People may have a misconception of domestic violence being every single moment of hell. If it was it would be easier to spot and clearly the person in the situation would be more willing to leave. Domestic violence doesn't happen from one day to the next. It doesn't begin on the first date. The beginning of the relationship seems good. During this beginning stages it may be hard to spot the difference between a man infatuated vs obsessive. It may come off as he's excited to be with you it's new it's fun he wants time with you it may make you feel flattered or seem cute when he begs you to skip a dinner plan with your family and run off with him sailing to watch the sunset. DV abuser are often very persuasive and charming. People on the outside looking in may often think highly of them. They slowly Isolate their victim in what may seem charming at first. The girl may have plans to hang with friends. He could call and claim to be ill. "Oh babe the only thing that will make me feel better is you and you beautiful smile." Slowly he becomes more and more apart of her life. For others they may just see this as a pair of love birds. Slowly negative comments start appearing followed by I just kidding or but i love you regardless. Such as "what you like ketchup on your eggs. Thats dumb haha I'm only kidding you're adorable". It builds up too. Such as you're running late, rushing you go over a pothole and bust your tire. "How couldnt you see that big ass pothole. Are you stupid or something? Thank goodness you have an awesome boyfriend to save you and place your donut. Awe hun dont be mad I still love you despite it and don't worry I'll buy you a new tire." A bigger insult to the girl while making himself seem like her hero and reliable. Eventually he'll convince her to move in with him and slowly isolate her. "Yes hun I I know this house is out in the country away from your family and friends but you got me now am I not enough? Think about it there's room for a cute garden a nice yard we can get a dog and maybe even have a kid one day. We can be our own family" The insults insolation increases and then the controling behavior. Be this point she's in deep. Bills lease/mortgages together. Little contact with the outside world and once perhaps even pregnant. He'll begin timing her, spying, he may have friends and family keeping an eye on her too with different excuses which seem reasonable to them he may alter her devices or coming up with excuse to why the phone bill was cancelled or why they are better off with one car. Beating do not always occur sometimes they do. Sometimes it may be violence towards objects or pets or towards a neighbors pets. He may make false accusations at her work all these things are just ways to scare her to keep her in his control. "See what I can do". By now she needs professional help to excape. She'll need a safty plan. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is post break-up. Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship.
I've been w/all kinds and been through physical, mental, emotional, and narcissistic abuse. It doesn't matter if the guy is white, black, Chinese, Arab, or even from Nicaragua! This shit starts in childhood and women that fall victim to it usually are co-dependent (like me) or grew up w/o a father - also me. Many of the mentally/emotionally abusive men are drug/alcohol abusers. The narcs grew up w/o any parental guidance most of the time. I could write a book for you b/c I've been w/all kinds and yea it fucks u up, but in a way can make u stronger.
Most domestic violence is stereotypical. It could be a one time thing, or it’s an argument that went too far. Some have been in a relationship forever and they don’t want to end it. Some feel they deserve it because they cheated or did something terrible. Honestly if you ever cheat on your partner it’s better to just leave them. They will never respect or trust you again. Maybe they don’t have anywhere else to go or have moved in together. Most domestic violence relationships start off well and turned bad. They can’t separate or refuse to acknowledge the relationship is already dead/toxic and abuse naturally happens.
Nobody deserves to be abuse. I dated somebody who abused me. She was abused as a kid so I tried to be understanding. I would never hit her back and used to just restrain her until she calmed down. After all these years I still think about her and wonder what ever happened to her.
Opinion
7Opinion
My opinion is that women should never be n a relationship where she is being abused, not mentally, physically, or emotionally. Women who allow this to happen to them have little or no self esteem, or have learned to be that way with the partners they choose. What they need to do is accept that they need help, get help and get out of the relationship, because no one deserves to be mistreated.
I was in a marriage in which my then husband was verbally and emotionally abusive and made me feel very low. He would get mad over trivial matters, and not speak to me for weeks. It came to the point where he began berating me in front of my girls, and I did not want them to grow up thinking this was normal. So I ended up divorcing him. what makes me laugh, is that his mother asked me (when I told her about it) if he ever hit me, as if that should be the decisive point at which you need to divorce. He actually once kicked me, and threw a lamp at me, but I didn't tell her that. She knew he had a bad temper, and I just let her figure it out herself. Now he is alone, and living with her.
Yes I had a girl or two be abusive, generally they hit me or just are screaming obscenities in my face, I tackled the shit out of them ripped their pants down and took my belt off and whooped their ass like a child till they were crying and had bruises all on their ass. Never happens again generally.
One girl punched me in the face and I just literally picked her up and put her outside and then came out with all her stuff and put it in the grass. Relationship over and our lives together completely separate in about 30 minutes from the punch.
Either you fix the bad behavior or you end the relationship on the spot, either way its solved the second it happens. Its very bad behavior to live with abuse, it means you either enjoy it or you prefer to have the person in your life even though they abuse you. Some people DO enjoy it, in fact I would say many do. So generally I stay out of peoples business if they have an abuser, I just say like "oh well", no white knighting no leave him/her, don't give a fuck. If you are old enough to be in a relationship, you are old enough to end a relationship.
It isn't always women that are victims and it isn't always physical, it can be strictly emotional abuse.
Although there are also silly extremely like when someone says, its financial abuse cause he/she won't give them the money they want to spend.
Name calling, and controlling without violence are more common. Some might even say, the simple fact of silent treatment until you comply with what they want is abuse.
I have been in this situation before and I got out of it by calling the police on him. Not something that was easy to do.
Well, it's complicated, not all DV is the same, most is reciprocal, and when it comes to the non-reciprocal cases like mine, it's frequently easily avoidable by going to horny jail or not searching for a source of violence by proxy and walking away from the violent cunt.
I do believe violent people can change, I just don't believe they can change in the context of a relationship and by their partner.
Funny shit for me is that for me it stemmed from my relationship with my sister, who was quite abusive, but mostly I consciously avoided women like her.
Which is interesting, because it shows that what ever you have as a conscious protection mechanism can break when you get under "bad weather".
It's terrible, no one should ever have to take this type of treatment from the people who should love them the most.
I have never been in a case of domestic violence, but I've been gaslighted by a bad partner before. It was a very low risk situation so I just needed to block him and stop meeting up with him. That by itself sucked I can't imagine being in the position of domestic violence victims. Hope they heal ❤️
I’ve always found it hard to understand why people stay in relationships where they’re getting physically abused. I’ve heard the reasons before, but none of them make sense to me.
I was physically abused multiple times by a woman I was living with. She would also call the police and lie to them when they came to the house saying I had hit her (I never did) and I would be arrested but never charged luckily. She destroyed my property and threatened me, and it took a court order to get her out of my house.
Men can be DV victims too - I was one.
My opinion? Introduce me to the one that would hit a woman and I'll be happy to discuss it with them. MY way.
The Easy answer would be RUN But on a reality opinion it slowly progresses over time which is why setting boundaries are extremely important when detecting red flags and behavior patterns
Not a romantic relationship but my mother was physically and emotionally abusive. I left at 19.
yeah i had and i had to leave before the verbal and mental abuse turned physical. it was crossing that line where at any moment the abuse could had become physical so i had to leave. this happened twice once in 98 and once in 05
If you man beats you. Call police get away far from him
Never my partner is very nice
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