My soul mate is married, how do I get him to leave her?

[Anonymous]

Ok ok. I know I’m a bad person before you even know the situation. The quick version, i met a man (13 years older then myself) almost 2 years ago. We became best friends very fast due to our personality’s meshing so well. About 4 months into our friendship he told me he had feelings for me, i had the same and an affair began. He attempted to leave her once but ultimately didn’t. He says he stays for his kids as he grew up in a broken home. We have tired to end things many times throughout the year and 4 months we have been sleeping together but we both get depressed and are so attached we always run back. He is very unhappy and openly admits that their relationship has gone down and that they have grown apart and become different people. He doesn’t want to destroy his home but won’t let me go. Our love for one another is so deep it’s crazy, neither of us have experienced anything like it. We both believe we are twin flames and that we have a connection that is rare and special. Problem, he won’t make the move to leave. I have tried to live without him and it makes me miserable, it does the same to him. What do i do? Please help.

[Anonymous]

Honey, he tells you what you want to hear to keep you there, but that man is not leaving his family for you. I say this kindly but you are simply a parentheses— a break from his life before he goes back home. You are a lot younger, more impressionable and clearly very easily manipulated. He sees this, he knows this, and he knows how hard he has you hooked. But he doesn’t respect you, because now you are the woman who will sleep with a married man, and a lot of men will not destroy their homes for that. I am sorry to say. Even what you are suggesting is very selfish and no matter how you cut it it is evil. He’s swelled your head with all this bad mouthing of his family, what do you think he tells her? Do you even care about that woman, what she’s gone through all these years, their kids, etc? You are likely not the only side piece of ass he’s ever had and He is not going anywhere, and you are settling for a very sad and pitiful position in his life. Please love yourself more. Don’t seek love by destroying others.

[skytatoe]

I think the 'broken home' shit is a poor excuse.

My parents used to argue all the time, and we all knew a divorce was coming, but staying together 'for the kids' without even consulting them is a load of shit. I felt way happier at home after my parents split up, because there wasn't all of this negativity, didn't have to see my mom cry or my dad sad every other day, didn't have to listen to shouting matches while doing my homework etc...

He's not 'maintaining' the relationship at all. It's already crumbled, its not like his wife can't tell he's cheating. If she didn't see it coming she probably was devastated. And he's doing nothing at all to rectify the situation, either come clean and let her go or fix his marrital issues.

You're not gonna make him do anything, if he was selfish enough to cheat on his wife and immature enough to not address the issues in his marriage or even ask his kids about how they feel, then he sure as shit isn't gonna consider your feelings. Once he does leave, if he ever does, you know what you're getting.

People grow apart, marriages fail, relationships end. That happens, but this is just shitty behaviour all across the board.

What you do, if you value your happiness, is move on and seek help as to why you fell in love with a married man in the first place.
Depends who you want to learn and grow from this. You can cling to him and eventually when your relationship hits a rough spot he will find a new 'twin flame' (lol) and you will learn that's what happens with people who don't have the guts to confront problems in their relationships.
Or you can drop him, and he will learn that when all you think of is yourself and try to rationalise your selfishness passing it off as thoughtfulness the way he does, alone is the only way you'll ever end up.

[loveslongnails]

Bad person? Maybe, but mostly, deluded. Soul mates locating each other, given the point of human spiritual development that we're at on this planet, are rarer than a politician telling the whole truth - in other words, virtually impossible. You might "think" you're twin flames, but really - what do you know about that besides the terminology?

It's more likely you have some soul memory of past experiences with each other, and you're excited as fuck to be with each other again. This feeling can be overwhelmingly strong, but so too is the fact that you're in forbidden waters.

What do you DO? IF you love him like you claim to, let him concentrate on being a good father and however good a husband he can be. That means quit fucking him now, and wait till the kids are old enough to handle him leaving mom. If you're still as strong as you think, without the sex to reinforce it, then get with him. Right now, your sexual attraction and desire just fuels your fantasy/indulgence. If it's real in any sort of way, you can wait until he fulfills his pledge as a dad. If you don't, both of you are just being selfish and your behavior will hurt the kids, which is what he doesn't want to do.

The only other thing I can think of is to tell the wife he wants out because you're basically done, but he will stick around to raise the kids. However, he wants to see you for his other needs. Maybe she'll agree. Maybe she wants someone else too. Who knows?

[Emerald55346]

Well how old are his kids? It sounds pretty obvious him leaving while they are still living together isn’t going to change, so that would be your waiting period for him to choose you, then do you want to have a family of your own and have a husband you feel you can trust? Your connection can be amazing as it is are you naive enough to to think it couldn’t happen to you? the chances are higher given he has done it with you possibly other women as well, when people get married it’s a vow to no matter what problems come up work on them and come to a resolve together or a mutual agreement to leave, by spending time with you he has stepped away from his vows, let’s also keep in mind this is a man with so much cognitive dissonance he can’t see that raising healthy children is more than being present, it’s setting an example of a functional and loving relationship for them, which he is not. What he is doing is shady and dishonest, he can love you so much but you need to stay away from being jaded by this and think deeply about what it says about his character, soooo many women get played by the sympathy card it’s insane, when men play the sympathy card they know exactly what they are doing they are amazing manipulators, strong, honest, loyal, truly loving men mess up sometimes but the ones that are admirable will step up and be honest and find out what is best for everyone not just himself.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

If you are so dependent and attached to a married man, I think you need to seek therapy, and so does he… Immediately.


As you said, he grew up in a broken home and doesn’t want to split up because the kids… Which is good of him, I wish I could shake his hand, family is important. I don’t think it’s good to be in a loveless marriage, but you aren’t making it any easier for him to be a good father and stay with his family either. That’s on you. You’d be considered a massive homewrecker.


You can’t get him to leave her, he’s gotta do it on his own, and on his own time, if he ever wants to. You need to distance yourself and do something else, go to therapy, talk to other people, find hobbies…

[Asker]

I appreciate your input. I’ve considered all of these things that you are mentioning, The situation is very complicated and as I stated I have tried to distance myself he knows I am weak when it comes to the situation and takes full advantage of that. We both are weak when it comes to the situation, and their home life is not good and he’s aware of that but he doesn’t want his kids to hate him for making a move for himself. It’s very complicated

[jammcm]

Sorry, he is just making his kids his escape goat (s). You are being used.

[Daniela1982]

I think you are a home wrecker as you knew he was married and should never have opened yourself to him. Would you want someone to do that to you if you were married to someone
He is a lying cheater and a player. He never intends to leave his wife and is just using you for sex. And you believe everything he tells you because you are naive and want to believe him and can't imagine he is a cheating liar. I may be wrong but have seen so much of that it is like textbook. And also consider this. If you do get together with him you will always be wondering if he is seeing someone else on the side and cheating on you too.

[Lliam]

I agree, Daniela.

[Lliam]

Honestly, I think you are desperate, naive and selfish. Sorry.
Why would have have an affair with a married man in the first place? Don't care about the wife and children? And why would you want to marry someone who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage?

What married man wouldn't tell "poor me" stories about his married life in order to get sympathy and justify his philandering?

You're fooling yourself with the soul connection thing. He's playing you like a fiddle. Any guy who would string a woman on and waste her time is rotten. Not to mention what he is doing to his wife.

Don't look for sympathy and justification from others.
You know what you need to do.

[luminiferous]

Using the term twin flames, sounds childish and you seem old enough to know that he would cheat on you too. (I mean at least i hope so, so you know what it feels like).
Because people always tend to idolise what they can't have, but once they have it they drop it.
Now since you are an immoral woman and he is a trash man, you both deserve each other.
Not only traumatised his wife, but also his children, pathetic.
Reflect on your mistakes, doesn't mean you could've repressed your feelings but you can control your actions.

[Now_Here]

Well put!

[Seinna]

It really seems to me he's just using you, sorry. Soul mate? How old are you to believe such a thing? Men certainly don't, especially not when they're in their 40s.

Think about it though - if he loves you and he still has no intention of leaving his wife, wouldn't he let you go so that you can settle down while you still can? He wouldn't be leading you on for his own convenience. You're not the youngest so stop playing around and set your life straight with someone who can give you future.

Being with him you show you have no dignity, do you think any man would respect it enough to love? Men don't need love to have sex.

To answer your question though - perhaps the only way to make him leave her is to come clean to her. Then, when his life is falling apart because of you like yours is because of him, you'll see if he really does love you.

[Realistic07]

By sleeping with his wife, and getting her permission to date her husband you will successfully have accomplished your mission. That said you’ll probably come up with any number of excuses as to why you can’t or don’t want to. In reality however it does factor out the concept of cheating, and everyone gets to have their cake and eat it too.


Considering you fully admit you’re a bad person anyways you might as well drive into both sides. By doing so you fully admit who you are as a person, and don’t ruin a marriage.


That said I’m guessing you’re the greedy type so you’re probably not going down the route of sharing is caring.


That would be the only alternative option to you leaving it the hell alone and walking the fuck away. The odds of you actually doing that though by which I mean walking the fuck away is about 5%. So good luck.

[NOBSALLOWED]

DON'T swear at this woman!! Back in my day we use to respect our WOMEN. You are ABUSIVE and a waste of space. Just off yourself already you won't be missed! Telling her to ask his wife's permission to fuck him? She's a human being not some fucking toy. You are a walking STD from what I can see.

[Realistic07]

Yes I’m back in your day break was at an all-time high and honesty was probably the lowest thing ever used. Excuses, and your particular brand of nonsense solves nothing.

[Realistic07]

“Rape”

[NOBSALLOWED]

I never raped a woman in MY LIFE you probably have though. You need to be in jail or dead

[Realistic07]

Well now I’m going to block you for making threats, and being an all round duche. No one was talking about you directly you moron.

[Finchie40]

I know you are going to be bombarded by everyone saying leave him cuz he is married , I am not here to judge what so ever but you got yourself in a very tough situation , Married Girls do this shit as well to their husbands and stay with their husbands for the kids sake , unhappily married couples stay together for the kids sake which isn’t always the best thing to do but the fact that he is cheating on his wife with you it’s his job to end that marriage with his wife and his job to tell her that it’s over that he met someone else , O if you really feel this guy is the one for
You you need to put your foot down to him and
Start making him set plans on when he is officially going to leave her cuz you can not be a sitting duck waiting for someone to make up their mind , if I was you I would cut off sex with him until he makes a decision , if he truly loves he he will do what he has to do to be with you

[sheikalana]

That's not your soulmate. If you have to go through all that to be with someone that's not your soulmate. There are plenty of single men in the world with whom you can build a strong connection you don't need to destroy someone's family to realize in the end that he's actually not your soulmate.

[luvstoned4him]

You can't cause he won't. I've had my share of married men chase me and I've had to make the choice to respect their marriage when they won't and also to have respect and dignity for myself. I don't ever wanna be labeled as a homewrecker. I've seen first hand what that has done to my family. Shit hurt. My advice , leave and find someone who can love and appreciate you the way you were meant to be.

[Imcmullan]

Are you really this dumb? First of all ' no one's soul mate is married to someone else! You're a home wrecker n your gonna get what you deserve which is a broken heart. He has A DAMN. FAMILY-LEAVE THEM ALONE. YOU'RE TO OLD FOR THE STUPID SHIT. IS THIS BC you're DESPERATE AND can't FIND A MAN OF YOUR OWN? WELL CLEARLY. THIS SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEGUN.

[pixie215]

distance yourself from the situation as hard as it maybe, go on with life and see what happens in the future, meaning down the road if he becomes single. him being with another is just how the cookie crumbled, it happens to a lot of people. but go on with life, work etc. keep options open , the future is all up in the air you never know what will or won't happen. if you wanna talk feel free to message me, i wish you luck

[MissEm96]

Twin flames is bullshit. He’s not unhappy or he would have left. Blaming the kids is a timeold excuse that never seems to fail. You are being stupid here. Sorry to say but you are. Stop wasting your time with. Someone who will NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU. Period. Even if he did, do you think he would stay faithful to you? Of course not! He’ll find someone new and exciting then to stick his dick in once you becoming boring and a bit older.
Get out now whilst you’ve not wasted too much time. Find someone your own age and avoid married men. Oh and don’t make excuses for anyone else’s behaviour it’s just enabling them.

[Apulu_3]

If you really love him, then love him enough to let go. If he really loved you then he would have divorced already no matter what the consequences were. He is most likely playing with you. Say him that if he really loves you then he would divorce the other woman by coming clean to her instead of cheating on her with you. But please don't break heart of that innocent woman for this. She isn't in fault.

[annabananna]

You want another man to leave his wife and KIDS for your own selfish wants? If he does leave you your marriage will have a lot of drama because those kids will hate you and you will have to deal with that every weekend plus the wife will always be in the picture since they have kids. Also, he is not your soulmate.

[Guy13]

Do people really do this kind of thing? I assume you have been reading a trashy novel or some kind of bad french movie, right? You do know he will never leave his wife as it is a super expensive move. And clearly why would he when he can navigate both of you. This is how people get shot You better hope his wife don't have a couple of apps that track his movements.
If he does it for you then he will do it to you !!!

[FilmGuy93]

Why do women always fall for the "I love you so much but I just can't leave her" line that married guys use? The ONLY option you have here is to leave. This man isn't your soulmate. If he were, he wouldn't have been married when you met and he sure as hell wouldn't be married now.

What you need to do is cut the relationship off and get out of the area.

[Jadethedream]

I believe we have many twin flames and soul mates friends family even pets throughout our lifetime. I think it is people who had a previous life with on a soul level.
I honestly believe there are types of soulmates that are here in our lives a short time others a lifetime. even go far to say there are soulmates to help us learn about ourselves and teach us past karmic lessons, we haven't faced.

[CelineBV]

He's not your soulmate. You're just a booty call to him. What else is there besides sex that makes him your soulmate? Nothing else.

[jshm2]

Don't be a douchbage homewrecker. He isn't your "soulmate" either. You're just using that excuse to keep your claws into him.

If you fuck off out his life, then he'll behave himself and concentrate on his family and mental health. That you're circling him, is what's ruining him.

[TyLeeAndPink]

If he gets with you, he might leave you too. Cut him off entirely and distract yourself until you can forget about him. Make sure you’re busy all day and spend time with your friends. Treat yourself, anything to keep your mind off of him for now. You gotta let go.