Is it wrong that my boyfriend said he doesn’t know when he started loving me?

Question

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Love doesn't just hit you like a bus, infatuation does. And there is a difference between infatuation and love, even though the feeling of infatuation is what we associate with love.

Love isn't intense like infatuation. Love is steadfast and abiding. It's feels safe and secure, like being home.

Infatuation is a crush. It is intense but it's an altered state of consciousness driven by hormones. We think our crush is the most perfect human ever born. They are our perfect match; our soul mate. We project our thoughts and emotions onto them. And the sex is amazing.

But infatuation doesn't last forever. It fades even though the memories linger.

On the other hand, love grows. A whole bunch of little things start adding up over time as we get to know a person. We have to get to know their behaviors, habits and idiosyncrasies. We have to witness their values first hand, and how they react to pressure. At some point we realize that we can see ourselves living with that person for the rest of our life. Love blossomed out of infatuation. But we're not exactly sure when the transition took place.

Even the term "'fall' in love" is absurd. You CAN'T suddenly "fall" in love.

At what specific moment does a flower achieve perfection? By the time it is at it's most glorious it has already been in the process of growing, budding and blossoming for some time.

You can remember the day you met, your first date, specific events, your partner's birthday, but no one with sense every wrote in their diary, "Today I fell in love." That stuff is for romance novels. Does anyone celebrate I Fell in love Day? That some saccharine shit. How revoltingly lovey dovey.

Let's say that he fell in love with you on one day and you fell in love him on a different day. Would you celebrate two I Fell in Love Anniversaries?

Love isn't even tangible. It just is. When you love someone, life isn't constantly blissful. But you are a team. You have each other's backs. You trust each other completely. You're in it through thick and thin because your partner is the most important thing to you. You would sacrifice everything and even die for them.

Your boyfriend sounds like he's wise enough to know the difference between love and infatuation.

Some people throw the word love around. Some say it to get sex. Some say it because they think it's what you're supposed to say to a partner. Some people get carried away with infatuation. Some people have no idea what love is. Hell, love is sometimes a synonym for "like a lot", as in, "I love this song!"

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like one of those guy. When he says love, he means it.

I strongly encourage you to check yourself before trying to make this an issue. He said that he loved you and you're trying to wreck it. Why aren't you overjoyed?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Lust is something that hits us quickly, while love is something that grows over time. Just as you don't see your height increasing (unless you're putting on old school clothes in the fall and realize they're all too short), you also won't be able to put a finger on exactly when love started. Hopefully, it is something that continues to grow, not like a light switch, where it is either on or off.

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

Is not wrong at all. I'd say is actually pretty normal. It takes time doesn't happened in a blink of an eye. A few months ago I was struggling with my feelings I knew I was madly in love with my partner but I wasn't sure if I was already in a stage where I was comfortable enough to say I love you.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Accepted Answer

Its more odd than anything and shows lack of focus to me. Like how does he NOT know? Did he have time to reflect on it before saying he doesn't know? How can he say he truly loves you if he doesn't even know when his love for you began? Im confused. That would be a real concern for me.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

No. Not at all. It's quite common not to be able to pinpoint the day. Please don't even think twice about this! 🙂

Pinay_ako · Answer

It doesn’t matter how long time ago or when or why, as long as he loves you, that’s all that should matter…

Shehnaz · Answer

No, it is not wrong at all, in reality love actually grows with time and a lot of times you are so lost either in that person or your everyday life that you don't realize when was it that you started craving for that person to be with you. He is just being honest, Or else would you rather prefer him to say, " I fell in love with you on 10th June 2022 at 8:47 am." ?

hellomellow7 · Answer

I don’t think so.. like some others said here love grows over time. I was really sad when my boyfriend said he couldn’t remember when he started to love me either.. but I know he does in his actions, and when I think about it I don’t know when exactly I started loving him.. I can think of moments of things he did that made me go “I really like him” or “I love this about him” but not a exact time.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

Not at all. Love doesn’t work like a gas pump that stop filling the tank because it knows it’s full. Love builds over time. Technically yes, there is an exact moment when we realize we love our significant other, but who remembers that? It’s not a special event, it’s a special feeling.

jasmine_0603 · Answer

I think it's normal. I love my boyfriend a lot, but there wasn't a specific moment that I started loving him, it came gradually. What matters is that he does love you.

IJhonnyI · Answer

That's exactly how love is, you don't know when it happend but what you do know is you love the feeling and never in your life do you wanna let it go

DermalPunch · Answer

He loves you now and I assume treats you well. Stop sabotaging your happiness. I wouldn't be able to answer that question either. But, if Inlove someone I truly do.

Guy13 · Answer

THAT IS REASON ENOUGH TO BREAK-UP RIGHT THEN…I ASSUME YOU’RE DONE ✅. 🙄 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Mcmickeys · Answer

I don’t believe so. Its a process. I wouldn’t trust a feeling that suddenly happened.

Blackcosmo · Answer

No there really isn't a problem. People sometimes can't remember the moment they fell in love.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I wouldve been like “Well i know when i stopped loving you” 🤷‍♀️

RavVid · Answer

Why? It doesn't have to be big bang and it is more mature if it is a slowly maturing fruit.

LilyoftheLake · Answer

That's actually very sweet, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Maybe... Maybe not. It depends on if he really loves you or not

Jabberjaw · Answer

No Most people don't. They just remember noticing they were in love.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

It was probably a bunch of little things and there wasn't a moment where it just clicked.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, that's not wrong. Sometimes love doesn't have one exact defining moment.

Waldoe · Answer

No, it is NEVER wrong to fall in Love... sometimes it "sneaks up on you"... sometimes it's like a "Bolt of Lightning" Both are REAL... be grateful, not petty

Freyke · Answer

I think what is most important is that he loves you and why.

exitseven · Answer

Love is a funny thing. Sometimes it is hard to know exactly when it happens.

Dontaaaa · Answer

No, that's not really an easy answer to question either.

libsaretards · Answer

No. Love hits when it hits and often times ignores logic, which is a man's bread and butter.

VV3ZZY · Answer

That's kind of a weird question. How would one even answer that? Like a specific date & time? I'd just say "since the moment we met"

Chris_u006 · Answer

Sometimes you don't know why or when, you just know you love that someone. Nothing wrong with that.

jasco · Answer

Sometimes it just happens. You can't figure it out, ya just know you love her/him

Twalli · Answer

Not at all. His love for you probably grew si gradually that he didn't see a change from day to day.

Neilbud · Answer

Kinda sounds like he's grown to love you. Not a bad thing at all.

maximumpower · Answer

no.  it's wrong that you're even devoting precious moments of your life to ponder such minutiae.

altdbob · Answer

If you can't handle the truth, stop asking the question. As long as he does what the fuck difference does it make when it started?

DevinAM · Answer

Most people aren't going to know an exact moment when they started loving someone.

Skyros · Answer

Maybe he was having too much fun with you to remember.

slatyb · Answer

No, it's a gradual thing.

Avicenna · Answer

No, it's no big deal and not negative

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

No. All that matters is that he does love you

baserunner611 · Answer

No, it a love and stupidity

mydadsbuyingmilk · Answer

a lot of people dont know actually

Anonymous · Answer

No! Wth is wrong with you?

Jltakk · Answer

I mean love is weird like that tho

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

No...

Jackson619 · Answer

Is th at you in the pix. Kinda bad in a way

melanieeeB · Answer

No why should it be?

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Why is it wrong?

Wise4myage · Answer

No, not necessarily.

In_Trance · Answer

Not if it's accurate

Thecubs22 · Answer

Of course!

fireforeffect · Answer

Is it important?

Is it wrong that my boyfriend said he doesn’t know when he started loving me?

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