Are you a emotional care taker or manipulator? You need to know and look for the signs in order to protect yourself in any relationship?

[DaveJord]

An Emotional Caretaker is some own who avoids conflict in order to appease the other half the relationship in order to make them happy. They do this because the genuinely care for the other person and would rather themselves feel upset, hurt or anger then to cause the one they love to be hurt or upset. The long-term hope for the caretaker is that it the relationship will improve over time and eventually the other person will love and respect them on the same level that they love and respect their partner.

An Emotional Manipulator is some who is magnetically drawn to a caretaker, regardless of what the caretake does for them there is always a higher expectation for more. They make it hard for a caretaker to set boundaries or stand their ground an issue, because they constantly crossing lines or changing the aim of their target by deflecting and redirecting conversations or disagreement into other fronts and areas. Until it because too much for the caretaker to want to persist in the argument.

Most Caretakers do not see themselves as victims. Manipulators make themselves the victim in every scenario and do not always consciously know or acknowledge to themselves that the are using or taking advantage of anyone.

SO I will assume most will manipulators would never admit to be being one and by and large I do no think a true emotional manipulator has a complete grasp on who and what they really are. Most of time the behaviors of the manipulator are very subtle, passive and subconscious. They easily justify everything by making themselves the victim, and there by justifying their behaviors.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stop-caretaking-the-borderline-or-narcissist/201404/when-relationships-are-based-manipulation#:~:text=An%20emotional%20caretaker%20is%20someone,health%20and%20well-being%20needs.

Caretaker all the way!

Manipulator, there is always more!

It balances out at some point.

Updates

1 y

So for me I became the caretaker more by accident then on purpose. It was just easier to do the things she wanted then argue about everything. It wasn't because I cared so much about making her anger or upset... it literally was because I did not want to deal with her or having to hear about it. She was so passive aggressive that when you didn't let her have her way she just make life 10 time more terrible then the 10 times more terrible than it already was.

[Chrysantenum95]

I could relate this to My friend who is the wmotional caretaker and her boyfriend is the manipulator.. Evertime she share her about the things she dont want to her boyfriend. I would always advice to her to be confident in saying no and and speak for her wants and needs. But she will just say i love him, i dont want yo hurt him or upset him. The guy always gaslight her and whatever the guy wants always the priority.

[Chrysantenum95]

Thanks on MHO 😁😁

[Haha456]

In a marriage, if there is a manipulator, their spouse is usually always a caretaker. Because reality is, only pushovers can stay married to emotional vampires. Someone with a backbone and knows she deserves to be treated well will not last in a marriage with an abuser.

"Caretaker" is more of a better sounding term for a pushover. Manipulator is a nicer sounding name for "abuser".

[DaveJord]

True, but as the person thats the major wage earner you can be bullied into staying... because you know they'll make the divorce hell and weapons you're children against you.

And that's exactly what happened to me and I am. paying her monthly and can't see my kids

[Haha456]

Not always. I knew of a married couple where the husband was the wage earner while the wife was a stay home mom. His wife was the emotional vampire and would emotionally abuse him. He would gets so upset that he goes to seek other women for comfort / affection YET he refuses to ever divorce her. Some people CAN HANDLE being abused. These people are called push overs. He stayed married to her for 20+ years though clearly knowing she was like that.

My mother was the primary breadwinner for my family for 10+ years. My dad was a stay home dad. My dad had a terrible temper and would be emotionally abusive to me. The only reason why my mom could stay maried to him for 30+ years was because she can handle being yelled at. She could handle being called stupid and incompetent. She was ok with him abusing her kids because at the end of the day , she loved her husband. My mother would even be afraid of pointing out his flaws at some point.

Pushovers are a different breed of people. These are people who can handle being constantly yelled at, criticized or shoved from behind.

And trust me, divorce is an option, Not a necessity. In other cultures, people marry very young in their early 20s and still end up being married by the time they are 69. In india, arrainged marriages have a 4% divorce rate while the US has a whopping 40% divorce rate. One of the highest divorce rates in the world.

Its about time to check on what you are doing wrong with marriage rather than to say that divorce is a necessity and that marriages can never last.

[Haha456]

@DaveJord

You chose to divorce your wife. Nobody forced you to divorce her. You chose to not sign a prenup either. Whenever there are problems, there can also be solutions. Lazy wife? stop giving her money. Do all the grocery shopping, cooking, feeding of the kids all by yourself. Don't invite her to the dinner table. My uncle had a huge addiction to gambling. He would gamble away his entire paycheck for months before his wife just stopped cooking for him entirely. He was not invited to the dinner table. She even went as far as to stop paying for his cell phone line. Eventually he stopped gambling.

I knew of a single father of 2 kids who divorced his ex-wife because she had depression and emotional issues after a miscarriage. She wasn't pleasant to be around. She didn't even take the anti depression medication prescribed by the doctor. In my opinion, when you are married , you took an oath to serve each other forever. Marriage should not be treated as an amusement park joy ride where things need to be at a certain high. One of the biggest reasons why americans have such high divorce rates is because they don't see marriage as a union where two individuals serve each other forever but rather see it as the ultimate romantic experience. Americans refuse to settle at all costs.

[Haha456]

I , myself, am seeking a husband right now. I would never ever marry an American man. Because the pattern that I've seen is that if an American man has a few problems with you, he will blow it out of proportion and either start cheating on you or want to divorce you. They will divorce especially if his romantic feelings change. 20 years later, if he's gotten bored by you or if you no longer interest him, he will start focusing on all your flaws, get irritated by you then look to divorce. Despite the fact that you have worked so hard serving and taking care of him for 20 years

There is no loyalty, no family values in American culture. Divorce is not frowned upon in the US. Breaking up a family is not frowned upon. They have no remorse about breaking up the family.

I have seen American married fathers with 3 kids , under the age of 10, divorce simply because there is someone he "likes better" at work. He said his wife was good plain "vanilla ice cream" but this new woman was "rocky road". He never knew he would find someone better than his wife. So He ended up divorcing his wife for another woman. Now, those 3 kids are now living with mom while seeing dad once a month.

If you and your wife have a huge mortgage under your names. 3 kids to support, your first priority should be taking care of your family rather than to entertain your own selfish desires.

[Haha456]

I can't imagine how terrible it must be to spend 10+ years being a stay home mom , giving up your career to care for the kids and husband. Then one day your husband announces that he will no longer be supporting you. You've been unemployed for 10 years. Your skills that you gathered 16 years ago are no longer usable. No employer will find you employable. How the hell are you supposed to survive on your own?

I would never ever become a stay home mom. I'm having kids within the next 6-8 years. I'm planning on working part time so I can care for the kids. But giving up my job? NEVER in a million years. If my husband decides to leave me whenever he wants , I would end up with no job, outdated skills, no money coming in.

Then he would be the one complaining that I'm taking half his assets or paying alimony.

[Guy13]

I suppose a caretaker BUT I think that has more to do with Ephesians 5 and my general raising that women are to be Valued and maintained so that it is apparent to others...

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Almost balanced. It's in favored of care taker.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Caretaker all the way. A manipulator is a major p. o. s of a person.

[Subarugirl]

Being an emotional caretaker is a trauma response...

[DaveJord]

Please elaborate on that?

[Subarugirl]

Avoiding confrontation because you can’t deal with it is a trauma response

[DaveJord]

I guess your right that absolutely could be possible... you definitely are motivated to avoid confrontation but that could be for a variety of other reasons other than trauma.