Is it okay to question a girl if you suspect your husband of 8 years is having emotional affair with his colleague?

[Anonymous]

He says they are good friends. I suspect it to be More Than that … I want to talk to her and get over with this dilemma. I have tried Talking to my husband and he says There is nothing and its all in my head. And when I say I am not comfortable with Their closeness he ignores and continues hanging out with her. I don’t want to be rude with her nor do I wanna be played around so here is my message -

I Have noticed huge changes With my husband recently and the way he is talking to you and hanging out With you looks very suspicious to me. I dont want to come to wrong conclusions because of What I Have noticed instead I want to Have Some clarity, so I Have knocked your door. I Hope you can understand as a fellow woman. So the question is - Is there anything going on between you and my husband. If you are not gonna reply at least my Hope is That If there is anything happening , I honestly expect you / at least him to Convey this To me and give me a respectful exit If not I am really not comfortable How you are conversing With my husband , I Wil be Happy If you can keep a notch down and just keep it With regard to work. Thank you !

I will appreciate any suggestion with proper reasoning, I didn’t ask so far to his colleague because I didn’t wanted my husband to feel embarrassed but him hanging out with her all the time is suffocating me and more than that he started calling me a bad person and her to be nice and also he is asking me if Incan be friends with her. And now he wants her to be invited to social events where we both go. It’s too much for me to bear and all at stake. This woman is single and looks bit loose with her behaviour. It’s her life I don’t want to judge but this is definitely effecting me and my marriage.

Thank you!

[Lilibet]

This is very hard situation, but I don’t think his reaction wasn’t ok when you were just asking about it, you didn’t cause any drama, just asked what’s between them and he shut you down. This already suggested to me that something is off. I never understand woman that are hanging out with married guys cuz how would they feel if something like this would happen to them… anyway you tried talking to him, and if he spends lots of time with her, and their friendship is not finishing at work then he should respect your feelings and have more distance with that girl. If she would show him the message you want to send him means she has no respect for you and she definitely want to get between you two, because why would she show it to him if she has only good intentions? If she is just a friend then she would not show the message and just simply make their relationship less emotional. If she’s gonna say something to him and his gonna start fighting with you about it, means he cares more about her feelings over yours, that’s how this would look for me, cuz why he would confront you for making his friend sad over a message. If he would put her feelings above yours I would just tell him than in this case you want to get separate because there is too many people in this relationship, and that you need some space cuz is just to crowded here. And if he agrees then you enjoy your life girl. I don’t know why anyone would put marriage/ relationship on the line for some random person, everyone has friends but there is some line that you can’t cross

[strawberrybaby3]

Yes I’d say it’s perfectly fine , especially since your husband is shutting down every time you try and bring it up and is continuing this friendship despite you telling him how it makes you feel. You owe it to yourself to find out what’s really going on so you can either move on and find someone who deserves you or have peace of mind that nothing is going on.


However, you have to keep in mind that this woman could end up lying to you because she has feelings for your husband. And if your husband keeps acting suspicious, I’d say that’s a pretty good indicator that something is going on and he’s feeling guilty about it and is distancing himself from you.

[BadApple69]

I feel for you, I really do. I have been in the same situation and the pain is real. There isn’t really a good answer here. If you do the letter to her she will show your husband and the biggest fight of your marriage will happen. If you don’t do the letter you will be miserable with suspicions.
If your husband has interest in her (and I believe he does) there isn’t much you can do. Couples breakup all the time and often because of a third party. Men get bored as do women. We go out and find something exciting…
Again no good answers. You could ask for a trial separation (if he says yes quickly you know he is very much into her).
You could tell him you want to start going out with a male friend…. Either of these things are horrible answers but either one of them if he agrees to without a fight than you know he is cheating for sure.
You are in a real bad situation and I’m not sure anything can help. Good luck ! I wish you the best.

[madhatters4]

i don't think you can do what you suggested doing.

i think you need to look for the clues. what is strange about the way they hangout? is it different than the way he hangs with other colleagues? does their relationship seem unique (in a non-professional way) to the relationships of other colleagues?

showing up at her house, even if you have the simplest intention, could have really negative outcomes. what if you're wrong and it impacts his status at work? impacts her status at work?

the issue should be raised and left with your husband.

[coachTanthony]

Just what every husband wants a paranoid wife taking matters into her own hands. Find evidence and sit him down and have a conversation like an adult.

[Avicenna]

Id be very careful about doing that. If you’re wrong, there could be huge repercussions.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah going behind my back essentially accusing me of shite when I may not even know there's a problem? I'm calling a divorce attorney at that point.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Kitten jumped on the keyboard prematurely sending...

As I was saying, personally I think something is going on, but I don't know him, you, or her, so I don't have a baseline for normal, but what is "hanging out" for them?

They're going to candlelit wine tastings in the park, that's a no-go, but it seems like you're invited too, so I don't see precisely what the issue is?

[Anonymous]

Chances are something is actually going on even if it's minor. Like at the least he is enjoying her desperately single attention whoring behavior and feeling himself because of it. I agree with some of the female commenters. First get seriously ready for what you want to do if there's actually something going on. If you just explode on him you aren't just going back to your life of before. Take your time to do it and while you do let it seem like you're over it so they let their guard down and then get a professional to investigate.

[Daniela1982]

You could hire a private investigator on the sly to either get proof that something is going or, or that nothing is going on. Because nagging is not doing your marriage any favors. To me, if you tell your hubby that you are uncomfortable with his closeness to her and he doesn't take you serious and keeps up with what he is doing, well, that seems pretty suspicious. My question is - what would you do if there WAS something going on? 🤔

[fantasticass]

Sometimes men don't realize the difference between an emotional relationship with another woman, not being their wife. Men don't consider an emotional relationship with a woman the same as his relationship with his wife. If he's not fucking her, then I suggest you look at yourself. You want him to be emotional with you. Create a date night, and surprise him. Dress in sexy clothes, cook dinner, and have a deep conversation about your relationship. Hopefully this works for you ✌️🇨🇦

[ProbablyClueless]

The fact your husband responded by shutting you down and dismissing your concerns makes me think that sending your message is okay. It doesn't matter if the message fucks something up in their friendship; you're expressing a reasonable concern.

I'm generally not a fan of policing my partners' friendships, but the reality is that you already tried to handle things the "correct" way and you're getting disrespected.

[HelpfulWoman]

Eh, this is something you need to be serious with your husband about, not some dumb message to the girl which is placing blame fully on her.

[Staximus]

Don't tap dance around the issue, just tell her to keep it all business with your husband. Tell him to keep it all business with her or you will divorce him. The guy sounds like an inconsiderate shit bird.

[AmeerX]

Like what you said is going to help you now?

Doubt is like cancer. You have to now bare it or risk distancing him if he is right and if he is cheating then this relationship is over.

There is no going back from what you have done

[RedInnocent68]

No. It’s between you and him. Not you and her. And this is not one you want to get wrong… Are you expecting she’s going to side with you or something?

[Madkeyra00]

Yes. If your polite about it. It’s no harm to inquire about it.

[shanshu]

What if you had guy friends you got along with and your husband didn't like it and he told you to stop seeing or talking to them?

[AVirgoMan]

It can be interrogated secretly. Because if it is not questioned, this thought will cause you distress.

[slatyb]

No, it's not. Never.

[In_Trance]

Yes it is