Meeting new baby?

[jgirl99]

Hi everyone, 36 weeks pregnant, my due date is sept 6th. So me and my boyfriend are talking about the new baby meeting everyone and his family. I haven't met most of his family yet so I'm not really comfortable with having the baby around a bunch of people who are strangers to me, especially while recovering mentally and physically and with covid and everything I want to set boundaries, but i dont want to come off as a bitch. Honestly i would like to wait a few weeks for us to bond and get settled before introducing him to anyone even my family. I don't even want any visitors in the hospital. But he was expecting for his family to come see me in the hospital or for them to come to my home like days after i give birth. And i told him i dont want visitors that soon and he's kind of pissed with me. I wanted to be able to bond with him and my baby as a family for a bit before making introductions and recover emotionally and physically for about a week before introducing him to even my immediate family. I compromised and said his mom can come visit us in the hospital, and well set something else up a few days after i get settled at home for our immediate family but I'm gonna be in so much pain and not up for a big get together so I'm trying to compromise, while also setting boundaries for myself and my baby who i didn't want passed around after just being born. But he's still mad. Am i wrong for this?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you’re wrong. First of all, stop saying ”my baby”. It’s not just your baby, which you make it sound like when you keep saying ”my baby” and it’s also what you make it sound like when you try to make all the decisions. This is his baby too and he has an equal say, you don’t get to be the ruler. And they’re not strangers to him, those are his family. It’s understandable if you don’t want to meet a bunch of people who are strangers to you right after you give birth, but then he can take the baby outside to the yard or nearby park or whatever so they can see the baby for a short while and you don’t have to come but just stay home and rest, take a shower or whatever. And no, it’s not a problem to take the baby outside a few minutes even if you breastfeed and no, your and the baby’s attachment won’t get hurt. The baby doesn’t have to be passed around either. In either case, drop the mentality that this is your baby and you’re the one making the rules. It’s his baby just as much as it’s yours, he has an equal say in what happens and his family is his and your baby’s family just as much as your family is your and hhe baby’s family. And I say this as a mom of 3 kids. Just chill. For your partners sake, for your baby’s sake and even for your own sake. Or you’re gonna create the clasic situation where your partner gives up, stops trying, lets you handle all the child related things because he never got to do it, never got to make any decisions and never got to form his own bond and attachment with the baby, learn and gain confidence in his own parenting skills etc. Grandparents not being as involed because they were never ”let in” and so on. You’re gonna lay your bed like this and then be exhausted and whine that you’re the one doing everything and start thinking of dumping your ”second child” of a boyfriend because he’s ”useless”.

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

I don't think you're wrong. Those first few weeks with baby are so important. Especially as a new mom. You're body is healing while you're learning what baby likes and doesn't like and trying to get a schedule together and all. It's a lot. And PPD is also a thing. Add to that all this shit going on in the world with all these diseases. Nah, I'd honestly be the same way. Outside of like my mom and his mom, I'd wait at least a month before allowing visits from other people. There is video chat and you can send a ton of pictures. It is also HIS baby as well so I get why he might be upset, but he has to understand that having a child is A LOT. You don't just push baby out and then go back to normal. You might not be physically or mentally ready to see anyone afterwards. He just has to understand that.

[jgirl99]

I said to him i wasn't trying to make him feel like be doesn't have a say cause its his baby too, i realize i came off that way. but its different for women than it is for fathers. And i just know I'm going to be overwhelmed. I already suffer from depression and ppd runs in my family so I'm just trying to do what's best for me and the baby

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Try to keep reminding him of that. Because at the end of the day, you gotta make sure that you're well so that you can mother your child.

[jgirl99]

I will thank you

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

You're welcome and good luck!!

[jgirl99]

Thank you sm❤❤

[Bklynbadboy12]

First off your absolutely right. You need time to bond with you baby they'll be plenty of time for them to meet the baby but they have to pump there brakes like you said there is covid and monkey pox and a host of other shit now a days. I'd let in like two people but that's it everybody else would have to look at a picture sorry but that's the way things are now

[Bklynbadboy12]

Thanks for the MHO

[PeteBy]

Totally understandable. You're totally within your rights as a Mom. They'll get plenty of chance later and frankly your partner should be supporting you. You and baby come way before anybody else. Regardless of who they are.

[nawtee_me]

Congratulations a Virgo… mine is September 8th…

[Anonymous]

I say wait till you feel comfortable. It doesn’t have to be right away.

[scooogy]

My brother and his wife did the same, though it led them to overprotecting their kid and thus keeping it from quite a few relatives.

[SunnyHeythere]

You have mental health issues

[scooogy]

@SunnyHeythere uhm what?

[SunnyHeythere]

You seem like you have mental problems

[scooogy]

@SunnyHeythere why?

[SunnyHeythere]

I just followed you

[scooogy]

@SunnyHeythere so what?

[SunnyHeythere]

If you want you can follow me back

[scooogy]

Why?

[SunnyHeythere]

I would like to speak to you

[scooogy]

@SunnyHeythere why not here?

[OddBeMe]

Just tone down expectations. Would you care if I brought over my new car to show off? Not really.