Are all guys the same?

[Anonymous]

When I first started dating my boyfriend. He always helped me with things, made my life easier and made sure I knew he cared. A year later and he doesn’t do any of that anymore.

the simplest way to put it would be as weaponised incompetence. He doesn’t help with dishes, he doesn’t help cook, he doesn’t help take care of our pets, if I’m too sick to do anything around the house we live in filth and off take away until I get better. Even if I do ask him to help me in some way he’ll either say he will do it and never get around to it, or use the excuse ‘I don’t know how’. He uses this on things like making dinner that he has made before, so I know he’s lying about not knowing.

I’m just not sure if it’s worth breaking up or not. With so many women complaining this is what all men are like. I mean I have two close friends who are saying their boyfriends are the exact same, it doesn’t give much hope for someone else. I’ve tried talking to him about it multiple times and still nothing has changed, is this what dating is like now? Men treating their girlfriends like their mothers? I don't know what to do anymore

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Nope. Not all guys are the same. There are entitled and lazy people in the world, unfortunately, this younger generation is full of people like that… So, the dating pool is going to be a shit show. You’ll never really know what type of person you’ll get, or what type of person they will turn into after X amount of months/years. It’s just something you have to maneuver through if you’re uninterested in it.


I always make sure I ask about things like this, it sounds rude to ask, but I won’t date a guy who didn’t learn basic life skills and independence. I don’t expect someone to know everything and be completely independent, but at least know how to do basic life skills, without relying on someone else to do it, specifically a partner. —
It’s something you should talk to your boyfriend about… Because it seems like the relationship will only go downhill from here, because he’s straight up lazy, and that won’t cut it in the long term.



I straight up asked my current boyfriend in the beginning if he knows basic life skills like cooking and cleaning, and what his expectations are (regarding who will cook/clean households), because I want to know what I’m getting myself into before committing. Imagine living together for the first week and you realize, ‘this person doesn’t even know how to fucking clean the room or make simple spaghetti.’ Yeah, not happening. Just be blunt with people and it might save you some disappointment later on…

[caring__1]

No, all guys are not the same. I believe there can be many causes for your situation. First of all (commonly in all areas of conflict), there are probably communication problems. Few people actually prioritize learning effective communication, so they just base everything on assumptions (seeing what they want to see or fear seeing). When entering a relationship, always ask the other to describe their ideal relationship and what they see their involvement to be. You want to know what they expect of you and what you can expect of others. Don't start off by telling the other what you want to hear, as they are likely to just agree, without sharing their true feelings.

There are many people who enter relationships with a bait and switch approach (feeling no one would be interested in the person they actually are). The positive efforts of these individuals will always decline as they feel more secure in the relationship. They feel positive actions are needed to win a relationship, not maintain it. Learning their relationship patterns from the past can often bring light to this pattern.

Another possible reason (which could have been resolved long ago with effective communication) is he feels disappointed in you and the relationship. Maybe he expects you to read his mind and know what he wants, or maybe you've minimized what he has shared. It could be his way of saying "you're not taking care of me, so why should I take care of you?"

[DaySpring]

No offense but you sound like his mom. His gender has nothing to do with it. Be very careful. When things go wrong it is easy to play the victim and especially when you have a good justification for it. Don't do that though. I'll answer the question.

It has nothing to do with gender nor age. Most people don't have self-discipline. The guy you choose is not disciplined. It is his parents fault and he has yet to realize it is a problem but he will. You just chose a guy who is not ready yet. He isn't developed enough yet. He isn't bad, he is just living on a lower level right now. He will grow in time but in the mean time you should leave him and get you a guy that is ready and that is what you want. Don't sit there and just accept that crap like your friends are doing. You have the power to have the life you want. We are not all like your boyfriend and it's not about age or gender. Don't let people push those excuses into your brain.

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm not like that with my wife except in one specific case, and that's the laundry! As a bachelor, I just threw everything into the laundry (darks and lights together), add detergent, done. I don't mind if the white shirts come out a bit grey. I like grey; it's like a style.

But with my wife, she separates all sorts of things that I don't understand. And I could probably understand it if I tried but I just let her take over.

For cooking and cleaning and other things around the house, I actually insist on doing my fair share not so much out of kindness but a stubborn desire to maintain my bachelor skills. I never wanted to come to depend on my wife to cook and clean after me. The laundry is the one place where I let her take over.

[HighlyVolatile]

One thing that drives me more than compassion (although I do love and adore my wife dearly) is that I associate things like cooking and cleaning with manliness. It's tied to my male ego to do my share or even the bulk of the cooking and cleaning. I don't consider it manly to depend on a woman like she's my mother. That seems to defy some traditional ideas but it makes perfect sense to me; how self-sufficient is a man who can't feed and clean after himself? And isn't a huge part of manliness about self-sufficiency?

So if you want to stick to your guy, maybe it'd help to persuade him that he's not acting like a man; he's acting like a boy in need of a mother.

[Anonymous]

Most guys I know pull their weight domestically if they have a girlfriend or are married.

I do almost all the cooking because my fiancée doesn't know how and doesn't want to learn. I do most of the shopping too because I want to get what I need for the meals I'm going to prepare or look for inspiration for meals while I'm there. She does the dishes and the laundry. We both clean the house to our own schedule and priorities. I take care of the yard.

Tell me, why is it that so few women know how to cook these days? Why do they not want to learn?

[slatyb]

Break up. Not all men are like that. Besides, it's better to live alone that to have to clean up after an overgrown baby.

[AviatorTom]

Nope. There are all kinds of guys, lazy ones, helpful ones, and ones in the middle.

[clampfan101]

Everyone is different. I’m a shy but sweet gentleman who loves learning and is trying to become more independent and dreaming of having a family.

[jasco]

Wow so that's what we call an lazy assholes. Not all guys are like this

[CuriousMufuxka]

Without hearing the other side, I can only say that I'm not the same.

[Andres77]

All girls are the same.

[LilyByte]

No not all guys are like that

[TrillXHippy]

Yes all guys are not the same

[Headstrongcrazylover]

Sadly I am like your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

i bet he was the one who asked you out

[crmoore]

Not at all