Feel like cheating?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are together for a year, we've been through a lot. Depression, anxiety and we are both dealing with past traumas. We are currently in long-distance as he went abroad to finish his studies. I am going to visit him next week but he just told me he's going away for the weekend with his friends on a guys' trip and he let me know last minute. I felt kind of hurt but handled it well. I told him that I felt excluded from his life and he called me multiple times. I told him that I dont want to discuss it atm cause im overwhelmed and need some time to process my thoughts. He kept calling me so I picked up and we talked about it. I still dont feel good about him not including me given that he is the one who kept insisting we are exclusive and wants to be with me. I told him his actions say otherwise. He refused to let go and kept texting and calling me to talk about it and asked me if I can give us another chance. I asked him to keep it open & be reduced to sexual relationship cause our sex is really good. He said no and asked me to take the flight and we talk about it in person. I feel like cheating this weekend but I know that its childish and I will regret it. I feel the urgency to do it cause I missed the physical intimacy and I miss him and I am not sure I can handle the whole thing. I dont know how im gonna look him in the eye if I do it but there's this other self that wants to fuck it up. I communicated to him what my issues are, he listened and stuff but I dont think he got it. I told him that I became like these women I used to make fun of as single and he said that im wonderful and he wanted to remind me that im in his heart
& he wants to be together. Should I do give us another chance like he asked, cheat or end it? I am very confused and look for constructive feedback :)

Updates

1 y

I want to text him how stupid I feel for planning a vacation for us in August while he got already planned with his friends telling me literally on the way to the airport :/ dont wanna be the crazy girlfriend or ruin his vacations but this is how I feel. Like I am not worth a flight here for a weekend or a surprise ticket for us to go somewhere.

[Anonymous]

You feel like you're putting in way more effort than he is into the relationship and that you got the short end of the stick. It's natural for you to feel like a piece of shit given that he is the one who got to travel and who is now going to get to spend time with his friends on a little trip, and even worse that he waited to tell you. (Perhaps he waited because he was worried about how you would feel about it.) But regardless, what is important is whether you actually want a future with him when he gets back. This study abroad thing is a temporary hurdle. It's not forever. Do you like how things are with him when you're together? If so, stick it out and know that things will return to "normal" when he is back. Cheating is NEVER the answer. Do not seek vengeance this way. If you need to have sex, break up with him first, or tell him you are going to do it before you do it. Take the high road.

[Asker]

Yes nobody deserves that regardless of the issues on tbe relationship. I just wanted to get bitchy cause I got tired of getting disappointed by him and forgive and give chances. Need some thinking here cause overall its a beautiful relationship. When we are together is magic. I can share anything with him my deepest thoughts fears or concerns. I told him I felt like cheating and got frustrated with the overall situation. He said the same that its not a solution and should think when I'm calmer with a clear head. He told me that he isn't going to accept anything I say while being anxious or overwhelmed and that he's not gonna take it with a smile and watch me go. I feel like I'm in an identity crisis and lost myself and my independence cause he's out partying and I do miss sex and flirt and the fun but open isn't something he wants and ask me to think twice cause he can't tolerate the idea of another guy touching me. Then he gets to do it so we had a slight argument and I told him this equation isn't fair unless he's full in I won't be either.

[Opinion Owner]

Without trust, there is nothing, and it is our job to never give our significant other reason to believe that we are cheating. You said that your boyfriend "gets to do it"--do you mean party, flirt and have sex? If he is indeed partying and allowing other girls right now get handsy with him but expects you to sit in a cave and do nothing, this is a double standard and he can't possibly love you in a healthy way. If it were me, I would leave him immediately. And how "he isn't going to accept anything I say if I'm anxious or overwhelmed" and how "he isn't going to take it with a smile and watch me go"--Fuck that. He can't have his cake and eat it too. How does he think you feel knowing what he's doing? Does he think you're smiling right now knowing he's out partying and everything? 99% of people who breakup with their significant others will not avoid getting hit with a firestorm of rage, sadness, guilt tripping, etc, so don't let fear of his reaction to a breakup pollute your mind.

[Asker]

Is not like that we party together a lot. He isn't cheating and he hasn't given me a reason to doubt his trust. The point is that I dont feel a priority and thats why I suggested we keep the sex without a relationship cause I am a human and got tired of putting all effort. I don't know how I'm gonna handle myself this weekend. I deleted all dating profiles I haven't accessed for a while because I only wanted to do it out of spite. The only thing I want to communicate is that I missed the physical intimacy sex and flirt to feel wanted. We talked a lot before his flight don't want to text and text while he's away given that we will get the chance to talk about stuff next week that I got my flight. I even went so close as changing my tickets cause I dont feel i can swallow this. I dont know whats best to do cause im hurt and angry and feel like an idiot but expressing it while he's away and won't pay attention anyway will only make me the bitter one and it's not my style. I have a tendency to withdraw when I'm hurt and he knows that that's why he kept calling me when I said I don't feel like doing this and dont wanna talk about it. Just wanna text him the genuine emotion which is I missed physical intimacy its been hard for me and missed the fun the sex and to feel wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

Try not to make excuses for him. I feel like this whole situation is very telling. To me the decision is clear. He is putting his friends before you and is too immature or unwilling to actually put your feelings into consideration. You feel scared to "let go" of something that you think could be perfect and to also accept being "single" again. But really, if I were you (and I was in your position 6 years ago with a guy who studied abroad and started treating my feelings like dirt), I'd move on.

[Opinion Owner]

Additionally, casual sex fucks people's emotions up. It makes decisions difficult. Think twice before you agree to anything like that.

[SiberFox]

If you cheat then you do not respect him and the relationship is over.

[Asker]

Yes this 100% true and I'm not that person. Shouldn't do it cause its totally wrong. Just to be clear I wasn't upset he's going on a trip is that he told me last minute. We are already 2 months in long distance and is hard and I asked him to call in the evening to catch up cause I was clueless they were travelling and he was like can't do I'm going on a trip for the weekend (not the first time I'm not included as in actually communicating with me his plans or sharing his excitement about the trip with me and it hurt my feelings the fact that we aren't connected as a couple). I left him a text to have fun and that we can catch up next week and to not worry about calling and stuff cause I really want him to enjoy the trip. The rest we can discuss it when we meet in person and I can express openly my frustration about this particular thing.

[SiberFox]

I don't like this, I think he's treating you more as an option rather than a priority, now I'm not him so this could very well be false. I would put more effort into keeping my girlfriend updated about what my plans are, especially if its LDR and she was to be visiting. Also you not being invited is bizarre to me, I would want to spend as much time together as possible if such time was limited. That is just me, but I definetly think you should discuss it with him.