This last year was a hell of a rollercoaster. It started with me having the worst breakup I've had yet, to now being in one of the best relationships.
I have grown and learned a lot about myself, including my addiction to toxicity.
I noticed that what I considered to be 'feelings' and 'love', was actually anxiety. This is the first time I've dated someone who has chased me, instead of I chasing them. Its wonderful, however for the first few weeks of dating, I didn't trust it. I kept having self-sabotaging thoughts, thinking things like "he's only with me for the sake of being in a relationship. he's not with me for me". But over the last few months, I know that to be false.
He's sweet, loving, smart, funny, charismatic, and handsome, but part of me was turned off by something. And that something I realized was the anxiety in regards to chasing someone. I didn't have that "play hard to get moment" that I craved for. But I also recognize that the men that I am often attracted to, are not attracted to me (or are jerks), and the thrill of having something that is forbidden, is highly addictive.
I have now been dating my current partner for over four months, and things are really great. However I still find myself time to time missing that excitement. Things feel slightly dulled, but I know that what I crave (the men that treat me like sh*t) isn't good for me. :-/
Does anyone have any advice to help me change how I view toxic relationships, and what I could do about it. I love the man Im with, and I want to feel that excitement I have with him (and I feel like I could).