What's the right thing to do?

[Anonymous]

Me (22M) and my SO (18F) are in a relationship for one and half year, we are having a great time together, she treats me well. She lives in a different town so most of our conversations are in texts and calls. We hardly meet but this doesn't affect our bonding, We are kind of best friends before coming into relationship, we used to share everything every minor details. Then after coming into relationship I got to know of a boy who used to put her name on his instagram bio so I asked her why is he doing this? Were you guys in a relationship before? And to this she replied me that no we were not in a relationship but that guy likes me. He was in her block list in all social medias. So after this I accepted that probably he likes her that's why doing this and we moved on. Then after sometime in our relationship when everyone got to know that we are dating, he called and abused and threatened her but this also resolved in a few days and both of us forgot about him. And then two days back I saw a picture of her sitting with him in her school carnival, I was disturbed to see them together. I confronted her about it and then she confessed me that they were in a relationship before, He was abusive towards her, used to treat her badly basically it was a toxic relationship. That's why she broke up with him. I am hurt that she never mentioned this to me before, it's been two years we are talking every single day but she lied to me all this time that you are my first love and this is my first relationship. She is saying that I might get insecure that's why she didn't tell me. I am mad at her, I can't talk to her anything else. This feeling is killing me that she lied to me about it and I got to know about this from someone other than my SO because if I had seen that photo of them together that's why now she confessed otherwise she won't ever. Please give me your take on this matter. I am having a hard time digesting this because for me honesty is very important.

[DaySpring]

Sorry to hear that mate. You have a keen sense of honesty. Intentional honesty. It makes sense that you are upset or torn over it. However, she said she lied to you because she was trying to be courtesy. Although she lied, courtesy is a great trait and she will most likely never lie to you again. Perhaps that is true and perhaps she also hates him so much she can't admit that she dated him. Anyway, here is may advice to you:

ADVICE:
Focus on the solution, not the problem.
Do you want to move forward?
If yes, focus on the solution.

She made a mistake. She isn't perfect and doesn't have a completely pleasing personality but odds are you don't either. In fact, you lack versatility. However, you both can grow as people and lovers.

Both of you should study character and personality traits and apply them to your life and relationship so that these things never happen again. Also create a joint, agreed upon vision for your relationship. You two need a clear, written out aim.

Control your focus and grow with her instead of letting your imperfections derail your love. I hope that helped.

[ScottStevens]

Trust is the most important element of any relationship. She obviously broke that trust by keeping whatever her relationship with that guy hidden from you.

You two have a long term relationship that went from friend to boyfriend/girlfriend, but you have to set standards for what you expect of your partner. When they are not truthful about an issue as significant as this, the certainly are not respecting the standards of any relationship.

You are young and so is she. This girl is not the one you are going to be spending the rest of your life with. Best to take the broken heart now and look for a partner that values the truth. This one is going to break your heart much deeper if you stick around.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

The situation she went through was similar to what I went though, but the difference is, I didn’t lie about it to my current partner.


I think what she did was wrong, and I don’t know why she thought lying about it would make it any better. She never would have admitted it unless someone confronted her about it, and that’s the issue.


You have every right to be upset about it, but what can you do? You can talk to her about how you’re feeling with this situation, but you can’t do anything to change the situation. You either have to accept it and move on or leave and move on.

[Iron_Man]

I don’t like girls that lie you’re gonna have to do what you have to do

[In_Trance]

You need to make a decision that's right for you

[Joker_]

Do what you believe is best