How to come out to your husband?

[JustAnEverydayGirl]

So I am married to a het/cis male. I was born a female and for most of my life have identified as such. Recently (in the past 2-3 months), I have discovered I feel more comfortable identifying as nonbinary. I waited because I thought it might just be a phase, but it's not. Now, I kind've have already asked what he would do if a similar situation arose, and he said he'd be "ok" with it. I am not asking IF I should tell him, or WHEN. I am asking only HOW I should start the conversation. When I try, no words come out. I need help trying to word things in a calm and easy to understand way that won't potentially scare him off. TYIA.

Updates

1 y

I got a lot of hate on this post. I decided to suck it up and just tell him, and he accepted me whole heartedly. Even asking what pronouns I was comfortable with. We had a long talk about what this meant for us, and overall he was just glad I was comfortable enough to tell him.

[caring__1]

Don't make it all about you. Have the conversation focus on how your choice might impact him and the relationship. If you want him to stick around, he'll need to know you are taking his feelings into consideration. Show a willingness to address any concern he might have. Ask yourself your reasons for wanting to include aspects that would lead to your partner's discomfort. Explore compromises rather than approach this as a self-serving entitlement. Remember, you made a life-long commitment when you got married. Don't easily throw him aside like yesterday's garbage.

Ask yourself how easy it would be to refer to your dog as a cat. The "they," "them," etc. pronouns tend to be very challenging for individuals who have spent their life associating plural pronouns with plural individuals. I believe nonbinary individuals would have had an easier time being accepted if they had come up with new pronouns that others didn't have to struggle with, like de/der or le/ler or ve/ver or ze/zer. After all, it didn't take much time for people to accept Ms to address women who didn't want to be categorized based on their marital status.

[Honesttguy]

Why people feel need to tell others what they identify as? Attention seeking behaviour.
What do i identify as? Who gives a shit, its just for me how i like to identify and feel about it, not for public dislay. Like i said attention seekers

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'd say just making some time to sit together at home, maybe after something comfy you both enjoy like watching a fave show.

Get yourself some drinks if you partake, some tea or whatever if not, and just go for it.

Only you can tell when's a good time and what you want to say. But remember that whoever you are and however you choose to come out, you're valid.

And if he freaks out, all it means is he wasn't ready for YOU. You, as you are and real. And you deserve someone who will love you as you are, for who you are.

[slatyb]

I understand the concept of "non-binary" but what does that mean to him? Do you want to dress differently, be addressed differently, have sex differently? In short, what do you want from him?

[Anonymous]

There is no good or easy way to tell your husband you don’t want to be referred to as his wife or mother to his children. Consider speaking to a therapist before you ruin your marriage.

[JustAnEverydayGirl]

Who said anything about children?

[Pyrofox]

Probably would just tell you this doesn't change how he feels if you are already married.

[Browneye57]

You need a shrink. Seriously bad.
You 'feel more comfortable'. Dear lord, you've been brain washed.

[BraveRiver]

Make it a fantasy you’ve been thinking about and want to explore. Make it fun instead of scary, include him.

[Drumlin2001]

Just tell it to him straight. Sit him down and tell him

[Jltakk]

I'd get therapy. There's nothing wrong with admitting that there are underlying issues and kinks that need taken care of.

[Anonymous]

So do you plan to leave him or just have an open marriage?

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the update. You never answered my question though. Can you answer it, please?

[JustAnEverydayGirl]

We have a one-sided open marriage. Have had one since before I came out to him. I believe in having a single partner, but me and my husband aren't entirely sexually compatible. Him and I agreed that while we both love each other very much, it would be best for him to satisfy himself sexually by himself or with another partner. So in retrospect this didn't really affect us much.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, that makes more sense. Thanks for explaining, and best of luck to you.

[JustAnEverydayGirl]

Thanks for being one of the more polite comments on here.

[JamesRandiDebates]

Are you still going to give up the pussy to him every night?

[spartan55]

There is no easy way to fire a torpedo.

[Anonymous]

Write a 'dear john' type of letter and leave

[Opinion Owner]

Signed divorce papers would be another thought

[itsalyssaagain]

I dont know...