I don't know how to handle my extreme dislike of my husband's female coworker?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be 100% from start to finish and please ask for info or questions, as I won't be able to fit everything here.

I honestly, truly have no idea why I do not like/trust this woman. My husband is inventory manager at a dispensary. He works with two women, Amanda and Molly, and the other 6 employees are men. One being Amanda's husband and one being Molly's boyfriend. Maybe my dislike is stemming from things I have heard about her. For example, my husband often comes home and tells me this girl is all over all the men there and bends over often, to a point of one time flashing her vagina to my husband and his coworker Trevor. It may have been unintentional but I'm super uncomfortable with it. I don't ask questions. I don't distrust my husband. I don't cause scenes or even show my lack of trust in this woman. I know I very well could be being irrational and even jealous, if you will.

Here is my dilemma though.. lately my husband has not been calling me on breaks, as he had been doing for years. We haven't been intimate in almost 2 weeks, which doesn't happen very often. He has been going in to work early (though Molly's boyfriend has been asking him to- so that one is explainable). He also has been making big purchases at places like Dunkin or fast food places during the day. He used to bring me lunch daily because he wanted to but now he is spending more at these places and not grabbing me food. I have seen cash app from the men, paying him back for food he has purchased for them but that still leaves roughly a $14-$20 difference unaccounted for almost every day. I can't help but think that it is for Molly. And if it is, I will be sick to my stomach knowing the men are paying him back but she is not. She has also tried adding him on FB several times and asked to go hiking with him, with their dogs. He tells me everything but it sits terribly with me. I know I can trust him but my distrust for her is breaking me. How can I handle this in a healthy way?

[Emiliamazing]

In our household, we communicate with each other first. Don’t ask him if anything is going on, simply tell him what you have noticed. Let him finish that conversation. Don’t put answers in his mouth. Abrupt changes can be very traumatic, and you need to let him do most of the explaining.

[Asker]

I have tried that but unfortunately I'm left unsatisfied, you know? I can't say he is beating around the bush but that is what it feels like sometimes. Like I have gone to him and said "what are these purchases?" Or I've even gone to the extreme of being very informative in my reasoning as to why I feel like this and he always says "well you shouldn't feel like that. I've been distant because I feel like we get no space from each other." And I KNOW 100% that this could be why I'm feeling the way I am, you know? But he never gives any insight on Molly, aside from knowing her EXACT schedule. Like the only thing he said about it was "please don't feel like that. Molly only works 3 out of the 5 days I am there and doesn't even come in until 11" (he is in at 8, but has been going on at 630am with 'mollys boyfriend'.). I feel so insanely... Stupid, you know? Something is telling me not to trust this girl and my gut is telling me he is going in early for her and I can't shake it.

[Guy13]

Sorry but honest : Sounds like he is cheating to me. If not physical certainly emotionally. He has obviously detached from you physically, emotionally and behaviorally. You are not as important as you used to be. PI time as divorce seems eminent...

[joeldalton]

If he's telling you everything, what else do you need? You're taking a bunch of circumstantial evidence as proof.