How to approach this long distance relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are together for almost a year but recently separated as he went abroad to finish with his studies. I am supposed to meet him in a week but I felt very lonely and alone and the distance hit me hard, so I got cold-feet and called him and opened my heart that I am having doubts if I should go and visit him and if we should break up. I felt that he was being distant the last couple of days and given the lack of physical interaction I thought he lost interest. He was very shocked and surprised to hear this and said that I have a tendency to make rush decisions and run away from things instead of staying and trying. I told him that my anxiety is getting in the way and the distance makes it hard for me. He said that he can give me all the re-assurance in the world and asked me what he needs to do to help me get over my anxiety. I told him that I need to hear from him that he loves me and thinks of me sometimes as he isn't particularly expressive but he said the fact that he doesn't say it doesn't mean he doesn't love me and that he's been thinking a lot about me these days. We talked for an hour and went through all of our feelings, I explained to him why I thought he wanted us to end it and he said that he told me a 10000000 times that he wants to be with me and I am a wonderful girlfriend and that he doesn't know what more he can do for me to believe him. He asked me not to give in my negative thoughts and try to distract myself. I will go to meet him cause he asked me to and that we can talk about it in person, and to stop thinking so much about our relationship and feed my anxiety. We told each other I love you many times on the call but I could hear the disappointment and confusion in his voice as he really didn't expect me to share this with me. I am myself very closed person that doesn't communicate needs or emotions properly. How can I show him more love and appreciation and light so we get another chance?

[20yearsolder]

You can change, make it your objective to open up to him, that's what people in relationships do, that's the one person in your life that you can truly trust. Express yourself, tell him you're wants and needs. Listen, when you open up he will be more open with you.

[Asker]

Yes this is what we agreed on. Why does it feel weird for me when I open up to him? I didn't want to make it seem weird.

[20yearsolder]

Only you can answer that question why it feels weird to you. I have no idea

[Asker]

I'm not very comfortable with opening up. I dont know how to communicate effectively

[20yearsolder]

Practice makes perfect, Do you need to learn how to do it or you will never have a relationship that works. Communication is key

[Asker]

This is my first relationship at 27 years old. I never had to learn how to do this with a partner. I am now over thinking about opening up, if I made him think that I want to break up and cannot do it myself---not true, its the opposite. I love him so much that I am afraid of losing him.

[20yearsolder]

If you're afraid to lose him then figure out a way to open up.

[Asker]

Yes. I am so introverted that people have to really dig deep to know how I feel. I started texting him more as we never texted back and forth getting to know each other because we were meeting frequently in person. Now that he's away I feel the need to communicate more but don't know if this is something he enjoys or just does it for me.

[20yearsolder]

It's not all about him, you have to be happy in the relationship too. Have you ever heard of FaceTime? Yes it's not exactly the same as being face to face but it beats the shit out of texting. Video call each other. Tell him that's something you need, you need to see him and you need to hear him

[Asker]

Yes I did today. We spoke for an hr and something. I really miss him and it messed me up. Hope he understands I come from a place of love. I wasn't very happy in the relationship and not hearing from him often.

[20yearsolder]

You have to speak your mind, tell him exactly that that I'm not happy in this relationship because I'm not getting enough time with you. I understand you're busy but I need some of your time as well.

[Asker]

Yes unfortunately when I feel unhappy or frustrated I withdraw instead of discussing. So he couldn't sense that I felt like this. And that's why he was surprised to find out. But everything's alright now. We agreed though that will have a sincere talk when we meet in person about our relationship.