Am I wrong for not caring for my girlfriend’s one friend?

[Finchie40]

My gut instinct is telling me something is off on the friendship , I can’t really put my finger on it and question myself as to why I can’t stand my girlfriend being friends with this girl , The whole friendship just doesn’t sit well with me , and I don’t know why that is? My girlfriend has other friends that I don’t feel this way about But this girl is very clingy , like she is desperate or something part of me thinks she’s Gay and has the hits for my girlfriend , I don’t know , but I just feel a weird vibe about the whole thing, I don’t hate the girl but something just seems off about it , Part of me wants to break off my relationship with my girlfriend just because of it , My girlfriend and I planned a week vacation to the beach next week and my girlfriend told me her friend is going there that same week and wants to meet up with us on the beach , I am furious about it because it’s supposed to be our trip , This friend is already inviting my girlfriend to go shopping with her while we are there and my girlfriend told me I can go do something else , I am so pissed off and said No this is our trip not hers, My girlfriend said she is only coming for a couple of the days then leaving , I said i don’t give a fuck she shouldn’t be coming at all , but if that’s the case I am inviting all my friends to come as well if that’s how you want to be about it. Do I have a right to be pissed off? I just feel this girl is going to keep trying to pull my girlfriend away from me the whole time she is there and be up her butt, sadly that might be the real reason , I don’t know but I am so pissed off

Updates

1 y

Like 3 months

[Emerald55346]

I think as long as it’s an hour or 2 you shouldn’t be to worried but if she’s talking spending a good portion of your trip with her friend that’s definitely inconsiderate, just try to not make threats and emotionally distance yourself. I learned this from a friend along time ago but the person who cares the most always has the lower hand in the relationship when it comes to these things sadly but it’s true. I would say if she does do more than that look on events on Airbnb and find something with a group you would have a good time doing maybe even consider going in a date to emotionally distance yourself and see how things are, I wouldn’t recommend sexually cheating tho even tho neither is ethical something about sleeping in the same bed with someone after being with another person sexually just crosses a line because your risking that other persons sexual health.

[Finchie40]

My gut instincts have been telling me something is off about the whole thing to the point I don’t even want to go on this trip anymore because I feel like it’s going to turn into drama and it’s going to turn into her and her friend excluding me and doing their own thing , So I feel like what’s the point of me even going , it’s like I am in a no win situation , No matter what happens I feel like I am now the asshole in the whole thing because she will say I am being insecure and jealous when that isn’t the case at all , I just feel disrespected , like it’s ok for her to tell me not to do certain things but it’s ok for her and that’s what pisses me off , if I invited a friend to our trip without talking to her first hell would break loose so that’s where I am hurting , it’s like she doesn’t think about my feelings like I do hers and I am starting to realize I am not her priority like she is mine to the point I don’t know if I want to stay in this relationship anymore, because I know there are tons of girls that would love a man to choose her over friends and Girls that would choose her man over friends , so part of me wants to be with that type of girl , everyone I have talked to about what she did , is telling me to dump her that it’s totally disrespectful what she is doing , and she doesn’t grasp that concept , I am just an insecure asshole like it’s her way or no way , I know cheating isn’t going to solve anything but honestly that has crossed my mind , like part of me would love if I met a beautiful girl that I connected with while she is excluding me , but I know that is far catches and wrong but sadly I don’t think i would say No of that happened. because I am feeling disrespected and why am I going to be a punching bag while she is doing whatever she os doing with this clingy obsessed girl , the whole thing is weird to me and my gut is telling me something is so off on this whole situation , if i express my feelings of concern to her , I am the asshole

[Finchie40]

A lot of people are telling me to let her go do her own thing with this girl and I go do mine which I plan on doing but I am only going to do that because what else am I going to do , sit there with my finger up my ass and worrying about what she is doing the whole time , which sadly it will be heavy on my mind , cuz it’s totally a double standard , but all I know it’s going to cause resentments if I cause a scene , that I don’t trust her and blah blah blah , She knows I don’t like her friendship with this girl and it’s like she is using it as a weapon against me like she is resentful that I am not accepting her friendship with this girl so she is the type that will attack me with it because she can’t be wrong and that’s where I am drawing the line to the point that this is a disagreement that is going to be an ongoing thing , to the point it’s best for me to just walk away and accept the fact that I am not her priority , There are so many hurtful things I want to say to her but I don’t because I know it’s just going to keep adding shit to the fire, so honestly I am at the point of just telling her to go by herself since her friend is more important than I am and her and I should part ways because I want to be with someone that prioritizes me like I do her , she will get mad and defensive if I make that statement and turn it around that I don’t control her and I just laugh and say it has nothing to do with control it comes down to not being respectful the same way I respect you , so I know where I stand and I want better than that , I rather be single than to be with someone that can’t remove selfishness for me like i do for them , Like I have to wear her shoes but she doesn’t wear mine , I realize I don’t need her , I want to be wanted the same way in return , without that what’s the point of a relationship

[Emerald55346]

Sounds like the best option at this point would be to leave her but based on everything it also sounds like you still have strong feelings and investment in the relationship so I know that’s not easy. I can tell you feel very passionate about everything that’s going on and she is in the wrong but I noticed a possible issue in your communication, when you find things to compare to if she calls you out for example or make threats in a relationship that person goes straight into defense mode, I would try gathering yourself first and expressing yourself calmly without threats or complaining, speak more like a third party and be carful not to attack her character, make the dialog as brief as you can about how you feel about it and would like for her to choose the more respectful option, give her the choice calmly and see what happens. If after that you realize she is not able to listen then you’ve discovered what the root problem is. Step away from making assumptions about her friends and always try to focus on the root causes which is typically between your communication and other dynamics in the relationship. I think where couples hit a wall in terms of understanding each other is when assumptions and the ego gets involved, if you even want to give her a chance you need to not take this personally and choose to be as objective as you can, not just for the sake of giving her a chance but to also get closure for yourself to know that she is the cause not you which I feel like you already do but she may be gaslighting. Take your power back by not being so emotionally overwhelmed and expressing your self in a calm concise way that doesn’t leave room for defensiveness on her end.

[Finchie40]

Thank you for this , I am definitely going to try that approach and from that I will know for sure where I stand in the relationship

[Emerald55346]

It takes 2 to tango bottom line, I would recommend counseling or therapy especially if you go in with the intention of finding out and wanting to take accountability for your faults, forgiving yourself will make it way easier to let her go especially as your growing as a person, as of right now it’s very apparent that your feeding into this toxic behavior in some way, which by no means that your the fault but it does mean that you both have things to work on if she wants to work on hers that’s her choice if not find a way to leave better than you started. Some people bring out the best and others being out the worst occasionally there is a grey area but they are all meant to teach us something about ourself. Find the deeper meaning of what seems to be a shallow shoty situation, if it doesn’t help the relationship it will help the process of letting go and how you feel about yourself after such a stressful relationship

[Finchie40]

Another thing that she has been doing lately , she has been comparing me to other girl’s husbands and boyfriends and it pisses me off , I just tell her to go find that if I am not good enough

[Emerald55346]

That’s hurtful but she is just expressing in unhealthy way that she wants you to change or adjust it would be nice if she could do that in a better way that doesn’t tear down your confidence, sadly it’s somewhat relatable to me tho when you want a guy to change so badly and you feel like he isn’t listening you start comparing but she is still with you which shows she would prefer to be with you while you work on whatever it is.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont care for anyones friends. I’ll play nice but deep down I’ll always feel theyre in the way lmao

[DizzyDesii]

And yea you have a right to be pissed off. Her friend is either lonely af or closeted

[D_Bone_Steak]

That's weird. It honestly sounds like dealing with my Mother-in-law. My wife has gotten some clingy friends over the years and it's usually not for good reasons. Not only do they become demanding of time, but sometimes they start to influence my wife in ways that don't benefit me at all. I'd say you've got a gut feeling about her for a reason and not to ignore it. I'm guessing here, but I'd guess the point of the vacation was, at least for you, to get away from the clingy friend and spend time with your girlfriend... messed up she just follows to the vaction spot.

[Finchie40]

Exactly and that’s what pisses me off that my girlfriend just invites her without even talking to me about it first , if I invited my friend to come without talking to her first Hell would break loose so it’s disrespectful period but my girlfriend doesn’t see it that way because she is selfish and only thinks what’s best for her , she doesn’t wear my shoes like i wear hers. She turns it around that I am jealous and that I am controlling and that isn’t the case what so ever , Her girlfriend is married and she influences my girlfriend saying her husband and her do separate things all the time that he doesn’t care if she goes on solo vacations and etc. I say yes he doesn’t care cuz he is cheating on her left and right , it’s cheaper to keep her , and the fact that my girlfriend has stopped me from going away with friends a bunch of times but all of a sudden she makes this friend and now it’s ok for me to go away with friends now all of a sudden , I have thrown this in her face and she just makes excuses that that was the past but things are different now , I laugh and say ok because you say so? I said if you want to have separate lives and do solo things you are best to just be single because i don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t prioritize me like I do them , so I tell her to go do her thing and I will move on and do mine because there is no point being in a relationship with someone that prioritizes friends over their partner , So I told her to go live her life and do what she wants because i want someone that wants me like I want them because I don’t need anyone I am perfectly capable of supporting myself , I want a partner not a room mate

[Guy13]

Yikes... I would be like choose her or me... that's me though. Especially if you planned and spent. Hardly any guys these days plan, much less pay, vacation for girlfriend... That's a strange connection those two have... She can't be without your girlfriend for a week?

[Finchie40]

Yea she calls her everyday , they don’t get to see each other often because they live far apart but she calls my girlfriend every day which is weird to me as well , it’s like get a ducking life girl , I know girls like to talk on the phone more than guys do but damn every day? So that’s part of the reason like What is really going on , like they have this evil plot they are setting up and keeping it between them , or this girl wants to dyke it out with my girlfriend , the whole thing is weird to me , My girlfriend has other friends and they are respectful and not up her ass constantly but this girl is just toxic to me , I get mad at my girlfriend because she has stopped me from going out with friends plenty of times but now all of a sudden she becomes friends with this girl and my girlfriend like prioritizes her , I told my girlfriend if she wants to end the reality so she can spend more time with this girl that’s fine with me , She gets mad at me and says that I am jealous and insecure , I said I am neither my gut is just warning me that this is weird shit , I told her it’s me or this girlfriend because if you choose her my ass is going to choose someone else as well

[Guy13]

I'm sorry is all I can say... it seems like you really care for this woman That girl is like a predator. How long have you bee around the friend? We talking 3 months or 1 year?

[Finchie40]

Like 3 moths

[Guy13]

Hmmm, my inclination is Bestus friend feels your girl cares for you. The visual is the dog pissing on the tree... you're the tree right now. If girlfriend is forced to choose and chooses her then What? Do you role with it? Do you think this is a "woman safety thing" ? Maybe some of the girls... have the Answer? Apple Grl maybe

[Chazmatazz269]

Dump her. She didn’t even ask your opinion before inviting her friend or letting her friend impose. She already values your thoughts and feelings less than the friend’s. Might even be using you for your money while inviting her girlfriend along deliberately. It’s not going to end well.
Dump her and take someone else!