Picking Sides/Opinions?

[wanderlustmess]

My fiancé (let's call him Kevin) is always picking the side of this other woman. We'll call her Katie. 3.5 months ago Kevin and Katie had sex while we were in an opened relationship. I got jealous after the interaction because it bothered me that they were close friends. She decided she didn't want to talk to him for a while because it was uncomfortable (since she caused a rift in our relationship). A week ago she asked him if he wanted to go see a concert with her put on by their University. He drove 12 hours each way to see her and go to this concert (which he told me was more about getting errands done in our hometown, which he did none of since his last minute plans to do them ie a vet visit, didn't work out). Then he stayed with her the weekend since she couldn't be bothered to find somewhere else to stay. Do I have a right to be jealous here? Are they being shady? She told him she feels like I hate her. He wants me to get to know her because they're close friends. I reached out 3 times and she responded ONCE to the first message. 2 months ago. I tried again this week. She has been online but no response. She told him today it's because she doesn't use messenger often (she has been online since) and said she thinks it would be better if we got to know each other in person. She then invited herself to come visit our apartment this summer. Thoughts?

[spartan55]

So, you said you WERE in an 'opened' relationship. Does that mean that now you are not? It all sounds really fucked up to be honest.

[wanderlustmess]

We are not in an opened relationship anymore. It ended when he had sex with said close friend.

[spartan55]

What did you expect to happen?

[wanderlustmess]

I expected him to have the decency to go for strangers like I did. Not a close friend.

[spartan55]

Did you set some boundaries on this open relationship at the beginning?

[wanderlustmess]

I tried to set boundaries including the only strangers no friends one but he pushed passed that because he "couldn't find anyone else"

[spartan55]

And you just accepted that?

[wanderlustmess]

Honestly I felt bad for him so I tried my best to be okay with something I ultimately was not okay with. I felt guilty for having sex with other people and him struggling to find someone, struggling to feel attractive and wanted. I never wanted my partner to feel that way.

[Jltakk]

And THIS is why open relationships are a dumb concept.

[Staximus]

You wanted an open relationship, you got one.

[wanderlustmess]

Actually he wanted an open relationship.

[Staximus]

And you're going to marry this idiot? You don't marry somebody like that. What's even the point of getting married if it's an open relationship? What the hell is the point of marrying somebody who would rather spend the weekend with somebody else? Fuck that bullshit.

[wanderlustmess]

The point was to get all the adventuring he wanted to do out of the way before I tied him down. We don't want exactly the same things sexually and I didn't want him to regret marrying me not having tried the things he wanted to try first.

[Staximus]

You said you don't want the same things sexually, then he might go look for it outside the relationship, married or not. If somebody isn't mature enough to even commit to a monogamous relationship, they sure as hell aren't marriage material. You're asking for trouble if you marry some douche bag that thinks being a swinging dick is cool while this girl waits at home. You don't need to subject yourself to that kind of humiliation or second class treatment.

[Iron_Man]

Live your life for yourself

[Guy13]

You are sooo

[wanderlustmess]

Sooo what?

[Guy13]

Screwed. If you want a one-one relationship it will not be with this guy. He will have another.. and another…just like this GRL the rest of your life. Enjoy it….