of porn tho. But i guess some men still slip up.

Guy13 · Answer

There’s a lot of wives who don’t do blow jobs. I know two.
-#1 owner in Historic Disrict1850 home with a well-to-do, proper, and super hot wife-Momma.

Being of the crowd where everyone has Nannies, they did as well. So, husband ran away with Nanny leaving the 1.5million home to X-Wifey. He and Nanny married and bought in same Historic District (which never happens there) and.5 City block away. I’m the only one of his friends that went with the Flow-no “Why etc”
-So when things finally settled down 2 years later and I asked, he was straight up. I tried four years before the kids…3 years after Nanny was hired and you know, “No BJ…. I tried.”

#2. Is a pretty well known figure in my area. He and his wife decided best, mostly for optics, for their family of 5 to stay to together. He still has his eye-candy BJ “expert” on the side. Wife could care less.

Moose304 · Answer

Who makes the determination the AP is a downgrade? Never mind don't answer this. The fact is cheaters are lowlifes who destroy marriages, families and even careers regardless of their plumbing. Cheaters always want to place blame on their SO for their cheating. Men, as well as women, do this. Sure many marriages become dysfunctional over time. Still, have enough respect to tell the SO you are not happy and at least try to work on the marriage. If it can't be fixed then be human enough to tell them and move on. But, to cheat, gosh this is some of the most despicable behavior a person can do. What makes a guy leave his wife? To be honest it's because the head on his johnson is larger than his head. Everything else is commentary!

marish01 · Answer

I read most of the opinions but NO ONE answered your question correctly.
Guys, she didn't ask why men cheat. She asked wht they don't leave their wives after cheating their wives for so many times.
In other words, why to cheat when you can leave?

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

My understanding from what cheating men have told me, including the jerks who told me they were single but were in fact married until I found out later.

They don't want to leave, cause divorce is expensive, alimony and child support stink. I think this is why when men do decide to leave, they don't get divorced. They just leave and live with someone else, while still married. To avoid all that, and then they move around a lot so its hard for her to serve papers to him.

TransAm85 · Answer

No sex is the first or she won't do any of his fantasies, she never listens to his dreams/goals or they don't share the same, she's a gold diggin bitch and uses him mainly for his assets/income and if they have kids she uses them as an excuse to get more, or time passed and the love just faded.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

The majority of men have very few options when it comes to lovers, so when options do appear they jump on them, literally. However, men separate sexual desire and romantic desire much better than women do. Just because I'll fuck a woman, doesn't mean I have any romantic feelings for her. If a man leaves his wife for his mistress, she might be a "downgrade" looks wise, but if his wife is an insufferable cunt then his mistress is an upgrade personality wise. Men prefer submissive, cooperative, feminine women. If his wife isn't that, it won't be any wonder why he steps out for someone who is.

Gorge95 · Answer

He probably has to be pretty distraught and miserable. They rarely leave their wives. It’s probably something that’s been brewing within him for a very long time.

Anonymous · Answer

A girl can have perfect features and even have strong sexual skills but a secret key is that often even that perfect girl does not (or no longer) make (s) her husband feel loved.
How is that done? I can't explain it but we know it. The first thing that can happen is that you develop a crush on someone. She might look and be common but she excites you for an unexplained reason. I think that feeling is (!) hope. You still love your wife but you can't get this girl out of your mind, even though you want to.

The best I can do.

annabananna · Answer

She gives him something he wants that he doesn’t get from his wife. A lot of times it’s the ego boost and excitement of someone new so when I say it’s something he doesn’t get from his wife I don’t mean it’s her fault. The guy needs to do some inner work so he doesn’t feel the need to get what he is getting from the other woman.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Looks aren't everything.
Maybe she listens to him, makes him laugh, isn't a complete bitch as a person.
She probably makes him feel wanted, important, values his opinions, so he doesn't feel invisible.
She might not be a cold fish in bed, not demanding.
Usually there are many reasons, and looks are low on the list.

ohshee · Answer

. Because his wife rides him all the time his wife knows exactly who he is but he's all about and she calls him on it all the time and he's fed up with that crap
So he's going to take the easy way out he just met this girl it likes him because she doesn't know him and they like to fuck and she treats him good because she doesn't know him yet but in time she will and she will be doing the same thing that his wife is doing... poor guy LOL

Achilles8827 · Answer

I've seen experiences of close friends personally do this. There with a girl for a while and then they cheat with a chick that's significantly less attractive. I think it has to do with wanting diversity. Imagine this you eat pizza everyday, you love it but sometimes you'll get tired of it

MrtoddsWildRide · Answer

I had this happen to a marriage with some friends of mine. She was smart, gorgeous, fun and a terrific mother to their children. He left her for this sour, evil troll of a woman that I wouldn't fuck with Hitler's dick.
Never got that

Anonymous · Answer

If you are a straight woman, what you think is not attractive is going to be different from men. These non attractive women are beautiful to men, actually most women are because men have bigger range of types and tastes. That's why women like tattoos and players but men like clean bodies and virgins

Men almost never get sex so a downgrade doesn't exist to men, the wife was hard enough to find. Women have options and only date up so most men know they were never their settling wife's first choice because she had sex with better men before but couldn't keep them to marry since the good men married a nice virgin instead. They will take any chance they can because they will never get another one

But I don't know why cheat before dumping because it's better to dump first

GlassTop · Answer

Better sex? The wife and putting out? You ever heard the saying that as soon as you get married the sex life dies? The wife stopped giving blowjobs or anal or all the freaky things she used to before marriage. That could be it. What’s the point of a pretty wife if she doesn’t sexually satisfy?

Anonymous · Answer

First, "downgrade" is your opinion, probably not his, and even so, more to her than looks as well. Might be a huge UPGRADE in other ways? But he could still love his wife, just something's missing in the marriage (like with women that cheat). And not many people want to go through a divorce, unhappy or not. And it's especially bad for most men as they generally have the most to loose in a divorce. That's why many of us don't even want to get married in the first place.

Valso · Answer

I don't know bc I'm not married, but I'd take a wild guess that there's no sex with the wife or if there is, it's not the same as before they got married. A dick wants its hole and will get it one way or another. After all, Human is the most sexual creature on the planet.

boobliker · Answer

she may be on his level, others don't see what in side till it's to late. just look at a hells angel would you think they look after the people around them and not just the other H/A but the old lady with her grandson and the man with two sticks to walk.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Because not everyone who cheats wants to leave. Cheating and the desire to leave your wife do not necessarily go hand in hand. And it has to do with the reason they started seeing a mistress in the first place.

Anonymous · Answer

Women when they get into marriage often pull back on sex, don't maintain their feminine energy which in turn wanes attractiveness. This often drives men to seek a mistress.
Older women also tend to be a lot less fun/bitter than younger women which often turns off some men who appreciate youth and cheerfulness. A combination of both will often drive said man to seek a better prospect.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

If he leave its either because he: Lacks commitment Being abused Is a digusting loser She cheats on him/ has a mister Or can't take what he dishes  Any of the above

WalkingInTheRain7 · Answer

It's a temptation of sexual deviance, for whatever justification or reason that is alongside this temptation. Whether drawn because of being unhappy in the marriage, a desire for sex outright, or some other reason.

InYourHead · Answer

Like my dad always says "show me the hottest girl in the world and I'll show you a guy that's tired of fucking her."

shaysh87 · Answer

If a man cheats on you, it’s a sign he’s not entirely happy with you. He loves you but you’re not doing your job as a wife. That’s why he’s constantly screwing around but never leaves you

Anonymous · Answer

You really need to grow up and stop bullying his wife. You have made several posts about the same thing when it’s clear that he wasn’t leaving his wife. Now you’re flipping the post calling her a downgrade.

exitseven · Answer

His wife might be a real witch. I knew somebody that had a really pretty wife who I thought was very nice. He also had a girlfriend that was just average looking and had a rotten disposition. I didn't get it.

Andres77 · Answer

She's obviously not a downgrade in a category important enough to him and not important enough to her.
I'm not justifying anything, especially if there's kids involved.
Just suggesting that their communication and respect were not up to par.

FreyaRed · Answer

They think cheating won't lead to any consequences. Their wife/girlfriend dependent on them, financially, emotionally... They don't have any scruples to abuse this situation.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

That rarely happens if the mistress is a downgrade. Although downgrade could be subjective (the mistress could be hot but slutty is that an upgrade or a downgrade? Depends on the guy I guess)

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because the mistress gave him something that the wife couldn’t. It doesn’t have to be sexual, it could simply be emotional support, the mistress is “easier to control”, she’s more stable financially/emotionally etc

zagor · Answer

Just because her looks might be less than his wife doesn't make her a downgrade. What makes a woman attractive goes beyond appearance.

dustybiker · Answer

They give themselves permission to cheat. Simple as that. Not brave or strong enough to end it properly first.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

It is because he is a cheating used up manhoe and any woman tolerate this bs is a cuck. You also would not cheat on your man, just because of handsome/rich/wealthy guys

SHB84 · Answer

If he actually leaves, its obviously not a downgrade... something the mistress offers is better than his wife.. be it the sex, personality, absence of drama... they ones getting left will always think the other is downgrading.

Iron_Man · Answer

That’s probably just an excuse to get out of a failed unhappy marriage

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Downgrade? Women are notoriously bad at knowing who is a downgrade. He probably wouldn't leave unless she's an upgrade. Sorry.

Anonymous · Answer

Lack of character. What else could it be? When his enthusiasm for his mistress passes, he will find another mistress. I guess he has a weakness for mistress collection.

Anonymous · Answer

Let me guess your ass is the mistress and trying to flip this around. He left your ass and didn’t leave his wife at all.

Ninania · Answer

She's probably better than his (ex) wife in his eyes.

fonduegirl · Answer

Um, man want a free babysitter, a housekeeper, but also lady with a charm of French courtesan. You'd see where they'd have a problem.

Godsvengeance · Answer

I would gather that even if the mistress doesn't look as good that she is filling some void that his wife can't or won't fill. Or, you know, he might just be a dumb douchebag

AndrésC64 · Answer

It doesn't sound like he thinks that it's a downgrade. And he keeps doing it because his wife keeps sliding him. There's really no downside for him. He gets to have his Kate and Edith too!

jshm2 · Answer

Unusually the better sex, and less nagging.  But depends on relationship type, I suppose.

Anonymous · Answer

Well when your wife is an intolerable bitch you tend to jump at the opportunity to spend it with another woman.

SecretGardenBlood65 · Answer

Maybe that's why I'm afraid of getting married. If something like this happened to me, I think I would give the boy to the man and divorce him.

fireforeffect · Answer

I could never bring myself to cheat. I had opportunities, but I could not bring myself to break my word.

urpapi69 · Answer

New genes to spread. That's animalistic mindset but that's the reason why men cheat. They want their gene to survive. The more number of partners, the more the chance of survival. That's just how it works.

Anonymous · Answer

Look at the woman in the mirror.

Surely · Answer

The thrill of being able to get away with the cheating. Usually if the other person cheats. Then it is bloody murder!

Darine123 · Answer

Because they love the wife but still want another girls and get back w his wife

captain_voidwalker · Answer

I'm no expert but I'm sure only getting sex on his birthday and wedding anniversary has something to do with it.

Waldoe · Answer

Women have children, that involves 9 months of pregnancy and a life time of care...  Men have sex...

Shesosweet · Answer

If the wife constantly denies him sex. It will happen sooner or later. It's not right but it happens

MissEm96 · Answer

My friend in work told me he did this and left his long term partner years ago for a work fling. He now regrets it and said he was only thinking with his dick and basically it was just lust

Anonymous · Answer

Sex was bad, wife was a bitch, he's a shitty person, who can say?

whosnumber1 · Answer

sex, compassion, intimacy, connection... whatever it is that his wife isn't providing

Twalli · Answer

Usually he wouldn't leave by choice, unless he is the one who benefits from the divorce.

What makes a guy leave his wife for his mistress especially if she’s a downgrade?

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