My fiance fails to hear me whenever I tell him that being trapped in this house is causing severe depression?

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids and ever since COVID and schools going fully remote, I've been the one to stay home 24/7 with the kids. It's caused a complete loss of identity. I don't even know what I enjoy doing anymore and I literally feel as though I'm a build in maid/nanny/house wife. Prior to COVID I was the one who worked while my fiance was a SAHD (his choice) and he loved staying home. I have never enjoyed being a wall flower or someone who stays home constantly. Never.

Well, now that I've been home for as long as I have been, even the idea of going outside this house with my fiance or my kids immediately pisses me off because it's just more emotional baggage dumped on my shoulders. Like I'm the one who has to make the plans and I'm the one who gets the kids ready and I'm the one who has to listen to them fight in the car after already having dealt with that at home for like 2 fucking years. My fiance can push all of this off and not let it bother him because he works every day so he never has to deal with it directly.

So I told him (and I've told him several times prior to this) that I need a break. I need to get the fuck out of this house and have me time. His only response is "I know babe, maybe we should plan a camping trip with the kids". Like that is the complete opposite of what I want/need. I need time away from everyone. Not time with everyone trapped in a car driving 2 hours to a camping spot and then trapped for a weekend in the woods in a tent with them too. But he doesn't get it at all. Like he doesn't understand why I need a break.

So the tip of the iceberg was 2 weeks ago I finally snapped and said I needed adult time. I find a sitter, who I paid $100 to, and went to a fest with my fiance. He invited his toxic friends (a couple) who fought the ENTIRE time so I didn't even enjoy myself. He can't see the issue because I got out of the house, which is what I wanted. He fails to see how them fighting the entire time destroyed my night. I don't know what to do.

[UnknownReflection]

Have you tried blunt communication?

You obviously need a recovery in order to reconnect with yourself and reach inner peace as you figure yourself out.

I think you need to be blunt, serious and firm. Make him sit down and talk this out before it drives you nuts. Because the longer this circles in your mind, the worst it gets and eventually, it will burst out in a volcanic manner and that might end up more awkward as you might say something or behave in a way out of anger and frustration which you might regret later on. So before you reach the boiling point, tell him you have something serious going on, you need to talk about it and speak it out, explain how you're feeling.


My suggestion is to first make him understand the severity of the burden and the weight you're carrying in your heart. Then make a plan and schedule.

I think whether he needs to participate more in housework and with the kids. Or you hire a nanny for a while to be around the kids and you take some me time. Going out, hanging out with friends or by yourself, travelling even, any set of actions and adventures that you feel can help you to heal this swollen emotions. In regards to going out with your fiance, stress the less people the better. Indicate you need psychological relief and more crowds are not going to provide that.

Additionally, I think spending time in nature on your own or just with a trustworthy friend or just your fiance can help. Basically alone or with one company that can be with you through this. Activities like hiking or camping as you have also mentioned. You definitely need a calm place as well as somewhere you can run and explore. So nature can be the best option. Also relaxing activities like reading, yoga and meditation and fishing along the way can be helpful.

Hope everything gets better. You do deserve that me time to focus on yourself.

[Changiis07]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I'm not a mom but I have nieces and trust me I give it up to all the mom's out there who are tying. It's okay to take a break from them! Do it for your mental health, do it so that you can come back in a better mood. Being stuck at home all day when you are use to working is depressing and having your kids fighting on top of everything you got going on it's a lot!! I mean cleaning itself is a lot for us women. I suggest you should find a babysitter for some hours or a day and go somewhere by yourself, whether an airbnd or with a friend for lunch. Go to someone who is calm and cool and that way you can enjoy your days with no arguments because you deserve it. Also try to watch youtbe videos on how to discipline your kids so that they get along better and help you along the way. Trust me I have seen some good videos where kids just need to be spoken to differently etc. That will help you a ton. Once you have recovered, play with the kids do some crafts that way you get to spend time with them instead of them feeding off your energy, I mean they are kids overall and they have a ton of energy but maybe set some time to play with them and then depending on their age have them help you a little around the house. Make it fun for them. Go outside pick up rocks and paint them inside. Make it fun for them and for you. Kids grow up so fast and it's best to enjoy these beautiful moments with them. Again breath and thank God for another day. Thank him that you are able to take care of your babies at home that is a blessing itself. And last but certaintly not least PRAY. Pray everyday give everything to the Lord he gives us wisdom and descernment to get through every situation. Play some music but don't forget to take some time for yourself whether is to go get your nails done

[jennifer_bloom]

When the kids are old enough for kindergarten, you can go back to working for half or most of the day. Or grade 1 which is a full day, and consider buying the Disney channel to keep the kids entertained while you sit by yourself in a different room to read a book, it’s tough, but it won’t last forever, eventually the kids will be school age and more independent. Music and meditation can help if you can’t get out of the house right now.

[Asker]

All 3 of the kids are school aged and are going back to in person schooling next month, but prior to this they were only home because school was fully remote. It's been such a difficukt time mentally because I haven't even gone grocery shopping by myself in 2 years. Not once.

[SecretsofKB]

Either he is incredibly dense, or he is actively not listening to you.

I think you need to sit him down and tell him what being stuck at home with the kids is doing to you and how bad you actually feel. Not that you just need to have adult time or need a break. That doesn't really explain to his dense head why you need it and that you are truly struggling.

Stress to him how bad it is actually getting. His response to this will be very important. A good partner will get it and take the kids himself and give you a break, or do things with just the two of you. They would do what they need to do to take the pressure off of you.

As of right now, he is not being a good partner and I can't tell if it is unintentional or intentional.

[Tomsta]

You have 3 kids, what did you expect? People always fail to realise that having kids means having no life for like 18 years